Then I was in trouble.
“What are you thinking, sweetheart?” His fingers were gently massaging my scalp and it felt amazing, soothing me and helping me to think clearly.
“Just remembering my parents. Their motto was “don’t reward bad behavior” by which they meant, ignore me when I did anything at all that they didn’t like.”
“You never learned how to express anger,” Lawson finished.
“I guess not. And of course, at school I only ever learned that nice girls don’t get angry. And in books. And on TV. Because that’s what the world says, just like nice girls don’t use the toilet. It’s something you’re supposed to learn to deal with at home. And when you don’t... it’s all fine until your bladder’s full or you’re ready to scream at something.” Oh my God this was coming out wrong and now he was probably wondering if I knew how to use the bathroom.
“So, you shoved it down. And now your hormones are making you more emotional, you can’t push that anger down anymore. Do you want to see a therapist or try to deal with it by yourself?”
Whoa. That got serious fast.
“I don’t know what I’d say to a therapist,” I mumbled.
“You could start with your parents, and why you don’t talk to them, and finish with that douchebag ex-boyfriend of yours.”
“Yeah, maybe.” I didn’t like the idea of talking to a stranger about any of this. Aside from the fact that I didn’t have the kind of money to pay for therapy. “Can I try not seeing a therapist first, and see how everything settles down?”
“Sure. But don’t rule it out. Promise?”
I nodded, gazing up at him from his lap and seeing his brown, guileless eyes. I melted for a moment before realizing I needed to reply to the question.
“Promise. But for the record, I didn’t choose to stop speaking to my parents. They shut me out. I tried. I really did.” I squeezed his thigh and let him hold me for a few more minutes. In the silence, my thoughts centered on one realization I didn’t like admitting to myself, but somehow I felt compelled to blurt it out to Lawson.
“I had to know what you’d do.” The words poured out of me suddenly with no context.
“Huh?” He was rightfully confused.
“I didn’t get emotional on purpose, but I think, deep down, there was a part of me that had to know.”
“Had to know what?” Why wasn’t it easier to say this? Because I felt ashamed about it.
“What you were like when you were mad.” I closed my eyes, waiting for him to tell me I was a manipulative bitch, even though I hadn’t been able to control myself at all—hadn’t even been aware of what I was doing until long after the fact.
“You were testing the limits. Makes sense. You’ve been insecure in your relationships for a while now. Sounds like it started with your parents. Here, everything’s unconditional, so I guess you’d be sensible to be suspicious of that.”
I nodded, new tears prickling at my eyes as I realized he understood me better than I knew myself. “That’s exactly it. I’ve been waiting for an explosion, or for you to shut me out, and you never did, and I guess underneath everything, this pressure built up. I don’t think I even knew it was there until it came out but now it’s gone.”
“It’ll probably come back when you least expect it.” Oh, geez, how was he so wise? Was it something to do with all the time he spent ranching? I guess it left a lot more room for self-reflection than city life.
“How did you feel about getting spanked as a consequence for your behavior?” he asked. Wow, we were really going for the deep revealing questions this morning.
“I’m feeling less guilty. Like, I wronged you, and now we made it right.” My parents had never spanked me. They were against it, thinking it was better to just ignore me for hours or days. Or, in the case of my college major, they chose to freeze me out forever. I had no negative associations with spanking. And it was completely different to how it made me feel when Jimbo had smacked me around in a fit of temper.
“Good. I didn’t like having to do it, but when you asked, it seemed like it might help you feel better.”
“I didn’t mean to make you do something you didn’t want to do.” I nibbled my lip as I worried about this. I’d basically ruined his day, today.
“I decided to try it. For you. And it wasn’t as awful as I thought it was going to be. Remember, I’ve got a safeword, too, and if I’d wanted to stop, I could have stopped. We both have power to stop a punishment or sex scene, not just you. So don’t worry about me.”
“How did it feel?” I was intensely curious about this whole thing.
“When you first asked about it, I thought it was going to be like shooting Old Yeller, but actually it was more like when we break in the horses. We don’t want to spook them or hurt them; we just need to teach them how things will be, so they can be happy on the ranch. I guess it felt like that.”
“Oh, okay. But one thing—you brought it up first, not me.”
He groaned. “I was trying to make a joke. I never seriously meant to threaten you with a spanking.”
I couldn’t help laughing, because of how this whole thing had ended.
“Any idea how long it will be before my butt stops feeling like it’s burning?”
“You’ll have to be a butt guinea pig and tell me when you find out,” he replied. I laughed again. It was easy, now he’d spanked me and we’d talked things through, because there were no undercurrents between us. Nothing had been left unsaid. We weren’t giving each other passive-aggressive looks and he wasn’t making me bow and scrape for forgiveness. I honestly preferred this.
“Great. I’m a butt guinea pig. Aren’t you supposed to give me a cute pet name like kitten or something?”
He snorted with laughter. “But I already got you a personalized towel for ‘butt guinea pig’, and you know the store won’t take it back now it’s been customized.”
I was crying again, but now it was with laughter. How had he guided me from feeling so furious I’d wanted to throw out those flowers all the way to laughing like this?
“C’mon, let’s go get breakfast.” He helped me up and we went downstairs. Moving around wasn’t so bad, but when I sat down to eat breakfast fifteen minutes later, oh boy did I feel the after-effects of that spanking!
Chapter 10
Lawson
I had just stepped out to go examine the fences again when I noticed Alana’s car seemed to have two flat tires on one side. I walked around the vehicle and saw the other two were deflated. Crouching down to examine them, I saw knife marks. Someone had slashed these. If this was a realtor hoping I’d sell to them, they were about to be in a world of trouble. I went back inside.
“Alana?”
She appeared from the living room, holding a book in one hand and looking the picture of a ranch wife. In the week since she’d arrived, I was still amazed by how easily she’d fitted into this world.
“’Sup?”
Okay, her language was still definitely not mine.
“When did you last drive your car?”
She frowned. “Two days ago. I went to get eggs from Snake Eye, remember?”
“And the tires were good?”
“As far as I remember. Would I notice if they weren’t?”
“Yeah. You’d notice all right.” I didn’t want to upset her but I needed her to know what happened. “Someone slashed your tires. I’m about to call the cops.”
She covered her mouth with her hand and her eyes widened in fear. “Do you think Jimbo found me? Oh, God, what if he’s planning something? I never should have driven the car to the store. I should have driven it to New Mexico and gotten rid of it so he didn’t know I was here!”
“Hey, hush your worries, sweetheart. It’s going to be all right. I’m going to call the cops and they’ll investigate. They’ll probably need to talk to you.”
She nodded, looking more scared than I’d seen her since the day I brought her here. I hoped this was an as
shole realtor rather than her ex. Whoever it was would painfully regret coming onto my land and fucking with us like this. I don’t think I was that unusual, I think every man got cold white rage when his woman was threatened, but right now, I was a little shocked by the intensity of my hatred toward whoever was responsible for this. I didn’t consider myself an angry man.
I held her hand, trying not to squeeze it too hard, while I phoned Sheriff Bob Halsey. The conversation was short and to-the-point, with none of that “how is your brother” chitchat we usually spent time on.
When I put the phone down, I turned to Alana.
“He’s coming over in about two hours. He’s got a couple of other things he needs to do first.”
She nodded blankly. After a week of spending almost the whole time together, I knew when she was worrying and ruminating over things. Perhaps with more time, and the safety of a protective home, she would stop over-thinking everything.
“Hey, I don’t want you thinking the worst. It’s the cops’ job to figure out what is going on, and second-guessing or worrying won’t do you an ounce of good. If Jimbo comes here, everyone on this ranch will get together and get rid of him. You don’t have to worry about a thing.”
“It’s hard not to,” she mumbled. I pulled her close and held her against my chest, reveling in the softness of her deliciously curvy body.
“I know, sweetheart, I know. But you gotta trust me when I say it’s all going to be fine.”
I kissed her on the top of the head for reassurance. My rage melted away as my heart took over and showered Alana with love.
“While we wait for the law to show up, how’s about you and I take a drive together to check the fences? I’m still thinking your car could be the work of a bad realtor.”
“Sure.” Her voice was still flat, but she followed me to my truck and we went to check the fences.
* * *
Alana
The whole time we drove around the property boundary looking at fences, my guts were churning worse than the morning sickness I’d had until a couple of months ago. There was no evidence that anyone had tried to let loose the animals again. And it didn’t make any sense that a rogue realtor would slash my tires. It wouldn’t cause damage to the farming business, and they’d have to know that; there were four ginormous pickup trucks parked right there, after all, and any of those would bring the farm to a halt way faster than the little car that clearly couldn’t go off-road very easily.
Despite Lawson’s reassurances, I was scared. If Jimbo—or someone working for him—had found the car, they had to know I was in one of the dwellings on the ranch. What if they were watching me while I went about my days?
We got halfway down the south boundary when Lawson stopped the vehicle and drove straight back to the house. He opened my door for me.
“What are you doing?” I asked. I couldn’t shake the reflex fear that I was in trouble.
“Inside.” He nodded toward the front door. I began walking, not wanting to press for answers while we were out here, not if someone was watching us. Yeesh, I felt so crazy and paranoid. I glanced at my tires as I walked past the car. Was it paranoia to worry about something which was really happening?
In the house, I kicked off my shoes and followed Lawson upstairs as he led the way to his room.
“On all fours, on the bed,” he said. That command was starting to get familiar. I got into position. He bared my bottom again and at first I thought he was going to spank me for a second time today, but then I felt something cold, hard, and wet pressing against my ass.
“You’re plugging me?” I asked.
“This is a special plug.” He didn’t elaborate further as the cold intrusion forced my cheeks open wider.
When it found its place, I thought this was over and I started to get up but he pushed me back down with a well-placed hand between my shoulder blades.
“Stay there.”
Something pressed at my pussy entrance and my mouth fell open in surprise. It felt like another plastic toy.
It went in deeper, until my clit was touching something at its base, and I remained very still, wondering what was going on.
Lawson fastened something around me that felt like a harness where my panties would normally go. When I felt a cut-out that fit snugly beneath my bump, I knew he had specifically planned this for me.
“Now you can get up,” he told me, and he helped me to my feet.
“What was all this for?” I asked.
He reached one hand into his jeans pocket and suddenly my clit, ass and pussy were vibrating in sync with each other. I squeaked as delicate tingles radiated through my body. My nipples hardened so fast they ached painfully, but the hurt was offset by the sheer perfection sparkling in my core.
The question on my lips turned into a moan.
“Now, we’re heading on out again, and you’re not going to think about anything to do with your car tires.”
I nodded. It was impossible to disagree when I felt like this.
He turned off the vibrations and helped me get down the stairs—movement was difficult because of how full my pussy and ass were right now.
Lawson opened my door and I looked at the seat, realizing what was going to happen when I sat down.
“Go on,” he encouraged, and when I looked at him with uncertainty, I saw a wicked twinkle in his eyes. He knew.
I got in and the minute my ass touched the seat, the dildo and plug were pushed deeper inside me. They began to vibrate again almost instantly and it was hard to concentrate on fastening my safety belt.
Lawson drove back out over the sandy land and with every little bump, I was pushed nearer to the edge of an unbelievable explosion.
As I closed my eyes, ready to come apart, Lawson turned off the vibrations and the energy inside me faded away. My eyes flew open and I glared at him, but he just laughed.
“Is something up?”
“I was about to come!”
“Not without my say-so,” he replied. I couldn’t believe it!
“You’re just going to leave me like this?”
“Until I’m good and ready.” The smug bastard’s voice was so cool I wanted to hit him. Or rip his pants off and demand he fuck me. Maybe he’d let me suck his cock, too? This whole situation was melting my brain and making it dribble out of my ear.
He drove slowly, maddeningly slowly, and after a few minutes he turned the vibrations back on. I tried to tune it out, staring out of the window at the land we were driving through. I might have done it, too, if only we hadn’t hit a few bumps in the grassy sand.
My body welcomed the buzzing that made my core clench and my nerve endings sing. The tingle in my ass, combined with the fullness in my pussy and the attention to my clit, quickly pushed me close to the edge again. With every moment he didn’t stop the vibrations, I began to wonder if he would let me climax this time.
The energy inside me expanded and pushed outwards, warmth flooding my body as I neared completion, but then, just as suddenly as before, everything stopped.
I growled in frustration and Lawson just kept his eyes on the fences, smirking like the cocky bastard he was. I wanted to scratch his eyes out and beg him to let me come.
“I’m thinking of getting Taco Bell for dinner, tonight. Would that suit you?” His voice gave nothing away about the fact he was the architect of my current predicament.
“Uh...” Now I had to think about what I’d planned to cook tonight. Was it lamb? Pancakes? Ranch dip and carrot sticks? Nothing made sense right now and I couldn’t concentrate on answering the very simple question. “Sure. Let’s get tacos.”
“Chicken or beef?”
What was this, the hour of impossible questions? I glanced over and saw that twinkle still in his eye. He was enjoying this way more than he should.
“Beef,” I replied.
“Good. Wait... what’s that? Stay here.” Lawson stopped the truck and got out. I watched him walk over to an area of the fence and I str
ained in my seat to figure out what he’d seen. He ran his hand over a post and shook it, but he seemed to be looking further out.
What had he seen? I reached down to the door handle, thinking I should go and find out what was happening, but before I could open the door, the vibrations began again.
I jumped in surprise. My ass involuntarily clenched around the butt plug, making it momentarily feel like the plug had grown and was stretching me further. The sensation was accompanied by a burst of glimmering pinpricks as my nerves were awakened again.
My clit ached with a near-bloodlust that made me grind into the car seat, pushing the dildo deeper into my pussy and making me quiver as bolts tore through me, throwing me toward an orgasm faster than before. I whimpered.
Lawson got back into the truck. I’d completely forgotten to wonder about what he’d been looking at outside. The need deep within me had taken over all my senses.
“Pleeeease,” I keened, shaking because I craved release so hard.
Instead of answering, Lawson turned the vibrations down to a lower setting, which held me on the edge instead of giving me any reprieve.
He drove around the western side of the land and when we hit the northern boundary, he parked and turned off the engine. I was barely aware of what was going on until he opened the door and motioned for me to get out.
“Ghhhh...” I wailed, waving a hand in the direction of my safety belt but not being able to press it. He took pity on me and turned off the vibrations. I gasped for air and disentangled myself from the seat. He helped me climb down and I leaned on him for a moment, feeling submissive in the most intimate way possible. With the flick of a switch, he controlled my pleasure. And whether this ever ended or not.
“Follow.” He held my hand the whole way, which reassured me because I couldn’t deal with being by myself when I was in such a needy state. We passed a couple of big cacti and came to a shack I hadn’t seen before.
It was oddly cozy as we went inside. No roof, so we could see the blue sky which seemed so much further away, here, than it ever had in Seattle. The four walls gave us some privacy from everyone around.
Tie Me Down: Arizona Heat Book 1 Page 7