by Hollye Davis
When Edwin arrived home he gave her a hug and kiss while she was cooking dinner. She loved the feel of him from behind her and she leaned into him. After a moment he went off to talk to Aunt in the living room. When she set the table she heard Edwin say, “It’s all set then.”
“What’s all set, what are you two planning over there?”
“Oh nothing important, don’t worry,” Aunt said with a big grin and wink.
Right, now she knew something was up and so she put her hands on her hips and gave them both “don’t mess with me” glare. They both laughed but wouldn’t tell her what they were discussing. She hated surprises.
The next day was the last day of school before holiday break. She was so thankful. She was tired of seeing Britney’s spoiled face and she was tired of the whole school experience. Even if everything was running smoother for her than it had in years, she still was tired of it all.
She dragged herself out of Edwin’s car, past Kim and Cole making out in the parking lot - how cute – and into the school.
She sat down in her homeroom class and was rooting through her backpack for a pen when an announcement was made.
“This year we are going to do something different for prom,” the static-laden disembodied voice blared through the ceiling speaker, “it’s going to be a masquerade…” Chloe didn’t hear anymore, she didn’t need to. This had Edwin written all over it. She sat back in her chair and grinned like an idiot. He now made it possible for him to go without being seen, clever guy.
When Kim found her walking to another class she waved and ran up to her. She looked around sneakily before whispering, “Damn your boyfriend is something else.”
Chloe shook her head grinning back, “He’s something all right.”
The day was winding down to be a really good day. Edwin was going to the prom with her, no one was bothering her, and she got an A on an English paper. But it was all about to go down hill when her teacher handed her a note saying the Vice Principal wanted her to go to his office. All the elation of her last day before Christmas vacation came crashing down. Her feet dragged as she was led in to the Vice Principal’s office once again. Nothing ever good came out of this place.
To her surprise the guys normal confident expression was replaced by pale and nervous one.
“Umm, I just wanted to say that I am sincerely sorry for the way things have been going at school.”
What?! She stood staring at him, her mouth gaping open like a canyon.
The pasty sweaty Vice Principal continued, “We will do everything in our power to make sure your remaining time here will be comfortable.”
What the hell? Was this some rerun of X-files or something, did the guy eat tainted chicken?
“That’ll be all,” and he waved her off.
She was so dumbfounded she didn’t know what to do. Turning she blinked blankly at the door. She had to tell herself to move and eventually found her way out of his office and to her final class where she didn’t learn the first thing. She would know hell had truly frozen over if Britney came and gave her a hug and apologized as well.
Edwin was waiting out in the parking lot with a huge grin. She hugged him and said, “I don’t know how you do it but you must be very persuasive.”
“Things are going to get a lot better, Chloe,” He had a secretive smile. She didn’t like it, she didn’t like secrets, she frowned at him and he laughed, kissed her nose and put the car in drive.
As they drove down the road she explained to Edwin about the odd visit to the Vice Principal. Edwin was not surprised. He just smiled as he explained, “My father knows some pretty powerful people and I put in a word about a girl who had been treated poorly at one of the bigger school districts. I suggested that the school administration should take a look at how it had been handled.”
“Oh Edwin, I appreciate that, but you don’t have to try to fix everything in my life. I’m a big girl and I can handle it.”
“I know Chloe,” He slid his hand into her lap, “I want to do these things for you. I want to help you.”
She sighed, looking out the window. She needed to figure out a way to stop Edwin from trying to fix everything broken. It was impossible. She sighed again. She knew there are worst things in life, such as when she had absolutely no one.
When Edwin pulled into the cottage’s drive, Chloe was happy to find her aunt’s car was there too. It was rare her aunt was home at this time. But then all happiness disappeared and she worried that something might be wrong. Edwin acted as if nothing at all was odd at all as he escorted her up the wooden stairs, whistling annoyingly.
When they walked in Aunt wasn’t immediately present. Before Chloe looked for her, she decided to go to her bedroom and put her backpack down.
It seemed a simple enough task but her world spun out of control when she walked through her bedroom door. All of the luggage Aunt had bought her was on her bed full of her clothes. Her backpack slid to the ground and she wobbled slightly. Pain shot everywhere and oh God she couldn’t breathe.
All thoughts centered to one: HER AUNT WAS KICKING HER OUT! She tried to take a breath but her throat clinched. Nothing came in, Nothing came out. She thought she was going to die. She grabbed hold of the door jam and her eyes started to tear, her throat groaned as she tried to fill her lungs. Aunt was kicking her out – Oh God…that was worse than breathing. She slid down to the floor, spots floating in front of her eyes, consciousness began to wane.
She could hear Edwin yell, but he sounded so far away. She vaguely could see her aunt lean down in front of her, “Oh my God, Chloe! Get a paper bag, Edwin, I think she’s hyperventilating!”
Aunt got closer, told her to try to breathe slowly. She was listening but it wasn’t working. A second later a paper bag was thrust into her hands and placed over her mouth. After a minute she realized she could breathe.
Then she started crying uncontrollably. Aunt moved out of the way and Edwin replaced her. He put his arms around her and whispered something she couldn’t understand. But whatever it was, it was working. His security was working.
She finally calmed down, breathed in and out slowly. Edwin asked, “What happened, Chloe, please talk to me, what caused that?”
She looked up at the bags pointing shakily at them, “What did I do wrong?” she sobbed, another bout of crying consuming her.
Aunt crouched down, “Honey, you didn’t anything wrong, do you think I’m sending you away?”
Chloe nodded. Edwin must have remembered what her parents had done because he said, “Oh God, No, Love, we are going on vacation, you aren’t being abandoned again.” He looked up at Aunt and said, “I forgot, her parents, they just packed her bags and left a plane ticket. They did it while she was at school.”
“So I’m not leaving here?” Chloe asked shakily.
“Well not permanently silly, and if I had my choice, never.” Aunt answered.
Oh. Her fear was replaced by absolute humiliation. Disengaging from Edwin, she rose on wobbly legs and made her way to the closet. Her hands were crossed defensively in front of her as she stared blankly at her remaining clothes. Why did she have to be so damaged? Couldn’t she just be normal for once? Tears and mortification blended and burned down her cheeks. Edwin walked in and put his arms around her but she stepped away. Turned around to face him.
“Why do you put up with me?!” She demanded angrily, “I’m broken, I don’t think I’ll ever fix. No matter how I try, I can’t seem to be normal. Why do you want that? Why do you waste your time with someone who’s this pathetic!” She pounded her chest with her fist. “You can have anyone!” He moved closer and touched the tears coming down her cheeks.
“Don’t you understand? I’m broken too, Chloe. I have a father who is so career driven that the only way I could get his attention was to work in the industry, even though innately I’m a shy person. My mother was an alcoholic and killed herself when I was 8. After that my father has married every bimbo in the country and I swear
their IQ combined is lower than a goldfish. No one has cared about me either. But then I see you and all that you have gone through and I am amazed that you even let me near you. You give me so much that I need. I don’t see you as broken. I see you as someone who has so much more than the rest of society. I see someone who I can’t ever see myself living without. You fix me, Chloe. You fix me.” He pulled her to him, she laid her head on his chest.
“Doesn’t it embarrass you that I have panic attacks? That I have to spend days in the hospital because of my stomach?” She asked her voice somewhat muffled from his shirt.
“No, I don’t want you to hurt and I want to fix everything that’s wrong. But I love who you are. One day you won’t have to worry about stomach aches or panic attacks but even if you do, I’ll always be here, right here for you,” he said sincerely.
She nodded. He leaned down and kissed her gently on her forehead. Then he said, “Your aunt and I decided that we would spend Christmas in a cabin in the mountains. We both want a white Christmas and time away. We wanted to surprise you, but obviously it was ill planned.”
“I hate surprises,” She mumbled.
So, Okay, I didn’t want to go anywhere near snow, I didn’t want anything to do with Christmas, but I would do anything for my aunt and Edwin. Therefore I will paste a smile on my face and endure. – Chloe’s Diary.
Chapter 18
Christmas in the Mountains
She loathed snow and she hadn’t even seen any yet. They loaded all her bags and Aunt’s bags into a large suburban she had never seen before but really didn’t care where it came from. She wasn’t feeling particularly happy about leaving the beach. People came to beach during the winter for goodness sake, to escape the snow!
They drove what felt like years up into the mountains. She gazed out the window watching the scenery change and the mountains grow. She hadn’t seen mountains like these before, even in Germany. Her life revolved around school and the dank apartment, she never noticed anything more than that.
She had also experienced a white Christmas but it wasn’t anything to be celebrated. In fact it was indistinguishable from any other day she shared in that tiny German apartment. Thankfully her parents had disappeared again and she was alone, which at the time, was a great Christmas present.
When they finally arrived at the “cabin” she laughed. It wasn’t a small cabin, but more like a huge mansion, and the only thing that might have classified it as a cabin were the exterior log walls. She didn’t say a word though. Obviously Aunt and Edwin had a twisted idea of what a cabin was.
They ascended the three stairs leading through the double hung aged wood doors into the largest room she imagined a ski lodge would envy. Her jaw dropped. There was a fire blazing and a huge Christmas tree in the middle of the room. It would’ve made sense if they were entering a hotel but she knew better. There were even presents under the tree.
She looked up to Edwin and asked, “Are we intruding on someone’s Christmas?” He shook his head and laughed. “I arranged for someone to prepare for our arrival.” It felt like an aristocratic novel she liked to read.
Smells of baked apple pie came from somewhere and drew her in further. Edwin grabbed her bags disappearing up the grand stair case as she wandered around downstairs gaping like a tourist. She found her way into a professional kitchen where an older lady was busy cooking. She was about to ask her if she needed help when Aunt pulled her out of the room.
“The deal is that you are to relax. That means no cooking while on vacation. You do that enough and this is your time to enjoy life.” She firmly led her back to the gathering room by the fire.
When Edwin came to join them, Aunt sighed romantically, “If I could find someone who looked at me the way he looks at you, maybe I would give love a try again.” Chloe smiled sadly making a mental note to help her aunt find love again.
Edwin touched Chloe’s cheek bringing her attention back to him. “You have no idea what it means for me to spend Christmas with you and see you standing here looking at me like you do.” He kissed her. It never got old, it always sent her heart racing, she wanted him with her forever.
Later they ate a delicious meal and settled by the fire. There was a large-screened television but they all ignored it. One day she would have to take the time to watch Edwin’s show, as she has yet been unable to bring herself to do so. She knew that he had girlfriends and make-out scenes and somehow she just knew if she ever had to watch one of those she would end up throwing up or worse, hunting down the actress and doing some violence. So she avoided it until she could rationalize that it was just acting. It made her wonder if she could ever be secure in their relationship.
It was mystifying to Chloe why Edwin picked her. There were so many beautiful unbroken girls who would do anything to have him and yet he picked some loser who couldn’t even look at packed bags without having a panic attack. It was hard to rationalize. He said he was broken, and there have been many times she had seen his vulnerability, but it seemed so trivial to all of her issues.
They were reading books quietly when she glanced up and noticed it had begun to snow outside. She walked to a great big window and looked at the fat fluffy flakes fall. Obviously, it was not the first time she had seen snow, but it was the first time she could actually enjoy it. In Germany when it snowed it meant a very cold walk or a horrible night because of the cheap apartment walls let the moisture and cold creep in, settling into her bones. She shivered hating the snow with a passion. Her feet would hurt so badly that sometimes she worried she would never be able to use them again. Now, inside a warm room, she should enjoy it. She didn’t have to go outside.
Edwin stepped beside her and together they watched it. He put his arm around her and she leaned back into his embrace.
“In England we get a good amount of snow. I miss it in California. It isn’t Christmas if it is 70 degrees outside.” She grinned. Sometimes she would catch a little boy in him and it made her love him all that more. He wanted Christmas to be white, with stockings and Santa Claus. She never had that. Not even once, but somehow she wanted what Edwin wanted. She wanted the Christmas every retail store tried to emulate.
“This is the first time I can remember being happy while it’s snowing,” Chloe said, “I hated it but now I can see the magic. We’re having a white Christmas Eve, and that’s cool.” He turned her around, kissed her until a camera flash interrupted them. Edwin’s eyes turned dark as he quickly swung around. His body was tight and tense. He relaxed when he noticed Aunt with a camera in her hand.
It would seem he hated pictures as much as she hated the snow.
Aunt smiled, “It’s about time you had some pictures of being a couple.”
Chloe smiled up at Edwin and Aunt took another. Edwin seemed very uncomfortable so before Aunt could take another, Chloe grabbed the camera.
“I’m not sure Edwin wants internal paparazzi hanging around at Christmas,” she raised an eyebrow at her blushing aunt.
With the camera now in her hand, she decided to look at the pictures.
It was shocking. It looked as if Edwin and her belonged together. It was the first time she was able to see them as a couple. Chloe wasn’t sure what she was seeing, maybe a level of comfort they had, or the way the looked. She shook her head. She had always imagined when people saw them together, that they would see a beautiful Edwin with a dowdy girl. In this picture they looked…perfect. Edwin stared at the picture, a smile playing on his lips. She searched his eyes and came to the conclusion he thought the same thing.
When it was time for bed, everyone made their way up the large staircase. Aunt split off to walk toward the other end of the huge cabin. She and Edwin walked into a room that had to be the largest bedroom she had ever seen. Her entire beach house could probably fit inside this one room. At the entry she raised one eyebrow at Edwin and he laughed softly as he guided her in. The room had powdered blue walls and large Cherry furniture. The largest bed she had ever seen sat in th
e center with a canopy of the same powder blue. The antique furniture, the entire room was gorgeous, as if it was fresh from the pages of a designer magazine.
Edwin walked her over to the bathroom where she saw a tub that could only be described as a small swimming pool. He kissed her neck from behind while he reached to unbutton her pants. No matter how many times Edwin and her had been together, she was still shy and nervous. She always thought he would find her lacking. Edwin, however, never seemed to find her lacking. When he had divested her of her pants, and his hands pushed her shirt up and over her head in record time. She turned around and pushed his sweater up and over taking his undershirt along with it. When he kissed her mouth, every doubt went away. Edwin started walking her backward toward the tub. At this point he could be putting her in a boiling pot to cook her for dinner and she wouldn’t care.
After their bath, she had never felt better. They toweled off and as she was about to walk out to find her nightgown when Edwin asked, “You’re quiet, are you okay? I didn’t hurt you or anything?”
“No, you didn’t hurt me. I’m just tired.”
“It has been a long day.”
She climbed into the large bed that made her feel like a tiny pea. Edwin joined her a few minutes later and soon they were asleep.
It was too bright, she thought. Everything was too bright. She tried to open her eyes again but it was if someone was shining a flashlight in her eyes. She threw across her face and moaned. She heard Edwin chuckle. She peeked at him grinning. “Merry Christmas,” he said cheerfully and she mumbled “Bahhhumbug .” He laughed again.
When she was finally able to open her eyes without being blinded, she noticed the sun reflecting off the white snow outside. It made the whole room bright. Chloe decided that she still hated snow. She stumbled out of the bed and got into the shower. The warm water soothed her. After a while she stepped out to find Edwin waiting with a towel. She smiled at him. “Voyeur.”