by Lisa Jackson
“But really none of your business.”
“She said the same thing,” he admitted. He twisted off the bottle cap. “But I can’t just ignore it. The fact is, he’s ruining her life.”
“You don’t know that.”
“She doesn’t love him,” he said flatly, then nearly drained the bottle.
Carlie shook her hair loose from its braid and considered Ben. So he did believe in love after all, but he didn’t want to think that people got married for a lot of different reasons: family pressure, sexual fulfillment, pregnancy. It wasn’t a law that two people had to be in love before they signed a certificate of marriage and, from the marriages Carlie had seen, she was certain more often than not, love wasn’t a major factor in the decision.
Nadine, the little that Carlie knew of her, was a practical person who knew her own mind. If she wanted to marry Sam Warne, Carlie guessed, Nadine had her reasons. Nonetheless, she wanted to understand the source of Ben’s concern, so she played devil’s advocate. “Why do you think she’s going to marry Sam?”
“Because she can’t have the jerk she really loves.” He rolled the empty bottle in his hands and stared across the water. A heron skimmed the surface only to fly gracefully away as thunder rumbled over the hills.
“The man she loves?”
“Don’t you remember? I thought everyone in town knew the old scandal. Nadine and Hayden Monroe, the younger, were an item not too long ago. He got bored with his socialite girlfriend, Wynona Galveston, messed around with Nadine and then, when push came to shove, returned to Wynona’s waiting arms and promptly took her on a boat ride that nearly killed her. Yep, that Hayden Monroe, what a prince of a guy he is.” Ben’s words were bitter as his eyes narrowed on the distant shore. “Good riddance.”
“So what’ve you got against Sam?”
Ben snorted. “He’s okay, just a little too...normal for Nadine. And, you’ve got to admit, Hayden Monroe with his speedboat and big bucks is a tough act to follow.”
“Maybe it’ll work out.” She pushed herself upright and scooted close enough so that her shoulder touched his. Tucking her knees to her chest, she rested her chin on her arms. “You can’t solve all the world’s problems, you know.”
He glanced at her and offered a self-deprecating grin. “I can try.”
“Is that why you think you have to join the army?” she asked, trying to ignore the tiny hole in her heart that ripped a little more each time she thought of Ben tromping through some humid foreign jungle, or marching across acres of hot enemy sand, or rappelling down a sheer cliff to drop into hostile terrain. Her stomach squeezed painfully and she reminded herself that it was peacetime. If Ben joined the army now, chances were he’d be stationed stateside or maybe at a base in Europe.
“I’m joining because I can’t stay here. Nothing ever happens in Gold Creek. There’s just a lot of broken dreams and borrowed promises.” The wind off the lake kicked up, ruffling his hair, smelling of water. “I don’t think I can sit around and watch another generation of Fitzpatricks and Monroes rape the land and make a fortune off the sweat of other men’s backs.” He cocked his head to look at her. “Besides, who’re you to talk? You don’t plan to stick around.”
She couldn’t argue with that, and yet, because of Ben and the last few weeks she’d shared with him, she’d been second-guessing herself, telling herself that a small town in California wasn’t such a bad place to live. She’d fantasized about staying here and marrying Ben. Would it be so bad? Who needed adventure? Who cared about faraway places—the bustle of Manhattan, the romance of Paris, the exotic allure of the Caribbean? What did the world have to offer that she couldn’t find in Gold Creek?
Her train of thought was on a fast track and gathering steam when she put on the brakes. She was ready to change her life and her dreams. All because of Ben. Her throat felt suddenly thick and as she gazed into the hazel depths of his eyes she knew that she would willingly, even gladly, push aside all her dreams of the future just to walk down the aisle with him and become his bride.
As if he could read her thoughts, he brought his face closer to hers and his breath fanned her face. “You’re the only doubt I have,” he admitted, his voice deep and rough. “If I hadn’t met you, I wouldn’t think twice about signing on the dotted line and shipping out.”
Her heart turned over as the first drops of rain began to fall. “You don’t have to say—”
“Shh.” He placed a finger against her lips. “I know I don’t have to say or do anything. I’m just telling you how I feel, Carlie.”
Her throat was suddenly dry as a summer wind.
“And I’ve never cared for anyone the way I care for you. When I’m with you, I don’t want to ever leave and when I’m away from you, I can’t stop thinking about you.” His gaze searched the contours of her face and his fingers found hers. “I don’t understand this and God knows I didn’t want it to happen, but I think I’m falling for you, Carlie Surrett, and if there was anything I could do to prevent it, I would.”
“Ben—”
The finger pressed harder against her mouth and she kissed the soft pad. Rain drizzled from a darkening sky as he outlined her lips, then pushed against her teeth until her mouth opened. Still staring into her eyes, he explored the recess of her mouth, touching the back of her teeth and lightly rubbing the tip of her tongue.
Carlie moaned softly, opening her mouth as his finger withdrew. He gathered her into his arms and his lips melded over hers with a possession that drew the breath from her lungs. Thoughts swam in her head, but all her doubts were chased away and she was only concerned with the here and now, with this lonely park by the lake and Ben...wonderful Ben. His hands were magic as they slid beneath the hem of her T-shirt and massaged the muscles of her back.
Fires ignited deep in her most secret self, a warmth invaded her blood and a deep, dusky need controlled her.
He kissed her eyes, her lips, her neck, and when he came to the circle of bones at her throat, he pressed his tongue against her skin. A tremor swept through her and she felt heat rise in her blood.
His fingers scaled her ribs to feel the weight of her breast and she arched against him, filling his palm, wanting more. He yanked the T-shirt over her head, then, lying on his back, he drew her down to him, so that she was lying atop him as he took her into his mouth. Through the lace of her bra, he suckled, drawing on her nipple, pressing against the muscles of her back so that he could take more of her into his mouth.
Arching her neck, wanting to fill him with the love that was burning in her soul, she clung to his shoulders. She felt him pause to remove the scrap of cloth that restrained him and then his tongue and teeth and lips were kissing her, on her shoulders, between her breasts, on the flat wall of her abdomen and lower. He drew off her shorts, rimming her navel with his tongue as the fine mist of rain collected on her back.
“Love me, Carlie,” he whispered gruffly against her bare stomach and she writhed her answer against him.
She didn’t consider the consequences of the step they were about to take, didn’t think about how easily she would give him her virginity, nor did she doubt that the union of their bodies was anything but destiny.
Kissing him and feeling the wonder of his sinewy muscles, she stripped him of his shirt and soon they were naked in the darkness, protected by the trees, silently touching and kissing. Feverish, she pressed her tongue into his mouth, felt him stiffen as her hands played with his flat nipples.
There was no turning back. As thunder cracked and lightning sizzled in jagged streaks across the sky, Ben rolled her onto her back, gazed into her eyes and with the determination of a man whose sole purpose is to claim one very special woman, he entered her.
She let out a silent scream at the pain, but soon he was rocking over her, giving of himself only to take away, moving as surely as the sea flows to the sand and then retreats. The pain disappeared and her body swayed in a perfect rhythm with his and the blood in her veins ran hot
. With a moan she dug her fingers into his shoulders and danced with him. Ribbons of light fluttered behind her eyes and as lightning streaked the sky she bucked upward, her body convulsing as the ribbons shredded with an explosive wave of heat that flashed behind her eyes and sent her soul soaring to the heavens. Ben fell against her, his body slick with rain and sweat. “Carlie...beautiful, loving Carlie,” he cried, expelling ragged breaths against her neck.
Slowly she floated back to earth, still clinging to him as the wind and rain tore at their bodies. When he lifted his head, he smiled down at her and chuckled. Shoving an unruly lock of wet black hair from her cheek, he sighed loudly and shook his head. “You usually have all the answers. Now what’re we going to do?”
She giggled and wiped a drip of rain from the tip of his nose. With a gruff voice that she didn’t recognize as her own, she whispered, “Hey, soldier, what about an encore?”
* * *
THEY RAN TO the pickup. Their clothes were streaked with mud, their hair sopping wet, their spirits laughing upward to the dark clouds that had the nerve to block the moon.
Carlie cuddled close to Ben as he flipped on the radio and pulled out of the empty lot. Stephen Stills was singing “Love the One You’re With” as the windshield wipers slapped raindrops from the glass. Ben’s truck splashed through puddles on the road back to town and the sky was inky black. Only the occasional oncoming headlight flashed over the interior of the cab, giving Carlie a chance to stare at Ben’s handsome features. Would he really sign his life away and join the army, leaving Gold Creek forever? Her heart squeezed though she knew she was being foolish; she, too, was planning to shake the dust of this small town from her heels.
But now, after making love, after realizing what it was to give yourself to one person, she wondered if she would have the guts to leave. What if Ben didn’t go? What if he stayed here and worked for Thomas Fitzpatrick or Hayden Monroe, putting in hour after hour, shift after shift, day after day and year after tedious year?
Her throat tightened. She could never ask him to give up his dreams, to stay here forever.
So what if you get pregnant? her wayward mind nagged. She hadn’t planned on making love with him, nor had either of them taken precautions. Though she knew the chances of it happening were slim, there were people who conceived children the first time they made love.
Made love.
She bit her lip and wondered about a baby possibly growing inside her: Ben’s child. Oh, Lord. She was torn between being in awe of the miracle of life and knowing that neither she nor Ben were emotionally equipped to raise a child.
The truck sped along the road, toward the glow of lights that shimmered up against the heavy clouds, the town of Gold Creek. Hadn’t she sworn that she’d never live her life here, that she’d see the world before she settled down to raise a family, that she wouldn’t make the same mistakes her parents had? And yet, a part of her would give up all her glamorous plans for a future of adventure and fantasy if she could know that Ben Powell would love her forever.
They drove down Main Street and stopped at a red light. He glanced in her direction and must’ve read the confusion in her eyes. “Regrets?” he asked, touching her hand.
“None,” she assured him. “You?”
He laughed and kissed her cheek. “What do you think?”
The light changed and Ben crossed traffic just as the sound of sirens split the night.
Two police cars, lights flashing, sirens screaming gained on the old pickup.
“Great,” Ben said, pulling over, but the cruisers sped past, sirens wailing shrilly. “Accident,” Ben said and Carlie felt a cold drip of fear slide down her spine. She watched as the police cars rounded the corner of Main Street and Spruce. Ben stepped on the throttle. “That’s Kevin’s street,” he said with a shrug though his brows drew into a worried line.
Of course nothing was wrong with Kevin. Just because he lived on Spruce Street was no reason to believe the police were after him.
But Ben didn’t turn onto the side street leading to the Lakeview Apartments complex. Instead, as if drawn by some kind of morbid magnet, he turned onto Spruce and a ball of ice tightened in Carlie’s stomach. “What’re you— Oh, God!”
The cruisers were parked cockeyed in front of the house Kevin shared with a roommate. Colored lights strobed the sky. A fire truck and rescue van were already pulled into the driveway. Several firemen and police officers were scattered around the yard. Some talked into walkie-talkies, some huddled together, others were in the garage huddled around Kevin’s shiny Corvette.
Neighbors filtered out of their houses and the whole scene played out in slow motion.
Ben yanked out the keys and jumped out of the pickup before the truck had come to a complete stop. Carlie scrambled out behind him. “What’s going on here?” Ben demanded of the first policeman.
“Get back, boy!”
Ben ignored him. “My brother lives here!” he said when the officer tried to restrain him.
“Who’s your brother?”
“Kevin Powell. He—” His voice broke when he stared into the officer’s grim face and Carlie’s lungs seemed to give out. She couldn’t breathe. Her blood pounded in her ears.
“Your brother’s dead, son,” the officer said, sadness etched on his features. “Your sister found him. They took him over to County General, but it was too late.”
“Oh, God,” Carlie whispered, her knees threatening to buckle. This was all a horrid dream. That was it...a dream. She watched as if from a distance.
“No, you’re wrong!” Ben threw off the policeman’s arm. “Kevin—he’s here. He lives here!”
“Son, I’m telling you—”
“You’re a liar!” Ben screamed.
Carlie thought she might be sick. She tried to reach for Ben, but he twisted away from her.
“Kevin’s okay, Carlie! He’s okay!” Ben yelled. “He’s okay!”
“I’m sorry, kid. Maybe I should get you a ride—”
“Like hell. Kevin’s okay! He’s okay!” Ben repeated. His features were etched in fury and disbelief, his body tense and spoiling for a fight as rain sheeted from the sky. “I don’t know why you’re lying to me!”
“Look, son, if you don’t believe me—”
“What’s going on here?” a senior officer intervened and Carlie, willing her knees not to give out, stood next to Ben.
“There’s been some kind of mistake,” she said, her voice nearly failing her. Kevin couldn’t be dead. He just couldn’t. “This is Ben Powell, Kevin’s brother, and—”
“Then you’ve got your work cut out for you,” the officer cut in, staring at Ben. “Your sister’s not dealing with this very well and your father has been taken to the hospital with chest pains. I know this is difficult, but you’ve got to face it.”
Carlie’s legs turned to water. Deputy Zalinski caught her before she slid onto the muddy ground.
“You’re wrong!” Ben said, backing away from the policemen. Rain flattened his hair and ran from the tip of his nose and his chin. “You’re wrong! Kevin’s okay! He has to be!”
“Get a grip, Powell,” the officer said evenly. “We can take you to the hospital—”
“No way!”
“Ben,” Carlie said, walking up to him and touching his arm. Her lips were trembling and tears filled her eyes. “Come on—”
“Let go of me,” he snarled, yanking his arm away, his eyes filled with dark, unspoken accusations. Carlie’s heart turned to stone when she saw the sudden hatred in the angry line of his mouth.
“We’re investigating this as a possible suicide,” the officer said. “But we’re not certain of anything. Not yet. It looks like alcohol could’ve been involved and—”
“No! Man, this is crazy—” Ben cried, but the anger left his features, replaced by cold, certain fear. “No!” he screamed, his fists clenched as he turned his head to the sky. “No! No! No!”
Tears washed down Carlie’s cheeks. She r
eached for Ben again, but he backed away, nearly stumbling on the curb before he turned around and ran through the night, abandoning her and racing under the streetlamps, faster and faster through the rain. She took a step forward to chase him, but Zalinski restrained her.
“Give him time to deal with this.”
“But I—”
“He needs some space. He’s had a helluva shock.”
But I love him, she cried mutely, feeling the officer’s strong hands restraining her as Ben disappeared around a corner.
“He’ll be okay,” the officer assured her. “It’ll just take a little time. He needs to be alone for a few minutes, but don’t worry about him, I’ll send a squad car after him.”
Carlie, numb, couldn’t say a word.
The officer motioned for one of the paramedics. “Hey, Joe, you got a blanket and a cup of coffee?”
“Comin’ right up.”
Carlie barely heard the exchange. She was still staring down Spruce Street where neighbors had clustered and stood whispering and shaking their heads, but her eyes were still searching for Ben.
A blanket was tossed over her shoulders and a disposable cup of warm coffee placed between her fingers, but she didn’t move. She wanted to run after Ben, to hold him, to kiss him, to make love to him again and tell him everything would be all right. But he didn’t want to hear her lies, nor did he want her comforting touch.
Shivering, Carlie began to sob. Deep, racking, pain-filled sobs. For Kevin. For the Powell family. But mostly for Ben.
BOOK TWO
Gold Creek, California
The Present
Chapter Five
CARLIE SLID HER Jeep between two cars and told herself she just had to get through the ceremony, then she could leave. Watch Nadine Powell Warne become Mrs. Hayden Monroe, say congratulations and be off.
Except that she’d have to see Ben again! Ben the Impossible. Ben the Cruel. Ben the Terrible. She could give him a thousand names but it wouldn’t change the fact that she’d have to pretend that he meant nothing to her, that the past was dead and buried and that she was content to live her life without him. Which, of course, she reminded herself, she was.