by Gerri Hill
“Hey.”
“Mmmm.” Susan managed a smile. It was the last thing she remembered.
Chapter Thirty
Susan opened lazy eyes, then caught her breath at the sight before her. Shawn lay on her back, sheet barely pulled to her hips. Susan’s greedy eyes explored every inch of bared skin, lingering over smooth, round breasts. She imagined herself pushing that sheet away, exposing all of Shawn’s secret places, but her hands remained still.
She didn’t know how to make love to a woman.
But Shawn knew. And Susan now knew what an earth-shattering climax was. She felt herself grow warm, aware of her heart beating a little too fast. Her eyes traveled to Shawn’s face, to lips slightly parted. Her breath caught as she remembered watching that mouth move over her, waiting for the tongue that would soon find her.
She swallowed loudly. She wanted Shawn that way. She wanted to feel Shawn tremble beneath her lips. She wanted Shawn to watch as Susan’s mouth took her.
The hand Susan reached out was trembling, but her fingers lightly brushed across Shawn’s breasts, watching in fascination as Shawn’s nipples hardened. With a quiet groan, Susan opened her mouth, wanting, needing to feel them with her tongue. Her lips closed over one erect nipple and she was lost. Her mouth opened wide, taking more of Shawn inside as she gently suckled her. When her tongue raked across the taut nipple, she heard Shawn sigh. She looked up guiltily, meeting brown eyes dark with passion. She lifted her head, embarrassed.
“Don’t stop,” Shawn whispered.
Susan went back, feasting again on the offered breast. She leaned over Shawn, taking the other breast into her mouth, sucking softly on the hard peak. Then Shawn’s hands urged her up, pulling Susan close. Susan eased her weight on top of Shawn, eyes locking together as Shawn opened her legs, making room for Susan.
Flesh on flesh, Susan settled against Shawn, finding her mouth waiting. Shawn lay still, letting Susan take the lead. Susan traced Shawn’s lower lip with her tongue, finally moving inside, mating with Shawn’s tongue before pulling out again.
“I don’t know what to do,” Susan finally murmured.
“Yes you do,” Shawn whispered.
“Show me.”
Their eyes locked but neither of them moved.
“Please . . . show me what to do.”
Shawn’s eyes softened. She took Susan’s hand and guided it between their bodies, pressing Susan’s fingers against her.
“Touch me.”
Susan wasn’t prepared for the warm sensation that her fingers encountered. She moaned as she glided into the wetness that was Shawn. Shawn’s fingers guided her own, sliding over swollen flesh, finally pushing into hot wetness.
“Shawn?”
“Go inside me,” Shawn murmured. She pressed two of Susan’s fingers against her, urging them inside.
Susan gasped as warm wetness enveloped her fingers.
“Oh, Shawn,” Susan breathed, unable to pull her eyes from Shawn’s dusky ones.
Shawn’s hips rose slightly, pushing against Susan. She sighed when Susan pulled out, only to go back inside her again.
“I want . . . I want to . . .” Susan stammered, but she stopped, embarrassed. How did she tell Shawn that she wanted her mouth on her?
Shawn’s eyes found Susan’s and held them.
“Tell me what you want,” she whispered. “Talk to me.”
Susan pulled her eyes away. She was in over her head, she realized. What did she know about making love to a woman? How was she ever going to please Shawn?
“Tell me.”
With Dave, there were never words spoken. It was simply a physical act that he performed. They didn’t talk about it. But Shawn was different. She expressed herself with words and actions. She expected Susan to do the same.
She took a breath, her eyes sliding up to Shawn’s breasts, lingering on the nipples that were taut and ready for her. When she raised her eyes higher, Shawn was there, watching her, her eyes cloudy with desire.
Susan was aware of her fingers still inside Shawn, of the wetness surrounding them and she longed to have her mouth there. She wanted to taste Shawn.
“Tell me,” Shawn whispered again.
“I want my mouth . . . on you,” Susan finally managed.
Shawn’s hands reached up and gently stroked Susan’s face, her mouth lifting in a lazy smile.
“Don’t be afraid. I want you to do whatever you want to, Susan. I’m all yours.”
“I’ve never . . .”
“Shhh . . . just do what you feel.”
Susan saw such total trust in Shawn’s eyes that she lost all fear. She slowly pulled her fingers from Shawn, sliding her hands up, cupping Shawn’s breasts, rubbing her wet fingers across her nipples. She dipped her head, her tongue following where her fingers had been, circling a nipple, tasting the sweetness that was Shawn. She groaned, her mouth opening, sucking a soft nipple inside. She wanted more. Much more.
Shawn watched this woman at her breast, feeling whole for the first time in her life. She surrendered totally and she knew her heart was lost. She watched as Susan left her breast, leaving soft kisses as she moved down her body. Only in her dreams had Shawn ever imagined the intense emotion she was feeling now. Making love took on a whole new meaning. Sex was an act she had performed many times, but she knew in her heart that this was the first time she had really made love.
Without thinking, she reached out a hand to touch Susan, lightly caressing her hair, bringing Susan’s eyes back to her own. She couldn’t form the words, but she was certain her eyes spoke for her. Susan’s own softened, turned a darker shade of blue.
Susan’s breath caught. Shawn’s eyes said more than any words ever could. She took the hand that was curled in her hair, bringing it to her lips before locking fingers together, gripping Shawn’s hard as she lowered her head, kissing the warm, flat stomach before her. She slid her body lower, lying between Shawn’s legs as her sweet scent drifted to her. She was lost in her smell, and sure hands spread Shawn’s thighs apart.
She felt, rather than saw, Shawn’s hips rise to meet her mouth. Eyes opened, yet unfocused, her mouth moved to Shawn’s wetness and she groaned with the intimacy of it. Her tongue glided through velvety softness, finding Shawn swollen, ready. Lips closed, gently sucking Shawn inside, letting the quiet sounds Shawn made guide her. Instinctively, her body took over, her thoughts pushed to the back of her mind as her hands moved over Shawn’s thighs, pushing her legs more firmly apart, opening Shawn to her greedy mouth.
She heard Shawn’s voice, murmurs trying to penetrate her senses, felt hands in her hair, holding her close, felt the hips that rose up to meet her, pushing against the tongue that would not still. Trembling flesh under her hands, Susan held Shawn tight against her, feeling the first tremors of the younger woman’s orgasm. She buried her face, feeling drugged, knowing she would never get enough. She was dimly aware of Shawn’s ragged breathing, then one quick thrust of hips against her mouth and Shawn’s breath expelled in a deep moan and she slowly relaxed her body, going limp against the bed, fingers still threaded in Susan’s hair.
Susan lay quietly, face resting on the smooth thigh beneath her, and she couldn’t resist the lazy smile that formed. Wow.
Shawn’s laugh was gentle. She pushed the hair away from Susan’s face, tucking it behind both ears in a playful manner.
“I’ve dreamed of your mouth on me.”
“You have?”
Shawn raised her eyebrows teasingly and grinned.
“When I finally allowed myself to, yes. This past week, I’ve thought of little else.”
Susan crawled up Shawn’s body, snuggling securely against her, listening to her breathing as it slowed back to normal.
“I was so afraid I had ruined things between us, Shawn. I wasn’t certain you would even come back . . . after the way you left.”
“I ran.”
Susan smiled against the soft shoulder. “Yes, I know.”
Shawn c
leared her throat. They had so much to talk about, she wasn’t sure where to begin . . . or where they would go from here. More specifically, where Susan wanted to take this.
“This is new to me,” Shawn finally said. “I’m not sure what happens now.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know what you want from me.”
Susan pulled away, needing to see Shawn’s eyes. She was surprised at the uncertainty she saw there. But she had her own questions. What did Shawn want from her?
“Shawn, my life has changed so much in the last few months. I did a lot of thinking this week. About Dave and Lisa . . . and you. I thought that what I was feeling for you was just an extension of the friendship we’d formed.” She touched Shawn’s face gently before continuing. “At least, that seemed the logical answer. It was the safest answer, anyway. I didn’t want to think that my whole life had been a lie. But I couldn’t put this . . . this attraction I have for you in the proper category. You’re my friend, certainly. But what I feel for you has grown into much more than friendship.”
She sat up, pulling the sheet with her and wrapping it around herself. She struggled with words, not wanting to frighten Shawn . . . or herself by what she was feeling. But what had just happened between them made it all so clear to her. She was falling in love with Shawn, a woman. And she had no doubt that if she were still with Dave and she and Shawn had met and had started a friendship, she would still be falling in love with her, despite her marriage.
But Dave wasn’t a consideration any longer. She was free, at least emotionally, to explore this new relationship and all it entailed. She just wasn’t certain Shawn was ready to do the same.
“I guess what I’m trying to say is I don’t know how far you’re willing to take this, Shawn. Is this all you wanted? One day together? Or what?”
Shawn swallowed the lump in her throat. This, she was not expecting. And how far was she willing to risk her heart? It didn’t matter anymore, did it? Susan had already stolen her heart.
Shawn slowly removed the sheet covering Susan. Her hand trembled only slightly as she reached out and cupped one of her breasts, lightly rubbing her thumb over the nipple. Before she could stop herself, her lips replaced her thumb and she left gentle kisses in their wake.
“I want much more than one day, Susan,” she murmured.
Chapter Thirty-One
Shawn told her not to fuss too much with dinner, but actually Susan was starving. She smiled, knowing exactly why she was so ravenous. She finished seasoning the steaks then put them back in the fridge. The potatoes were already baking in the oven and she paused at the back door, watching Shawn on the step as she threw the ball to Alex, cigarette hanging loosely in her mouth, beer bottle shoved between her legs. Then she grinned. Lucky beer bottle.
Shawn turned, as if sensing her watching. Their eyes met and smiles appeared. Then Shawn motioned with her head for Susan to come out.
“You’re fussing, aren’t you?” Shawn accused.
“Steaks. I’m starving.”
Shawn raised her eyebrows and laughed. She had arrived at midmorning and it was now after six. They had pulled themselves out of bed at four but their shower had turned into more and they had ended up in bed once again. Even then, Shawn would have been content to stay just where she was, arms wrapped around Susan as she snuggled against her.
But they had time. No sense trying to cram a lifetime into one day.
Susan eased down beside her and her hand found Shawn’s thigh, rubbing lightly against her skin.
Shawn felt her skin tingle where Susan touched and she wondered if she would ever tire of that gentle touch.
“You okay?”
Susan leaned her head against Shawn’s shoulder and sighed contentedly.
“I feel wonderful, Shawn.” Then she lifted her head. “You?”
“Yeah. It’s almost like a dream, really. I can’t believe . . .”
“That this happened between us?”
So many things Shawn wanted to say, but she kept quiet. If Susan knew the depth of her feelings, it would surely send her running.
“Can I tell you something?” Susan asked quietly.
Shawn nodded.
“Today has been the most emotionally fulfilling . . . satisfying day of my life. My whole life, Shawn. I can’t even begin to tell you how I feel right now. There aren’t any words.” She leaned her head against Shawn again, feeling her warmth. “I don’t know what’s going to happen, Shawn. I don’t know if I’m going to wake up and think I’ve lost my mind or if I’m going to wake up and think finally, I’ve found what’s been missing all these years.”
Shawn remained quiet, letting Susan voice her thoughts. At least she was able to voice them. Shawn wouldn’t know where to begin.
“What I’m trying to say is, no matter what, I want you in my life . . . I need you in my life. This feels so right to me, Shawn.”
“When it’s just the two of us?”
“Yes. But I don’t know how I’ll be around the family . . . around Lisa. God, can you imagine her reaction?”
“I think she already knows,” she stated.
Susan jerked up.
“What?”
“She’s not stupid. She just went through this herself. Susan, she practically caught us in the woods that day.”
Susan remembered Lisa’s questioning eyes. And later, after Shawn had left, Lisa had watched her, had seen her withdraw from everyone in Shawn’s absence.
“I don’t know that I’m ready to face that, Shawn,” Susan admitted. “So much has happened this summer. I can’t imagine telling my family, my daughter, that you and I are . . . lovers.”
Shawn wrapped an arm around Susan and drew her close, lightly kissing her.
“You don’t have to tell anyone, Susan. This is just between us. Whatever happens, it’s just between us.”
A part of Susan wanted to yell it from the treetops, telling everyone what she’d discovered about herself, about the joy Shawn brought to her. Another part wanted to bury it deep inside and keep it hidden from knowing eyes.
“Is that what you want, Shawn? For it to be just between us? For no one to know?”
“Susan, you’ve been married to a man since you were nineteen. This kind of change in your life . . . it’s more than I can comprehend. Whatever we do, it’s for you. If today was a mistake, well, we made it together. Whether we can go back now, I don’t know.”
Susan reached up and kissed Shawn on the mouth.
“I don’t want to go back, Shawn. I just don’t know how far forward I can go right now.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
Saturday morning found them lounging on the deck in the sun, Susan still clad only in the long T-shirt she had slipped on earlier. Breakfast dishes littered the kitchen, but the sun had beckoned, so they took the last of the coffee outside with them.
Susan rolled her head lazily to the side, only to find Shawn watching her. She smiled as she glanced at their lightly clasped hands and she squeezed gently.
She wasn’t used to this, Susan admitted. Physical affection was something she and Dave had lost years ago and even then, it was usually reserved for the bedroom. But she found she sought out Shawn’s touch, thrilled by the intimacy of simply holding hands.
“Feel like a hike today?” Shawn asked.
Susan laughed. “I guess we should try to get out of the house, huh?”
“Yesterday was nice,” Shawn commented.
Susan nodded. “It was fabulous, actually.”
“You’re okay with this, right?”
Susan smiled at Shawn’s question, one she’d heard numerous times over the last three days. Their relationship had changed, sure. But it was a welcome change. The friendship they’d formed was still there. Their teasing banter over Alex was still there. And they could still talk for hours, only now, a lot of that talking took place in the bedroom with them wrapped around each other, touching . . . always touching. Susan found that when sh
e was near Shawn, her hands wouldn’t keep still. They moved over her soft skin with a will of their own, as if they were meant for that purpose alone.
“I’m happy, Shawn. I haven’t been happy in so many years, I really didn’t expect it now, either. Not like this, for sure.”
Shawn nodded. They’d talked about their relationship, about how her family would react if they knew, but she didn’t really think that Susan had thought past this weekend. There was no problem when it was just the two of them, but she was anxious to see what Susan’s reaction would be around others. That would be the true test to how much Susan had accepted this new relationship and all the changes it involved.
“You’re worried I’m going to freak out, aren’t you?”
Alex heard the car before they did. He sat up and was heading around the corner of the cabin by the time they heard the door slam.
Oh, Jesus! Susan dropped Shawn’s hand, conscious of the panic settling over her but unable to contain it.
“Susan . . . calm down. Just act natural.”
Anxious eyes turned to Shawn. Act natural? She nearly laughed. She didn’t know what natural was anymore.
“I’m not . . . prepared, Shawn. Jesus! Why can’t they leave me alone?”
“Susan . . .”
But her words were cut off as Alex led Ruth . . . and David around the cabin. Shawn let out her breath slowly. Ruth, they could handle. But David?
Oh God.
“Well, fancy finding you here so early this morning,” Ruth said, her smile as forced as Shawn’s and Susan’s.
But Shawn refused to be baited. She stood, thankful she had at least bothered with shorts. The same couldn’t be said for Susan.
“Good morning, Ruth . . . David,” she said evenly.
Susan finally found her voice, extremely conscious of her state of undress. She stood, too, resisting the urge to pull her long T-shirt down lower around her knees.