by David B. Jai
“I would tell him he better go and live his life. Get into the NBA and make me proud.”
“Well, son, there you have it. When do you leave?” G-Ma said, laughing.
“See, G-Ma, you got me to answer my own question. I love you.”
G-Ma was right. Maybe the time away from everybody was getting me away from Toe’s death. The media, the friends, the teachers, and just a community at large was still grieving because of his tragic death. So I took G-Ma’s advice and head to the University of Notre Dame to study psychology. A new journey was ahead. It would be hard and tedious. I had to stay focused and work through it – one day at a time, right?
Chapter Twenty-Nine
I arrived at the University of Notre Dame a couple days before classes started. I wanted to get checked into my dorm and find my way around campus before classes began. Also, WAVE-3 TV was doing a special report on Toe’s high school basketball career.
I didn’t want to watch that, so I packed up my stuff and drove to campus. I looked for the Main Building because that’s where the bursar and enrollment offices were located.
“Hi, I’m Darnell Williams. I’m here to check into the dorms,” I said with great enthusiasm.
“Hi, Darnell! Welcome to Notre Dame. I am Judith Murray, and I’m your enrollment coordinator. Let me see where they have your dorm assigned.”
The lady paused for a second, started typing on her computer, and then looked up at me. “Oh, I found you. Mr. Williams, your admission and housing package is complete. You will be staying in Sorin Hall Honors Dorm in room number 262.”
“OK, is it a four-man room or two-man room?”
“It’s a two-man room. Actually, it is for basketball players, but a player was recently discharged from the team for academic reasons, so today is your lucky day. It’s yours.”
“OK,” I said, dragging out the k. “But suppose I didn’t want to be housed with basketball players? I really thought that I would be living with psychology majors.”
I could feel Toe’s presence telling me to calm down. I could even sense him patting me on my back and telling me, “Bo it will be OK”.
“Mr. Williams, just go check in your room, meet your new roommate, and if you’re not satisfied, I will gladly change you,” the young lady said very nicely.
“OK, sounds great, I guess!” I said, trying to calm down.
I got one of the tour guides to point me in the direction of the dorm.
When I arrived, it was very modern, with couches and TVs everywhere and pool tables. I even noticed a few basketball players from the TV playing video games. Of course, there were girls all around them.
“What’s up, freshman!” one of the guys said.
“Hey, what’s up, man?” I responded back.
“Yo! What’s your room number?”
“I’m in room number 262.”
“That’s cool. I tried moving in there, but it didn’t work out. You’re in there with a good dude. You must have some pull around here or something.”
“Not that I know of, but thanks, bro, I really appreciate it.”
I proceeded to get on the elevator and noticed that other freshmen were checking in as well. We made small talk, but I wanted to get out of there. Finally, I made it to room number 262. I put the key into the knob. There stood an extremely tall, slender, brown skin guy with shoulder-length dreads and a few random tattoos, preparing grill cheese sandwiches in the kitchen. He heard the door open and turned around. I was astonished for one second. That’s the guy from TV, the one Toe liked. I looked for his name on the door, and it read Kwazi Phillips. The senior guard was my roommate.
“Come on in, kid! You must be my new roommate. Don’t be shy. I am Kwazi,” he said, as he shook my hand. I was busy engaging in his physique. His features were six-foot-five, dreadlocks, medium brown skin, and a smile that reminded me so much of Toe’s.
“I’m Darnell,” I said.
“Nice to meet you, Darnell.”
I found Kwazi’s smile to be somewhat comforting and very flirtatious. Breaking the stillness of the moment, I asked, “Is this my bed?”
“Your bed can be anywhere that you wanted to be.”
I thought, is this boy cracking on me? I paid it no attention.
“I’ve got a lot to show you about the campus,” Kwazi said. “Plus, introduce you to all the right people.”
“Oh, so you know the right people, huh?”
“Yep, sho’ do!”
“I’ve got to check in with my family first and make sure that everything is OK. Then I’ll be ready for a mini-tour of the campus.”
“OK, deal. Tell your girl that your new roommate is going to keep them off of you.”
My head dropped, and my smile went away. I began thinking about Toe. I had to deal with the fact that now I was single again. What does that look like for me? I don’t want to be with anyone else; I want to be with Toe. But he was gone! And he left me here alone. What would he say?
“Hey man, I’m sorry if I said something wrong,” Kwazi said apologetically.
“I’m OK. Let’s just leave it like that for right now.”
“We can chill here if you want to? I can make you a mean grilled cheese sandwich.”
I took a deep breath. “Nah, man, I am ready. I’m prepared to see the campus and to embrace my new life for the next four years.”
“My man. Let me wash these dishes, and then we are out the door. Plus, I’ve got a surprise for you! I ain’t telling you what it is, so don’t ask.”
Kwazi’s personality was very warming and smooth. He seemed very secure in who he was and certainly had his head on straight. Around him, it felt like everything was going to be OK. Although Toe was in my heart, I could finally move forward and embrace my new life on campus. New people, places, and things. I believed there was hope, after all.
We exited the dorm and went to the gym. Kwazi showed me all around the men’s locker room, and my mind drifted. Suddenly, I started to imagine what Kwazi would look like naked, especially with those bulging biceps, nice gluts, huge calves, and washboard abs. He walked in total confidence.
“Darnell, stay with me!” Kwazi said, as he noticed me get quiet.
“I’m with you, man. Where is this surprise?”
“It’s coming, I promise you.”
We began to walk out of the locker room into the arena. Wow, I’d never seen anything like this.
There were thousands of seats, a big light display in the centerboard, retired jersey numbers, and, of course, the wooden basketball court, painted in green and gold colors. Toe would absolutely have loved this place.
“So, this is where it goes down?” I asked, as I walked across the gym floor.
“Yup, this is it, the big time in college basketball.” Suddenly, Kwazi grabbed the basketball and threw it to me. “Darnell, do you play?”
I thought about saying yes, but then I remembered the incident with Toe and Wyandotte Park. I began to laugh out loud. “Naw, man. I don’t play.”
“Watch this jump shot!”
He formed his jumper, took the shot, and amazingly hit the goal from a distance of about fifty-two feet.
“Oh, wow! That’s awesome. I bet you can’t do it again,” I said, almost daring him.
“Man, I do this all day every day,” he said, as he grabbed another basketball, shot it, and it swooshed through the basket. “See, I told you, just wait until I get into the NBA. I want to show them cats how to really play some ball.”
“Mr. Williams is that you?” a familiar voice said, interrupting our session. “Darnell! I know you hear me!”
I turned around, and I couldn’t believe my eyes; it was my long lost friend Theresa.
“Surprise,” Kwazi said.
“Oh my God, Theresa, what are you doing here?”
“If y
ou answered your phone, you would know that I made the cheerleading team. You are the only man that I know who rejects my calls.”
We started laughing vigorously.
“Congratulations on making the cheerleading team,” I said, smiling. “Oh, forgive me. This is my new roommate Kwazi.”
“Darnell, you are so late. I already know Kwazi.”
“What’s up, Theresa!” Kwazi said charmingly.
“Hi Kwazi, thanks for bringing him over. OK, look, Darnell, I need to talk to you, really bad.”
“OK, what’s up?” I was curious as to what she had to say.
“Not here, not now. We’ve got to have some privacy,” Theresa said, very stern. “Can I meet you in the chapel in fifteen minutes?”
“I’m chilling with Kwazi right now,” I said, trying to get out of it. I wanted to run back to Louisville. No matter where I went, it seemed like my past kept catching up with me.
“I can catch up with you in a few?” Kwazi said.
“Well, Theresa, can we head there now?”
“Yes, let me grab my bag, and I will walk with you.”
“Kwazi, I will see you in a few.”
“Surprise!” Kwazi noted, as he was snickering under his breath. “She’s too fine for you not to call her.”
I started my breathing exercises as directed by Dr. Blackmon. Theresa came out of the locker room, looking as stunning as ever. She wore a Notre Dame gray jogging suit, white tennis shoes, and her hair was pulled back, touching the middle portion of her back.
Her skin was radiating. What would Toe say if he seen me with Theresa, I thought. Then I wondered how she was able to pull it together so fast after the shooting. However, I dare not ask her those questions. Who would want to relive that torment?
We started walking toward the chapel, and Theresa grabbed me by my biceps then my hands. Her hands were cold, and I knew something was about to come up about Toe because I ignored all her calls since he died. I was not emotionally stable enough to hear about Toe or the shooting.
We made it to the Basilica of the Sacred Heart Chapel. This place was stunning with stained glass windows and murals. The ceiling was about 115 feet high and accented in gold paint. There were about 250 cushioned pews, a crucifix, and a alter of Mary at the front. We took our seats in the center of the chapel.
“Darnell, this is going to be hard on you, but you’ve got to hear this. It’s about Toe,” Theresa said, looking me in my eye.
“Toe, oh my Lord! Theresa, I can’t handle it right now. Please, not today,” I said, as I felt my heart hit the floor.
“Darnell, you’ve been avoiding me. Right now is the time.”
“No, it’s not. Theresa, you don’t know everything.” I began to tear up.
“I do know almost everything. You have to listen to what I have to say to you, Darnell. I promise that I am here for you, and hopefully, when I’m done, you will find the courage to heal.”
Realizing that Theresa had something important to say, I reluctantly conceded.
“Darnell, there’s something that you need to know. I was still at the prom with Toe the night that he died.”
It felt as if someone had knocked the wind out of me. I took a deep breath and suddenly bursting forth in emotions.
“No, Theresa, please, no!” I said, as I put my hand up to my ears to block out what she may say and started shaking my head and the left to right motion.
“Darnell, please listen!” Theresa said, as I began to cry. “I’ve tried calling you so many times, but you wouldn’t answer the phone. I was with Toe when he took his last breath. He was lying in my arms. He asked me to deliver a message to someone by the name of Bo. He said, ‘Tell Bo that I love him with all my heart, and I never intended to leave him. Tell him that he’s got to keep moving forward with his life, and when the time comes, I will be waiting at the pearly gates for him. Tell him I am so sorry for leaving him.’
“Then he asked me to reach into his pocket and get something. I did, he said, ‘Give this to Bo.’”
Theresa went into her backpack and then pulled out a velvet box and gave it to me.
“What is this?” I said sobbing
“Open it. It’s a gift from Toe.”
I took the box and put it toward my heart. I held on to it for dear life. Then slowly, I opened the box. On the inside was a gold chain and locket. On the outside, was a diamond with two hearts engraved into one. When I saw it, and tears flowed down my face. I slowly opened the locket, and inside was a picture of Toe and me. It was from the prom when we took his mom’s camera and started taking photos. I stared at the picture and observed that beautiful smile, pearly white teeth, boyish grin, and smooth skin. We looked so happy together, not knowing that later that night, he would be murdered. I lost control and buried my head in Theresa’s bosom.
Theresa said softly, “Darnell, there’s something for you to read in the inscription.”
I wiped my tears away long enough to read the inscription. It said, To Darnell! I accept you for who you are now & always. I love you with my soul. Toby.
I begin to wail out loud and uncontrollably. I had not cried this hard since the funeral. So much was just bottled up inside of me, and when I got the locket from Toe, it hit me that this would be the last gift that I would ever receive from him. This would be the last tangible thing that I would ever have of him.
“Darnell, he said he loved Bo with every fiber of his body. Then he started to cough up blood. He started fighting for breath, but his wounds were too serious. He fought long and hard, and I believe that he was fighting for the both of you. Unfortunately, he died in my arms.” Theresa said, as she started to cry. “Darnell, I know that you are Bo, and it’s OK.”
Theresa knew my truth, and there was no more hiding now. All I could do was just tell her how I felt.
“Theresa, I miss him so much,” I blurted.
“I know Darnell, I know, and I miss him too.”
While I was crying suddenly, I felt a gentle hand touch my back. I didn’t know who it could be. I turned around, I looked up, and it was Kwazi.
“Kwazi, what are you doing here, man?” I said, wiping my tears away and trying to find composure.
“Darnell, it’s OK. Theresa told me that you might need a friend. That’s why I’m here. I’m here for you to Darnell.”
We stood in the chapel and continued to group hug, as I finally grieved Toe’s departure with friends who understood who I was and still accepted me.
After a few minutes, I told Theresa that I wanted to go back to the dorm and lie down because I was exhausted. She stated she was tired as well and needed a nap.
Theresa looked over at Kwazi, “Don’t leave him alone by himself tonight, please?”
“Theresa, you got my word, I’m not going nowhere tonight. Darnell has been through a lot, and it’s probably best that he’s not by himself anyway.”
I informed Kwazi that I didn’t want people to see me looking a mess on campus since I’d only been here a few hours. Kwazi reassured me that no one would see me. I told Theresa thank you and good-bye, and we headed back to the dorm.
Once there, Kwazi asked, “Darnell, do you need anything?”
“I just want to lay down for a while and get some rest.”
“If you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask. You know I make a mean grilled cheese sandwich, if you are hungry.”
“I’m just going to lay here and try to get some sleep,” I said.
While lying there, I watched Kwazi making a call to one of his friends, canceling his social events for the evening. Whoever was on the other end was upset because I could hear her yelling through the phone.
“Bitch look, I told you my friend needs me, so I ain’t going nowhere!” Kwazi shouted into the phone.
Suddenly, I heard the phone slam down on the ringer.
“Man, these hoes don’t get it! I’m good. I’m chilling with you, Darnell.”
I began to smile and shut my eyes to try to rest. However, when I closed my eyes, I saw a picture of Toe. I grabbed the locket, opened it up, and started crying again.
“Darnell, are you OK, man?”
I heard him but elected not to respond.
“Darnell, are you OK?” he asked again.
And again, I didn’t respond because I wasn’t OK.
“I’m coming over,” Kwazi said.
I turned my face to the wall, trying to hide it, as I was a total wreck, and I didn’t want this basketball star to see me grieving like this. “Kwazi, maybe you should go hang out? I will be OK.”
“Hell naw, fuck dat. I’m coming over.”
I didn’t know what he meant “coming over,” but suddenly, I got chills from the air conditioner as he lifted the covers off me. What is he doing, I thought to myself? Without any provocation, I felt the right side of the mattress start to tilt.
“Scoot over Nell, I’m coming in. You don’t have to go through this alone,” Kwazi said as he entered my bed. “Nell, scoot back toward me?”
I turned around to see what he was doing and see him laying on his side with a pair of spandex underwear, and the rest of his body was uncovered. I immediately got an erection and forgot about the grieving process.
“Nell, scoot back toward me,” he instructed again, but this time he opened his arms for me to lay in them.
I began to slowly scoot my rear end and then the rest of my body in his direction. Once I was close enough, he grabbed me and pulled me into his body. My thoughts were erratic and confused. I couldn’t believe that today not only did I meet Kwazi Phillips, but I’m laying in his arms, and he’s holding me. Darnell, you better not have an organism in your pants, I said to myself.