“You’re just going to drop that bomb, that you and your brother used to share submissives and expect me to not comment?” Her voice held outrage. “Is that what you’re doing here? Sharing me? Stepping right into his shoes as if you can just replace him?”
Her words were like a slap to the face. If Benson had his way, yes, that was exactly what would happen. But he wasn’t going to tell her that now and risk her running from him again. He wanted to give her what she needed. He couldn’t do that if she pulled away from him. “What did I say about being contrary?” he warned. He could keep this professional. Or at least, not personal. Controlled. And uncomplicated. The way he liked his kink.
She huffed. “I’m supposed to just be okay with this?”
“You’re racking up quite the tally of punishment, minx. You sure you want to keep going?”
“What, exactly, are you going to do to me?” For the first time, her voice held trepidation.
“Nothing you don’t want me to, of course.” He might be a monster, but even he had his limits. She needed to know that she was safe with him. Even if she made his control feel like it was slipping. He would beat it back. Like he always did. And she would help him release the pressure valve, just a little bit. His blood was still surging after their exchange in the foyer. He knew it was her bratty nature, her pushing him verbally and physically, and not the kiss that had him reeling. If he was going to punish her, if they were going down this road as Top and bottom, she was off-limits sexually. He couldn’t have both. He’d learned that lesson with Renee. Renee who had convinced him she wanted it all. Convinced him she could handle it. She couldn’t.
“I’m not an idiot, Leo, I know you’re not talking about actually hurting me.”
He raised a brow. “You really can’t keep that mouth under control, can you?” He could feel a smile trying to form on his face, but he held it back. He wasn’t going to let her know just how adorable she was when she was being such an impertinent brat.
She sighed and stuffed a large forkful of risotto into her mouth. To keep herself from mouthing back at him again? He wasn’t sure, but they ate in blissful silence for a few moments, while he tried to get himself a little calmer.
“I knew you’d been close once, but I didn’t realize you were that close.”
Oh, God. She thought he and Benson had had a bunch of three-somes with submissives. Ew. That thought was not something he wanted to dwell on. He laughed then, a little bit of his anger dissipating. “It wasn’t like that. I never had sex with them. The women, or my brother,” he felt compelled to clarify. He sighed. “I guess we’re talking about this, huh?”
She nodded.
“Fine, but don’t think it’s going to save your ass from a thorough spanking.”
She let a little squeak escape, and he let her see the promise of what he was going to do to her shine in his eyes. He could picture her backside pink from his attentions. Could feel the warmth in his palm as if he was already spanking her. She nodded again, keeping herself quiet.
“I am less of a Dominant and more of a Top. I don’t mix sex and kink like Ben did. He wasn’t really into punishment.”
“I know that much. We were together twelve years. He never mentioned you like that, though. Never told me that he’d shared his submissives before.”
Did the thought repulse her? He couldn’t quite tell from her voice, or face. “Some of the women he dated wanted more from him than he could give, and I only really enjoyed the control aspects of kink, punishment, sometimes humiliation, that sort of thing.” It should be weird as hell to have this conversation with her over dinner, like they were discussing the weather or their jobs, but it felt normal. There was no judgment in her face as he spoke.
“I see. And that’s what you’re offering? To Top me?”
“Yes.”
“Hence the decree for no more kissing.” She tilted her head to the side.
“Right.” He continued eating. Much as the thought appealed, she needed more from him than that. “I know you’ve been struggling. I have too,” he admitted.
Her plate was almost clear, and he hadn’t had to prompt her through the meal. Had just the promise of making her submit to him distracted her enough? Maybe he should have thrown out Benson’s notes and pressed for this sooner. He’d been trying to let her come to him. Now, he was sorry he’d waited.
She took a few sips of her water. “Okay, fine, so we’re doing this then. I’ll let you punish me.”
“I don’t think you’re going to let me do anything,” he taunted, keen to remind her of his control. Remind them both of it. Obviously, he knew that she was right, that she was letting him have the control, but he was intent on mentally controlling the situation. If he was going to do this, and damn him, but he was, then he was going to do it on his terms. Not Benson’s.
She set her fork down and rolled her eyes at him.
“Someone is really in need of spankings tonight.”
“And?”
“And?” he mocked. “And what else? You want to know what else I’m going to do to you?”
There was the distinct hint of heat creeping back into her eyes.
“Perhaps if you take your punishment without being a complete brat, I may even let you have an orgasm or two,” he said. “But if some spankings aren’t enough to remind you to behave, maybe I’ll edge you a few times, and send you to bed wanting.” He worried for a moment that the threat was too much. That pushing her to the edge of orgasm but not allowing her to have release was something they should negotiate before he threatened her with it. But her mouth opened in a little o, and then her gaze lowered, and he knew that she was acquiescing to his terms.
“Evangeline, look at me.”
Her gaze rose to his.
“Have you been neglecting yourself?”
She nibbled her bottom lip. Of course she had. He’d known that she wasn’t taking care of her own health, letting herself not eat, not sleeping. She obviously hadn’t been taking the time to tend to her sexual needs.
“Yes,” she whispered.
“That ends tonight. Do you hear me? No more of letting yourself go without what you need.” Benson hadn’t been gone that long, but if they’d been active, going without release for more than a month could just make the emotional fallout of grief and her struggling worse.
She stared into his eyes for so long, he was afraid to speak. Afraid to break the spell. A bond was forming between them, and he didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize it. “Okay,” she finally said.
“Good. No safe words, all right; if you need or want to stop, you just tell me, okay?”
“Yes.”
“Let’s go upstairs.”
The words slipped under her skin and Evangeline’s pulse spiked. She couldn’t deny that she felt better than she had in weeks. She was lost without Benson’s sweet control. And she hated herself so much for that fact. Now, here was Leo, throwing her a lifeline. She’d be stupid not to take it.
A few minutes of a discussion shouldn’t be enough to make her feel secure that they could proceed. Maybe living together had changed things. She knew him. Knew he’d been keeping a lid on his emotions all this time. Knew that Charlotte’s visit had pushed him to the breaking point. But it was Evangeline who shoved him over the edge. And there was power in that. When she’d spent so long feeling so out of control, she’d grabbed onto that power.
“Your room,” she said. She could not take him into the master bedroom. Guilt was like a living thing inside her already, almost eclipsing her need. Almost. But not quite. Bringing him into Master Hasting’s room? That would be a step too far.
“That’s a demand I can abide by. But I don’t expect you to issue any more.” Leo’s voice was a dark warning. One that made her quiver.
She wasn’t sure how she’d gotten here. Benson had expected her to follow his lead, to do what he asked of her, and she’d never truly been tempted to disobey him. Something about Leo just got to her. If she weren’t so emotionall
y raw, right in the middle of her grief, and this fight for her life again, would she react the same way?
She rose from the table and put her dishes in the sink. They could worry about them later. She was comfortably full, but not stuffed, which was good. Playing on an overfull stomach was never a good idea.
And that’s what they’d be doing, playing. Only playing. Leo had made that clear. She was still reeling that he and Benson had shared submissives. She knew for a lot of people that sex and kink were two separate things. That had never been the case for her and Benson. What would this be like? Would she hate it? Benson had never really been into punishment. She couldn’t deny the shivers coursing through her now at the threat of Leo’s spankings, though.
She’d been edged before. It was one of Benson’s favorite ways to tease her, in fact, bringing her to the precipice of orgasm, but not allowing her release, backing her down to a low simmer, just to build her back up again. By the time she actually came, the intensity was astounding. But Benson had never used it as a punishment. The goal of edging for them had been pleasure, to make her release, when it finally came, amazing.
What would it be like to be edged and then just left without release all night?
She shuddered, gripping the edge of the sink. Her breath came quicker, her heart pounding. Her thoughts were consumed by what would happen in the next few minutes. Nothing else mattered. Not Charlotte and her threats of the house. Not the crappy day at the clinic she’d had. Even the voices in her head were utterly quiet.
“Are you ready?” His hand moved through her hair and she found herself leaning into his touch. His soft caress turned into him holding a fistful of her hair. She barely contained the moan that threatened at his harsh touch. This time, she didn’t even question her body’s response.
She just nodded as much as she could with his hand gripping her hair.
“Let’s go.” He released her hair and took her hand in his. He led her firmly up the stairs, down the hall to his room, and closed the door swiftly behind them as soon as they were inside, giving her no time to think.
He led her toward the bed and stopped at the end of it. He sat and looked up at her. “Lay down over my lap.”
Her head balked at what she was about to do, but she obeyed. She turned her face toward the open room, resting her cheek on her bicep, and sighed. She fit over his lap well, her breasts and belly on his thighs, her knees on the bed, her ass raised. She’d never been spanked like this.
He began with light touches, just letting her get used to the feel of his hands on her, allowing the anticipation to build.
“Do you know why you’re going to get a spanking, minx?”
She nodded.
“Why is that?”
“For kissing you.”
He chuckled, and his hand landed in a soft pop on her left butt cheek. She gasped at the contact. It didn’t hurt. But the sudden sensation through the thin fabric of her dress pants startled her.
“Not exactly.”
“For being naughty,” she finally admitted. She’d known she was pushing him. She was doing it on purpose. She’d seen weeks ago, when he first arrived, just how tightly wound he was, and she’d been fighting the urge to push back against that ever since. A temptation she’d ignored until tonight.
His hand landed again in a soft pop.
“Yes, that’s right. Because you purposely provoked me. And you need to be reminded that that behavior is not acceptable.” Another swat.
“Then why are you pulling your punches?” she demanded. She didn’t know why she couldn’t just leave well enough alone. She was getting what she thought she’d wanted. His attention. His control. But now that she had it, for some reason, it wasn’t enough. He was holding back, and she wanted everything she’d seen promised in those dark eyes.
He sighed and the next spank stole her breath. She squirmed against him, but he held her to him, rubbing the sting away. He warmed her bottom through her pants with his hand in fast circles, turning the burn of the spank into something wider, deeper.
“Don’t push me too much, Evangeline. My control only goes so far. And I’m not going to allow myself to hurt you.”
She sighed and her body relaxed against his. He kept rubbing her ass, one cheek, then the other, creating a warmth beneath his palm. And then the spankings began in earnest. Each loud thwack rang in her ears until all she could hear was that sound. Her entire world focused to the rhythmic thwack on her ass and the slow building of the burn on her skin.
She wasn’t sure how long she lay there, sprawled across his lap, receiving her spankings silently, like she’d been told. But her head felt light and fuzzy after a while, her body did as well. As if a weight had been lifted from her.
When his touches moved from her ass to her back, she felt utterly weightless. She leaned into his caresses and floated in the hazy sea.
Chapter Six
Leo watched her sleep for what could have been hours. This position shouldn’t have been even remotely comfortable, but he found himself more at ease than he’d been in a very long time. The peace on Evangeline’s face as she slept on his lap settled him in a way he couldn’t believe.
He’d been too rough with her. He knew that. He’d let her goad him into delivering the spanks too quickly, his hand being too harsh. She was certain to have some marks on her backside from him. They hadn’t negotiated their scene enough. He’d told her he’d spank her but hadn’t let her know it would be this intense. He hadn’t meant it to be, actually.
She’d known he was holding back, and she called him on it. He sighed, and his hands still moved gently along her body. He wanted to lift the back end of her pants and sneak a peek, make sure he hadn’t injured her, but that would be a pretty big violation of trust. He wouldn’t do that. She couldn’t be in much pain, though, since she was snoring softly.
He ruffled her hair. He couldn’t help himself. Even though he didn’t know exactly what they were doing, he finally felt like he was doing something right for a change. Perhaps he should throw his brother’s rule book right out the fucking window.
It certainly hadn’t helped him so far. Now, here she was, this beautiful woman, splayed across his lap, the picture of contentment. He couldn’t help but feel pride at that.
“I think I was promised an orgasm or two.” Her sleepy voice startled him. He hadn’t realized she was awake.
He looked down at her face. Her eyes were still closed. A small smile played at her lips.
“Oh, really?”
“Mmhmm.” She blinked open her eyes and pressed up a little onto her forearms.
“I think I told you that you could maybe have one or two, if you took your punishment like a good little minx.”
She sighed and wriggled against him like the temptation she was. “And didn’t I?”
“Was that before or after you basically told me I was doing it wrong?”
She laughed and he helped her move off his lap. She shifted until she was sitting on the bed beside him. “Oh, right.” She gave a little groan. “Maybe I shouldn’t have done that.” She couldn’t quite hide the little wince as her ass connected with the sheet below her.
Shit. He’d hurt her. Despite all his insistences to the contrary. Despite how much he’d fought himself not to lose control. Fuck.
“Hey. Hey!” She shoved him.
“What?”
“I’m fine.” She moved so that her face was right before his. “Now stop looking at me like I’m a dog you just ran over with your car.”
He sighed.
She rolled her eyes. “I’m fine,” she repeated. “Just a bit of a burning bum, that’s all. That’s fairly normal after a spanking, is it not?”
He nodded. “And don’t roll your damned eyes at me, minx. It makes me want to put you over my knee again.”
“Don’t you threaten me with a good time,” she teased.
He gave her a warning look.
“Okay, all right. I’ll behave. For now.”
He shook his head.
“Are you going to make me show you my ass to prove I’m perfectly fine?”
He couldn’t deny how tempting that offer was. Not just to assuage his guilt, either. “I mean, making you orgasm with all your clothes on wouldn’t be that difficult, but it’d probably be easier if you’d take some of them off for me. Would that be a problem?” He realized as he said it that he really was asking a lot. This was not some woman he’d found in a kink club in New York to play with. This was his brother’s submissive.
What the fuck was he actually doing?
“You’re probably right. This should be super awkward yeah?” she said.
“Yeah. It is. I guess.”
“You just spanked me, and to be honest, that didn’t feel awkward at all.”
“So, you liked it?” He shouldn’t need to ask, but he was feeling a little less sure of himself now that she was awake.
“I did. I fell asleep.”
“I noticed.”
“I’m going to get naked now,” she announced as she stood. “You’re welcome to watch.”
Her smile was all seduction. Designed to make him squirm. Maybe she thought she could sway him away from the no kissing rule. She was going to be sadly disappointed. On that, he would not budge.
He watched as she stripped for him, and she was right. It should feel awkward between them, but the truth was, it didn’t. Not even a little bit. Leo’s blood heated as his gaze slowly roved over her body. He couldn’t help but notice that she had lost some weight since his arrival, despite his efforts. He was going to have to work on that. But not right now. Right now, he had a promise to keep.
If he keeps looking at me like that, I might orgasm on the spot. She had maybe half a second of hesitation when she was bared before him, but as soon as the heat of his gaze registered, she failed to be self-conscious. Benson had looked at her like that sometimes, with that heat in his eyes.
She blinked, refocusing on here. Now. Leonardo was the man looking at her like he could devour her. Leo was here to Top her, and while he had made it clear that sex and kink were two different things, there was no denying the heat in his dark brown eyes as he watched her now. So it wasn’t that he didn’t desire her in the traditional sense. It was merely that he wanted her to submit to him. And for him, that meant sex was off the table. Which, frankly, was probably the only reason she was standing naked before him. She wasn’t ready for that kind of intimacy. But could she separate the kink and the sex? Could she have even this level of intimacy with him? There was only one way to find out.
From Sir, With Love Page 5