by Gerri Hill
“It’s okay, Mom. Why don’t I come up there? We can talk,” Lisa suggested.
“You are all grown up, aren’t you?”
“Working on it,” Lisa said. “I’ll swing by Shawn’s place first, okay?”
“Okay, honey. I love you, you know.”
“I love you, too.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Shawn was halfway to San Francisco before she came to her senses. She pulled over on the side of the road and sat staring ahead, both hands still clutching the steering wheel.
Why was she running? Was it really because of Ruth’s words? Or was she simply running from Susan and the feelings that had consumed her? Feelings that she knew would cause her more hurt than anything else in her entire life ever had? Feelings that she doubted Susan could ever return?
“Alex, what are we doing?”
But he sat patiently on the seat, head cocked to one side as he watched her.
Was she willing to give up so easily and go back to her solitary life, pretending she had never met Susan? Pretending that she had not fallen hopelessly in love for the first time in her life? Was she willing to let Susan leave her life as if she had never been in it?
She knew in her heart that Susan would not intentionally use her and she also knew that the last few days weren’t staged so that Susan could get back at David. Susan wouldn’t do that to her. She pounded her fists against the steering wheel again. She should have waited to talk to Susan, she shouldn’t have listened to Ruth. But, as Ruth had said, Susan had been hurt enough. She hadn’t wanted to add to it by hanging around and waiting for the final blow.
“You are so blind sometimes,” she muttered. “Jesus!”
She waited for a break in traffic then turned the truck back toward Fresno. She wouldn’t run. If Susan had decided that this was a life she couldn’t live, then so be it. But she would hear it from her own mouth. Not Ruth’s.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Susan heard the car and her breath caught. For one second, she thought perhaps it would be Shawn, but her nerves told her it would be Lisa. And she had to face her. What would she say to her? How would she explain?
Lisa knocked once on the door before opening it. Their eyes locked. Then Lisa raised her eyebrows.
“You okay?”
Susan let out her breath.
“No.”
Mother and daughter embraced and Susan let her tears flow, clutching Lisa to her. How had it come to this?
“Tell me what happened,” Lisa finally said.
Susan pulled away, embarrassed. What could she say? How could she possibly tell Lisa all that had happened to her this summer?
She simply shrugged. The truth would be best.
“I’m in love with her,” she whispered.
Lisa nodded. “I know. She’s in love with you, too.”
Susan’s eyes widened.
Lisa smiled gently. “Mom, I’ve been around you two enough. I could tell what was going on. Deer? Really! You think I’m a child?”
Susan blushed and ran both hands through her already unruly hair. She had forgotten that Lisa had nearly caught them that day in the forest.
“I don’t know what to say,” Susan admitted. “It just happened. We had become so close and I . . . I had these feelings I didn’t quite know how to deal with. It’s not her fault, Lisa,” she said quickly. “I pushed her, I think. I went to her first.”
“Do you think I’m judging you?”
“I don’t know what to think, Lisa. I don’t know how I’m supposed to act, what I’m supposed to do. I don’t know what you’re thinking right now.”
“What I’m thinking? What does that have to do with anything?”
“I’m your . . . mother.”
“So you can’t be human? Mom, I know you haven’t been happy. I lived in the same house with you, remember?” Then Lisa lowered her eyes. “I just never would have suspected this.”
“And you think I did?” Susan asked incredulously. She was pacing now and Lisa stopped her with a gentle tug on her arm.
“Mom, are you sure this isn’t just a reaction to Dad?”
Susan met her eyes. “At first, yes, that’s exactly what I thought and I wasn’t about to do that to Shawn. But the feelings were too strong and I couldn’t keep a lid on them anymore. The attraction was there and it wouldn’t go away, no matter what I did. Shawn tried to fight it, too. It wasn’t like she pushed me into anything, Lisa. In fact, she tried her best not to let it happen. Last Sunday, I begged her to stay with me, but she wouldn’t. She ran from it.” Susan stopped, remembering the look in Shawn’s eyes as she told Susan she was scared. “But she came up Thursday, she said we should talk.” Susan smiled and felt a light blush cross her face. “I didn’t want to talk,” she said quietly. She shyly met Lisa’s eyes. “I’ve never felt so incredibly alive in all my life, Lisa.”
Lisa only nodded.
“I told your father. When he wanted to talk about getting back together, I told him.”
“I bet that threw him,” Lisa laughed.
“No doubt. He and Ruth both blamed me for how you turned out,” she admitted.
“What? But that has nothing to do with it,” Lisa insisted.
“I know, honey. I . . . I slapped Ruth.”
“Mom? You didn’t!” Lisa put both hands on her face then burst out laughing. “God, I wish I could have seen that.”
Susan laughed, too. “It felt pretty good, actually. Years of frustration went into that slap. But I have no idea what all she told Shawn. She only admitted to hinting that your father and I were reconciling. And Shawn had enough doubts about my feelings and intentions that she bolted, I guess. She probably didn’t want to stick around and wait for me to tell her.”
“So, you do want to see Shawn again?” Lisa asked hesitantly. “This wasn’t just a one-time thing?”
“My life is in complete turmoil, winter is coming and I have no home, I have no idea what I’m going to do with my time, but the one thing I am sure of, Lisa, is Shawn.” She covered her mouth, her eyes staring into Lisa’s. “I’m in love with her. A woman. And I want to be with her and I don’t give a damn what the rest of the family says.”
She burst into tears again before Lisa could speak and she accepted the tentative arms that went around her. Her daughter. “I’m sorry,” she cried. “But I don’t know what to do.”
“Mom, please don’t cry,” Lisa pleaded. “Everything’s going to be fine.”
“Fine? She’s gone. She probably went to San Francisco. She’s got friends there. She’s got some woman there that she’s been out with,” she sobbed. “She probably went to her.”
“No. Shawn wouldn’t do that. She’ll be back.”
Susan tried to gather herself, wiping at the tears still running down her face. She was a mess and she hated having Lisa see her this way. “I’m sorry,” she said again.
“Will you stop with that? Mom, you’ve always been there for me, no matter what. Don’t push me away when I can be here for you.”
Susan stared at Lisa for a long time, finally nodding. She was right.
“Okay. I’m just . . .”
“Stressed?”
“Embarrassed,” she corrected.
“Embarrassed? Why?”
“I’m your mother and I’ve just admitted to having a lesbian relationship.”
“Oh good God! Will you get over it? It’s not like it’s foreign to me, you know.”
Susan actually laughed and Lisa joined in.
“Thanks for coming up here. It means a lot to me, Lisa.”
“You’re welcome. Now, do you feel like cooking?”
“Cooking? Are you hungry?”
Lisa smiled. “Well, I slept late, as you know. Missed breakfast and lunch.”
“Burgers? I could probably manage that.”
“That would be great.”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Shawn drove slowly along the mountain road, her nerves finally getting
the best of her. What if Dave was still there? What would she do?
“Turn around,” she said out loud.
She had stopped only once, that to let Alex out to run around a bit. She was tired and hungry but she had to see Susan. She had to know for sure what was going on.
She turned onto Susan’s road, wondering if this would be the last time. Her heart clutched painfully for a moment when she saw another car there, then her eyebrows raised when she recognized that it was Lisa’s car.
She had half a mind to keep driving but Alex wagged his tail excitedly, knowing exactly where they were, and she pulled in beside Lisa’s car and parked.
“Was that a car?” Susan asked.
She was just clearing away their plates from the picnic table and she glanced nervously at Lisa.
“Yes, I think so.”
“Shawn?”
“Do you want me to go see?”
“Yes. And you probably don’t want to be around to witness the yelling,” Susan added. They had talked over burgers and Susan grew angrier by the minute. Shawn had left without giving her the chance to explain, as if it were Susan’s fault that Ruth and Dave had shown up. As if it were all planned. Well, she would have her say, despite Lisa’s words to take it easy on Shawn.
“Mom . . .”
“I’m glad she’s here, Lisa, but I’m still pissed.”
“I guess I better warn her then.”
Lisa met Shawn as she and Alex were rounding the corner of the cabin. She stopped with hands on hips.
“Man, are you in trouble.”
Shawn stopped.
“I am?”
Lisa nodded. “Big trouble. In fact, the last time I’ve seen her this mad was when I spilled paint on the living room carpet.”
Shawn nervously shoved both hands into the pockets of her shorts.
“You know . . . about . . . us?” she asked quietly.
Lisa grinned. “Oh yeah. Know pretty much everything,” she said. “More than I wanted to know.”
“Great,” Shawn murmured.
“Mom’s really hurt that you left, you know?”
Shawn nodded. “Ruth, she said some things, made me think that . . .”
“Oh, Shawn, don’t you know how Aunt Ruth is by now? Did you think she could actually handle this new development in Mom’s life?”
Shawn ran nervous hands through her hair. This from Lisa, she was not expecting. She had suspected that Lisa would be the last person Susan would share this with. Susan had told her as much.
“Yes. I know how Ruth is. But with everything that was happening and knowing how new this was for your mother, I just . . . I ran,” she admitted. “I couldn’t face her and have her tell me that it meant nothing to her.”
Lisa’s eyes softened and she shook her head.
“You two are quite a pair, you know that? I’m the one that’s supposed to need guidance now, you know? I’m the kid here. But you two . . . Jesus! Mom’s a basket case, Shawn! You should have come earlier, when she was still crying. But she’s had time to think about it and now she’s just pissed.”
“Great,” Shawn murmured again.
Lisa grabbed Shawn’s arms and squeezed. “Don’t you know how she feels about you? Are you blind?”
“Lisa . . .”
“Oh, get over it! I’ve seen what’s been happening. I’ve known probably longer than you two have. Mom’s not going back to Dad, Shawn. She sent him away.”
Shawn allowed a smile to touch her face. “She did, huh?”
“Yes, you big idiot! Now will you go to her and straighten this out? I’ve got a date tonight and I don’t want to spend it worrying about you two.”
Chapter Forty
Susan felt her presence long before she heard her. She waited another moment before she turned around. Blue eyes collided with brown. So many thoughts crowded in all at once, Susan didn’t know what to say first so she said nothing.
“I . . . I guess I’m the one that freaked out, huh?” Shawn finally said.
“Is that what you did? From here, it looks like you left me.”
“Susan . . .”
“Don’t start. I am so angry with you, Shawn Weber! I can’t believe you left without a word. Not one word! As if I had invited them up here, as if what we’d shared meant nothing! Nothing!”
“Susan . . .”
“You actually believed Ruth? How could you? Did you think I was using you? Maybe I was just experimenting with this?”
“Susan . . .”
“Don’t ever do that to me again,” Susan warned. “I called every damn number I had for you, including work. You should be thankful I didn’t call the police to track you down.”
“Police?”
Susan waved her hands at Shawn. “And why are you here now?”
“Why?”
“Yes. Why? They’ve left so you think it’s safe now?”
“Safe?” Shawn allowed a small smile to touch her face, but the look in Susan’s eyes wiped it away just as quickly.
“You couldn’t stay around when I needed you? When I told them what was going on with us?”
“You told them?”
“Yes, I told them.”
Susan met Shawn’s eyes and her anger subsided as quickly as it had come. Shawn was here. Finally. She let out her breath and allowed tears to form and fall.
“Susan,” Shawn whispered. She walked to her and pulled her close. “I’m so sorry.”
“You just left me,” Susan murmured. “I was so scared when I couldn’t find you.”
“I was on my way to San Francisco when I realized I was believing Ruth instead of believing what was in my heart,” she said quietly.
Susan buried her face against Shawn’s neck, her arms wrapped securely around Shawn’s waist.
“What exactly did Ruth say?” she asked. “Tell me why you ran.”
“She said that you were using me to get to Dave, that you had been talking to him. And you hadn’t really filed for divorce. She said you were going back to Fresno. She suggested I save you the trouble of telling me yourself.”
Susan nodded, her anger at Ruth simmering again, but she pushed it away. There wasn’t time for that now. She and Shawn needed to work through this.
“Dave got the papers yesterday. That’s why he came up here. He wanted us to try again. But I told him I didn’t love him. I told him I’d fallen in love with you,” she finished in a whisper.
Shawn’s eyes widened and she let out a nervous breath.
“I told Ruth, too. She went berserk.”
“I’m sorry,” Shawn said again.
“Please tell me,” she whispered into Shawn’s ear. “Please tell me this isn’t one-sided.”
Shawn pulled away and tipped Susan’s head up, meeting tear-stained blue eyes.
“I love you. Surely you know that by now.”
Susan felt the tension drain from her body at Shawn’s words. Her lips sought and found Shawn’s, feeling a peace she was afraid she’d lost. The last of her anger slipped away as Shawn’s soft mouth claimed hers. She pressed close, losing herself in Shawn’s kiss.
But they pulled apart guiltily when Lisa cleared her throat.
“Forgot I was here, huh?”
Susan’s eyes widened, completely embarrassed.
“So, we worked things out?” Lisa asked, ignoring her mother’s discomfort.
“Yeah, I think so,” Shawn said.
“Good. Because the next time we have a family gathering, maybe everyone will talk about you two instead of me.”
“Lisa!”
But Lisa only laughed and went and hugged them both.
“Communication is the key, Shawn. Remember that.” Then she grinned. “Did Mom yell?”
“She yelled.”
“I did not yell,” Susan insisted.
“I think you did.”
“I think you deserved it.”
Lisa laughed again. “So, is it safe for me to get out of here? I assume you want some . . . t
ime alone to make up and all that.”
“Lisa!”
“Oh, Mom, lighten up.”
Chapter Forty-One
Shawn placed the candle on the bedside table and watched as the shadows flickered across Susan’s naked body.
“Come to bed,” Susan whispered.
Shawn pulled her T-shirt off, leaving her body as naked as Susan’s, but she hesitated.
“You know I’m totally in love with you,” she stated.
Susan sat up and leaned on one elbow.
“Yes. I was kinda hoping.” She patted the space beside her. “Come.”
Shawn smiled and crawled in next to Susan, her hands circling Susan’s waist and pulling her on top.
“I can’t wait to see Ruth,” Shawn whispered into Susan’s mouth.
“Ruth? You want to talk about Ruth? Now?” Susan asked around a kiss.
“Labor Day. I think a family party is in order.”
“You’re a troublemaker,” Susan accused.
When Shawn would have opened her mouth to speak, Susan silenced her with a gentle finger to her lips.
“This is my time. I don’t want to talk about Ruth or family gatherings.” She smiled and kissed Shawn softly, letting her lips linger. “I want to show you how much I love you. I don’t ever want you to doubt this again.”
Their eyes locked, then Susan moved lower, capturing Shawn’s breast with a renewed hunger.
Shawn watched Susan at her breast, finally letting her eyes slide shut in complete surrender.
Susan’s eyes were closed, but she felt Shawn’s hands in her hair, threading gently, holding her close. Then Shawn’s hips rose, meeting Susan, and those same hands urged her lower. Susan reluctantly left her breast, trailing wet kisses across soft skin. She heard Shawn moan, heard her own rapid breathing as she moved lower. Shawn’s legs parted and Susan settled between them, her hands slowly spreading Shawn’s thighs farther apart.
“I love you,” she murmured.
“Mmmm.”