by Toni Aleo
I sat down beside her, reaching for her hands, though she wouldn’t let me. “Bo, he was a jackass.”
“I trusted him. I loved him, and he broke me.”
“I understand, but he wasn’t a good guy, obviously.”
“But I thought he was everything.”
“Well, you were wrong—or better yet, he made you wrong ’cause he was a fucking dickhead.”
She wasn’t listening to me though. She held her face in her hands as she explained even more. “I went into a really bad state of depression. I couldn’t function, which is why I wanted to give Davis up. I wasn’t like your mom. I wasn’t strong like she was, because everyone was against me. I was completely alone, and I lost my scholarship because I couldn’t keep up with my studies to keep my four-point GPA. I lost everything, and then I had to watch my mom raise my child because I couldn’t do it.”
I couldn’t take it anymore. I reached for her, wrapping my arms around her and kissing her temple. “Bo, it’s okay. You did what was best, not only for Davis but for yourself.”
“Gus, you don’t understand. I’m making the same mistake.”
Those words hit me as though she threw cold water on me. I pulled back, watching as she shook her head. As I stared at her profile, my throat closed up, and she went on. “I’m falling fast for you, just like I did with Jesse, and I know I shouldn’t make you pay for his mistakes, but can’t you understand, after everything I’ve said, it’s hard not to. I mean, look at me. I’m a mess just thinking about what could happen again.”
“I would never do that to you,” I insisted. “That would never happen between us. I couldn’t do that to you. Ever.” Reaching for her hands, I laced our fingers together. “Bo, I get it. You don’t like promises because you think they can’t be kept, but he was a piece of shit. My word is my everything, and I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. Can’t you see that?”
“I want to, but Gus, you’re going into the NHL. This is your dream. Do you really want a long-distance relationship holding you down?”
I just blinked at her. How could she be so dense! “Yes! I want you. Bo, I love you.”
Her eyes widened as she gawked at me. Falling to the ground between her legs, I cringed a bit from the pain in my side before I wrapped my arms around her middle, holding her gaze. “Baby, I love you and yeah, that’s insane because I’ve never loved anyone in my life except my parents, but it’s the truth. I do, I love you, and I want you. I want all of you. If it’s long distance, awesome. If it’s you moving here with me and Sweetie, fucking great. You can be closer to Davis. I want to get to know the dude, but not only that. I want you. All of you.”
“Gus—”
“Let me finish,” I said, squeezing her. “I don’t know what’s going to happen, Bo. I could get called up or I couldn’t. I don’t know. But I do know I don’t want to do anything if you’re not by my side.”
Her eyes started to mist with tears once more. “Oh, Gus…”
“You can’t let the past win. It will eat you alive. We have to stay in the now, look at the future that is promising and beautiful for us.” When she started to shake her head, her tears falling in heaps, everything inside me went still. “Listen, I know you don’t want promises. I get it. I do, and usually, I don’t make them if I can’t keep them. But with you, I know I can keep them. I promise, Bocephus Jane St. James—man, you’d think by now I would be used to the length of your name,” I joked, but she didn’t even smile. Her eyes were full of tears; her chest was rising and falling as she stared back at me. I didn’t miss the fact that she hadn’t told me she loved me too. But even with that, I couldn’t stop myself from going on. “I promise, Bo, I promise I’ll love you, and I won’t ever make you question that. I will stand by the fact that if things go south, I’ll tell you, but with the respect you deserve. Though, I feel that will never happen because we’re good. Bo, can’t you see how good we are?”
“But—”
“No but,” I demanded, shaking my head. “Can you really sit there and not know this is good? I mean, what do you want?”
She hiccupped a sob. “I want to be with you.”
“Then what’s holding you back? The past? This Jesse fucker?”
She slowly nodded.
“I can’t fix that, Bo. It’s either you want me and us, or you let him hold you back. Aren’t you fucking tired of having that on you? Don’t you just want to be happy?”
When she didn’t answer, I fell back on my haunches, watching her. She was fighting with herself, I could see that, and it was honestly slaughtering me. I wanted so bad for her to realize what we had, but I worried that wouldn’t happen. She was too hurt.
When she stood, wobbling a bit on her boot, she looked away as she moved around me. I closed my eyes, and my heart felt like it was annihilated by a million hockey sticks as I listened to her move around the room, gathering her things.
“So that’s that?” When she looked over her shoulder at me and I saw the tears falling down her face, I felt my own start to fall. “You have nothing to say?”
She swallowed hard, and with a trembling lip, she whispered, “I have so much to say, but I don’t know how.”
“Can you not try?”
She slowly shook her head. “No, because you deserve someone who actually has her shit together and isn’t caught up in the past.”
And with that, she walked out the door, shutting it behind her.
Which left me, for once, to worry about my future.
Because Bo might not be in it.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Gus
“Well…well, hell, that sucks. Do you want me to come over and run my fingers through your hair like I did when you were a baby?”
“No, Mom. I’m twenty-two years old. You can’t do that.”
“Who the hell says?”
I scoffed as I cuddled with my pillow, holding my phone to my ear. It had been thirteen hours since Bo had left. I had slept some but not much, since I kept trying to call and text her. She wasn’t answering me though. At one point I thought she may have shut her phone off. I don’t know, but I did know I was hurting. The pain from my side was nothing compared to the pain in my chest.
Fuck, this did suck.
“This is why I don’t mess with girls.”
My mom chuckled a bit. “Oh, you messed just fine. You just didn’t get close enough to get hurt.”
“Yeah, that,” I answered, and she clicked her tongue.
“You didn’t want to feel what I felt with your dad.”
I opened my eyes, my brows coming in.
“I always knew that was what it was. That’s why I’ve never pushed you on settling down. You’d find the one.”
I cleared my throat. “I didn’t realize that’s what I was doing.”
“Well, of course not, because for you it was normal to be wary of relationships, but Bo came in like a wrecking ball.”
My lips curved as I nodded, even though she couldn’t see me. “She sure did.”
“I know, honey, and if it’s meant to be, it will work out. She’s just embarrassed right now. She’s scared, and I mean shit, I couldn’t imagine what she went through. Yeah, I went through almost the same thing, but then, I didn’t. I wasn’t in love with your dad. I didn’t care one way or another if he wanted me. She did.”
“Don’t spare my feelings,” Dad called, and my mom scoffed.
“Don’t act surprised. You know the truth.”
I wasn’t listening to them though. I couldn’t get the image of Bo sitting on my bed and crying from her soul. She was sobbing, her whole body shaking, and I had never seen her like that. She was always so hardheaded, so strong, and the kind of person who didn’t take shit from anyone. Especially me. She always put me in my place. But then, over the weeks, that started to change. She started to smile more, and I thought we were good.
We were solid.
But she walked out.
She left me.
An
d now I was the one fighting back the tears.
“It’s hard when you want someone so bad and they won’t have you. Ask your father. He knows.”
I chuckled as I shook my head. “But you two were meant for each other.”
She scoffed. “Please, the only thing I thought that man was put on this earth for was to give me you. After that, he was slime.”
“I’m right here, Lauren.”
My face broke into a grin as my mom went on. “Well, obviously that’s changed. I love you, duh.”
Dad said something, but I couldn’t hear it because my mom was giggling into the phone. “Ew, please, I don’t want to hear this.”
Her laughter subsided. “Fine, sorry.”
Pinching my nose, I glanced at the clock, seeing that I had about thirty minutes before I had to be at the Tornadoes’ compound. “So what do I do, Mom? Do I go see her? I can find her parents’ address, I think.”
“No, give her space. She’ll come around.”
I didn’t like that answer. I wanted to run to her house, beg her to see me, but what if she wouldn’t come out? That would be awful, so maybe my mom was right. I missed her so much though. I wanted to hold her, tell her that her past didn’t matter, that it was about what we did now. I wanted to hear her say she loved me, because damn it, I knew she did. I just knew it.
“Want me to call her?”
I made a face as I sat up. “Hell no. I’m not having my mommy call my girlfriend to make her talk to me.”
“I mean, we did connect, Gus. She loves me.”
That was true, but I couldn’t have my mom do this for me. Plus, I didn’t want her to come talk to me because my mom asked her to. I wanted her to come to me, to be with me, because she wanted me. Because she trusted that I would never in my life hurt her.
Inhaling hard, I stood up, slipping my feet into my slides since the car the Tornadoes had sent would be here soon. “You are completely right, Mom, but I gotta do this on my own.”
“Oh. My baby is growing up.”
I laughed. “Only took twenty-two years, huh?”
“Hey, better late than never. Dad was twenty-four when he decided to be a man.”
“Laur! What the hell?”
“What? He knows this! It isn’t a secret!”
I rolled my eyes, reaching for my wallet and then looking for my phone until I realized I was on it. I may be a man according to my mom, but sometimes, I wondered about myself.
“I’m proud of you, Gus, with everything. Really. You’re blowing me away, kid.”
I smiled, my heart warming. It felt good to have my mom say that, and I knew she meant it, but I couldn’t exactly enjoy it the way I should when I wanted so desperately to just hear Bo’s voice. I wanted to feel her skin under my palms, and damn it, I wanted to kiss her pouty little mouth.
“It’s all because of you, Mom.”
“I know,” she answered simply. “Too bad Dad didn’t come in until I was already done molding you into the man you are now.”
When my dad hollered something, I just laughed, loving that no matter what, I knew my family would make me laugh and also have my back. “But don’t worry, honey, she’ll come around. She adores you. Even Dad said the same thing, that she was completely into you.”
I swallowed hard. “I love her.”
“I know,” Mom said almost instantly. “And in my experience, true love always wins.”
“That’s the nicest thing you’ve said to me today,” I heard my dad say, and my mom laughed.
“Please, I asked if you wanted to bang an hour ago!”
“And I’m out.”
Mom laughed. “Love you, honey. Good luck. Call me when you find out either way.”
“I will. Love you too.”
After hanging up the phone, I tucked it in my pocket before letting my head fall back, looking at the ceiling. True love always wins. Sounded like some kind of Disney shit, but still it gave me some hope. Even though Bo was my first love and my first girlfriend, I knew that she would be my only. Since I really didn’t want to die alone, I needed her to get it together and realize that I was everything she needed.
Because she was everything I needed.
When I entered Coach Tribbiani’s office, he was sitting at his desk with a large hero sandwich in front of him while the general manager of the Tornadoes leaned against the windows on his phone. GM Alex Haynes was a small man but extremely smart. He was the main reason the Tornadoes were actually doing something this year. He was bringing in great talent, and Coach Tribbiani was turning them into a team.
Coach was a big man. He was not only large, but his personality filled a room. He was very animated and overused the word fuck. I mean, I loved the word. I used it a lot, but even I thought he used it too much.
“Have a fucking seat, Persson.”
Haynes shot me a curt smile as I sat down, and something inside me told me that I wouldn’t be staying. Neither of them was smiling, and they didn’t look very pleased at that moment. Maybe I hadn’t done as well as I thought I had last night. Maybe I should have listened to Bo and gone to the doctor.
Shit.
“Fuck. Who’s talking? Me or you?” Coach asked, and Haynes shrugged.
“Doesn’t matter,” he said simply, and then they both looked at me.
I was a big dude. I usually carried myself as one, but at that moment, my heart was in my throat and I felt so damn small. On the one hand, I wanted to be sent back down. I wanted to work things out with Bo, and it would be easier if I were in the same place she was in. But then, I wanted more than anything to be a Tornado.
“I can go, if you’d like,” said Haynes.
“Ah, fuck off, I’ll do it,” Coach said, throwing his sandwich down and then setting me with a look. “All right, kid, it’s fuckin’ simple. Sykies is out for the immediate future. He fucking tore something instead of the pull we originally fucking thought, so you’re in.”
My mouth parted a bit as I stared back at him. I was convinced I was being sent back down. I really didn’t think I would stay, even though that was all I wanted. “Really?”
“Yup. You’re a fucking beast, kid. I’m pretty pissed at this dude for not bringing you up sooner,” Coach said, nodding his head toward the GM. “We fucking need you. Are you ready?”
Was I?
I wanted to be.
I was.
Fucking hell, all I could do was think of Bo.
Maybe I should tell them about my injury, get sent back down, and fix things. But then, I was okay. It hurt, but I was still able to perform. I wanted this. I needed this.
But Bo.
“I think I bruised my ribs.”
Haynes perked up as he glanced over at me. “When?”
“Back when I was with the Suns.”
“And you played last night with bruised ribs?” Haynes asked.
I nodded. “Yes, sir.”
He looked at Coach just as Coach glanced at him. When they both looked at me, Coach said, “Well if that’s how you fucking play hurt, then I’m chomping at the fucking bit to see how you do when you aren’t aching.”
They both started to laugh, and I joined in, though it wasn’t real. Did I really just try to ruin my chances in the NHL to be with Bo back in Malibu? Was I an idiot? I must have been, because I didn’t regret it, though it didn’t matter. They still wanted me. I should have been proud of that.
But I wasn’t.
“Well, go on and see the fucking team doctors. They’ll fix you the fuck up.”
I nodded as I stood. They did the same before we all shook hands. Walking out, I went the way they directed, but it wasn’t like I was really paying attention. My thoughts were with Bo and how everything I had with her was probably over. I wouldn’t be there to be in her face. She was leaving tomorrow to go back to Malibu, and I wasn’t sure when I would be able to go back to get my stuff. Or if I even would.
When I reached the doctor’s office, there was someone already in there.
Leaning against the wall after being told to wait, I twirled my phone in my hand.
I either had to give up on her or on my career.
I didn’t want to do either though.
And there was only one person I wanted to talk to about it.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Bo
“I love this movie.”
I glanced over at Davis as he was stuffing popcorn in his mouth along with candy corn he had left over from Halloween. We were watching The Nightmare Before Christmas. I wasn’t even watching. How could I, when I couldn’t get Gus out of my head? The way he looked at me when I left his hotel the night before… I felt a lot, but most of all, I felt miserable.
I missed him. God, I missed him. Yet, that didn’t stop me from ignoring his texts or his calls. I couldn’t talk to him yet. I was so embarrassed by my breakdown, how I basically word vomited all over him and then decided I couldn’t let the shit with Jesse go. Which was just stupid. I was over him. Not only had I not seen him in years, but I didn’t even think of him. I didn’t even think of him when I looked at Davis.
When I looked at Davis, I only felt love. That was it. I still had some guilt from not being the woman he needed as a mother, but mostly, I just loved the kid. He was way better off with my mom. I knew that, and the only reason I regretted him being with her was that she kept on throwing it in my face. But that wasn’t holding me back from being with Gus.
I was holding me back.
Scooting toward me, Davis rested his head against my arm, and I smiled, touching my head to his. Inhaling hard, I wondered what Gus was doing. I remembered him saying he had a meeting this morning. Glancing at the clock, I realized he was probably there now. Swallowing hard, I prayed that he got his spot. He deserved it. He worked so damn hard, and hell, he was playing with busted ribs and still was killing it. I had never seen someone play the way he did. He was destined for big things.