by Mary Amato
“We were hungry,” Jillian said.
“Where’s Razzle?” Dad said, looking around. “He isn’t down here?”
“Mmm mn,” I mumbled, still with a full mouth.
“We checked your room. You left your window open, Billy.” My mom looked at me like I had monkey brains. “He must have escaped.”
I swallowed. “Really?”
“Actually, that hairy dude was a pain,” Dad said. “Tomorrow I think we should come up with a new crime to commit. Come on, Tanya. Let’s go back to sleep.”
They headed down the hall. Whew!
Jillian leaned in and whispered. “Good job.”
“Thanks,” I whispered back.
“Just do one more thing,” she said.
“What?”
“Give yourself a shampoo,” she said. “You still smell like a zoo.”
Happily Elephant After
“Grrrrr.”
I woke up the next morning to a terrifying sound.
“GRRRRRRRR!”
I clutched my blanket tighter. Oh, no! Had my parents stolen a lion? Or was Jillian playing another trick on me by acting like a lion?
I looked around. The sun was streaming through my window. No lion. No Jillian.
“GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!”
I looked down. It was my stomach rumbling.
Time for breakfast.
As I passed Jillian’s room, I peeked in. She was still sleeping. Very unusual. But then again, herding wild animals and cleaning up after them is pretty unusual, too. I went downstairs and opened the fridge. A jar of hot fudge sauce. A six-pack of soda.
Ketchup. A plate of cold French fries.
None of it sounded good. I had a craving for … bacon, scrambled eggs, and toast. Maybe a glass of orange juice and a slice of melon to go with it. A normal breakfast? What was next?
I found some bread in the freezer and made toast. While I was eating, I opened up the laptop that was on the table and searched the headlines for the top news videos.
“NEW PRESIDENT PAINTS WHITE HOUSE GREEN”
“KITTENS FOUND ON MARS”
“THIRD GRADER WINS MILLION-DOLLAR LOTTERY”
Why isn’t the news ever interesting? I thought. And then I saw it:
“MONKEY RETURNED TO ZOO”
I clicked on the video.
A reporter was standing in front of the Elephant Yard. “I’m Saya Lott, and I’m here at the zoo with a news update: a happy ending for Razzle the monkey. Last night, the zoo seems to have been visited by some mysterious do-gooders.”
I got Jillian.
“You have to see this,” I whispered. We tiptoed back to the kitchen and watched the video.
“Not only did the mysterious do-gooders return Razzle, but they also mowed the grass, trimmed the trees, and fertilized the garden with elephant droppings. The zoo looks great. Here to tell us more about it is zoo director Sally Mander.”
The camera focused on the director. “We’re delighted! Razzle is back and doing fine. And the zoo is looking better than ever! It’s as if a herd of volunteers came through the zoo overnight.”
“Wow,” Jillian said. “The gazelles must have eaten the grass, and the giraffes must have trimmed the trees when they were out of their pens.”
“Yeah,” I said. “And when we shoveled all the elephant droppings into the bushes, I had no idea we were fertilizing the garden!”
We turned back to the news clip.
Sally Mander was showing off the rosebushes. “What a great idea to use elephant droppings as garden fertilizer! We can raise money for the zoo by selling it. A truckload of elephant droppings for only twenty-five dollars. We’ll never run out of it!”
“You heard it, folks,” Saya Lott said. “Support the zoo by buying elephant droppings for your garden. Any last words, Ms. Mander?”
The zoo director took the microphone and looked directly into the camera. “We want to say two words to whoever came here last night: Thank you! And to all of you out there listening, just remember: you will always succeed if you do a good deed.”
Jillian and I started dancing around the kitchen.
“I feel great,” Jillian said.
“Me, too,” I said.
Jillian smiled. “I have a feeling this is just the beginning. I bet we can do more secret good deeds.”
More good deeds. More adventures. More bacon along the way.
That’s how I roll.
Secret Extras
SECRET FACT
Many zoos do sell elephant droppings to gardeners. Louisville, Kentucky, raised money for its zoo from the sale of Zoo Poopy Doo, which is hay, straw, and wood shavings mixed with elephant droppings. Now, that’s clever recycling!
Do not—we repeat, do not—try this at home. We’re sure your elephant prefers using the toilet. Just kidding.
Your elephant probably never poops. Just kidding. You probably don’t even have an elephant. Yet.
SECRET RIDDLE
What do you call a monkey and an elephant in the North Pole?*
Very lost*
SECRET GAME
The Elephant Parade
This is straight-up fun and you will not need any elephant poop to play this game. All you need are two old paper bags.
1. With the help of a grown-up, cut two long strips out of one paper bag.
2. Twist one strip to form a tail.
3. Tuck this tail in the back of your underpants. You better be wearing some!
4. Twist the other strip of the paper bag into a trunk. Set this aside.
5. With a grown-up’s help, cut big elephant ears out of the other paper bag.
6. Tear slits in the paper ears.
7. Put the paper ears on your own, sticking your own ears through the slits to hold the paper ears in place.
8. Pick up the trunk and hold it on your nose.
9. Walk around in a single file line, swinging your trunk and singing the song on this page.
Make sure to do this in front of grown-ups. If they say, “Why are you acting like nuts?” say, “We’re not nuts—we’re elephants, thank you very much!”
The Elephant Parade Song
(TO THE TUNE OF “MY DARLING CLEMENTINE”)