by Isha Inamdar
It was Kaavya’s day. And he wouldn’t allow Anjana to ruin it for him.
D-Day: Here Comes the Bride
7 November, 2010
Kaavya’s entry into the mandap had been planned in detail by NJ. This was the one task Harsh had asked her help in, and she’d wanted to give it her best.
The nagaras and the shehnai started playing the traditional bride-welcoming tunes. When everyone had turned their attention towards the rear entrance of the mandap, a group of veiled women, wearing colourful ghaghra cholis, and showering flower petals walked in. Some of the women stopped on the sides while the others walked up to the mandap in a formation.
Kaavya entered with Rudra on her right and Harsh on her left. The way the brothers walked Kaavya in brought to mind a regal magnificence from an era gone by. It was clear in every onlooker’s mind that this royal wedding was an affair of grandeur through and through. Both Rudra and Harsh were conventionally dressed in achkans, long golden coats worn with churidars and jootis. They were wearing maroon turbans that gave them a majestic look. They also wore beaded necklaces, with a huge pendant, and traditional swords as a symbol of Rajasthani pride and valour completed their looks.
Between them, Kaavya looked exquisite in her bright pink lehenga paired with a parrot-green choli. The rakhri on her forehead, a geometric-shaped nath hanging from her nose and the long earrings added a generous dose of glamour to her face. To complete the look was a choker of uncut diamonds, a heavy chooda of ivory and gold bangles, mehendi adorned palms, a stone-studded bajubandh, heavy pajeb that jingled and bichhiya worn on toes. The Ranawat siblings looked a harmonious whole.
Rudra and Harsh walked her to the mandap where Dhruv stood staring at her with sparkling eyes.
‘You look stunning!’ he exclaimed when everyone else was well out of earshot.
Kaavya looked at him and smiled brilliantly. Who else had she done all this for!
‘Your entrance was so well choreographed!’ he said as they sat down for the yagna.
That’s when Kaavya suddenly began looking around for NJ. She had assumed that NJ was probably busy with something else, but now she realized NJ wasn’t around at all.
‘It was all set up by NJ,’ replied Kaavya distractedly.
Kaavya tried to catch Harsh or Rudra’s attention but both looked pretty preoccupied with other tasks. Within minutes though, as the pandit started chanting mantras, and she had forgotten all about NJ.
Thin Excuses
7 November, 2010
It was indeed a difficult thought – his baby sister had just gotten married. She was no longer only his sister. She was now somebody’s wife, somebody’s daughter-in-law and somebody else’s everything. Rudra felt empty, as if he had lost everything that was dear to him today. Kaavya was married and going away, Anjana was gone and perhaps he might lose Harsh too.
Until that morning, he had considered Anjana his friend. He had finally found someone that he could talk to, or rather not talk to at all and relax completely with. Some of the best times he had spent in the last week were with Anjana when they had silently given each other company.
He had lost her in a moment of heat. He knew she was at fault. However, he knew he was too. She hadn’t forcefully kissed him. He had desired her. He had wanted her everytime he had laid eyes on her. And finally, his resistance had given way and he had slipped.
Once Rudra had accepted this truth, he realized that he hadn’t seen Anjana all morning. He hadn’t seen her once. Contemplating whether he should ask Harsh about her, he decided against it and let it go.
Now that his anger had ebbed, somewhere deep down, he feared talking to Harsh about Anjana. What was he supposed to tell him? How could he explain what had happened between the two of them? How could he ask for his brother’s forgiveness for his own actions? Earlier, whenever he had imagined exposing Anjana’s duplicity to Harsh, he had always come out victorious. He was Harsh’s saviour and he had never imagined it any other way. Today, however, he was ashamed. It didn’t feel like a victory any more. He knew he had cheated on Harsh and broken his trust.
He contemplated discussing the situation with Kaavya before speaking with Harsh. On a few occasions, more than he would like to admit, Kaavya had given him wise advice and solutions. He knew he could never hide anything from her. And maybe, just maybe, it was better this way. Maybe she would come up with a solution. Maybe she would help him face Harsh, stand by his side and not let him lose his brother.
He knew Kaavya would be off to Venice tonight for her honeymoon and the talk would have to wait for a few days. A small voice inside told him that he was just trying to find an excuse to procrastinate the issue. A stronger voice told the small voice to shut the fuck up. It was nothing of that sort – it was only contingency planning; he didn’t want to lose Harsh. Like a drowning man hangs onto a buoy, his mind clung to the ‘talking-to-Kaavya’ idea.
Rendezvous
7 November, 2010
There was a sudden hollow knock on his hotel room door that woke Sam up in the middle of the night. Groggily, he got up from the bed and walked to the door with eyes half-closed. As he opened the door, he couldn’t believe his eyes.
Harsh stood there, waiting to be let in.
Harsh walked in with a bottle of Santa Rita 120 Sauvignon Blanc. He took a glass out of the cabinet and poured. As if on second thought, he suggestively raised the glass to Sam, asking him if he would like to have wine.
Sam shook his head while he continued to look at Harsh. Sam’s eyes trailed to Harsh’s crotch, and seeing his excitement excited him equally. Harsh looked powerless, yet invincible. And though he hadn’t said a word, he had managed to convey a powerful message across – he wanted Sam. And Sam wanted him real bad too.
Sam walked to the bed and sat down. ‘Come here,’ he commanded.
Harsh continued to stand there, silent, unmoving, and stared at Sam with dreamy eyes. He was someone who usually meekly followed in Sam’s wake. But today, it was difficult to get a read on Harsh. Today, Harsh was in control, and he made sure Sam knew it.
Harsh stared at Sam with a merciful look. Willfully, Sam entered a mental submission.
Harsh began unbuttoning his shirt and this made Sam go wild with anticipation. Sam started to get up when Harsh stopped. With raised eyebrows, Harsh stared hard at Sam. Confused, Sam sat back down, wondering what had made Harsh stop. With a small smile, Harsh continued unbuttoning his shirt.
Ah! Sam finally understood the game. He was being tortured. And surprisingly, he realized, he liked the torture. Harsh touched himself the way Sam usually would. Unable to take it any more, Sam had to touch himself. He had to acknowledge what was happening to him. He had to let Harsh know that he was completely encapsulated with lust.
‘If you don’t come here right now, I might just come already,’ exclaimed Sam.
As Harsh continued to smile, Sam decided he’d finally had enough. He wanted Harsh now.
That’s when Harsh spoke for the first time that evening, ‘You might as well … we are not having sex tonight.’
Sam couldn’t believe what he had just heard. Harsh sure knew how to surprise him. He could see Harsh’s erection, and Harsh had just said he didn’t want to have sex! But in all honesty, Sam loved the way Harsh was tormenting him. Yes, he accepted to himself, he was feeling tormented, and he was loving it.
Harsh walked over to the bed and sat on the far end of the bed. By then, Sam was nearly mindless with passion. He had to do something. Being the passive person here wasn’t helping him.
Sam grabbed Harsh’s hand and pushed him back. Harsh struggled, but didn’t stand much of a chance against Sam’s strength. Sam kissed Harsh hard and was surprised when Harsh reciprocated. He closed his eyes and began to enjoy their first passionate kiss in days when Harsh’s legs came out of nowhere and threw him aside. Losing his grip on Harsh, he fell straight behind.
My, my! What a strategy, thought Sam to himself. Harsh was like a tiger waiting for his p
rey to lose his guard, and when he does…
Sam lunged back at Harsh and pinned him down with all his might. For a moment, he wondered if he was hurting Harsh, but one look at Harsh’s face told him he wasn’t hurting him enough. That pale, blank look on Harsh’s face was intriguing – he was no longer worried about hurting Harsh. He was now worried about finding what Harsh was up to.
When Sam kissed Harsh again, he kissed him viciously, biting his lower lip. Harsh did the same to Sam, kissing him back and biting him back. By now, the raging lust inside Sam had completely taken over. Clenching his teeth, he took Harsh from behind. They went on till their breathing was heavy and ragged and every ounce of energy had been spent.
Finally, as they fell on top of each other, Sam looked into Harsh’s eyes and said, ‘God, I missed you so much.’
Harsh smiled and looked at Sam. It was a slow, calculated smile.
Sam looked at Harsh and saw something different. This wasn’t his Harsh. Something was off. True, this probably was the best sex they had ever had, but something felt off.
‘What is it?’ he asked Harsh.
Harsh shook his head and said, ‘Nothing.’
Sam was now losing his cool. After a long day at work, he had travelled all the way from Mumbai to Jodhpur and then onwards to Phalodi to attend Kaavya’s wedding. And Harsh hadn’t even acknowledged him there. Throughout the wedding rituals, Harsh had been busy with his family and so Sam had let him be. The one time when he’d bumped into NJ, she too had been preoccupied and in a rush. Not wanting to blow up then, he had held himself together.
Now that the adrenaline rush was over, and Harsh was acting pricey again, Sam began losing it. ‘Are you not happy to see me?’ he asked.
Harsh knew exactly where this was headed, but could see no way out of it. ‘I am happy to see you, and you know it,’ he replied with all the conviction he could muster.
Scoffing at his reply, Sam asked, ‘Then what is it?’
‘You know very well what it is, Sam,’ said Harsh.
Scathingly Sam asked, ‘You didn’t really want me to come attend the wedding, did you?’
Harsh didn’t want to hurt Sam but he couldn’t think of an easy way to say it. ‘Yes, I didn’t really want you to attend this, Sam. I am shit scared that somebody will find out about us.’
‘Then why did you invite me?’ asked Sam.
‘Let’s not do this right now, Sam,’ said Harsh, trying his best to avoid the impending argument. He rolled off the bed and began collecting his clothes.
‘Say it,’ pushed Sam as he sat up, resting on the headboard.
‘I invited you because I was supposed to – you were expecting it and if I hadn’t…’ Harsh left the words hanging, not wanting to complete the sentence, not feeling the need to. He walked to the table and poured himself a glass of water. He could feel eyes boring into him, and so he turned around to see Sam standing behind him.
Masking his hurt as anger, Sam prodded, ‘And?’
Harsh was angry at the way Sam was trying to make him say all these hurtful things. He asked, ‘And what?’
‘Tell me why you didn’t want me to come,’ Sam probed.
Harsh walked around Sam, wanting to put some space between them. ‘You know why,’ he said.
By now, Sam was quite worked up. He knew what Harsh was hinting at, but wanted him to spell it out. ‘No, I don’t.’
‘I am scared of my parents finding out about us and your coming here could open the gates to that very disaster,’ confessed Harsh.
Sam completely lost it. He began pacing the room, something that he only did when he was extremely worked up. ‘Why do you think I will cause a disaster?’ questioned Sam, after what felt like eternity.
Harsh was caught in a quandary. He knew he was only getting sucked in deeper and deeper, but had no choice of backing out and no way of handling it better. ‘I am not saying you will. But people might figure it out,’ he explained.
Sam was pissed off. He had had a major event the previous day and had to go through a few hardships to be able to make it in time for the wedding. And instead of being thankful and happy, Harsh seemed to be ungrateful and unhappy, and making it quite clear that Sam was unwanted here.
He said, ‘If that’s how you feel about this, I’ll just go home.’
‘That’s not what I want.’
‘Then what do you want?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Do you want me to stay back?’
‘Of course, I do. What kind of a stupid question is that?’
‘So I continue to stay here in this hotel and you will come here every night like a teenage lover to pay me a visit?’
‘Then what are you suggesting?’ asked a clueless Harsh.
Unsure if Harsh was playing dumb, Sam clarified, ‘You don’t have to introduce me as your boyfriend. You can call me your best friend, you know…’
Harsh didn’t know a way to escape this conversation. He hadn’t wanted Sam to be at Phalodi, and he didn’t want to take Sam home, he didn’t want to introduce Sam to his parents. He didn’t want to test his luck when the outcome could affect his life. He mulled his responses over, scrapping one after another even before he completed them as a thought in his head.
The few moments of silence made a queasy Sam ask, ‘Are you so ashamed of me that you don’t even want to introduce me to your parents as your best friend?’
Harsh could no longer take it. Sam’s final question had left him vulnerable. He said, ‘No, let’s go home.’
The moment he had said those words, he regretted it. Why did he never think before talking, he groaned inwardly. Obviously uninviting Sam now was not an option without hurting him or insulting him.
Shit, he thought. He should just have controlled his desire and stayed in bed.
Eve for Adam, Adam for Eve
8 November, 2010
The next day, Rudra woke up late. After Kaavya’s bidaai, she had left for Delhi with Dhruv. They had a plane to catch and a honeymoon to enjoy. After she’d left, thanking guests, bidding the ones leaving goodbye and ensuring that the remaining guests were cared for had taken a few more hours. When he’d hit his bed, he had been so dead tired that he could not have stayed up for another minute even if he was needed to.
However, when he woke up, the first thought in his head was Anjana. Or had he woken up because he had been thinking of her?
He’d been searching for Anjana all of the previous day. He had turned to Harsh to ask about her a million times but stopped himself. He couldn’t believe Anjana had actually missed Kaavya’s wedding because of him.
He got ready with lightning speed and walked towards Anjana’s room purposefully. He had no clue what he would say to her, but he had to see her.
He knocked on her door and waited. As he heard footsteps approaching the door, a lump formed in his throat. He decided he wouldn’t say a word … he would just have a look at her, assure himself that she was fine and walk away.
When the door opened, he was surprised to see Padmini, one of the domestic help in the room. Seeing him standing at the door, she respectfully backed away and made space for him.
‘Where is Anjana?’ he fulminated.
Padmini was confused by his question. Then realizing that Rudra was asking about NJ, she said, ‘Didi left for Mumbai yesterday.’
He stared at her, his mouth dry. ‘She left,’ he repeated. The words came out a whisper and he had to take a deep breath to make sure only his world collapsed, he didn’t.
To add to his misery, Padmini asked him, ‘Didn’t Didi meet you before going? She met everybody…’
She stopped talking seeing a stranger at the door. Turning around to finish cleaning the room, she left Rudra to deal with the stranger.
‘Hi, I don’t think we have met … my name is Sam,’ said the stranger to Rudra.
The name Sam rang a bell. Rudra had had thought Anjana was cheating on Harsh with some Sam. This was probably him, Harsh and Anjana�
�s common friend.
Before Rudra could say anything, Harsh walked into the room. ‘Hi Bhaiyya!’ he said.
Rudra saw Harsh’s face change from happy to uncomfortable. He could see something was bothering Harsh. He wondered if Anjana had already told Harsh about yesterday.
Though not quick enough for Rudra, Harsh recovered from the shock of having found Sam with his brother. He could already see what the consequences of his last night’s rendezvous could have. He had realized inviting Sam home was a bad idea. But now, he realized just what bad an idea it had been!
Then, he had thought Sam’s pertinent questions were the worse he would have to deal with. However, he’d choose a full-blown fight with Sam rather than have him spend time with his family.
‘Bhaiyya, this is Sam, my best friend,’ introduced Harsh.
Rudra nodded and shook Sam’s hand. He had seen Harsh adjust back to being all smiles, and that bothered him.
Sam smiled at Rudra and nodded back, ‘Hi Bhaiyya.’
He was worried about Harsh. What had Anjana told Harsh before leaving? Would this woman be able to create a rift between the two brothers? He wondered if he should ask Harsh about Anjana. No, he shouldn’t he decided. If Anjana had indeed told Harsh about the previous day, his questions about her could be misunderstood.
Nodding at Sam and Harsh, Rudra started to walk out of the room when Harsh called out to him. ‘Bhaiyya, what were you doing here, by the way?’
Rudra stopped in his tracks and momentarily paused, considering his response. ‘Uh … I didn’t know Anjana had left,’ he said, choosing to supply a half-truth.
Harsh was astonished. ‘She left without meeting you?’ he asked. ‘I would not have thought it possible.’
‘Why?’ asked a curious Sam.
Rudra was confused – extremely confused. Was Harsh joking or was he mocking Rudra? Rudra’s guilty conscience told him Harsh was taunting him, and that Anjana had told Harsh her side of story.