by Forest Wells
I stretched myself loose, then followed Estrella outside into dead quiet. Most of the birds had already migrated, including the mockingbird. Even the wind was still for a change. Leaves covered the ground as if trying to outdo the snow yet to come, yet the trees sported many more waiting for their turn to fall, not one of them green.
“Not a good beginning,” I said.
“Have a little faith,” Estrella said.
I wish I had your optimism.
I led the way along my usual hunting trails, winding through my limited territory. They had always produced enough game to keep me fed before. Today, however, every hole I checked, every bend I scratched at, not one had any sign of a meal. At one point, I stuck my nose inside a hole as if I might will prey to be there. I found it so long abandoned, there wasn’t even an old scent left.
I pulled my head out and shook the dust off while grunting frustration. “Nothing. A whole family of rabbits just gone. That little bit of faith is fading fast.”
Estrella tried to say something. Instead she just sighed.
Someone else spoke for her.
“I’m afraid that’s my fault.”
My ears perked toward a voice I knew all too well. The old wolf came from behind a tree, looking as healthy as ever, though his fur was just as bloodless as ours. Not encouraging.
Didn’t change the swish in my tail to see he had survived. “Carlin. I thought you were dead.”
Carlin tilted his head at me with a flick of his ear. “This matters to you? I thought you wanted to be alone.” He looked past me, focusing on Estrella. “And now I wonder. Earned some forgiveness, have we?”
Estrella just about fell over laughing. “You obviously don’t know him. He didn’t earn forgiveness. I forced it on him.”
“Quite a feat for one so young. You must be Estrella.”
“And you must be Carlin.”
I’m going to be sick.
I rolled my eyes, trying not to snap. Just what I need. Estrella with a reason to talk. I stepped out from between them before I got caught in the middle. For some reason, this killed their conversation on the spot. Estrella returned to my side, making a point of not looking at me. Carlin followed as well, not saying a word in the same way.
Then a sigh sounded from the old wolf. Should have known he wouldn’t stay silent.
“Still carrying that wound, I see. You really going to do this?”
I stayed silent, partly because I wasn’t sure what he meant. Maybe it’d be enough to get them to let me just hunt for a change. Free from distractions, conversations, and “old wounds.” Carlin ran ahead and gave a short growl, forcing me to stop and lift my tail before he assumed a place in my territory that he did not possess.
Carlin only stood and glared. “Are you so intent on being alone you won’t listen to me?”
“I’m not alone,” I said. “Estrella and I run together now. We are as one pack.”
I had to think to keep my tail up. Where did that come from? It felt so natural, I didn’t give it any thought until I’d said it. The words felt good in my mouth. If only I could figure out what it had been, or when things had changed.
Meanwhile, Carlin’s ears had gone straight up. His eyes had grown too. I didn’t dare look at Estrella. I’d never shut her up.
“Well, well,” Carlin said. “Estrella, you’ve managed quite a feat. I expected to find this one curled in his den, brooding about some rat that had bitten his tail.”
My tail managed to go straighter, and my growl spoke of death lest Carlin say another word. “Careful, old one. My patience has limits.”
Carlin stood still, tail level in that frozen look often seen before a charge, but a growl never formed. Instead, his ears and tail fell, though the tail never tucked.
“I’m sorry, Luna,” Carlin said. “You’re right. That was uncalled for.”
I allowed my own tail to fall. I knew that further confrontation would bring me nothing, except a souring of the fact that Carlin had come away from that night much as he’d entered it. For once, I didn’t try to tell myself I didn’t find joy in it.
I stepped closer to say something, though I hadn’t decided what yet. Before I could, I saw movement just past the old wolf. A patch of leaves that had been mud not long ago appeared to shift of its own accord. I moved forward to get a better look, ignoring my companions for the moment.
The patch of leaves had grown so deep, my paw sank to my ankle before I found ground. The trees above lay bare, save for a nest or two left from spring. I kept moving. I was only getting glimpses of movement, yet my nose could find nothing to account for it.
My ears filled in the gaps. When a leaf jumped in the air, seemingly on its own, my body froze while my ears kept going. They found familiar sounds of skittering and quiet squeaks. I recognized the sound just before I saw the first one sweep across the leaves.
“Field mice!” Estrella said.
I could hear Carlin’s breath deepening beside me. Saw him lick his lips more than once too. I turned my ears back at him while focusing at Estrella.
“Have a little faith,” I said.
“That’s what I keep saying,” she said.
I allowed a quick ruff of amusement. Might get me to believe yet. “All right, Carlin, you want me to stop living my life alone? Here’s your chance. We work together, try to keep the mice between us, and we don’t stop till our legs melt.”
Carlin’s jaws opened to show fangs wet with drool. “Just say when, Luna.”
I allowed an amused ear flick, then licked my jaws dry. “Follow me in. By Wolfor, we’re going to have a meal after all.”
Leaves were cast into the air as we charged in. The first mouse never saw me until he was halfway down my throat. I swung a paw at another, and though I missed, Carlin didn’t. He dug his head ear deep into a leaf pile, then came up with two mice going down in quick snaps. Estrella meanwhile was sending leaves back into the trees digging after her own. She stopped only to catch one mouse that tried to run past her.
More went sprinting toward the trees, and I tore through leaves after them. They tried to retreat under, but I jabbed my muzzle in much like a woodpecker, managing to catch a few. I shook the leaves off my face, then leapt nose first after another sound of more. My catches often came with twig or leaf, but it was worth the meal.
If one could call it a meal. The three of us tore the field apart, catching anything we could. We tried to keep ourselves spaced so the mice would stay between us, but with the chases and muzzle dives, the plan quickly collapsed. Carlin even caught my tail once as it twitched under the leaves while I lied in wait for a pounce. I brushed it off without a word and still caught my target, but the mice were finding holes or escape routes as fast as we were swallowing them. It wasn’t long before the catches dwindled into none. We continued to try until we saw little and heard less. We remained still for a while after, hoping to find a few more. When the silence felt like it was crushing us, a unanimous sigh admitted we’d caught all we were going to.
“Any other ideas?” I said at last.
Estella turned her ears back to admit she had none. Carlin scanned the field once more before growling through a sigh.
“Rest for tomorrow,” he said. “This forest will give us nothing more today.”
“I think we can blame the humans for that,” I said.
Carlin flicked an annoyed ear, which I took as agreement. “Whatever the cause, we’re better off being fresh for our next hunt. Perhaps the three of us can take down a demon doe.”
“Demon doe?” Estrella asked.
“She’s huge for being a female. Has the courage of a buck twice her size.”
“And a pair of hind legs to make up for the lack of antlers.”
“I see you met her.”
Estrella turned her head to show a swatch of fur missing from the back of her neck. My stomach churned when I remembered the day she came back with blood soaking her fur. She’d tried to downplay it, but I’d gotten her
to admit that this “demon doe” had just missed a lethal blow. She’d gone on to describe a beast that sounded strong enough to kick down a tree. Between the wound and the tale, my stomach had churned then too. I couldn’t bear the thought of another wolf getting killed trying to care for me
Carlin huffed at the injury. “You’re one lucky wolf.”
Estrella shook herself as if shaking away the comment. “Luck had little to do with it. I saw the kick coming. I just didn’t expect it to be that... effective.”
“Lucky, yet prideful. Interesting mix.”
Oh, please don’t...
“What’s so interesting about it?” Estrella said.
Are the humans back yet?
With them not around to save me, I made my escape before the argument started. I trotted all the way back to my den so they could have it out on their own, half expecting them to go at it all day. Wolfor knows Carlin is stubborn enough, and Estrella talkative. They might go on till spring.
By the time the others rejoined me, the sun was just reaching the mountains. The temperature dropped as usual, though for once, the winds remained calm. Estrella flopped beside me while Carlin eased down next to the old tree where my cache lay.
“All finished?” I said.
Estrella held her head high. “Carlin seems to think I’m dangerous.”
“Only to rivals,” Carlin said. “I pity anyone trying to force themselves on her, or you, Luna.”
“Not much chance of that,” I said.
After all, I was still a “lone wolf.” If it weren’t for Estrella’s odd reasons, I’d still be living the solitary life my banishment intended. The more I thought about that, the stronger my ruffed chuckle grew. How ironic.
“Something you’d like to share, Luna?” Carlin asked.
The chuckle eased, but the warmth didn’t. “Just an odd chain of events. Look at us. Three wolves, living together, hunting together, each of us with a different reason for being out here away from our packs. I was banished for killing my brother, even though I never did. Estrella is here because she intends to be my mate and my mate alone. Carlin... why are you out here? You never did say what happened to you.”
Carlin’s ears flashed back, but the rest of him remained relaxed. “I was banished too. While my crime was real, it was also necessary for the pack's survival. You see, I killed my mother and two of her pups. She had caught the Rage Plague. She attacked everything, even went after humans. It threatened the pack, and my father couldn’t or wouldn’t act. I had no choice. I had to save the pack. When the pups showed the same signs, I killed them before they turned violent. Only Wolfor knows how I didn’t catch it myself.”
For a moment, I watched him like an elder teaching. Carlin looked back, his ears up and alert, no longer in pain. I had seen that look before only once. He was waiting to pass something on. His pain, or a lesson, I couldn’t say, but for the first time, Carlin looked his age.
I only wished I had more to offer him.
“You had to know what it would cost you,” I said.
Carlin turned his ears back again. “Small. My pack meant more. That is how it must be, Luna. The pack must come before the individual. Those with the blood of an alpha know this on instinct. You may find yourself in the same place someday.”
I huffed anger. That’ll be the day. “For a pack that cast me out? I think not.”
“I didn’t mean them, Luna. Though how odd that you did.”
Now he searched me for something. I waited for a snide comment, or some other point yet to be made. Instead, Carlin hummed, then laid his head on his paws. His eyes closed the next moment, entering sleep as only older wolves seemed able to do.
“You make good friends,” Estrella said. I tilted my head at her, a bit unsure. “Just noting how quick an old wolf is to lay his fur beside yours. I see why Rajor fears you.”
“Fears?” I ruffed, shook the weariness from my fur, and headed for the river. Estrella alone followed. “He doesn’t fear me. He hates me. Would probably like nothing better than to see me dead.”
Estrella stood by while I drank from waters cold enough to freeze soon. “Why do you think that is?”
I growled at her. No, not her. I was growling at the thoughts she had conjured up. She and Carlin were trying to take me back to someone I thought I’d left behind: a lone wolf at peace with his fate. In some ways, I preferred that version of myself. Yet in other ways, I was glad to see it gone. While the certainty of my status had brought an odd sense of peace, I couldn’t deny it felt good to have others around.
Even if one of them was an annoying female who, despite her gift of gab, was helping me face a few things.
“Does it matter?” I said. “He’s an alpha now. He has his pack. He doesn’t care about me anymore.”
“I thought you said he hates you. Which is it?”
I thought about pinning her. I knew it wouldn’t work, assuming I even could. “Whichever lets me sleep better.”
I walked past her, hoping to end the conversation. Estrella stayed with me, not bothering to drink. My insides again warred with themselves, trying to decide what they wanted most. I wanted to keep walking, ignore everything she was saying and doing. I wanted to sneak a nuzzle or a lick, as a thank you for the same thing. I wanted to think this was really happening. That somehow, I’d gained what I thought I’d never have. I wanted to believe that it would last.
I wanted to want it too. Except I had so many old wounds, the worst being Martol’s eyes that night, I couldn’t help wondering if I really did. I had grown to like my solitary life. I had all the amusement I needed watching the humans, and things were certainly simpler when I only had to worry about myself. Yet it had always come with a constant ache, like an itch I had no way to scratch. The memory of the void where my mother had been made it that much harder. After doing that to her, and after how I’d treated Estrella the first time, I had to wonder if I had a right to silence that “itch.”
I looked at Estrella, walking beside me, absolutely refusing to leave my side. Feeling that certainty, that fire radiating from her soul, began to melt away the doubt. I still couldn’t decide if I deserved it or not, but I was slowly warming to the idea of finding out.
I had almost decided on whether or not to thank her when Estrella stopped with her ears straight up. Without question, I knew she’d heard something, and I perked my ears the same way to try and catch it. I found heavy rustling nearby, too much for some random creature running through the leaves. Even if it were, it could lead to a kill.
When Estrella looked to me for permission, I answered by trotting toward the sound. She followed as we returned to the leaf mounds of before, mouths watering at the idea of a real kill. When we got there, we instead found other wolves digging in the same leaf pile we had picked clean. The majority of the commotion was the pups bettering their skills. I couldn’t recognize the distant adults, except for one who stood watch like only one wolf could.
Lonate had heard us long before we’d seen the pack. As far as I could tell, he hadn’t said anything, but when I saw Rajor among the leaves, I felt my hackles ruffle. His adult fur hadn’t changed much. Aside from a small amount of gray touching his body like a thin layer of ash, mostly on his back and underside, his fur was entirely black.
“Go get Carlin,” I said. “I’ll handle the rest.”
“Luna—”
“I’ll be fine. Go.”
Estrella snuck in a lick before dashing off toward my den. I watched her go for a minute, feeling her lick dig into my heart. Guess she’s not so bad after all.
I tried to imagine what Toltan might have looked like in such a situation. More than his death stance, there was no doubt he’d have the same stone glare I now cast toward Rajor. From there, I put every hair on end, forcing my body to turn stiff, sharp, and unwavering. When I stepped forward, my movements were smooth and exact, more like flowing than walking. I wasn’t just claiming my space, I was announcing myself. I didn’t try to stay hi
dden, for the whole point was to be seen as strong, as proud...
As owner.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I said.
Though Rajor looked up at me, he couldn’t stop his ears from reevaluating his position. I held my ground, refusing to be scared from my territory.
“Well,” Rajor said, “what have we here? Come to kill another pup, dear brother?”
I stared him down, not making a sound. I didn’t have to, as a rise in my hackles was more than enough to catch the attention of the pack. The moment they noticed, they began gathering the pups at a safe distance.
With them out of the way, I rose my tail with a firm step forward. “This is my territory. You will leave.”
Rajor chuckled, though his tail still hadn’t risen. “Says who? You are but one wolf. I have a pack.”
“Changes nothing. These grounds are mine to hunt in. You will find no prey here.”
“And if I say that I will?”
I glanced back when I heard Estrella and Carlin arrive. I traded a quick rub with Estrella, while Carlin ducked his head. Far from surrender, Carlin was examining the situation with the experience gained from his scars. His nose worked hard, and his ears were fully perked, watching the pack. Or so I thought, until I realized he was focused entirely on Rajor.
“Is this the brother you’ve told me so much about?” Carlin said.
I returned my own focus to the wolf in question before replying. “Yes. This is Rajor.”
“How did a whelp like that ever make alpha?”
Rajor growled for the first time as his fur started to rise. “Careful what you say, old fool. My patience has limits.”
Funny, I told him the same thing a little while ago.
Carlin must have remembered too, because he looked at me before turning his ears back, almost laughing. I ignored it while matching Rajor’s growl.
“As does mine,” I said. “You will not hunt here. Take your pack and leave. Do not violate my territory again.”
Rajor’s tail finally found some height, just not all of it. “Speaking of violations, do your companions know about your sentence? What you did?”