by Fiona Neal
I hope his pride is a hurdle that is not insurmountable.
Alice had the urge to lash out with anger, but that would just make things worse. She did not want to have a dispute and put another barrier between them. Besides, she had learned to subdue her temper in the convent. So she said, “Yes, of course.” She smiled. “I didn’t realize that. I am glad you told me. Would a set of bed linens for each man be appropriate?”
“That is an excellent idea, Alice.” He smiled.
So...he had not taken offense. She offered prayer of gratitude for that.
“May I help you, sir?” A woman came from the back of the store.
“Thank you, but we were just looking,” Edmund informed her.
He then put his arm around Alice and guided her outside. They then walked their mounts to the weaver’s shop, which was across the street.
This shop, constructed similarly to the other, had lengths of woolen and linen cloth displayed. They walked to the fine linen, and Edmund fingered the cloth. “This is just the thing. It is good material. The sheets will last for many years.”
“Yes,” she agreed.
Alice also purchased a long length of fine blue wool for Edith’s Christmas gift. She had time to fashion the lovely soft cloth into a cloak. The color would flatter the young woman who was now her dear sister-in-law. She paid for the purchase with her gold.
A thin, elderly man completed the transaction, and Edmund helped Alice mount her animal. He looped the bag that held the purchases onto the rolled front of his saddle.
“Now, you mentioned your favorite spot on the estate,” Edmund remarked.
“Yes, we must get on the trail to the parkland. It is there.”
* * * *
They traveled to the place, and Edmund saw the bridge curving over a fast moving stream. Snow-dusted trees, large and small, covered both sides of the flowing water.
“This is beautiful, Alice,” he said, gazing at the lovely landscape.
“Yes, it is beautiful in all seasons. In the springtime, the trees flower, and in summer, daisies turn the banks white with their blooms. Sometimes waterfowl congregate. The swans are especially lovely. In early in the autumn, the leaves turn golden and red, and now…well, as you can see it is peaceful and white under the snow.
“Yes, and I can see why you like it here,” he remarked and smiled, nodding his approval.
Edmund dismounted and helped her from her horse, and she did not resist when he urged her into his arms.
“I am sorry I upset you, Edmund,” she said, still within the circle of his loose embrace. “I was just trying to help when I suggested the carpets. I didn’t realize how expensive they were.”
“You didn’t upset me, dear girl. My lack of funds is the cause of the problem, not you.”
“I know. It’s a matter of honor, isn’t it?” she asked.
“Yes.” He nodded and caressed her face. “I’m surprised you understand.”
“I truly comprehend how difficult it is to subdue one’s natural tendencies. For the most part, I learned to command myself in the convent, but I still have difficulty with controlling my desires. Most people think that chastity is the most difficult urge to control, Edmund, but it isn’t. Learning obedience and doing what you are told instead of what you want is the hardest part.”
“Yes, I suppose it is, but it is difficult to believe that you should be without a husband. You seem self-contained most of the time, but I believe you have a passionate nature, Alice.”
“Perhaps I have, but fear keeps it well in check.”
“I think that will be a great waste, Alice, if your natural tendencies are not allowed some expression. The Bible exhorts to increase and multiply. I learned Latin by reading the Bible, and I always remember that verse because it tells us to be human.”
“I never thought of that, but I suppose it is true,” she said. “But you are full of surprises, Edmund. You never told me that you could read Latin.”
“I wanted to be a scholar. I mentioned that to your grandfather, and he had the chaplain teach me, although his lordship told me he had to train me as my father dictated.”
“That sounds like my grandfather. He is a kind man.” She nodded.
“Yes, he is,” Edmund agreed.
“It is getting colder.” She shivered.
He held her closer, and she reveled in the warmth of his body. “Is that better?” he asked softly.
“Yes,” she replied. “It is much better.”
When she did not try to break away, Edmund felt encouraged. “You know, we never did kiss,” he said. “Would you like to try?”
She looked up at him, her eyes as lustrous and fine as emeralds. “I don’t know how. I’ve never kissed a man, except my grandfather, and that was on his cheek.”
“Let me show you then.” He put his lips gently on hers and kissed her tenderly. When he broke away, he asked, “Did you find that pleasant, Alice?”
“Yes,” she replied, “most pleasant.”
He considered repeating the kiss, but thought it would be a better strategy to leave her wanting to repeat it.
He then he said, “You spoke of your assault, dearest, but I should like you to show me where it happened—that is if you feel up to it. I think if I see the place with you, I shall better understand your fears, and uh…your feelings. But this is just a suggestion, Alice. It is not a demand or even a request.”
Alice gazed at him for a few moments. “I do not really know how to react. It would be like being reliving the incident. I see the place every time I go to chapel, which I do in the company or others, so it is not so bad.”
Still, he had to put this fear out of her mind. Furthermore, Edmund would be with her when they went to the place. He could protect her.
“Perhaps that was a bad suggestion,” he said.
“No, I believe you are right, Edmund. If just you and I went, maybe I should be able to put the incident into perspective. My fear keeps me a prisoner. I wish to be in control of my emotions.”
“Are you sure, Alice? I don’t wish to make you uneasy, and believe me; rt was just a thought. It is not an ultimatum.”
“I understand that, Edmund, but I think your being with me will help. That night of the attack, I felt so alone, so vulnerable. I had no one to protect me. God did, but he seemed so far away, but he wasn’t. He was with me. I never realized that before.”
“Then shall we do it tonight?” he suggested.
“All right,” she agreed. “As soon as the sun goes down, we’ll will. I want you to see the place as I saw it that awful night.”
“I think we should go back to the castle now,” He suggested. “It is getting colder and the snow is beginning to fall.”
“Yes, I agree,” she said.
* * * *
Alice relived the pleasant sensation of Edmund’s lips all the way home. She really didn’t feel threatened by the kiss. Was the act of love similar? Perhaps, if a man loved a woman, the intimacy would be pleasant. She hoped so.
Besides, even though Edmund was strict about taking money from her, Alice felt he cared for her. He could have forced her to indulge in her wifely duties, but he did not. He never forced her. He was always gentle and kind to her.
And he didn’t murder me, even when Edith’s life was at stake.
That restraint had to prove extremely difficult for him. He loved Edith dearly.
And it would have been so easy to kill me.
And now, Edmund wanted to accompany her back to the scene of the assault and battery. At first, she felt reluctant, but maybe revisiting the place of the assault would put her fears behind her. Edmund was sweet to do this with her. Perhaps he did love her.
Alice felt she was beginning to love him.
* * * *
Godwin was waiting for her when she enter her apartments. She was alone, for Edmund had to see to the men under his command.
Alice was pleasantly surprised by the boy's appearance. He had been given a bat
h, and his clothes were now clean and he smelled of pine. Likely, Baldwin, her grandfather's one of the most trusted servants, had supervised the event.
Godwin bowed as she entered the room.
“How are you?” she asked.
“I am much better. The cook fed me a piece of backed fish and I had bread and parsnips. I also enjoyed the apples and nuts with honey. I liked the bath, too. That man, Baldwin, is kind. Most people are not. They treat me rough, like my master...my former master.”
“Yes, people often think that because a person is poor, he is like a beast of burden. They forget that our Lord and Savior was born in a stable.”
The boy nodded and Alice smiled.
Now clean, Godwin looked very handsome. He had almost black hair, black lashes, and brows, which framed his extraordinary violet-blue eyes. He had a small nose, wide brow, strong jaw, and lovely lips. His teeth were fine, too., and Alice wondered why, for it was obvious that Godwin had been malnourished of late—perhaps for quite a while.
He was still pale and so thin he was gaunt, but he was a tall boy. With good food and proper treatment, he would be a most handsome man—and she hoped a good man.
“Sit down, Godwin.”
Obviously, he knew that he should not sit in the presence of a lady, especially Lady Alice, who would one day be the Countess Alice, but the young man looked astonished.
Alice chuckled. “It is all right, Godwin. I have asked you to sit.”
He pulled a chair to the fireplace and sat by her.
“Now, did you like being a baker?”
“No, my lady, and it was not because my master was harsh. The work bored me. I'd like to do something that interests me.”
“And what would that be?”
“I'd like to be a knight.”
That was almost impossible. The boy had the physique for it, but he was a low born person.
Still, Alice did not refuse Godwin. Perhaps with some thought, she could give him what he desire. At the moment, though, she didn't know how he could achieve his dream. Still, he would probably have the power and ability to do it if he had a little help.
“It takes many years to be a knight.”
“Yes, my lady. It does, and it also requires training with heavy wooden swords that are weightier than a metal weapon. It also takes money and being born to the right family. Still,” he continued, “I think I can do it...if given the chance.”
Just then Edmund came into the chamber and Godwin jumped from the seat.
“Sir Edmund,” Alice said and smiled. “Do you have some work for Godwin in the barracks?”
Edmund peered at the boy for a bit and said, “Yes, I could use someone who would tend to several things. And someone who could run errands. But I need an honest person who would be willing to work hard.”
“I'm a hard worker, Sir Edmund,” the young man said.
“You must then explain why you were locked in the stocks for cheating.”
“I did not wish to follow my master's instructions, Sir Edmund, but he threatened to beat me if I didn't. He used a whip on me once. It was terrible to feel that lash, and I have stripes on my flesh for day. I did not wish to feel his wrath again, so I put the weight in the bread. I know it was wrong, and I am sorry. I never want to do a dishonorable thing again.”
“I see,” Edmund said.
Alice remained silent, but she was appalled by the harsh treatment Godwin had to endure. He would tell her grandfather about it. She would also say that she wished to sponsor the boy to become a knight. But for now, she would let Edmund take care of him and see how he did in the barracks.
“I am willing to give you a chance,” Edmund said. “Let us go to barracks and I shall introduce you to the men and the armorer, who will supervise you. It is honorable work if you want it.”
“Oh, I want it, ” Godwin replied without hesitation.
Alice knew the boy's life had been hard. Boy...he was just few years younger than he was, but he had none of her advantages.
“I suggested that you go with Sir Edmund,” Alice said “and learn all you can from him and everyone who is honest and hard working.”
Edmund and the boy left, and Alice pondered about what do to about the village baker. She would speak to her grandfather soon about that issue. The man had abused Godwin and had forced him into cheating people. The scoundrel had ordered the boy to do his dirty work.
But even sooner, she and Edmund would revisit the past. Would that help or hinder her from becoming her handsome Winter Knight's wife in fact and not just in name?
* * * *
After the sun went down, Edmund and Alice left their suite of rooms and went to castle chapel. They offered a pray and then exited, walking along the dark cloister, which was open to the inner courtyard.
Everyone was getting ready to have the final meal of the day, so she and her handsome husband were quite alone in their mission.
Alice felt shaky, but her tall, muscular husband could protect her, and that mitigated circumstances. She felt comfortable with him. She hoped he would understand her fears.
“I had no thought that anyone would hurt me,” she said quietly. “I mean I was coming out of the chapel. Furthermore, I was Lord De Winter’s granddaughter.”
“Alice, the soldier was drunk. I heard this Edwin liked his spirits over much. He probably didn’t recognize you.”
“Yes, I suppose that is true.” She nodded. “Oh,” she said and stopped, leaning against the wall. “I’m sorry, Edmund, but this is where the man clamped his hand over my mouth. I was so frightened. I never saw him when he did that. He was hiding in the shadows, which you can see are so dark, and he grabbed me from behind.” Alice was shaking.
“Yes, they are. He put his warm strong arms around her. “But you are trembling, dear wife. I will not let anything hurt you. Furthermore, the man is dead. The fact that he was inebriated means that he was not in full control of himself. He likely thought you were a serving maid and may have deluded himself that you would enjoy his crude advances.”
“Yes,” she said, and her voice quavered. “He did reek of strong drink, and you have proven you can defend me. You already have on several occasions.”
“And likely the man had a problem. You did say he staggered back and blood rushed from his nose. If I remember, the doctor mentioned he had a hemorrhage.”
“It was horrible, Edmund.” And Alice began to cry.
He swept her up into his arms, carrying her. “We have had enough of remembering. Let us go to our rooms. I’ll have a maid bring us our meal.”
“Yes, please take me there,” she requested between sobs and tears.
A few minutes later, he gently placed her on the bed. “I was wrong, Alice. I thought we could banish the bed memories, but your recollections are still so vivid and so raw.”
“But now, I have you to protect me,” she said, and she caressed his face.
“I vowed to keep you safe if I must forfeit my life to save you.” Edmund sat on the bed and took her cold hand. “I pledged that to you that night in the inn. I meant ever word, Alice.”
“Hold me close, Edmund.”
He took her in his arms.
“I feel safe now,” she revealed. “But you were right. I think going to the place has banished some of the fear I had.”
“You don’t have to say that to make me feel better,” he told her.
“I’m not, Edmund. It was frightening and I cried, but it was cathartic. I’m better now. Really, I am.”
“Good,” he said and kissed her cheek.
“Edmund would you kiss me again the way you did near the stream? I need you to do that.”
He kissed her again tenderly.
“Thank you, Edmund,” she said when he finished. “Each time you kiss me it feels more pleasant.”
“That is a good thing,” he said, holding her.
“I feel and I believe with all my heart that you would never hurt me.”
“I never would, Alice.
I care for you more than I have ever cared for anyone.”
“And I care for you, Edmund, but…”
“But you aren’t ready to really become my wife.”
“I feel I shall soon, sooner than we know.”
He let go of her and stood. “I will see to our evening meal, and I must check on some business. I’ll be back in time to share the food.”
But as he felt her alone, Alice felt a strong, deep sense of loss, and she began to cry.
* * * *
Edmund hurried out of their quarters. He had to get away from Alice. He was so drawn to her he was afraid he would overstep the boundaries that she had set.
He was just a man—a mere mortal man—with a sexual appetite that was relentlessly nagging for satisfaction. This was a need—a very powerful natural drive with which he had been born. This urge was not an indulgence that he easily could deny.
The need was a good thing—the way he could beget children. Edmund had always wanted a family of happy sons and daughter—though he thought he would have to wait many years to have sons and daughters, for money was a big problem.
Now, although he was married to a woman he loved, he did not know if he would ever have them, for she was shy about the marriage act. No. Shy was not the correct word. She was terrified of intimacy. It would take a while for her to realize that intimate love was a pleasant, lovely thing.
Still, had Alice spoken the truth when she had said she was getting closer to wanting to consummate their marriage? Oh, God, he hoped so. Edmund could not force her, so when his desires became unbearably demanding he left her and tried to concentrate on something else.
But how long could he continue to do that. It was true that he was not a saint. He was just a man made of flesh and blood with a human’s normal desires.
Chapter Seven
The weddings of Sir Crispin, Sir Nigel and their brides brought joy to Alice and Edmund. It felt so wonderful to see the happy faces of the brides and grooms, for the two couples married in a double ceremony. One could see both couples were deeply in love.
Sir Crispin's bride wore an outfit of white and red, and Sir Nigel's bride arrayed herself in yellow. The women were lovely and the grooms handsome.