by Kahlen Aymes
I was surprised and hurt when he left the hotel room. In the time since then I was heartbroken. All I could think about was making love with him and how it was the last time he’d ever touch me. I’d replayed the entire thing over and over inside my mind. I’d felt his anguish in every thrust. I could still feel it. He was branded all over me. My heart, body, and soul would never recover. Not unless I could get him back, and to do that I had to convince him that my manuscript didn’t matter to me as much as he did.
It was a new Monday morning and the only thing I knew for sure was that I needed to convince that Marcia woman at S & S to keep my book and let it publish under Jax’s name as the contracts dictated. I couldn’t let him take the fall for my idiocy. He was angry, yes, but deep down I knew he was suffering as much as I was. Maybe it was just my heart begging for hope, but I had to hang on to it.
After I’d showered and dressed in jeans and casual top, I felt a little better because I had a sense of purpose. This might not work, and I might not win him back, but I had to try. It eased my pain a little just knowing I was making an effort.
I grabbed my phone and sat down at the small table. Jefferson had left me a message on Friday evening, but I’d only seen the message on Saturday. I brought up the message to call his office back.
“Michaels and Michaels,” a chipper female voice answered.
“May I speak to Jefferson Michaels, please? This is Addison Tomms.”
“Yes, ma’am. Let me see if he’s available. Can you hold for a minute, please?”
“Yes, thank you,” I answered
The hold time was just a couple of minutes, but it felt like longer. I was so anxious to speak to him and then figure out my next step with Simon & Schuster.
“Good morning, Addy,” Jeff’s deep voice came across the line.
“Hello. I apologize for not calling back on Friday, but I didn’t see the message until Saturday and your office was closed.”
“No worries. How have you been?” He sounded genuinely concerned.
“I’m doing okay. Just praying for this semester to be over.”
“Are you going anywhere for Thanksgiving?”
I hadn’t even thought about it. My mother had called the past week about my plans, but I was still too fragile to speak to her. My family, especially my mother, would be able to tell I was suffering, and I wasn’t up to sharing. I had planned on spending the holiday with Jax at his cabin, so I hadn’t made other plans. I didn’t want to tell my family about my change of schedule to avoid questions I didn’t want to answer. Michelle was taking a long weekend in Miami, and I was just grateful that I’d have some time to myself. “I think I may just stay in the city.”
I wanted desperately to ask about Jax but stopped myself.
“Well, the reason for my call was because I wanted to ask if I should draft a release letter for Bloom and Wandough? I’ve looked through the contract and unfortunately, the ghostwriter clause is in there. You only have to give written notice of thirty days, but the current deals will remain effective and they’d have to pay you the ghostwriting fee.”
I could feel myself flush. Even though I’d had a week to get used to the idea, I still couldn’t help berating myself for my stupidity. I didn’t even know what they’d be paying me for my manuscript. “Whatever you think is best. But… do we know what’s going to happen?”
Jeff sighed. “Unfortunately, we can’t prove Gloria forged Jax’s signature, so he is slated to publish. He’s furious, but I’ve advised him, and I would you as well, to let the book publish and move on.”
My heart sank. “What does Jax say?”
“I was hoping he’d speak to you about his decision himself. Jax is against it. He is willing to let the publisher sue him for cancelling the book and throw himself on the sword to get you out of it, but it won’t help your situation. The manuscript has already been sold by the agency while you are under contract, so if he doesn’t publish it, it’s within the publisher’s discretion to assign it to another author. I’ve advised him to let it go through. At least he’ll be able to control it and share the royalties with you.”
“What about Gloria? What happens to her? Will she get away with this? I wish I could scratch her eyes out.”
“I would advise you to just stay away from her. I’ve threatened her into signing a non-disclosure as have the principles of the agency. They’ve also fired Gloria. Jax contacted them directly, and they have agreed because they don’t want to lose him.”
“Is he considering staying with them?” I was surprised.
“His career is established, and he would have less damage to contend with if he doesn’t change agencies, so he may stay with them, but the contract will be very specific as to what they can do moving forward.”
“I see. What about me? What do you think should I do?” I felt like an idiot asking, but I had no idea how to navigate this and short of having Jax help me, Jefferson was the next best thing.
“I think we should ask them to release you from your contract because the current one has that clause in it. If you choose to stay with them, we’d get a new one written up without it.”
Depending on what happened between me and Jax, I couldn’t commit to being with the same agency. “Maybe they don’t want me,” I murmured. “Gloria only signed me because of Jax, anyway.”
“Jax has insisted Bloom sign you as part of his negotiation for his own status. He was adamant about it. I’ve already drawn up the contract if you choose to move forward. I know it doesn’t save this book, but it secures the next one, at least.”
A small bloom of hope fluttered inside my chest. “Okay.”
“How are you and Jax doing? I know it’s not my business, but I had to ask.”
“We aren’t seeing each other. He’s mad because I didn’t trust him. He’s right. I should have, but he’s been with her for so long, I didn’t think my relationship with him would negate theirs.”
“It happens, Addy,” Jeff said sympathetically. “Gloria should be prosecuted for forging his signature, but the bad publicity would be worse for the publisher, for Jax and for you.”
“I can’t believe I made such a mess of things,” I said sadly.
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. He may come around.”
“I know I have no right to ask, but is he in New York?”
“No. He went back to Tennessee to finish his book.”
“I thought he was going to publish my book so someone else won’t be able to.”
“He will, but he feels like hell about it. The only reason he’s doing it is so he can give you the money.”
“I don’t care about the money,” I said simply.
“Obviously, Jax doesn’t either and that should tell you both something,” Jeff added. “Come on by to sign this contract when it’s convenient. After the holiday weekend will be fine.”
His words made my heart start to pound. Could Jax be as miserable over this as I was? “Thank you for doing this, Jeff. I really appreciate it,” I admitted. I was sad about my book, but glad that at least Jeff had convinced Jax not to ruin his own career over my mistake.
“Not a problem, Addy. Have a good holiday. I can have my assistant make arrangements for you to head down to Tennessee.” I could hear the smile in Jax’s brother’s voice. “If you’d like.”
My heart leapt inside my chest. “Really? Do you think he wants to see me?”
“Hell, yes, though he might not admit it. He’s not himself. Don’t tell him I said so.”
“Then…. Yes, thank you, but I can’t leave until Wednesday afternoon.” Even if I wanted to, I had three more days of classes and more importantly, I had to talk to Marcia Goldstein, first.
“You got it. I won’t tell my brother. Better you just show up. I don’t want to give him the chance to prepare in advance. I’ll have Carol make all of the arrangements. Wednesday afternoon, it is.”
I smiled for the first time in a week. “I can’t thank you enough.”
When I ended the call, I grabbed my coat, shoved my feet into a pair of ankle boots and headed outside to hail a taxi. I had to speak to Marcia Goldstein, and I had to do so as soon as possible.
The ride to the famous publishing house in Rockefeller Center seemed like it took forever. It was at the end of the rush hour traffic and Manhattan was congested. I was both anxious and excited as I ran my card through the meter and then exited the vehicle in front of the tall brown building. It wasn’t the tallest building in the city, but it was still intimidating, just the same. Some of the greatest books in history had been published here and part of me was proud that mine would live among then.
Inside, and finally at the main floor, I was standing in reception. The building was old; built in 1939, but the offices had modern upgrades.
“Hello, may I help you?” There was a young, professional looking man sitting behind the reception desk.
“Yes, thank you.” I felt conscious of my casual dress. I was blowing off my morning classes to be there, so I hoped this woman would see me. “I’d like to see Marcia Goldstein, please.”
He smiled pleasantly. “Do you have an appointment?”
“Unfortunately, no, but this is urgent.” I realized I was clutching my hands together nervously and willed myself to stop. “Please.”
He shook his dark head. “I can ask her, but she doesn’t usually take unscheduled appointments. May I tell her your name?”
“Yes. Addison Tomms. I’m a friend of Jaxon Michaels.” I didn’t want to spill that my book was publishing under his name in case it was a secret, but I assumed she’d realize and make the connection.
“One moment.” He picked up the phone and pressed a button. “Forgive me for interrupting Ms. Goldstein, but a Miss Addison Tomms is here to see you. She mentioned she is a friend of Jaxon Michaels.” He paused for a second. “Yes, ma’am.” When he replaced the receiver in the cradle, he looked up. “She will see you in a few moments. She’s just finishing something up.”
He suggested I take a seat in one of the chairs off to one side in a small sitting room. It felt like more of a library than a publishing house with books displayed on shelves and glass cases with enclosed posters; which promoted new releases on the walls.
I concentrated on keeping my breathing even as I went over what I was going to say to this woman. I wasn’t exactly sure what I was hoping to accomplish by being here, but I wanted to make sure Jax’s reputation or his relationship with the publisher was intact.
My mind was racing when an elegant, older woman appeared in front of me. “Addison?” she asked.
I immediately stood and offered my hand. “Yes, ma’am.” She took it and shook it graciously. “I’m sorry for the impromptu drop in.”
“This way.”
I followed her down the hallway, past a few tan colored cubicles filled with what I could only assume were junior editors or marketing associates. Many had their heads down reading or marking up something, and several others were on their phones, or working on computers.
Her office was impressive, and she offered me one of the white, upholstered chairs in front of her desk. When she was settled, she spoke. “You’re here about Jax?”
“Yes, mostly. I’m the one who wrote the book being published as his.”
“It’s not being published. Jax has asked me to push back his publishing date so he can get his own manuscript to me. I can’t do it, so he’s writing as quickly as possible and I’ve put my team on stand-by so we can get it edited, the cover done and get new marketing materials out to our vendors.”
“But I thought… that wasn’t possible.”
“Normally, it wouldn’t be, but it’s Jaxon Michaels. He’s been one of our bestsellers, so we made a few arrangements for him. Believe me, it wasn’t easy. I practically had to sell my soul to the devil to get the higher-ups to agree.”
“He won’t be sued over this will he?”
“No. We’re doing our best to mitigate our losses.”
“That’s… amazing.” But what would happen to my book? I wondered. “What happens to my manuscript?” I asked hesitantly. This woman had my future in her hands. “If it has to publish under anyone else but me, I want it to be him. I understand it’s been sold to you by Bloom and Wandough as a ghostwritten piece.” I felt a bit frantic. Somehow, I had to convince her. With Jax in charge of it, he would keep it from being chopped to hell in editing.
“Jax doesn’t want to publish anything written by anyone else.”
“I’ve poured my heart and soul into that book for two years, and I can’t have it publish under anyone else. Please, Ms. Goldstein!”
She sat there and contemplated me for a minute, a small smile on her face. “You and Jax are quite a pair. He was willing to ruin his reputation, miss our deadline, and eat all of the production and promotion cost to push back his date so he could save your book…. For you. And here you are, you’re willing to sacrifice your book to save his reputation. It’s like a publishing gift of the Magi. I never thought I’d see the day that Jax would lose his heart. He writes these amazing romance novels that have women swooning, hell, he leaves women swooning… but he was the untouchable one.”
My eyes filled with tears at the mere thought it could be true. Could Jax love me? My throat tightened with emotion and I cleared it so I could speak. “Do you think he could be convinced to publish it? I couldn’t stand it if it published under anyone else. I’ll forgo the fee.”
Marcia sat tapping her chin with her elegant, gold pen. “It would be my choice to publish both books under both of you. Imagine the publicity lottery! Romance author falls in love with his brilliant student and together they pen not one, but two, amazing books”. She made quote signs with her free hand.
Tears stung at my eyes and I dabbed at them. “Can you do that?”
“Only if Jax agrees. So far, he’s refused. He said he wants you to have your breakout novel on your own. He said you deserve that, but personally, I think my suggestion is win win.”
I nodded. “He did say he was willing to take the hit, but I don’t want him too. He’s more important to me than the book. I can write more books.” My heart swelled, full of love for the magnificent man who was willing to sacrifice everything for me. “There’s only one Jaxon Michaels.”
“You can say that again,” Marcia agreed. She leaned forward on her desk. “Can you convince him to put his name on the cover with yours? If so, all I have to do is have my team change some press releases and the cover. The pub date could stay and none of this would be a problem. Tell him you’ll share his next book, as payback, and the royalties would be split between you.”
“He’s angry with me,” I admitted, sheepishly. “He thinks I didn’t trust him.”
“Did you?”
“I guess… it was hard to believe he’d be interested in me. When this happened, I was upset and not thinking straight. It seemed more realistic to think he’d be on Gloria’s plan.”
“I see. You’ve got to convince him that you love him. You do love him… right?” Marcia asked with a cocked eyebrow.
“I do.” I nodded with a smile and reached up to wipe away a tear that had overflowed my eye onto my cheek.
“Then, he’ll get over it. I have a feeling about you two. Imagine how amazing it will be when you really do write a book together! I see great things in your future.” She winked. “Now, go get Jax on board, and then call me so I can get everything going!”
“Yes, Ma’am.” I rose from the chair, excited about her enthusiasm and hopeful for the first time since this mess began. “I can’t thank you, enough.”
“Honey, if you can convince that man of yours to do what is best for all of us, that’s all the thanks I need.”
I nodded. “I’ll do my best.”
“And, Addy?” Marcia called as I approached her office door. I turned to see what she had to say.
“Yes?”
“Know t
hat your book is good enough to break-out without Jaxon’s name attached to it. You should be very proud of yourself. It’s an amazing book.”
My hand rose to fall over my heart. I was so grateful for those words. “Thank you for saying that. It means a lot to me.”
“It’s the truth.” Marcia smiled.
I nodded and left her office.
I was flying with happiness as I left the editor’s office, determined to do whatever was needed to get Jax on board. I hoped the truth was all it would take.
Now, to suffer through the two days until I could go to Tennessee and find the man I loved. Two days of waiting… it would be agony.
27
My intentions were good.
I took myself back to my cabin late Saturday night. I was intent on two things; writing like a madman to finish my book in record time in order to make the publishing deadline set by my publisher and trying to keep my mind off my personal turmoil.
Once I’d returned to Tennessee, I’d been consumed with thoughts of Addison and the hurt expression on her face when I left her in that hotel room, and I spent hours sitting in front of an open laptop doing nothing but berating myself. I’d been an epic asshole, and I couldn’t live with myself… and after my anger had worn off, I was in shock that I could have treated her so badly. I sure as hell couldn’t write a goddamned thing when my mind and heart was consumed with shame, guilt and love.
I was miserable. I couldn’t eat. I hadn’t showered for days. The past four nights had been spent pacing, slamming a copious amount of scotch, and lying awake until I was drunk enough to get a couple of fitful hours of sleep. I’d memorized the imperfections in the wooden ceiling of my cabin as unproductive hours ticked by.