“Guess that tells me all I need to know.”
Sixteen
Jude paced his living room.
It was late Sunday night and he’d just returned home from spending the weekend in New York.
“I’ve got to do something drastic or Carina and I will continue our long-distance relationship for the rest of our lives,” he muttered. Great. Now he was talking to himself. Frustration was taking its toll on his sanity.
When he’d flown up to Manhattan on Friday, Jude had made up his mind to ask her to marry him. It was April. He’d given her the time she’d requested to get her parents used to the idea that he was in her life. They’d had nine months to adjust. However, before he could bring up the subject Carina had mentioned that her parents, her mother especially, refused to discuss Jude whenever she called home.
So what was the point of proposing? Given the present circumstances he knew what she would say and he didn’t want her to turn him down.
Regardless of those circumstances, he didn’t intend to give up.
Still pacing, he said, “This calls for drastic action on my part. She loves me, I know she does.” He’d spent, on the average, one weekend a month in New York since January so that she could see that he was serious about her. She always greeted him with enthusiasm, which was about all that encouraged him these days.
An idea had formed on his way back to Maryland tonight that might move things along. He could go to Texas and speak to the Pattersons. Except for spotting them at the courthouse when he’d testified at the trial, he hadn’t seen them since June.
So he would face them and listen to their objections. He hoped that he could convince them that he’d only been doing his job last summer and that he truly loved their daughter.
The thought of facing them called up emotions he hadn’t had in years. He’d gone on dangerous assignments, jumped out of planes at night and faced enemy fire with an adrenaline rush that overcame his fear.
If he could handle those kinds of assignments, there was no reason for him to dread a confrontation with the Pattersons. At least they wouldn’t shoot him.
He hoped.
He stopped pacing. All right. He could see that his next step had to be convincing Carina’s parents that he really was a nice guy who happened to be head over heels in love with their daughter.
He could do that. He couldn’t afford to fail.
With the decision made, Jude went into his bedroom and stripped out of his clothes, then went in to take a shower. Standing under the spray of water he recalled his last shower. Carina had been with him.
He always stayed at a hotel when he was in New York and Carina stayed with him. She’d been lighthearted, counting the days until she finished her studies. The only time she grew quiet was when he asked about her parents.
He’d invited her to spend a weekend with him at his condo. He knew she’d love the area. The condo was large enough for the two of them. Once they married, they could buy a home.
He turned off the water and grabbed a towel. He could see their future together so clearly—if he could only convince her parents to give him a chance.
Once in bed he pulled one of the pillows to his chest, went to sleep and dreamed he held Carina in his arms.
Jude caught an early plane the following Saturday. He’d debated with himself all week about telling Carina or her parents that he would be visiting them.
He’d finally decided against the idea. Her parents would be less likely to dismiss him if he were there in person. He knew that Carina would hear about the visit sooner or later and decided he preferred the news to reach her later.
She might try to talk him out of it. She might actually persuade him not to go. The fact was, he was nervous about the trip. Hell, he’d rather be bailing out of a plane, or shot at than to meet with the Pattersons. After all, it was only his future they’d be talking about. He had no idea if he’d be allowed inside their home, much less get the opportunity to sit down with them and discuss his situation.
Once he landed in Austin, he rented a car and drove to their home.
The trip wasn’t nearly long enough for him to calm his nerves and prepare for who-knew-what kind of reception.
Helmuth opened the door at his knock.
“Good morning, Helmuth. Are Mr. and Mrs. Patterson home?”
“Yes, Mr. Crenshaw.” He turned away. “I’ll tell them you’re here.”
Jude stood and waited. He recalled the time last summer when he’d thought he’d never see her again and the courage it had taken him to fly to New York to talk to her. He’d been nervous then but he’d gotten through it. He was here now and he needed to plead his case, if only they would listen.
“This way,” Helmuth said from the back of the foyer. As Jude approached, Helmuth directed him to the doorway to a beautiful room with two walls of glass. The room was filled with tropical plants, and there was a garden outside the room that seemed to be part of the garden inside.
Chris Patterson sat in his wheelchair with his back to the room, facing the garden outside. When Jude paused beside him, Chris slowly turned his head and met Jude’s gaze. “So you came.” He turned his chair to face Jude, nodding toward a nearby chair. “Sit down and tell me why you’re here. I assume you want to discuss Carina.”
Jude took the chair indicated and sat. “Yes, sir.”
“All right. Talk.”
All the thoughts and phrases he’d rehearsed for the past week left him and for a moment his mind was blank.
He coughed. “I’m in love with Carina.”
Chris didn’t change his expression. “In my opinion, to know her is to love her.”
“I agree.”
“However, you betrayed her trust in you and hurt her terribly. All three of our children were caused enormous pain because of you.”
Jude leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “With all due respect, sir, if your sons hadn’t been smuggling drugs, none of this would have happened. I would have been delighted to find that they were innocent because I knew what would happen if they were guilty. I believe you know that it was your sons who created so much grief. I was there as part of my job. I didn’t frame them, nor was I particularly happy when I had to arrest them.”
“I understand you don’t work for the DEA.”
“No, sir. I was asked to work on this particular assignment because of my background.”
“So you lied to my daughter and pretended to have an interest in her. You said at the trial that meeting her was part of your assignment.”
“Meeting her was part of my assignment, that’s correct. Falling in love with her wasn’t.”
“You hurt her badly.”
“Yes, sir, I know. I can’t tell you how much I regret the necessity of not telling her the truth. But I couldn’t, for obvious reasons.”
“My wife refused to see you today.”
Jude nodded. “I can understand that. No amount of logic can change the fact that she’s suffering because your sons are in prison. I hope that eventually she’ll realize that whether I was the one to arrest them or someone else, the end result would have been the same.”
“Is this why you wanted to speak to us?”
“Partly. I came in hopes that you and your wife might be willing to accept me as part of Carina’s life, because I want to marry her.”
“Ah.”
Jude didn’t know what else to say.
Chris waited before he said, “Does she know that?”
“On some level, I’m sure she does. If you’re asking whether I’ve asked her or not, the answer is no because she won’t discuss the possibility of our having a future together until you and Mrs. Patterson accept me as a prospective son-in-law.”
“You have quite a reputation for being a ladies’ man. Is your interest in her because she may be unattainable?”
“My reputation was part of the role I was assigned to play. I believe I’ve convinced Carina that I’m far from a ladies’ man.
I’ve never had much time for a social life, either while I was in the military or later.”
“Are you asking permission to propose to Carina?”
Jude replied, “In a manner of speaking, yes. Without your acceptance of me, Carina and I have no hope of planning a future together. She loves and respects you and Mrs. Patterson too much to ignore your feelings.”
Chris sighed. “She’s always been one to put us first in her life. By the time I discovered she’d left school and come back to San Antonio after my stroke, it was too late to insist she stay in school.” He studied Jude for several minutes in silence. “I admit that when you took her to meet your family last December I knew you were serious about her.”
“Yes, sir. I am.”
“She didn’t want to discuss you with us, partly because she saw how upset Connie became when your name was brought up. The fact of the matter is that I don’t know anything about you other than your name and that you work for the government. I believe that Carina cares for you, given the way she grieved when she found out your meeting with her was premeditated. Why don’t you stay for lunch and give me an opportunity to find out more about you?”
Jude took a deep breath and released it with something like relief. He didn’t care how long Chris Patterson chose to grill him. At least he was speaking to him. He’d cleared the first hurdle.
Classes were over except for final exams. Carina stared out her bedroom window and thought about the last year. So much had happened in her life, both good and bad.
Jude came in somewhere in the middle. She was glad she’d met him and sad for the circumstances surrounding that meeting. The revelation about her brothers had been horrible to face. Life went on, though, and she needed to concentrate on today and stop looking back at yesterday.
Thinking of Jude, which she often did, she had been disappointed when he’d e-mailed to say he wouldn’t be able to visit her this weekend.
Despite everything, she’d fallen deeply in love with him and knew that if he walked out of her life, she’d be devastated. Her feelings for him were nothing like what she’d felt for Danny. Jude was much tougher than Danny. Jude’s life experiences had hardened him…and yet he’d always been gentle and loving with her. She found it more and more difficult to tell him goodbye when he had to return home. But…how could she find happiness with a man her parents disliked so much? She would be in the middle, wanting to be with Jude and wanting to be with her family.
Carina looked around the small room. She needed to begin packing her things in preparation for moving back to Texas. She’d find herself a nice apartment and do what she could to convince her parents that Jude was a wonderful man who made her very happy.
The phone rang a half hour later and she dropped the handful of clothing she’d taken from the closet to the bed.
“Hello?”
“Hi, baby, how’s my girl?”
She sank onto the side of the bed, smiling. “Hi, Daddy. I’m doing great. How about you?”
“About the same. I had a visitor a couple of weeks ago.”
“Oh? Did Aunt Lauraine decide to visit you?”
Her dad chuckled. “No. The last time I heard from her, she was on her way to Europe for an extended stay. No, Jude Crenshaw came to see me.”
She felt the shock throughout her system. “Jude? Came to see you? Why?”
“I think he wanted me to get to know him a little better. He was very forthright about his reasons, I must admit.”
“And they were…what?”
“He wants to marry you.”
Carina appreciated the fact she was already seated. “He went to see you when he’s never asked me?”
“He didn’t want to risk being turned down, from what I gathered. He seems to think that you put our happiness before yours.”
That was insulting and it irritated her. “Where would he get such an idea?”
“From all indications, he got it from you. He said you wouldn’t talk about the future with him because of our feelings toward him.”
“For your information, I don’t put your happiness before mine. I’m thinking of my happiness and I wouldn’t be happy if you were against my choice for a husband, so he’s wrong there.”
“Guess I phrased it wrong, honey. He didn’t actually say that, but from where I sit, that appears to be what you’re doing.”
She wasn’t sure what to say.
“Carina?”
“I’m here. I’m still adjusting to the fact that he came to see you.”
“He gave me permission to have him investigated in case I had doubts about the kind of man he is.”
“And did you?”
“Nope. I figure there’s nothing there that I’d dislike, otherwise he wouldn’t have suggested it. My question to you is, are you in love with him?”
“I’ve fought it for a long time, but yes, Dad, I’m definitely in love with him.”
“Then you shouldn’t let anyone come between you. Yes, your mother and I had bad feelings toward him, there’s no denying that. Your mother still does, but I think that eventually she’ll come around. You may think that you’d be unhappy marrying him without our blessings, but if you don’t marry him, you’ll come to resent having given him up for us.”
“Oh, Dad! I’d never resent you. How could I?”
“I want you to follow your heart. I believe that your mother will come around eventually, especially if Jude becomes the father of her precious grandchildren. It will take time, though. I won’t try to sugarcoat her feelings. She can’t separate him from the pain she feels for Ben and Al.”
“They were proven guilty, Dad. They were smuggling drugs. Doesn’t that bother her at all?”
“Of course it bothers her, but it doesn’t mean she can stop loving them. She lost her grandchildren as well when Marisa and Sara moved away from San Antonio. What happened turned her life upside down.”
“Why blame Jude?”
“Because she needs to blame someone other than her sons.”
Carina paused before she said, “That doesn’t make sense.”
“Exactly. You shouldn’t allow her attitude to sway your decision to marry him. You’re a grown woman with a bright future ahead of you. If you want my advice, I’d say don’t let this man go. If you do, I know you’ll be sorry.”
She swallowed around the lump in her throat. “Thank you for calling to tell me that. Now all I have to do is wait for him to propose.”
“You’ve got time, sweetheart. Know I love you and want to see you happy for all the right reasons.”
“Tell Mom I love her.”
“I will.”
“Does she know you called?”
“Of course. We don’t keep secrets from each other, even when we don’t always agree.”
“I love you,” she said, fighting tears.
“Same here. We’ll talk soon.”
Carina hung up the phone and stared blindly at the instrument. She’d needed that phone conversation so much. She was sorry to upset her mother but her father was right: she couldn’t make life decisions for herself on the basis of her mother’s feelings.
She looked at her wall calendar, where she’d marked the time and date of her finals. She would be through Friday morning. She picked up the phone and made reservations to fly to Maryland Friday afternoon.
For some reason the rush-hour traffic was worse than ever for a Friday. Probably everyone was leaving to spend time in the country to enjoy the spring weather.
Jude might decide to do the same. He had household chores to do in the morning but after that, he might take a drive.
He hadn’t heard from Carina this week, which wasn’t a good sign. Had her father told her about his visit? Could she be angry because he hadn’t told her he was going?
He didn’t know what to think, since she hadn’t answered any of his e-mails this week. Maybe he’d call her tonight. If she refused to speak to him, then he’d know he’d really blundered.
Eventually
he reached his neighborhood. Thank goodness traffic had thinned out. He hit the garage-door opener as he turned into his driveway, and a movement at his front door caught his eye. He looked and saw Carina, who must have been seated on his steps because she had risen as soon as she saw him.
He stopped the car before pulling into the garage and got out.
Carina walked over to him, smiling. “I decided to take you up on your invitation to visit,” she said.
“I can’t believe this,” he said in wonder. “I haven’t heard from you in a week. I didn’t know how to interpret that and now you show up on my doorstep.” He grabbed her and held her close. “I’ve missed you so much!” he added and kissed her with passion.
When she pulled away from him, she was laughing. “Your neighbors are watching.”
Without looking away from her, he said, “Let them eat their hearts out. How long have you been here?”
She glanced at her watch. “About ten minutes or so.”
“Have you eaten?”
“Not since lunch.”
“Let’s get your bag inside and I’ll take you to dinner. I can’t believe you’re actually here.”
With his arm around her shoulders, he led her to the garage and into the kitchen. Then he went to the front door and opened it to get her suitcase. When he returned he found her in the living room. “Oh, Jude, this is so nice. How long have you lived here?”
“Almost four years. I’m not here all that much.” He started upstairs. “Come see the rest of it.”
She paused at the top of the steps. “How many bedrooms?”
“Two.”
“They must be huge.”
She followed him into his bedroom and peeked into the bathroom. “Oh, this is beautiful.”
“Glad you like it.”
She turned to him and he suddenly realized that she was nervous and trying hard to hide it. Why? Did she actually think he’d be upset to see her?
He walked over to her and cupped her face in his hands. “Have I ever mentioned that I love you?” he asked softly.
“Maybe a time or two, but I never get tired of hearing it.”
Double Identity Page 15