by Edith DuBois
Every emotion had been ripped away. He was left with a vast white emptiness. He knew Marina was the only one who could bring him back. Her shaky breaths rattled against him. She still clung to him.
He was so entangled. No matter what happened, he would never be free from her.
Collapsing next to her on the bed, he only wanted to hold her for a moment. He pulled her close and burrowed his face in her neck. She touched the scar on his cheek, ran her fingers through his hair and his beard, and kissed his forehead.
“Please don’t leave,” he whispered into her hair.
She sighed, squeezing him tighter but not saying anything.
“Please stay with me.”
* * * *
“Hey, where you going?” Johnny called out from behind Marina. Roy tugged on his leash in the opposite direction, but she paused long enough to turn around.
“Just taking Roy for a walk.”
“Well, hang on a sec.” He ran inside the center. A moment later, he popped back out with a jacket on. “I’ll join you,” he said, grinning and jogging up next to her. They ambled along the trail leading to Brown Trout Lake in companionable silence. Marina giggled at Roy, who kept jumping into the banked snow along the path. He barked happily and chomped down on the snow every once in a while. Johnny slipped his hand into hers, and she couldn’t help but to smile.
After that mind-blowing afternoon two days ago, she could no longer keep herself at a physical distance from the Greenwoods. The bond, the Shoshone curse, whatever the hell it was wouldn’t let her, especially around James and Johnny. With Jeremiah it was different. Half the time she wanted to throw herself on him and dissolve into his skin. Yet with him, it was easier to restrain her urges. She could tell it hurt him when she hesitated to touch him.
And every time he reached for her, it was an arduous, wearisome struggle. She was so tired of fighting herself.
Should she stay?
Or should she take the compound and destroy the connection?
If she didn’t take the compound, could she really abandon her old life? Could she turn her back on everything she knew?
Could she really give up everything and stay here?
Johnny leaned over and kissed her cheeks. “Let it go, sweetheart.”
“Huh?”
“Whatever thought is making you frown, let it go.”
“Oh sorry. I didn’t realize.”
Johnny chuckled. “Well, we all know tomorrow night is the concert, and the morning after that, you’ll have to tell Bo to throw his compound out the window.”
“Johnny, I can’t—”
“Let me finish.”
“Okay, but you know I’m not going to…you know I can’t promise you anything.”
He sighed. “Yeah, I know. But how about while we’re out here with Roy and with all this fresh air and snow, why don’t we both forget about everything for an hour or so. I sort of just want to enjoy holding your hand and walking with you and maybe stealing a kiss or two.”
Her heart lurched at his words, and inwardly she cursed herself. Lately that was all her heart had been doing. It was nothing but heart lurching left and right. Every time Johnny or James or Jeremiah showed her a tender moment, she was reminded of everything she’d be leaving behind if she decided to take the compound. And then, of course, her heart had to go on a lurching rampage.
“Okay,” she managed to squeak out through all the uncontrollable lurching.
“Good, ’cause I think now is the perfect time to steal me one of those kisses.” He pulled her into his arms and planted his warm mouth over hers. He bent her backward and had his way with her lips. Roy yipped and pranced around them, anxious to continue their walk.
Marina broke away, giggling.
“Mmm! You’re tasting extra delicious this morning,” Johnny said, smacking his lips.
“I put maple syrup in my oatmeal.”
He gave her rear a nice, firm squeeze and then took her hand again. Humming a little tune as they walked along, he would occasionally point out spots where he and his brothers had gotten into mischief when they were younger or where he’d seen interesting wildlife on past walks. As they ventured further into the countryside, Marina let Roy off his leash, and occasionally Johnny cut off a small branch here and there. He cut a few sprigs of mistletoe and bit of prickly greenery. When he had a nice-sized bundle, he pulled a bit of twine out of his pocket and tied all of it together. She thought he’d been making it for her, but he simply carried the tiny bundle, chatting happily but never handing it over.
They’d been walking about fifteen minutes when Johnny grabbed her hand and tugged her off the path. “Come on,” he said, shooting her a sexy grin. “There’s something I want to show you.”
“Roy!” Marina called out. “Let’s go, boy. This way.” The dog perked up for a moment and then darted toward them, running away from the edge of the lake where he had been investigating a bit of shrubbery poking through the whiteness. They worked their way through the snow, stomping and forging a path amongst the trees. Johnny tugged her along, and Roy bounded beside them. A few minutes later, Marina was panting, and Johnny stopped.
“This is it,” he said. When she looked up, she noticed they’d made it to the top of a hill. Johnny had brought her to a small chapel. It was constructed with stones of petrified wood and had a modest steeple on the front of the roof. It was tucked into the trees. There was no sign in front of it, and some of the windows had been shattered.
“It’s abandoned?” she asked.
Johnny nodded. “It was used in the pioneer days, but when Savage Valley began to grow, a bigger church was built closer to town. This one was left to the wilderness.” Marina walked up to one of the broken windows and peered inside. There were only about eight rows of pews, and a stark wooden pulpit at the front. She could tell a thick layer of dust and dirt lay over the insides, but it gave the interior an air of untouched, sacred beauty.
When she turned around to look back in the direction they had come from, she sucked in a sharp breath. Positioned on the crest of a hill, the chapel overlooked all of Brown Trout Lake, and Marina could see the waters stretched out before them, sparkling and pristine in the early morning light.
“Oh my.” She gasped in wonderment. “This is…”
He took her hand and squeezed. After his eyes swept across the vista, he turned those black orbs on her. “You like it, sweetheart?”
He was anxious. He wanted her to like this place. She could hear it in his voice. “Johnny, this is so beautiful. I’ve never seen anything like it.”
“Really?”
She cupped his cheek and then stood on her toes to kiss him. The air was still and calm around them, and as she smelled Johnny, as his lips moved gently over hers, she felt herself crumbling into him. God, how she wanted to give him everything, how easy it would be. She could call up Bo and tell him to forget everything. She could run all the way back down to the preservation center and tell Jeremiah she wanted him. She could tell him she was his. She could be a part of this place.
Johnny pulled his mouth away and looked down at her, sweeping her bangs away from her eyes. She had to blink a couple times. Her thoughts had become so jumbled in the warmth of his kiss.
She wouldn’t stay. All the old reasons bubbled up, and even though she’d been over them again and again and again, they were still just as true. As much as she loved Johnny for bringing her to this special place, it didn’t make her belong here any more than before. He was wasting its specialness on her, and she felt guilty.
“I thought we promised to forget about all that,” Johnny whispered.
She frowned up at him, wondering how he’d known her thoughts had strayed.
“Your face shows everything, Marina. You have an adorable little pout, but when you think about anything serious, it disappears. Usually, that happens right after you kiss me or one of my brothers. Or after we fuck you senseless.”
After yanking her close, he whispered in her ear. “I’m dead serious. I know you are tormented with thoughts of leaving and even more with thoughts of staying. When I touch you, when we are so close to each other, you don’t know what to do with yourself. I know.” He kissed her neck. “I know, Marina.”
“Then let me go.” She’d nearly choked on the words.
He chuckled and then stepped away. “You are so stubborn.” He pinched her nose, and she swatted at him. “Come on,” he said, “there’s one more thing I want to show you.”
She should have demanded he answer her and then marched straight down that hill, but she couldn’t. In fact, she should quit fooling around with them all together. Sighing and cursing her weak will, she followed him around to the back of the chapel, to a small area enclosed by an iron fence. She was damned and cursed no matter what she did.
“What’s this?” she asked as Johnny opened a small, squeaky gate and motioned her inside.
“I thought that before you go”—he walked a few steps away from the gate and knelt down, brushing snow from a spot on the ground—“you should at least see this place.” He’d uncovered a headstone and now placed the tiny bundle of branches he’d gathered on top of it. He stood up and met Marina’s eyes and shrugged. “I wanted you to meet my parents.”
As she gingerly made her way toward him, her heart began lurching like crazy again. She looked down at the stone he’d uncovered and read the engraving.
Here lies Janet McClendon Greenwood, a wife beloved, a mother cherished.
“Is Janet your mother?”
Johnny nodded.
“Are all the Greenwoods buried here?”
He nodded again. “This is my whole family. Right here on this small plot of land. It’s funny. My father brought me here when I was about eight.” He bent over and wiped the snow from two more stones. “It had been several years since the accident. We would go months without talking about it, without even mentioning Mama or Papa Dan. Then one morning, out of the blue, Papa William got all three of us out of bed. He didn’t say much. Mama and Papa Dan were the chatterbugs, he always told us. But that morning he got three sleepy boys out of bed, helped us bundle up in scarves and gloves, and then took us out for a walk. It had snowed the night before. Everything was fresh and untouched. It looked a lot like it does now. A blanket of white everywhere. I think that’s maybe what made him want to take us up here. It was almost like the snow had made everything new again, and maybe he needed to make sure we would remember.”
Johnny straightened up and took her hand, looking down at the three stones as he spoke. “We walked up here and said a small prayer over Mama and Papa Dan, and then we walked back around to the front of the chapel and just stared at the lake. Looking back now, even as young as we were, we must have known something. Like, even though we couldn’t understand why, we knew this wasn’t just an ordinary walk. There was something different.
“And then all of a sudden Papa William picked me up and hugged me. When he set me back on the ground, he knelt down and looked at us, at me and my brothers. And he said, ‘Boys, I want you to promise me something. Can you do that?’ We all three nodded obediently. He said, ‘I want you to bring me back here when I’m old. This is where I want to be. I want to lay with the ones I love, here in the snow. Do you understand me, boys? Can you promise me this?’
“I was only eight years old, but I could tell, you know? I knew he was scared, knew he thought we might forget.” Johnny chuckled. “So then I did what any self-respecting eight-year-old does. I spit in the palm of my hand, held it out to him, and said, ‘I promise, Papa.’”
“You didn’t!”
Johnny nodded. “I sure did, and you know what? Papa William spit in his palm, and we shook on it right then and there.”
Marina laughed softly at the image of an eight-year-old Johnny making a spit-promise with his father, but then her smile faded. She looked at Johnny and then gazed down at the three stones.
“You brought him back.”
Johnny nodded. He was lost in thought. His eyes had a dazed quality, so she stood silently, letting him have his quiet moment and wondering why he had decided to share this story and this place with her. This wasn’t a memory to be shared lightly. Even though she was technically his mate, he didn’t have to bring her here, didn’t have to clutch at her insides with heartbreaking family histories.
He turned toward her and held her face, his eyes searching hers. She looked away, unable to face his scrutiny. “Marina,” he whispered, “I want you to know that no matter what you think, or what you believe, you have a place here. With us and with this land.”
Those words—those beautiful, tempting words—caused her to suck in a deep breath. She had to steel herself against the alluring call of everything those words promised her. She had to keep telling herself that she didn’t need to belong anywhere or to anyone. She belonged to the air, to the wind, to everything moving.
It was what she had always known about herself.
It was what she had always known about everything.
“Johnny,” she said, letting his hand go. “I need to ask you for something, and I want you to really consider what I’m asking. It won’t be easy, but I think…”
His fingertips brushed tendrils away from her face. “What is it? You know, you must know by now, that I would do anything to make you happy. My brothers, too.”
“This is my second to last night in Savage Valley.” His features tensed. “It is, Johnny. I don’t know how else to say it.”
“Go on,” he said through gritted teeth. When she hesitated, unsure if he was actually going to listen to her request, he said, “Go ahead and ask me what you’re gonna ask me.”
“I want to spend my last night at Aunt Agnes’s, maybe see Michelle. There are some things I need to say to her, things I want her to know before I go.” Marina bit her bottom lip, swallowing down the hot ball that had lodged itself in the back of her throat.
Johnny stared at her a long while, and she gave herself over to those black depths. She surrendered every emotion to his probing gaze, and for the first time, she trusted him to understand her, to see that she truly needed this. Finally he sighed. “Let’s head back.”
“Johnny?” she asked, holding his chin.
Suddenly his face changed. He pulled her close and pressed a fierce kiss upon her lips. Running his fingers through her hair, he said, “You’re gonna get your way in this. But just know, I’m wishing you’ll stay. Know that I’m hoping.” He kissed her again, but it was softer. It tugged at her like a melody. It pulled her toward him like a long-forgotten strain. “I’m always hoping for that,” he whispered.
Marina didn’t want to think about it, but her mind refused to give her peace.
In two days, she would take the compound, and in two days, she would leave everything behind. That would be the end of it. It had seemed so easy to tell herself that the misery would end, that she would finally be able to leave Savage Valley and all of its insanity behind.
But holding Johnny’s hand while walking back to the center, she knew that nothing about leaving the Greenwoods would be simple. After all, Savage Valley was just some tiny, tucked-away town, hidden in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado—albeit, a tiny, tucked-away town with bear-shifters.
But somehow, she belonged to this strange little place.
The thought surprised her. Her mind should have run screaming in the opposite direction. It should have chased the thought off with a heavy-duty battering ram. Instead, she tucked the thought in some small, warm place in her brain and held it there. She allowed the thought to stay and kept it safe. In two days’ time, after she took the compound and left, after she had severed her mating bond with Johnny and James, and after she had left Savage Valley forever, she wanted to hold on to the warmth of that thought for as long as possible.
F
or reasons unknown, she liked the idea of belonging here.
Chapter Fourteen
“Damn right I’m making this harder.” James’s voice had an edge, and Marina knew he would do nothing to tame it. “If you think I’m just gonna let you drink some of Bo’s bullshit potion and then prance off away from here forever, you’re even more pigheaded than I thought.”
“James, I have to be onstage in five minutes. This isn’t—” His lips crashed against hers and stole the rest of her sentence. She felt his kiss in her gut. It stole all the oxygen from her lungs. It set her blood on fire. Her body was his, and he knew it. His tongue moved in and rolled against the roof of her mouth. He jabbed at her and left no room for maneuvering. He possessed every thought.
She whimpered at the feel of his hard cock nudging up against her stomach. Reaching a hand down, she curled her fingers up under his bulge and held him. The weight of him in her hand sent arousal roiling through her veins.
He reached down and trapped her hand against his cock. Then as abruptly as he’d started the kiss, he broke it off, looking down at her with a blazing triumph. “Now try to tell me you don’t love me.”
“I don’t believe in—”
“Goddamn it, yes you do. I know you do. You believe in it. Because you love us. You love us, Marina.”
She shook her head. “You can’t say it and make it so.”
His lips broke over hers again. He wanted everything from her. He wouldn’t stop until he had it. “You do love us, whether you can admit it or not.” He reached up and wiped a renegade tear that had fallen down her cheek. “You’re in love with me and with Johnny and with Jeremiah. We could make you the happiest woman in the world if you’d let us.”
Marina turned her face away from him. Lights shone down, bright and hot. She could hear the growing buzz of the crowd as more and more people filed into the amphitheatre. She and the Greenwoods were standing in one of the wings behind huge speakers. Jeremiah and Johnny stood behind their brother, and all three pairs of dark eyes bore into her.