by Jilly Cooper
About the Book
In Jilly Cooper’s latest, raciest novel, Rupert Campbell-Black takes centre stage in the cut-throat world of flat racing.
Rupert is consumed by one obsession: that Love Rat, his adored grey horse, be proclaimed ‘Leading Sire’, or rather champion stallion. He is determined to trounce Roberto’s Revenge, the stallion owned by his detested rival Cosmo Rannaldini, which means abandoning his racing empire at Penscombe and his darling wife Taggie, and chasing winners in the richest races worldwide, from Dubai to Los Angeles to Melbourne.
Luckily, the fort at home is held by Rupert’s assistant Gav, a genius with horses, fancied by every stable lass, but damaged by alcoholism and a vile wife. When Gala, a grieving but ravishing Zimbabwean widow moves to Penscombe as carer for Rupert’s wayward father, it is not just Gav who is drawn to her. A returning Rupert finds himself dangerously attracted.
Gala adores horses, and when she switches to working in the yard, her carer’s job is taken by a devastatingly handsome South African man who claims to be gay but seems far keener on caring for the angelic Taggie. And as increasingly sinister acts of sabotage strike at Penscombe, the game of musical loose boxes gathers apace . . .
Contents
Cover
About the Book
Title Page
Dedication
Cast of Characters in 1786
Cast of Principal Contemporary Characters
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Chapter 50
Chapter 51
Chapter 52
Chapter 53
Chapter 54
Chapter 55
Chapter 56
Chapter 57
Chapter 58
Chapter 59
Chapter 60
Chapter 61
Chapter 62
Chapter 63
Chapter 64
Chapter 65
Chapter 66
Chapter 67
Chapter 68
Chapter 69
Chapter 70
Chapter 71
Chapter 72
Chapter 73
Chapter 74
Chapter 75
Chapter 76
Chapter 77
Chapter 78
Chapter 79
Chapter 80
Chapter 81
Chapter 82
Chapter 83
Chapter 84
Chapter 85
Chapter 86
Chapter 87
Chapter 88
Chapter 89
Chapter 90
Chapter 91
Chapter 92
Chapter 93
Chapter 94
Chapter 95
Chapter 96
Chapter 97
Chapter 98
Acknowledgements
About the Author
Also by Jilly Cooper
Copyright
MOUNT!
JILLY COOPER
To dear Amanda Butler, who
by her sweet nature, sense of fun
and unbelievable efficiency has
transformed my life.
CAST OF CHARACTERS IN 1786
RUPERT BLACK A bloodstock expert and awfully amusing adventurer.
THE FOURTH BARON RUTSHIRE A lecherous old peer, owning much of the county, including Rutminster Racecourse.
THE HON. JAMES NORTHFIELD Lord Rutshire’s scholarly reclusive elder son.
THE HON. GISELA NORTHFIELD Ex-kitchenmaid and James’ very new wife.
THE HON. RUFUS NORTHFIELD Lord Rutshire’s younger son, hard man to hounds, hellraiser, inseparable crony of Rupert Black and far more suited to run the estate.
THE ANIMALS
SWEET AZURE Rupert Black’s blue roan mare.
SPARTAN James Northfield’s dark-brown gelding.
SEEKER James Northfield’s white mastiff.
THIRD LEOPARD A super-stallion, winner of the St Leger and Leading Sire.
CAST OF PRINCIPAL CONTEMPORARY CHARACTERS
SHEIKH ABDUL BADDI Qatari big hitter, newly obsessed with racing and snapping up star horses.
WOODY ADAMS Delectable Willowwood tree surgeon. Live-in lover of Canon Niall Forbes.
EDDIE ALDERTON Rupert Campbell-Black’s American grandson, known as Young Eddie. Gilded brat, poster boy and former flat jockey trying his luck at jump racing, Eddie is also trying to stay faithful to his girlfriend, Trixie Macbeth.
PARIS ALVASTON Dora Belvedon’s boyfriend. Ice-cool Adonis simultaneously reading Classics at Cambridge and forging a highly successful acting career.
SETH BAINTON Unscrupulous, drop-dead gorgeous, middle-aged actor known as Mr Bulging Crotchester and the estranged father of Trixie Macbeth’s forthcoming baby.
MARTIN BANCROFT An appalling fundraising creep.
BRUTE BARRACLOUGH A dodgy racehorse trainer, who gets a lot of extra-marital sex.
ROSARIA BARRACLOUGH Brute’s sweet, bullied, endlessly cheated-on wife, whose hard work and gift with horses holds his yard together.
HARMONY BATES Excellent but extremely large Valhalla stable lass, more adored by horses than the opposite sex.
DORA BELVEDON Eighteen-year-old smart cookie, besotted with dogs, horses and Paris Alvaston. Multi-tasks as press officer for Mrs Wilkinson and ghost-writer for both Rupert Campbell-Black and a goat called Chisolm.
JAMES BENSON A smooth and very expensive private doctor.
LESTER BOLTON Internet tycoon specializing in porn, living in Willowwood and as short on inches as he is on charm.
CINDY BOLTON Lester’s child bride, an extremely successful porn star and sometime racehorse owner.
WALTER BRANDON Rupert’s Head Lad, in charge of Rupert’s yard. Known as Walter Walter because he shoves his nose in everywhere.
SAM BRIDLINGTON Chairman of Panel at the British Racing Association enquiry.
RUPERT CAMPBELL-BLACK Hugely successful owner, trainer, breeder, who bestrides the racing world like a colossus. Despite being as bloody-minded as he is beautiful, still Nirvana for most women.
TAGGIE CAMPBELL-BLACK His second wife, an angel.
BIANCA CAMPBELL-BLACK Rupert and Taggie’s ravishing Colombian adopted daughter, best friend of Dora Belvedon, girlfriend of rising football star, Feral Jackson.
XAVIER CAMPBELL-BLACK Rupert and Taggie’s adopted Colombian son – a point-to-point rider.
EDDIE CAMPBELL-BLACK Rupert’s increasingly dotty father, known as Old Eddie. Five times married and sexual buccaneer of the old school.
JEMMY CARTER Apprentice jockey and Penscombe stable lad, lacks ambition despite huge potential.
CELESTE A lazy, malevolent, manipulative but extremely pretty Penscombe stable lass.
COLIN CHALFORD (Mr Fat and Happy) A very nice rich man looking for love.
CLOVER Penscombe’s youngest stable lass.
MAJOR NORMAN CUNLIFFE Retired bank manager and pompous ass, treasurer of Willowwood syndicate who formerly owned Mrs Wilkinson.
MANU DE LA TOUR Charismatic French jockey.
VALENT EDWARDS Etta Bancroft’s brusque, but intensely kind and charismatic, new husband. Man of the people and ex-Premier League footballer, his hawk-like goalkeeper eyes have found gaps in every market, making him a major player on the world financial stage.
ETTA EDWARDS A poppet – very newly married to Valent Edwards, and the original rescuer and now owner of Grand National winner, Mrs Wilkinson.
CANON NIALL FORBES Formerly vicar of Willowwood and Woody Adams’ boyfriend.
MRS FORD-WINTERS Geoffrey’s owner. Resident of Ashbourne House, a Rutshire care home.
GEE GEE Gentle giantess and Junoesque Penscombe stud hand, worshipped by Meerkat.
GERALDINE Rupert’s PA who’d like to be the next Mrs Campbell-Black. A bitch.
MARTI GLUCKSTEIN Rupert’s lawyer.
CATHAL GOGAN Rupert’s travelling Head Lad, in charge of horses the moment they leave the yard.
SIMMY HALLIDAY Rupert’s Estate Manager.
DAME HERMIONE HAREFIELD World-famous diva, and Cosmo Rannaldini’s mother, seriously tiresome, brings out the Crippen in all.
LADY HAWKLEY (HELEN ) Mother of Marcus and Tabitha Campbell-Black. A nervy beauty. Having numbered Rupert and Roberto Rannaldini as former husbands, Helen hoped marriage to ex-headmaster and classical scholar, David Hawkley, would mean calmer waters but they seem to have drifted apart.
HANJI HIROSHI Leading Japanese jockey.
PAT INGLIS Penscombe’s essentially kind and phlegmatic Stallion Master.
HAMMOND JOHNSON Leading American jockey.
GAVIN LATTON Rupert Campbell-Black’s work rider, a genius with horses, marred by alcoholism exacerbated by the contemptuous infidelity of his wife, Bethany.
BETHANY LATTON A beautiful bitchy nymphomaniac.
JANEY LLOYD-FOXE Billy Lloyd-Foxe’s widow, a totally unprincipled journalist on the hunt for a new husband.
ISA LOVELL A brilliant obsessive trainer and ex-champion jockey – a Heathcliff of the gallops, now in sinister partnership with Cosmo Rannaldini, with a yard and a stud at Valhalla doing alarmingly well.
MARTY LOVELL Isa’s very boyish Australian second wife.
ROMAN LOVELL Isa and Marty’s eighteen-year-old son, a jockey.
ALAN MACBETH Etta Edwards’ beguiling son-in-law, author of Wilkie , a hugely successful biography of Mrs Wilkinson.
TRIXIE MACBETH Extremely pretty and very bright teenage granddaughter of Etta Edwards. Estranged from Seth Bainton, the caddish middle-aged father of her forthcoming baby. Trixie is trying to form a relationship with the seriously wayward Eddie Alderton.
HEREWARD/HERRY MACBETH Trixie’s baby son, known as Hereward the Awake.
LOUISE MALONE Very pretty Penscombe stable lass, known as Lou-easy because of her freedom with her favours.
MARKETA A gorgeous, voluble, volatile, voluptuous Penscombe stable lass from the Czech Republic who adores horses and the opposite sex.
TEDDY MATTHEWS Hong Kong jockey nearing retirement.
TARQUIN (TARQUI) McGALL Joint First Jockey to Cosmo Rannaldini and Isa Lovell. The go-to jockey for the big occasion, Tarqui goes every which way sexually.
ASHLEY (ASH) McINTYRE Isa Lovell’s chillingly ruthless stable jockey, a post shared with Tarqui McGall. Rupert refers to the gay Ashley and the bisexual Tarqui as ‘Sodom and Begorrah’.
MICHAEL MEAGAN Penscombe work rider and sometime stud hand known as Roving Mike.
MEERKAT Nickname for Stevie O’Dell. Rupert Campbell-Black’s adorable second jockey.
GALA MILBURN A Zimbabwean carer, employed to look after Old Eddie Campbell-Black.
THE HON. RODDY NORTHFIELD Lord Rutshire’s younger brother. A Stipendiary Steward and pillar of the British Racing Association, a self-important prat, nicknamed Famous Grouse because of his incessant nitpicking.
ENID NORTHFIELD Roddy’s wife, known as ‘Damsire’ because of her obsession with horses’ pedigrees.
CHAS NORVILLE Racehorse trainer, very reliant on charm and the ability to give his owners a good time.
LIONEL (LION) O’CONNOR Rupert’s workmanlike and conscientious stable jockey.
DERMIE O’DRISCOLL Geoffrey’s jockey.
LORD O’HARA (DECLAN ) Ex-television megastar and author. Rupert Campbell-Black’s father-in-law.
LADY O’HARA (MAUD ) His feckless actress wife.
CHARLIE RADCLIFFE An excellent vet.
COSMO RANNALDINI Dame Hermione Harefield’s son, a little fiend possessing the same lethal brand of sex appeal as his evil conductor father, the late Roberto Rannaldini. Forming a partnership with Isa Lovell, Cosmo has transformed the land round the haunted Abbey of Valhalla into a magnificent state-of-the-art racing yard and stud.
WOLFIE RANNALDINI Cosmo’s stepbrother, as straight and honourable as Cosmo is corrupt.
TABITHA RANNALDINI Rupert Campbell-Black’s tempestuous daughter, Olympic eventing gold medallist, married to Wolfie Rannaldini.
TIMON RANNALDINI Tabitha and Wolfie’s six-year-old son, bears an alarming resemblance to his Uncle Cosmo.
SAPPHIRE RANNALDINI Timon’s four-year-old sister.
LORD RUTSHIRE (RUFUS ) Chairman and owner of Rutshire Racecourse, whose estate borders that of Rupert Campbell-Black, causing many territorial skirmishes over the years.
SAUVIGNON SMITHSON Cosmo Rannaldini’s stunning but utterly ruthless PA. Used by Cosmo to lead up horses and lead on owners.
BABY SPINOSISSIMO Dazzling Australian tenor and racehorse owner, ex-lover of Isa Lovell and current lover of Rupert Campbell-Black’s New York gallery-owning brother Adrian.
CONSTANCE SPRIGHTLY A rather pushy vicar’s wife.
SALLY STONEHOUSE Member of panel at the British Racing Association enquiry.
LARK TOLLAND A sweet, hardworking, endlessly cheerful Penscombe stable lass, harbouring a hopeless passion for Eddie Alderton.
BAO TONG Savvy Chinese teenager, who spends several months at Penscombe learning about training and breeding racehorses.
MR TONG (GENGHIS ) Bao’s father, trillionaire manufacturer of aeroplanes.
MRS TONG (AIGUO ) Second wife of Genghis Tong and Bao’s stepmother.
IONE TRAVIS-LOCK Very green, bossy-boots, married to ex-ambassador Alban, and Willowwood ‘Lady of the Manor’.
JAN VAN DEVENTER A South African carer.
BOBBY WALKER Rupert’s lorry driver.
MRS WALTON (RUTH ) Cosmo Rannaldini’s mature but stunning squeeze.
MR WANG (ZIXIN ) A corrupt Chinese mafia warlord who is cruelly colonizing Africa. Also sexual predator known as ‘The Great Willy of China’.
MRS WANG (BINGWEN ) His second wife – a beauty.
TOMMY WESTERHAM Another charming racehorse trainer who ensures his owners have even more of a nice time.
THE ANIMALS
PRICELESS Etta Edwards’ black greyhound.
BANQUO Rupert Campbell-Black’s black Labrador.
CUTHBERT Rupert Campbell-Black’s Jack Russell.
FORESTER Taggie Campbell-Black’s brindle greyhound.
GROPIUS Gala Milburn’s Staffordshire Bull Terrier.
CADBURY Dora Belvedon’s chocolate Labrador.
GILCHRIST Rupert Campbell-Black’s other Jack Russell.
GWENNY Etta Edwards’ black cat.
PURRPUSS Another black cat – Master Quickly’s stable companion.
CHISOLM A goat – Mr
s Wilkinson’s stable companion and later Nanny to Master Quickly.
RUPERT CAMPBELL-BLACK’S STALLIONS
LOVE RAT Master Quickly’s sire – Rupert’s favourite.
PEPPY KOALA A Super Star.
TITUS ANDRONICUS A psychopath.
THANE OF FIFE
HAMLET’S GHOST
ENOBARBUS
DARDANIUS
BASSANIO
BLOOD RIVER A South African First Season Sire – in love with the vet.
RUPERT CAMPBELL-BLACK’S HORSES IN TRAINING
SAFETY CAR Another one of Rupert’s favourites.
PROMISCUOUS Son of Love Rat.
LIBERTINE Another son of Love Rat.
PETRUCHIO
FLEANCE A real trier. Yet another son of Love Rat.
NEW YEAR’S DAVE An angel. And yet another son of Love Rat.
TOUCHY FILLY Whose stable name is PMT.
BLANK CHEKOV Known as Chuck-Off.
BEIJING BERTIE Ex-pat who likes lots of patting.
DELECTABLE An appropriately named Chestnut filly.
DICK THE SECOND
HELL BENT HAL
SEE YOU IN A BIT (BITSY ) A pacemaker.
HORSES IN RUPERT CAMPBELL-BLACK’S STUD
DOROTHY The practice mare.
GLOUCESTER The teaser.
MY CHILD CORDELIA A favourite brood mare.
ISA LOVELL AND COSMO RANNALDINI’S ACE STALLION
ROBERTO’S REVENGE (VENGIE )
ISA AND COSMO’S HORSES IN TRAINING
(All progeny of Roberto’s Revenge)
FEUD FOR THOUGHT
I WILL REPAY
IVAN THE TERRORIST
NERO TOLERANCE
BONE TO PICK
BORIS BADENOUGH
EUMENIDES
VIOLETTA’S VENGEANCE
JEZEBELLA
OTHER HORSES INCLUDE
VERDI’S REQUIEM Irish Triple Crown winner and a leading sire for past fifteen years.
MRS WILKINSON Etta Edwards’ Grand National winner.
MASTER QUICKLY Son of Mrs Wilkinson and Love Rat – a piece of work, later trained by Rupert Campbell-Black.
WAGES OF CINDY Cindy Bolton’s brood mare.
GEOFFREY Star colt of very humble origins, trained by Brute Barraclough.
TRANS JENNIFER Seductive filly trained by Chas Norville, and fancied by Master Quickly.