by Eve Langlais
Panda and the Kitty
Furry United Coalition #8
Eve Langlais
Introduction
What sort of mom injects her son with a dangerous serum?
The kind that has no problem abandoning her family to become a supervillain determined to take over the world.
As if Jakob doesn’t have enough problems dealing with his mother, he goes from being a TKO kanga to a roly-poly panda. Which isn’t as cute as it sounds. His new body doesn’t work the same as his old one. He’s a stranger in his own fur. How is he supposed to kick some butt if he can’t even throw a good punch?
He needs help, and the only person he can trust to help him is his ex-girlfriend, Maisy. He never forgot her, and seeing her again only fans the flames of his passion.
But she’s not ready to forgive. Or forget.
Totally understandable because he can’t promise he won’t run off and do something stupid. He is, after all, a Jones boy, and Dumbass is their middle name.
Can a mixed-up man make a proud kitty love him again?
Looking for the entire F.U.C collection?
Copyright © 2019/20, Eve Langlais
Cover Art by Dreams2Media © 2019
Produced in Canada
Published by Eve Langlais
http://www.EveLanglais.com
E-ISBN: 978 177 384 143 4
Print ISBN: 978 177 384 144 1
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
This book is a work of fiction and the characters, events and dialogue found within the story are of the author's imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, either living or deceased, is completely coincidental.
No part of this book may be reproduced or shared in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including but not limited to digital copying, file sharing, audio recording, email and printing without permission in writing from the author.
1
“Who wants to fight?”
The query emerged slightly slurred, indicating the level of drunkenness Jakob had achieved. An admirable state given it took a lot of moonshine to inebriate a shapeshifter—and even more to make a Jones brother drunk.
Shapeshifters metabolized most hard liquor much too quickly. Cost them a fortune to get even the slightest bit tipsy. A good thing that, as a supplier of moonshine to the bar, Jakob drank for free.
As to why he didn’t drink at home? That was pathetic even by his standards. Not to mention having more than one drunk Jones in the same vicinity led to some epic black eyes and fat lips. He wasn’t in the mood to recover from a concussion-based headache or explain to the cashier at the supermarket why half of his head was shaved—again.
He wouldn’t have to worry about his brothers ganging up on him at the Journey’s End Tavern, where the worst thing that ever happened was them running out of barbecue peanuts. A sad, sad day, he would add. Nothing beat sucking the flavor from those tiny projectiles and then spitting them at the drunkest fellow in the place for shits and giggles. Watching them slap themselves, assuming it was some kind of bug, always amused.
Other than his fun with peanuts, Jakob tended to behave. He had to since this was a bar catering mostly to humans, and they were fragile compared to him. Couldn’t just start a fight with one. Smacking them full strength was out of the question. Pity. He’d been wanting to hit things a lot of late.
His older brother Jackson had informed him he had anger issues. As if! Jackson refused to apologize, even after Jakob repeatedly hit him. Nor did Jakob feel any less angry when he picked a fight with little Jaxon, who was kind enough to scrap with him in an effort to alleviate his frustration.
Jakob had no idea what ailed him. He didn’t feel like himself. His bounce had turned to a shuffle. He just didn’t get the same enjoyment out of life as he used to.
Something was missing. Not an object though. As a man of few belongings, he‘d have noticed if he’d lost any of his few treasures.
Yet, he couldn’t help a sense of seeking, looking for what? He didn’t quite know.
The door to the bar opened, and a draft of cool evening air slid through, tickling past his nose, bringing with it new scents. Exhaust from a vehicle in the parking lot. A hint of dust—Journey’s End sat at the edge of a barren stretch of land. And a perfume he’d only ever smelled once in his life.
He immediately stiffened. It couldn’t be her…
Don’t look. He was probably wrong. Why would she be here, of all places? He must be mistaken. He dipped his head and stared at his empty glass. Should he order another one? Probably not if he was wasted enough to imagine she’d found him.
Movement by his side caught his attention, and a furtive glance showed a person had ignored the stretch of empty stools to sit beside him. They brought with them a perfume tang and a hint of something else. Not human. Nor the animal he would have expected.
It wasn’t her, meaning it should have been safe to look.
Jakob turned his head. “Holy jumpin’ ants on a hot plate. It is you.”
He took her in with a single glance. Slender and yet not too tall, elegant in her tailored crimson suit with its smart jacket, blouse, and skirt. Pearls on her lobes and around her neck, her face carefully slathered in makeup to enhance her features, appearing much more sophisticated than he recalled. Her presence tied his tongue. He could think of no brilliant retort. Not to this woman.
She didn’t have the same issue. “Hello, son.”
“Mother,” was his short and sour reply.
Jakob didn’t like giving her that solemn title. But what else could he call Mrs. Veronica Guinevere Jones, mother of five, who’d abandoned her family when he was just a boy? Broke his father’s heart. Poor man had been consoling himself with lady after lady since he’d been dumped. Truly horrible all the sex Da indulged in to try and feel better.
Jakob didn’t know how he did it. When Jakob’s one and only true love ditched his ass and threatened to set it on fire, the few flings he’d had left him feeling hollow and dirty. It was true what they said. A man never forgot his first love.
“Well, are you going to talk or sulk?” Mother demanded in an annoyed tone she had no right taking. None at all.
He glared at his mum. “I ain’t got nothing to say to you.” Unlike some of his other brothers, he didn’t wallow in the mire of emotions that came from being abandoned. Rather than mope, he chose to be angry.
“Are you sure about that? I would have said you had plenty to ask me.” Mrs. Veronica Guinevere Jones—or would that be Malone since, technically, the marriage was considered over—half turned on the stool to face him.
She used to tuck him into bed and kiss his forehead before heading back to the living room to spend the next hour or more yelling at his da about how unhappy she was because he had no goals. It was almost a nightly thing. Sometimes it ended in the door slamming shut and the spinning of wheels on gravel as his da took off for the evening, unable to make his wife happy.
Other nights, his dad knew the right things to say and his parents had sex. Nine months later…hello, new brother. Jakob wouldn’t have minded a sister. A sister probably wouldn’t have beaten him with claims she was toughening him up like his older brothers did.
Jakob eyed her, a woman who’d been so unhappy she faked her own death to escape her family. Did he really want to fall down a crocodile hole asking why? Could he really pass up the chance to hear the bullshit excuse she’d use?
“Why did you do it?”
“Do you mean the interview with the media? I thought it was time to tell the world that humans aren’t the dominant speci
es like they thought.” Her lips curved into a smile that held a hint of the serpent from the garden that corrupted.
“Hunh?” He blinked. “I actually think it’s funny you went on television and claimed you believed in shapeshifters.”
With cameras popping up everywhere, and social media spreading news like wildfire, it was only a matter of time before they were outed. Better to do it by gentle announcement than because someone caught a meat eater chomping on a human culled from the herd—or so his Uncle Kyle claimed.
“If you agree with what I’m doing, then you know why I did it. It’s time our kind stopped hiding.”
“Whatever. Don’t really care. That’s not what I was asking about, though. I meant, why did you leave us?” Asked with impatience that hopefully masked any sign of pathetic-ness. It felt weak to ask, and worse, he was anxious for a reply. Why did she do it? Was it his fault? Could he have done something different so his mum wouldn’t have left him?
Was he so unlovable?
Ugh. The emotions. He thought his mommy issues were buried. He’d have to beat them back into hiding later. Maybe get his hands on some more moonshine.
As it turned out, his mother’s reason had nothing to do with him at all. “I left because I was destined for greater things.” She pronounced it as if it were the most logical thing for a mother of five to do to her children.
“You made us believe you were dead!” As jaded as he was, he still had the capacity for shock.
She’d made them all believe she’d died in a dingo attack when he was just a knee-high lad still. Jakob and his brothers did their best to eradicate the hollow feeling that came from losing their mum, the only voice of sanity in their house. With her gone, they had no one to stop them from climbing things they shouldn’t. Blowing up shit. Fighting with their fists, then weapons. Joining a secret paramilitary operation. The adrenaline used to carry him; now he longed for a quieter pace of life.
Maybe he’d do something drastic and crazy like get hitched. His brothers who’d tied the knot seemed happy enough.
“I needed a clean break.”
“Ever hear of divorce?” was his sarcastic reply.
“Are you really going to whine and cry about it? It happened. Get over it. You’re reminding me why I left the sniveling lot of you.”
“And this would be why you never won mother of the year.”
“I would have been better off if I’d drowned the lot of you at birth.”
The blow of her statement snapped his psyche into stunned shock. Anyone else he would have punched. He couldn’t hit a woman, let alone his mother. Why did she have to come back? He was better off when he thought her dead. “What is wrong with you?”
“I assume you’re still being tiresome and referring to the fact I lack a maternal gene. What can I say? Children bore me.” She shrugged.
“You could say ‘I’m sorry.’”
Laughter trilled from her. “But I’m not. Or do you want me to lie?”
Ouch. Rather than wince, he signaled Anvil, who slid him a fresh glass of booze before heading to the back of the bar. Jakob took a swig that went down like water. “If you feel nothing, then why are you here?”
“To see you, of course.”
He didn’t let the little boy inside feel any excitement at her words. He doubted she’d come for a reconciliation. And why him? Why not one of his older, more stable brothers? Or his da? “What do you want?”
“Such a complicated question. Would it help if I said my final goal is world domination?” She said it with a pretty smile as if it weren’t the most ludicrous thing ever.
He blinked. “The humans won’t ever let you be in charge.”
“You are assuming I’d let them have a choice. And who says there will be any humans left to get in my way?”
“Did you just imply genocide?” He couldn’t even believe the words passed his lips. Who was this person? Not his mother. That was for sure. Not a Jones either.
“Stated, actually. It is a known fact the world is overpopulated and that the climate crisis is being caused by humans.”
“Actually, according to some scientists, it’s a planetary rotational axis thing, not carbon.”
“Humans are still a blight upon this world, and we’d be better off without them.”
“You’re talking about murdering billions of people. It will never happen.”
“Who said anything about killing them? There is more than one way to ensure humans stop being the dominant species.”
“How?” He was curious about her obviously psychotic manifesto.
“You know what they say. If you can’t beat them, change them.”
“Have you been sniffing glue? You can’t change humans into shifters.”
“That’s what you think. And not just humans. Imagine if we weren’t stuck with what we were born with. What if we could be better? Stronger?”
As she spoke, something about her relaxed and her scent shifted. His eyes widened as he grasped what she implied. “You’ve used Mastermind’s serum.”
Mastermind was an evil creature who’d devoted her time to concocting potions to enhance certain attributes in shifters, only it went horribly wrong. A pity Mastermind’s ideas and recipes didn’t die when she did.
“Please.” She snorted. “That pipsqueak only ever managed failures. Unstable concoctions with wild effects, whereas I”—Veronica’s smile turned devious—“have created a compound that is highly directed and effective with the right candidate.”
“What do you mean you created? I never knew you were a chemist.” When he was growing up, she appeared constantly appeared frazzled trying to keep up with a massive household of boys on a stretched budget.
“Because I let hormones get in the way. I went to college, you know, on a scholarship. Top of my class until your dad impregnated me. The cad promised I could go back to school after the babe was born, only there was no time, no money, and the damned babies kept coming.”
“Ever hear of birth control?” He rolled his eyes.
“Back then, the weak versions on the market didn’t work on shifters, and I was ridiculously fertile.”
“So to pursue your dream of being a mad scientist, you abandoned your family.”
“I was left with no choice. I needed to be free to fulfill my destiny.” Again, she had no apology.
“That’s a load of dingo crap,” he muttered. “When we found you, a while back, in that secret lab, you were hooked up with that Wilson fellow.” Kole Wilson, an evil koala shifter whom everyone thought was the true power behind the continued experiments on shifters. The only good thing that came out of that mission was his brother hooked up with that Nev chick. The bad? They realized their mother was a real twat.
“Kole was useful to my goals.”
“Meaning he was rich,” Jakob spat.
“Filthy rich,” she said with a smirk. “And when Kole died, guess who inherited everything?”
A reminder the evil koala had perished for his actions while Jakob’s mother managed to slip away.
“Guess you got everything you wanted,” was his sour reply.
“I did.” She seemed determined to keep verbally kicking him down.
Jakob swallowed more moonshine, but it didn’t help. His drunkenness had faded into stone-cold sobriety. “Did you come here just to rub my face in the fact you’re a shit mum? Or did you have another reason?”
“I need your help with something.”
“As if I’d help you,” he sneered. “I wouldn’t waste a piss on you, even if you were on fire.”
She went on as if he’d not said a thing. “I need to send a message to the shifter council.”
“Send it yourself. I’m sure they’re dying to talk to you.” Probably anxious for a location so they could remove the threat. The problem being, how to take out a woman who’d gone from pretending she was dead to the star of the hour in the human limelight? They had to remove her without drawing the wrong kind of attention.
>
If she were anyone else, Jakob would have instigated a bar fight and solved the threat to his family. He only needed one punch. Kapow. Not many could get up from his version of the TKO, not without medical help at least.
But he was tired of being a weapon.
And she was his mom.
“Before I give the council my demands, I need them to understand why I’m to be obeyed.”
He snorted. He couldn’t help it. “No one is going to obey you.”
“Because they think I’m weak.” A reference to her lowly position in shifter society. There were two kinds of shifters: predator and prey. Although these days, the prey blended in better with society, given those who resorted to violence didn’t do so well when they caught the attention of humans. “Wait until they see what I can do.”
“You?” He snickered. Given his mum shifted into a quokka—a marsupial the size of a house cat—the only living things that feared her were the grass and leaves. Quokkas were known to be the cutest creatures with the nicest disposition. Usually. His mother bucked that trend.
“You shouldn’t mock me. You have no idea what I’m capable of.”
“Killing people with cuteness? Ooh, scary.” He fake shuddered and laughed. “Maybe if you turned into a bus-sized version, you might be a little dangerous.”
Judging by her expression, she didn’t like the insult. “For your information, I learned how to switch size and add body parts after the first rendition of the formula. However, it is my latest accomplishment that the council will be most concerned about.”
“Oh yeah, what did you do?”
“So glad you asked because you’re about to find out.”
Ominous words that made him laugh. “Is this where you ask me to go to the parking lot with you so I can see you transform? I ain’t going anywhere with you.”
“That’s what you think. You have a choice to make. Come with me quietly, or by force.”
“Force?” He eyeballed her and her smart suit. She could make all the claims she wanted. He was a trained kangaroo fighter. A predator despite what some might think. “You should have brought your army.”