by Carl Weber
I walked past her and sat on the bed. She took a seat next to me and placed her hand over mine.
I took a deep breath and admitted to her what I’d learned in my first hypnosis session about kissing my aunt. Loraine didn’t say a word; she just squeezed my hand. Only time would tell if she’d still be so supportive after I explained what I’d learned in sessions two and three.
“The next time the doctor hypnotized me, I went back to a time around a year after that first kiss.”
She flinched almost imperceptibly, probably because I’d referred to it as the first kiss.
I nodded in answer to her silent question. “Yeah, it was the first, but definitely not the last kiss.” By now, I was feeling some strange relief in spilling my guts to her, so I continued without any prompting on her part. “But in this second session, I realized that my aunt seduced me into having sex with her on a regular basis to keep me around.”
Loraine’s hand flew to her mouth. “Oh my God. I can’t believe she did that to you. You were just a kid.”
“I was fourteen,” I corrected, though I wasn’t sure why. It was almost like I was defending Aunt Barbara, like sex with a fourteen-year-old nephew was any less offensive than one who was younger. I would have to talk to Roberta about why I did that.
Loraine looked like she was sick to her stomach.
“I know; it’s disgusting,” I said. I waited for her to speak, but it looked like she was having trouble even processing the information. Part of me was relieved she hadn’t run from the room screaming at this point, but it was driving me crazy that she didn’t speak. Was she judging me? I felt the need to defend myself from her silence. “How do you think I feel? Loraine, I can’t even imagine myself doing that, and now I’ve got these images instilled in my brain. Roberta says I blocked all this from my conscious mind until now because I was trying to protect myself. I can see what she means, because some days I feel like it’s enough to drive me crazy.”
“You never told anyone this was happening?” she asked, and sadly, it sounded like there was judgment in her question.
“I was a kid. I was confused. Roberta says it’s not uncommon for a child, even a teenager, to do nothing to stop it. After all, this was a woman who loved me. She took care of me when I had no one else who would. It’s hard for a kid to truly understand that someone who loves you so much can also hurt you, can do bad things. Now I’m starting to understand that what she did changed the man I became. Even now, I have a hard time understanding the difference between right and wrong, because Aunt Barbara was so good to me and so bad at the same time.”
“But maybe if you had told someone—”
I put up my hand to stop her. “It’s okay, Loraine. I don’t expect you to understand. That’s why I didn’t want to tell you in the first place. But you can tell me the truth. You think I’m some kind of freak now, don’t you?”
Loraine waited before she spoke, as if she wanted to pick her words carefully. “Baby, it’s not your fault. You were just a child doing what you were told. Your aunt was sick, and so was your uncle.”
“So anyway…,” I started, trying to sound lighthearted as I redirected the conversation. “Roberta thinks this stuff with my aunt is the key to this whole premature ejaculation thing.” I would have to live with these memories every day now that they’d resurfaced, and so would Loraine now that I’d revealed them to her. At least we could try to focus on the good that might come out of it.
“She does?” Loraine’s whole demeanor changed.
“Yeah, seems my aunt was so afraid we’d get caught by my uncle that she would rush me to ejaculations. Somehow, she trained my body to conform to what she wanted. Dr. Marshall feels likes it’s just a matter of time before she finds the switch in my mind that will snap me back to normal.”
Loraine heaved a sigh of relief, and I swear I could see every muscle in her body relax. “I’m not gonna lie, honey. I’m just glad to know it’s not me. For a while, I thought it was my fault.”
“Oh, no, baby. It was never your fault. I find you to be one of the sexiest women alive. It’s just I’m all messed up inside. I’ve got to work this stuff through.” I reached for her hand. “Do you hate me for what happened?”
“Leon, how could you say that? The wrong was done to you. You were a minor.” This time, I didn’t doubt her sincerity. She wasn’t just feeding me words to prove she was on my side. She was truly accepting me and all the baggage I’d just brought into our already-challenging relationship.
Loraine tilted up my chin and kissed me tenderly. “We can get through this together.”
I felt tears of appreciation flood my eyes. “Loraine, I love you. You’re the best. Thank you for being here for me.”
As she held me in her arms, just the feeling of her big breasts against my chest had me aroused. I gave her a deep kiss and tried to fondle her, but it wasn’t long before she gently eased herself out of my reach.
“How about if we don’t have sex while you work this through. That way you won’t have that added pressure on you.”
Loraine had hit the nail on the head; sex usually did end up making me feel pressured. If I could work through my feelings about me and my aunt, it might fix that problem in the long run, but I never would have dreamed of suggesting no sex to my wife. I was way too afraid she’d leave me. I had to make sure that she was really okay with it now.
“You think that’s a good idea?”
“Yeah. We can just cuddle and hug. Sex isn’t that important if two people love each other, Leon.” Loraine climbed back into bed and held out her arms.
I happily nestled up next to her and got cozy in Loraine’s soft embrace, where I slept peacefully for the first time in a long time.
Michael
13
“I cannot wait to get you home tonight,” Celeste purred on the dance floor, our bodies intertwining as if we were one. We’d been flirting back and forth since the moment we’d arrived at the Annual African American Dance for Literacy at the Marriott hotel on Broad Street. So far, it had been a night to remember. The food was excellent, they had a great band with a Beyoncé clone, whose singing could have passed for the real thing, and, more importantly, they were giving away five $10,000 college scholarships.
“I just hope you know what to do with me when you get me there,” I teased.
“Well, if I don’t, I’ll make it up as I go. So be prepared for anything—and I mean anything.” She turned around and ground her plump, round hips into my groin.
For the next song, the band slowed things down, and Celeste wrapped her arms around my neck, while mine slid around her waist. All in all, as dates go, I’d give this one an eight out of ten, with a definite possibility for improvement as the night went on. We’d been dating for almost a month, and Celeste had made it clear that it was time for us to seal the deal. From the way my manhood was reacting to her bumping and grinding on the dance floor, I was apt to agree with her. It had been four months since I’d been with Loraine—a long, hard four months, and I had to admit I was about due. Nothing short of a miracle was going to keep me and Celeste from consummating our relationship tonight.
“Aw, hell fucking no. You have got to be kidding me,” Celeste cursed.
“Sorry.” I immediately lifted my hands, which I had slid down from her waist to her hips and ass. I didn’t really think she was going to have a problem with it after the way we’d been dancing, but that’ll tell you how much I know about women.
“No, that’s not it.” She guided my hands back down over her ass.
I wasn’t about to argue with her, but I was curious about why she’d cursed. “Everything all right?”
“I don’t know; you tell me. Isn’t that your ex over there?”
“Where?” I didn’t mean to seem so eager, but my neck did snap around on its axis as I spun her around. “I don’t see her.”
“By that pole, staring at us.”
I looked in the direction that Celeste was gazin
g, and I saw Loraine, along with that chump husband of hers. He hadn’t seen me, but Loraine’s eyes were fixated on us like laser beams. Once again, I lifted my hands from Celeste’s ass. I could feel her body stiffen, which told me she wasn’t very happy about it.
What was Loraine doing here? Then again, why wouldn’t she be here? She was damn near the mayor of Richmond with all the people she knew.
I must have been gawking a little too long because Celeste pinched my arm. “I think it’s time we leave.”
I took another look at Loraine and sighed. “You know what? I think you’re right.” Best for me to get my behind outta there. I could feel in my bones that sticking around was going to be nothing but trouble. Maybe if I took Celeste home and she put it on me like she’d been promising all night, I’d be able to erase from my mind the image of Loraine and her death stare.
The second her arms came from around my neck, Celeste took my arm and practically marched me off the dance floor. There was no doubt in my mind she was sending Loraine a very clear message: He’s mine, bitch!
As we headed for the coat check, I couldn’t help but sneak another peek at Loraine. She had a sour expression on her face, but she still looked damn good.
I handed Celeste our coat claims. “I’ll be right back. I have to go to the restroom.”
It wasn’t that I was planning on going to talk to Loraine. In fact, I really didn’t know what I wanted to do. But I did know that this silent tug-of-war between the two women had me feeling claustrophobic. My escape to the men’s room was just an excuse to put some physical distance between me and this situation.
Celeste wasn’t about to let me get away that easy. She tightened her grip on my hand. “You okay? Are you still spending the night at my house?”
“Ain’t nothing changed, Celeste.” I took her in my arms and gave her a reassuring kiss.
“Good. Now, hurry back—and make sure you wash your hands.” She slapped me on the butt playfully as I walked away.
Fortunately, I didn’t have to pass by Loraine on my way to the bathroom. I figured I could spend a few minutes in there gathering my thoughts, and then Celeste and I could get out of there. At least that’s the way I thought it would go down. But Loraine had other ideas, as she was standing outside the men’s room with her arms folded and a scowl on her face when I exited.
“Loraine…” For a brief second, it crossed my mind that maybe she was just standing there waiting for Leon to come out of the men’s room, but the look on her face made me dismiss that thought quickly. Her angry glare was directed right at me. I tried to avoid looking into her eyes, but that only made me notice the purple dress she was wearing. It was one I’d seen before, and I loved the way it showed off her thick shape. A rush of emotions overcame me all at once. I was happy to see her. I was physically aroused by the sight of her. I wanted to hear her say she was wrong to leave me and that she loved me as much as I loved her. But in spite of all those feelings, I couldn’t ignore the way she was glowering and the harsh words she spoke.
“Don’t Loraine me! Who the hell was that?”
“Who was what? What are you talking about?”
She pointed a finger in my face. “Don’t play stupid with me, Michael. Who the hell was that trashy-ass woman you were feeling all over?”
“You mean Celeste? Celeste isn’t trashy.” I suppressed a smirk. It gave me a certain sense of satisfaction to know that the sight of me with another woman made Loraine jealous. It was the least she deserved after all the pain she’d put me through. Yeah, I loved Loraine, but that didn’t mean she didn’t deserve a little bit of payback.
“Michael, you wouldn’t know trashy if it hit you in the face. If you don’t have respect for yourself, at least have some for me. I can’t believe you would bring some tramp up in my face like this.”
Was she for real? “I didn’t bring anyone in your face. I didn’t even know you were coming here.”
She laughed. “You are such a pathetic liar. You followed me all the way to Williamsburg; of course you would follow me to the club. You brought that woman here on purpose, trying to make me jealous.”
I crossed my arms and leaned against the wall, raising my eyebrows in a look that suggested, It worked, didn’t it? but Loraine wasn’t about to admit defeat.
“Well, news flash: If you’re trying to make me jealous, at least make sure it’s an upgrade, because she’s not even in my class. I can’t believe you’d date someone so ugly.”
“Don’t talk about her like that. Celeste is not ugly by a long shot, and you know it. What is going on with you anyway? You didn’t used to be so petty.”
This stopped her for a second. Loraine prided herself on being classy, and her behavior was anything but that right now. I guess she realized it, as she took a deep breath and then tried to change directions. “Well, if she’s so damn pretty, you need to be with her and leave me the hell alone.”
Wow. She was jealous; there was no doubt about it. The way she had dismissed me in Williamsburg, I thought for sure she was done with me, but now she was practically begging me not to forget her. I guess seeing me with another woman reminded her of what I had to offer. Well, I had the upper hand now, and I wasn’t ready to give it up yet.
“I am with her. And as far as leaving you alone, I don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s been a long time since you’ve heard from me.”
“Oh, please,” she scoffed. “It wasn’t that long ago you were circling my block with your lights turned off.”
Okay, she got me with that one. I had done that a few times since the incident in Williamsburg, but I didn’t know she’d seen me. Maybe it was time to end this battle of wills while I was still ahead. Let Loraine stew in her jealousy for a while.
“Look, Loraine, you’re the one who dumped me and told me to move on, so that’s what I’m trying to do. If I were you, I’d get used to seeing me and Celeste on the social scene.”
She countered with, “You know what, Michael? You need to just get over me.”
I was about to tell Loraine that it was the other way around when I heard Celeste’s voice.
“Michael?” She stood a few feet away from us, holding our coats. She gave me a brilliant smile that I’m sure was more for Loraine’s benefit. “Ready to go home, honey?”
I had to give her credit. She could have come tearing down the hall and gotten up in Loraine’s face. You know, the typical “Back up off my man!” routine. But with just one smile, she’d let Loraine know that she had no doubt which one of them would be leaving with me. The funny thing was that she was totally right. As much as I wanted Loraine, as many times as I’d begged her to give things another chance, I didn’t want her at this moment. She’d told me to move on, and dammit, I was going to prove that I could do just that.
“I’ll be right there,” I told Celeste, then turned back to Loraine. “I have to go. My date’s calling me. But it was nice seeing you again, Loraine.”
“Whatever,” she huffed.
I took a few steps down the hall, then turned around and told her, “By the way, I always thought you looked hot in that purple dress.”
Jerome
14
I’d just thrown some clean clothes in a bag and was on my way out the door, heading back to the Ramada Inn in Petersburg, where Ron was waiting for me. We’d been shacked up there for a couple of weeks, getting reacquainted intimately as we made plans for the future. Fortunately, there seemed to be no repercussions after the fight in the parking lot with Peter: no crazy phone calls, no knock at the door, and, most importantly, no cops looking to arrest Ron for assault. Still, to be safe, Ron pretty much stayed inside our room, and I rarely went out other than to pick up our takeout orders.
I was having the time of my life, and I was really feeling Ron. I know I’ve mentioned this before, but he made me feel young again. The more time I spent with him, the more I could really imagine us making a life together in Europe. There was just one obstacle—and it was s
tanding in front of me now in the form of Big Poppa. Talk about bad timing. I would much rather have had this conversation over the phone.
“Where the hell have you been? I’ve been calling you day and night for two weeks, and you haven’t returned one call.” He was talking loud, but he looked more hurt than angry. It took me by surprise, because he was usually the one acting nonchalant, and I was the one wanting more.
“I’ve been busy,” I replied, quickly zipping up my bag. I needed to get the hell out of there. Last thing I wanted was for him to start playing on my conscience.
“Too busy for me?” He spoke as if I’d insulted him.
“Yes, too busy for you.”
His mouth hung open for a second, and he looked confused. I can’t say that I blamed him. We’d had our share of spats over the years, but I’d always been the one eager to make up. But not this time; this time I wanted a clean break so I could give an honest effort to pursuing a relationship with Ron.
“Jerome, what’s going on? What did I do?”
He sounded truly hurt, and I could feel my defenses weaken. It was definitely time to go. I tried to walk past him to leave the bedroom, but he blocked my way. His right hand slid around my waist. I took a step back, but it was too late. I’d gotten a whiff of his Polo cologne—yeah, it’s old school, but so am I—and suddenly my heart softened. I tried to offer some explanation, in hopes that we could end this painlessly.
“It’s not what you did; it’s what you won’t do. It’s what you didn’t do.” My eyes traveled to his wedding ring to complete my point.
“This is about my wife? You still want me to leave her?” He was clearly annoyed. “You know I can’t do that.”
“That’s because your marriage is the most important thing in your life.” I tried to avoid his eyes, because they had always been my weakness. He tried to touch my face, but I turned my head to avoid it. “You know from my actions that I wanted to be the most important thing in your life. But that’s just not possible, is it?”