Jeremy laughed. “I never thought of it like that before. I’ve liked different kinds of women of different races. I never thought about dating just white girls. I’ve always liked girls with some meat on their bones. I’ve never been attracted to skinny girls.”
“Look, son, I apologize for my previous behavior. I really got convicted here today when you prayed, and I realize that I have not been behaving in a Christian manner about a lot of things. Some things are just ingrained in you from childhood. Race mixing was something that I was always taught was wrong. Times are changing, I guess. I see it every day. I just never expected it to happen in my family.”
“It’s happening all over the world, Pop. Besides, it’s always has been done, even here in South Carolina. White men have been with black women from the beginning. You know that.”
“Yeah, but they weren’t marrying!”
“No, they were sneaking around out of the sight of other good white folks and cheating on their wives, and some were raping them. Blacks are all different shades today because of race mixing. It’s nothing new. What’s the difference now?”
His father didn’t reply, unable to argue with his logic.
“I would think that you would be happy that I’m not gay and that you’ll have grandchildren one day,” Jeremy ventured.
“They won’t be white,” his father said before he could think. Immediately he was contrite, realizing how racist his words sounded.
“They’ll be mine. I don’t care about the color of their skin. They will still probably look like me… and you too.” Jeremy chuckled.
His father looked at him surprised. “Me?”
“Of course. You are my father, aren’t you?” Jeremy asked, grinning at him.
“Well of course I’m your father,” Daniel Ferguson snapped. “You’re the spitting image of my mama!”
“Would you turn your back on a baby that looks like your mama, Pop?” Jeremy insisted.
“Don’t be ridiculous!” Daniel said, getting up. “I’m going to get me something to drink.”
He got up and left the den in a huff.
Jeremy snickered, knowing that he had just won a major battle with his father.
CHAPTER 6
THE REVEREND’S ANSWERED PRAYER
Daniel David Ferguson watched from the den as his wife and daughter and soon-to-be daughter-in-law walked back in the house.
It seemed his whole family was in an uproar. He had tried to pray, but no relief had come.
What were they going to do about Jessica? What would the congregation think once they found out that his fifteen-year-old daughter was pregnant?
He sat in the dark, and they did not come into the den. He heard their footsteps as they went straight upstairs. That was good. He wanted to be alone in the dark for a while.
He thought about the conversation he had with Jeremy and his previous behavior. He’d lost his temper more in the last couple of days than he had the entire year, and yet it was his son who had remained calm and acted with integrity, not the Reverend Daniel David Ferguson. He was embarrassed, to say the least.
Daniel Ferguson had always wondered about his son, Jeremy. He hadn’t been able to shake the feeling that Jeremy had some feminine tendencies as he watched his son mature. He remembered when Jeremy was born how everyone said that he was such a beautiful baby. As he grew, the comments increased. People said that he was too pretty to be a boy.
Daniel had ignored the comments at first, but then as Jeremy grew from being a toddler, he felt that his son wasn’t really boyish. He stuck close to his mom. He didn’t like sports. He looked soft to his father, and that bothered him. Daniel Ferguson remembered that his male friends began commenting on Jeremy, saying that he seemed kind of girlish, and he had been offended even though he secretly agreed with their assessment. He had defended his son to their faces. After all, Jeremy couldn’t help how he looked, but it bothered him more than he cared to admit.
Jeremy hadn’t been that bright in school either. His father thought that Jeremy was the typical “dumb blonde.” He did have common sense though, just not much book sense, and Daniel felt that Jeremy was much too trusting and gullible. In Daniel’s mind, he would always have to protect his son from the world.
By the time Jeremy was a teenager, he was tall and lanky but still had the soft, girlish face that reminded Daniel of his own mother. Unsure of himself, Jeremy slouched and hung his head a lot. He was quite shy and lacked self-confidence. He seemed happiest when he was helping his mother in the kitchen cooking, and it irritated his father to no end. He didn’t want a soft son.
His father tried to toughen him up, make him participate in sports, all to no avail. Jeremy was not the least be interested and refused to even try. To top it off, he didn’t have a girlfriend and took his cousin with him to the prom! Jeremy had told him that he didn’t want to deal with the stress of asking one of the girls at school. This raised his father’s suspicions even more.
When Jeremy came home with the male modeling idea, his father felt that he was all but telling him that he was gay. He wanted him to work in ministry where he could keep an eye on Jeremy, but he would have none of that!
He had prayed to the Lord every night to protect his only son and make him a man. He had pleaded with God and prayed over and over again.
Now he still wondered if this Aura was some sort of smoke screen Jeremy was using. Looking at Jeremy, it was hard for him to accept that this woman was really the woman for him or that he was attracted to her.
He closed his eyes and prayed, asking God once again to show him the truth about Jeremy. He was tired of this self-torment. He needed to know what was really going on. Was his son gay? Was he in love with this girl Aura?
Reverend Ferguson dozed off in the chair. He awoke to the sound of footsteps coming downstairs. Someone walked into the kitchen and turned on the light, illuminating the hallway, which gave him a direct view of the stairs from where he sat in the dark.
He started to get up out of the chair and then heard another set of footsteps coming down stairs. The light from the kitchen revealed that it was Jeremy’s girlfriend, Aura. She had on a tank top and shorts. He could see that she did not have on a bra, as her nipples pressed against the thin material. She paused at the bottom of the steps and then walked past the doorway down the hall to the kitchen.
He heard Jeremy’s voice and her giggle in response. She then came back to the foot of the stairs with something in her hand. It was a piece of Tara’s birthday cake, and she was eating it. Jeremy then came out of the kitchen. He was shirtless, wearing a pair of cutoff shorts. The light from the kitchen illuminated the hallway and Daniel realized that his son was so distracted by Aura that he’d forgotten to turn out the kitchen light.
Daniel watched as his son pulled Aura into his arms, kissing her. His hand roamed to her backside, rubbing it before she backed away and walked up several steps. Then she turned and faced him as he stood at the bottom.
“Which is sweeter, you or this cake?” he asked, taking a piece from her hand and eating it.
“You tell me,” she replied saucily, looking at him.
He chewed the cake and pulled her body close to his.
“Your lips are sweeter,” he said. “Much sweeter.”
“Well kiss me then,” she replied, biting another piece of the cake and moving closer to him.
“I wasn’t talking about these lips,” he said, putting his finger to her mouth. “Can I get another sample from the other set?”
“I don’t think so. We’re in your parents’ house, remember?” she replied, backing up several steps. “You’ve got to behave, Jeremy.”
He reached up and fondled her breast. “You are really tempting me here, babe. I’m not going to let you out of the bed for a week after we get married.”
She touched his lips. “I’ll hold you to t
hat if you kiss the other lips like you did before.”
He licked his lips at her. “I’m going to suck and lick you dry until you’re hoarse and your voice is totally gone.”
“Promises, promises,” she said, turning and running up the steps.
Jeremy laughed and followed closely behind her.
Reverend Ferguson thought about what he had just seen and heard and realized that he had received the answer to his earlier prayer. There was no more doubt in his mind. His son was most definitely a man.
Jeremy lounged on the bed in his old room, thinking about the events of the day. He made up his mind to confront the boy who had done this to his sister.
There was a knock on the door, and he thought immediately that it must be Aura.
“What’s up, babe? Can’t sleep?” he asked, opening the door.
He was surprised to see his father standing in the doorway.
“May I come in?”
“Sure, Pop,” Jeremy said, surprised.
His father walked into the room and sat on the bed. He did not speak for a moment, and Jeremy wondered what was wrong. His father stared down at his hands and acted as if he were searching for the right words.
Jeremy climbed on the bed and sat back against the headboard, looking at his father.
“What’s on your mind?” he asked.
His father looked at him and then looked away. “I’ve come seeking your forgiveness, son.”
“For what?”
“For not believing you… and not believing in you… for questioning your manhood. I was wrong,” Daniel said sadly.
Jeremy stared at his father, dumbfounded.
“Tonight, I prayed and asked the Lord to show me the truth. I fell asleep in the den. I awoke when you came down the steps. I heard and saw you and Aura… your entire conversation at the bottom of the stairs.”
Jeremy’s face turned red, remembering the intimate details of their conversation. His father looked away and then stared at the floor.
“I realized how narrow minded I’d been all your life,” Daniel said quietly. “I was filled with fear instead of faith. I feared because you weren’t manly enough in my eyes, and I was afraid that you might be gay. Then the fear took over. When you came home telling me that you wanted to model, that fed my fear even more.”
“Pop, I’ve never wanted to be with a man.” Jeremy sighed. “Why in the world would you feel that way?”
“I realize now that I was narrow minded and stupid. When I saw you two tonight, it reminded me of myself and your mother… you know, the time we had together before we actually ever made love… the sweet tension of it all. I admit now that I pushed her… for my own selfish reasons. I didn’t want to wait back then. Even though I was in ministry, I was young and stupid. She had made a commitment to the Lord, and I knew that she loved me… and I pressured her until I got what I wanted.”
He looked down at his hands again, unable to meet his son’s eyes.
“I’ve always regretted that. The guilt and hurt I saw on her face after we did it… I instantly regretted it. Even though we loved each other, I realized later that I robbed her of the gift she wanted to give me as her husband. I cheated myself. Then she lost the baby… I felt that God was punishing me for my indiscretion.”
He sighed and stood up, his head down.
“I just want to say that I commend you for your decision to wait. You will never regret it.” He looked at his son. “I realized even before I saw you at the bottom of the stairs that you have much more integrity than I’ll ever possess.”
Jeremy was stunned. He sat there quiet for a moment, taking it all in.
His father turned and looked at him, and then he sat back down on the bed, touching his son on the arm.
“Once you say the vows before God, and the two of you are one flesh, it’s different. You belong to each other… you’re free… free to love to explore to get to know each other on a level that you can’t reach otherwise. There’s a sweetness that’s just not there with premarital sex. I can’t explain it, but you’ll know what I’m talking about.”
He stood up and walked to the door. “I just want to say, son, I’m proud of you… I know that I haven’t given you any reason to be proud of me lately, but maybe in the future I can change that. I saw tonight what you’ve been trying to tell me all along… that you love her. That much was obvious to me as well as your desire for her. I’m proud of the integrity you’ve shown, not only toward her, but in the profession you chose. I realize now that you are a light shining in the darkness. God has called you to a special work. I’m proud to call you my son.”
He looked at his son, his eyes glassy, and then turned and reached for the doorknob.
Jeremy jumped off the bed and grabbed his father, stopping him from leaving. He threw his arms around him and held him tightly as the tears flowed from his eyes. All his life, he had wanted his father’s acceptance and approval. All his life, he felt that he had fallen short in his father’s eyes. In everything he had ever done, he felt that he could never measure up to his father’s expectations and he had seen the disappointment in his father’s eyes on more than one occasion.
Now his father was saying that he was proud of him, and his own feelings gushed out, overwhelming him. These were words that he’d longed to hear but had next expected to come from his father’s lips.
“Love you, Pop.” It was all he could muster, unable to hold back the tears.
His father exhaled, putting his hands on either side of Jeremy’s face. He saw his son’s large blue eyes brimming with tears, and it reminded him of Charlotte. He was still his beautiful baby boy, but now he was a man. Daniel knew that now. He felt his own tears escaping his eyes, and Daniel Ferguson pulled his son’s face close to his, their noses touching. Looking in the face that was an image of his own, all he could say was, “Love you too, son.”
Jessica walked downstairs, surprised to smell breakfast cooking. Her mouth began to water, the smell of bacon in the air.
She walked into the kitchen and found Jeremy mixing pancake batter. He looked up and smiled at her.
“Morning, Jess.”
“It smells like old times in here,” she said. “Mom doesn’t cook breakfast as much as she used to… not since you’ve been gone.”
Jeremy turned the bacon over in the frying pan. “I thought I’d surprise everybody. I really thought that Mom would be up by now and come down and help me like she used to.”
“I heard her and Dad talking late last night when I got up to go to the bathroom. I doubt if she’s up. That was after two, and it’s only seven now,” Jessica said, reaching for a piece of bacon.
She laughed when Jeremy batted her hand away.
“I’ve got great news!” she said, grinning. “My cycle started last night.”
It took a moment for Jeremy to comprehend what she was telling him.
“Well that’s a relief!” he said. “I think you should still go to the doctor though, Jess.”
She sat down at the kitchen table. “I know… but I’m through with sex. I didn’t like it much anyway, and it hurt. It wasn’t like I thought it would be.”
Jeremy turned off the burner, pulled up another chair, and sat down.
“You were not ready, Jess. You have your whole life in front of you. You are only fifteen.”
“No, Jeremy, I don’t think sex is for me. I mean… he said that something’s wrong with me, and maybe he’s right.”
“What do you mean, something’s wrong with you?” Jeremy said.
“Well, I mean I liked it when he kissed me… but then he started touching me… and I really didn’t like that too much. I told him I wasn’t ready… but he said we had already gone too far… so I told him okay.” She was silent a moment. “Then he kinda got mad because he said I wasn’t wet but he would fix that, and then he just
… you know, shoved it in, and it hurt, and I started crying, and he told me not to be a baby.”
Jeremy could feel his anger rising. “Who is this jerk? How old is he?”
“He’s sixteen. His name is Aaron Jennings.”
“Jennings? You mean Deacon Jennings’s son from church?” Jeremy asked.
“Yes. I didn’t want to tell Dad and cause an uproar in the church. I didn’t want the people looking at me funny. Please don’t tell them, Jeremy. You’re going back to New York, but I still have to live here.”
Jeremy took her hand in his, but he could barely control his anger.
“I won’t tell, but Jess, you should talk to Mom about it. As a man though, I can tell you that you got a raw deal. Sex is not supposed to be like that. What he did to you almost sounds like rape.”
Jessica’s eyes got big. “But I told him it was okay. He had my consent.”
“You weren’t ready, and he knew it, but he did it anyway. It may not be rape, but it wasn’t right. Look at me, Jessica,” he said, putting his finger under her chin and raising her head. His eyes met hers.
“Sex can be beautiful. He is a selfish jerk. If he knew that you weren’t aroused and ready, he should not have penetrated you. That’s just wrong. You are supposed to be about pleasing the other person. He knew you were a virgin; he should have been extra sensitive to your feelings.”
“I guess it’s too late for me now,” she said sadly. “I’m not a virgin anymore.”
“You’re still a virgin in so many ways, Jess. You don’t know the pleasure of lovemaking. You haven’t experienced the passion and the love and the joy. This was just a bad experience. I’m just glad that you’re not pregnant.”
“Me too,” she said, smiling.
“Breakfast is ready,” Jeremy said, standing. “Go on upstairs and wake everybody up.”
Jessica ran up the steps and walked from door to door, knocking. “Get up, everybody! Breakfast is served.”
Jeremy had fixed a huge breakfast—bacon and sausage and pancakes and eggs as well as fried potatoes, coffee, and juice.
The Preacher’s Son Page 7