The rest of semester wasn’t much different. After trying to talk to her a few times, to no avail, Caleb gave up, knowing it was probably best that way. She was a senior, and her gap year made her older than his other students, but she was still a student nonetheless, and that made her untouchable. He tried to settle for admiring her from afar. She was still the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Now that he’d seen her hair out of a ponytail, he saw it was long and naturally wavy. He couldn’t tell in the florescent lights of the classroom, and it was too cloudy the first time they’d met, but he could swear it had auburn streaks through it. It looked so soft, Caleb had to resist reaching out to touch it when he got too close.
However, having her in his class only made him more attracted to her. Being a professor of poetry and literature was not easy, and most students who took his class did so from obligation and not because they were actually interested in it. He knew it could be boring, and sometimes even bored himself with some of the required teachings, but, for the most part, he actually enjoyed teaching poetry. He could tell from her papers that she shared the love of poetry with him, and most Thursdays it felt like she was the only one in class.
There was just something about Alexandria, something that pulled him toward her. It had been a long semester so far, and avoiding her was getting harder and harder. He knew it was stupid and ridiculous, but he still looked forward to the days she was in class. He felt like a fifteen-year-old boy with his first crush.
Alex sat in one of the back stadium seats of the big classroom. She had to admit, Caleb’s poetry class was one of her favorites. She tried to tell herself that it is only her love of poems that made her enjoy the class so much. Poetry had always been important to her. Her father used to read it to her all the time as a child. Instead of Dr. Seuss, he’d read her old Walt Whitman poems for bedtime stories. His love of poetry rubbed off on her, and when she saw this class, she knew she had to take it. But if she was being honest, the real reason why she was really enjoying the class so much was probably Caleb. She had been so upset with him for not telling her he was a teacher that day two years ago. But as time went on, she thought less about that and more about their connection. There was still a part of her that didn’t trust herself around him, and the last thing she wanted was to do something to jeopardize graduation. So, she tried to ignore him and just get through it. It wasn’t easy, though. She caught herself sneaking looks at him often, and caught him doing the same.
Dressed in casual clothes, he looked so tall and muscular. His hair had grown longer and was a mop of unruly dark waves that looked like he never had time to deal with, but it always looked perfect anyway. His steely blue eyes were sometimes hidden beneath nerdy glasses that just made him look smart and sexy. And then there was his voice. It was so unnaturally low and deep, yet tender, and was still the sexiest thing Alex had ever heard. Listening to him read poetry was intoxicating. At that moment, he was reading Ode to Nightingale.
“Darkling I listen; and, for many a time
I have been half in love with easeful Death,
Call’d him soft names in many a musèd rhyme,
To take into the air my quiet breath.”
As he read the words, they rolled off his tongue like deep waves of melody, and Alex found herself leaning in closer and closer toward the front of the classroom. All of a sudden, she realized she was not the only person in the room and she was almost about to actually drool. She sighed and looked around. Was she the only one affected by him like this? Most people didn’t seem to be paying any attention at all, but there were a few, and of those, a few glassy-eyed females who were staring at him like he was a chocolate bar they’d like to devour. At least she wasn’t alone. And yet it felt, sometimes, like he was reading to only her.
“She stood in tears amid the alien corn;
The same that ofttimes hath
Charm’d magic casements, opening on the foam
Of perilous seas, in faery lands forlorn.
Forlorn.”
He said the last word with an aching whisper and looked directly at her.
The look made her blush and bite her lip.
When class was over, the time had finally come where she could ignore him no longer. Through her entire school year she had always gotten straight A’s, but for some reason, in his class, she was only pulling a B. Stubbornness was winning out and she was going to have to talk to him to figure out why. She took a deep breath and walked down the steps. When she reached the front and all the other students had left, she cleared her throat. Sitting at his desk, Caleb didn’t look up.
“So, uh, M… er, Caleb, I wanted to talk to you about my grade.”
Still not looking up, he softly said, “Your grade is a B plus Alexandria, what is the problem?”
“Well, um… I have maintained an A average so far and uh…,” she mumbled.
He still didn’t look up or acknowledge her in any way, so she decided to just be out with it.
“I need to know how to make it an A,” she said firmly.
He finally looked up and into her eyes. It was the first time they had been this close in a long time and yet the connection when they looked at each other was still electric. He seemed to be considering something as he stared at her and it took him a long time to answer.
“Well, why don’t we work together to see if we can bring it up a bit then.” He paused, looked down, and then, seeming to decide something, looked back up again. “How about tonight at eight? Meet me here and we will see what we can do.”
That was not the answer she’d expected and her stomach tightened into a ball. Torn, she didn’t know what to say. “Oh, okay, sounds good… thank you,” she said and hurried off before she made an even bigger fool of herself.
“Oh my God!” screeched Alex’s best friend Rachael. Alex was in Rachael’s dorm room and dripping wet from just getting out of the shower. Her own apartment was far off campus and, nights like this, when she needed to change and go back out, she usually did it at Rachael’s. “I can’t believe you don’t believe me! He is totally into you! Why else would he ask you back so late at night?”
“I don’t know…” Alex said.
“Alex, you have been talking about this guy for years and you finally have the chance to figure out what you have between you. You have to be at least a little curious!”
Yeah, Alex was curious. She knew from the beginning there was more to Caleb than meets the eye. She’d never stopped thinking about him and she was sick of sneaking looks at each other like high-schoolers.
“Well, I guess I am about to find out. I’m so freaking nervous! And holy crap, Rach, what the hell did you get me to wear?” Alex exclaimed as she looked over the outfit on the bed. It was a short, brown and green plaid skirt, with a brown, low v-neck top and actual stockings, like the kind one would wear a garter with. High brown boots completed the ensemble. “I wouldn’t wear that in a hundred years,” Alex cried.
“I know, but it’s all I could throw together on such short notice. Besides, with your long, curly brown hair, you’ll look so hot in it!” Rachael smirked.
Rachael was much more sexually active than Alex was. She was with a guy most weekend nights, but that wasn’t Alex’s style. She’d had sex, of course; once, in high school, just to get it over with, and a few times since she’d gotten to college, but none of them were overly exciting and she was beginning to wonder what the big deal was.
Alex considered running to her place to get some of her own clothes, but one glance at the clock showed her she didn’t have time. She sighed and got dressed.
“Wow, your boobs look amazing in that top!” observed Rachael, and Alex had to admit, they kind of did. Of all her attributes, her breasts were one thing she wasn’t completely self-conscious about. Being a runner, Alex’s curvy body was very toned, but unlike a lot of her track friends who complained about having no boobs because of track, she was a solid C-cup. Yeah, they were a pain in the ass when she was running a
nd she would have to strap them down like a World War II bunker if she was going to consider doing jumping jacks, but they were worth it. In the v-neck, they were proudly standing at attention and trying to take a peek out at the world.
“Here, take this,” Rachael said and slipped a condom into Alex’s bra.
“Rachael! What on earth do you think is going to happen tonight?” Alex exclaimed, embarrassed.
“Well, I have certain hopes,” her friend winked. “But we’ll see.”
Alex rolled her eyes, half laughing.
“Well, it’s now or never,” she sighed, and with one last glance in the mirror, gave her friend a hug and, before she could change her mind, ran out the door.
Nervously, Alex stopped outside the classroom door. She pulled her skirt down a little, wondering what she was thinking letting Rachael talk her into wearing it. It was too late now. Then again, she could change her mind and run; on the way over she’d considered bolting numerous times. This was so out of character for her to be doing, but something kept her walking, and now that she’d arrived, she wasn’t sure she wanted to leave. Whatever happens, there is no turning back, she decided. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door and stepped inside.
Caleb sat at his desk. He was trying to appear busy, but wasn’t actually doing anything at all.
What Alex didn’t know was that Caleb had spent the last hour pacing the classroom, trying to decide what to do. He was annoyed with himself for putting them both in this precarious position. He told himself he needed to tell her to go home as soon as she walked in and that what they were doing was wrong. He told himself he was being an idiot and he had made the wrong choice in telling her to come. Even as he tried to tell himself all those things, he knew he wasn’t going to be able to tell her to go. Something about her made him feel… something, and it had been a long time since Caleb had felt anything at all. Finally giving up the fight with himself, he’d sat down and pretended to be busy while he waited. He was just going to have to see how the evening progressed. Maybe he really would just help her bring up her grade.
So there he sat, still trying to look busy. When he heard her come in, he looked up and met her eyes. Neither of them said a word. As she shut the door, he glanced at it and winced. “Better leave it open,” he said in his deep, quiet voice. Disappointed but not trying to show it, Alex opened it back up and walked to stand on the opposite side of his desk – a safe distance. Again, they just looked at each other.
“So, uh, where should I start?” she asked.
He stood, opened a book, and pointed to spot on the old, faded page. “Right here should be good,” he said softly. She hesitantly took the book and started reading. Caleb walked around his desk to stand near her, but tried not to get too close. It didn’t take long before he stopped her.
“It’s not enough to simply read the words, Alexandria.”
Hearing him say her full name with that voice of his made her stomach flutter.
“You need to feel the words when reading them aloud, feel the meaning behind them. Do you know what’s happening in the poem right now?” he asked calmly. He seemed so relaxed, while she was practically sweating at the nearness of him.
“She wants to… well… she wants him?” she offered quietly.
Far from relaxed, but doing a better job of hiding it, Caleb continued, “Yes, but it’s not that simple. The story is about a woman who desperately wants to be with a man but is married to another. She knows how wrong it is, despite her feelings. The exchange here between her and her would-be lover is like a dance. Both want it.” He leaned in closer. “Both want the other to say no so they don’t do anything they will regret… Start from the beginning,” he told her and walked away to put some space between them.
This time she really thought about the words, the coincidental theme not lost on her. “It cannot be. No matter how many times thou ask me, I must deny thee. Not for lack of want, but fear of getting what I want. Please, tell me you shall walk away. Tell me thou won’t tempt me any longer.”
Caleb took up where she left off, with the lover’s part. “I too am tempted and cannot say the words… Bind me or lock me up, but do not make me speak it… It is you who must make the choice.” He walked closer and closer to her with each word he spoke until he was standing right in front of her. He didn’t need the book to know the words. “Will thou deny me?” he asked, and as he said it he looked right into her eyes. Her breath caught. Time seemed to stand still as he waited for her response. She couldn’t seem to find her voice to answer him. He was too close and she couldn’t think. Her breath came faster and she noticed his did too. She wasn’t the only one feeling it.
Still staring into her eyes, unable to look away, he said; “This is the part where she finally refuses him.” He waited… “Refuse me,” he repeated and leaned in closer, so close to her face that she could feel his breath on her lips. His deep voice came in a low whisper, “Refuse me.” It sounded like a plea. It was a plea. He knew they were going to a place he would not be able to turn back from.
Finally, she found her voice and her confidence for one brief second… “No.”
His brow furrowed and he leaned in as if about to kiss her, but instead brushed his lips against hers and nuzzled his nose into her cheek. Frozen there, he breathed heavily. “Please.”
She caught her breath. “I cannot,” she said, and his intake of breath was immediate as he gave in and took her lips into his. The kiss was strong, hard, and desperate. He cradled her face in his hands and then reached behind her head, gathering the hair at the base to pull her closer. It didn’t hurt; the pressure only made the kiss feel deeper. Her knees grew weak and her head spun as she felt completely swept away by him.
He stopped kissing her but didn’t pull his face away from hers. Instead, he leaned into her. “I can’t seem to say no to you,” he said in his thick accent, the passion making his throaty English more predominant. “I never stopped thinking about you Alex. I see you every week and tell myself I need to ignore my feelings, but I don’t think I can do it anymore,” he breathed.
Alex couldn’t believe what she was hearing. So he really did feel the same way.
“Then don’t,” she said simply.
He sighed and pulled away, almost sadly, and walked over to the classroom door. Alex closed her eyes and sighed in regret, knowing he was telling her to leave. Instead, Caleb slowly shut and locked the door. He also turned out most of the lights in the big classroom, leaving only the ones that lit up his desk. He leaned his head against the door. “I’m not sure what you’re used to, but I swear this is a first for me. I’ve never been attracted to a student like this.” He turned and looked at her.
“What I am used to?” she asked, affronted. “I’m not the kind of person who usually does this at all!” She walked around and sat on the back corner of his desk, crossing her arms, embarrassed.
Immediately apologetic, he shook his head. “No, no, I’m sorry. I know that. I didn’t mean it that way. Please don’t be angry.” He walked over to her and leaned against the wall in front of her. “I just don’t know what to do right now,” he sighed. “There is just something about you that makes me lose my mind. I want this. But I want to make sure you want it too. I don’t want you to go into this with your eyes closed and regret anything.”
It made her feel so good to hear him say those words. No pressure. He was giving her the lead and it calmed her. She looked at him evenly. “My eyes are wide open,” she said softly and then exhaled as he leaned in closer and put his hands on her knees. His touch made her body tremble.
Slowly he parted her legs and moved in between them, pulling her into him and wrapping his arms around her whole body. He kissed her gently at first, trying to show some restraint with soft pecks on her full lips, but he couldn’t resist for long and soon the kiss became urgent again. In between quick breaths, their tongues entwined, feeling, tasting, and sucking. For a moment, Alex thought she may want to kiss him like this f
orever.
One of his hands moved from behind her back and began to slide up her stockinged leg slowly, making its way under her skirt. When he reached the end of her stocking and realized it didn’t go all the way up, he grasped the edge and groaned. “You’re killing me, Alex. I want you so bad I can already feel myself inside you,” he said almost painfully.
All Alex could do was pant in response. Her senses were going wild. Nothing she had ever done with a guy had prepared her for this. This was different. It felt raw and pure. It was as if nothing existed before that moment and all that was left was a carnal desire to have him right then and there.
Caleb slipped his hands under her shirt and slid them slowly up her sides, sending chills up and down her body. He slipped a finger underneath her bra and slid it along the bottom, lightly caressing her breast. Aching to be touched, her nipples hardened. She leaned into him and moved her hands all over his body, touching and feeling every part she could reach. His hard muscles strained under the fabric from her touch. She could feel he was even more built than he looked. Her fingers trembled as she began to unbutton his shirt. Caleb reached in from the top and completely cupped one of her breasts. The heat from his touch made her gasp as she threw her head back. Her reaction nearly pushed him over the edge.
“My God… you unhinge me,” he rasped. Being able to wait no longer, he quickly took off her shirt and bra. As the bra came away, the condom fell onto the desk next to them. They both stopped and looked at it. Breathing heavily, Caleb suddenly made a growling sound and grabbed it, the moment now profoundly intensified.
He seized both her breasts in his hands; a perfect fit. Turned on beyond reckoning, Alex bit her bottom lip and trembled at his touch. His hands then made their way back down to her waist and under her skirt, where they traced her lace panties and began to pull them down. Swifter then either of them expected, they were off, and so were his pants. He laid her back on the desk and shoved everything around them onto the floor with a crash. Leaning over her, he brought his now sheathed tip to her entrance and waited. He could feel her hot wetness and knew he wouldn’t be able to last long. But first he had to ask, “Are you sure?” She reminded him of a frightened doe, and he was suddenly afraid to scare her away.
Unhinge Me Page 2