by S. L. Gape
“I’m pretty sure that can be arranged. You’ll have to have a little think on what you’d like. Sure, you can be trusted alone?”
“No, but you can’t have it all.” She smiled.
Chapter Sixty
Georgia was in her room getting ready for the night ahead and thinking back to the day she’d had. It had been quite a productive one. Incredibly, she’d learned that a couple of inappropriate texts to Erika was a booster for productivity. Even if she had been suitably reprimanded with a few choice words. Her nightly ‘talks to herself’ regarding said situation, were failing miserably and each day she woke up, she managed about ten minutes without going back on her own word.
Georgia finished styling her hair, ready for the evening ahead, still feeling unsure on the outfit. She’d not seen Erika since that morning and was now quite excited at the prospect of seeing her, and had very clearly made a huge effort because of that fact. God, she needed a drink. She was craving a nice glass of red and a decent meal, maybe a good steak. She’d still not had one, and that was her parting words from her brother, best steaks in the world, sis!
***
Georgia sprayed some perfume and checked herself in the mirror one final time, breathing in deeply. She’d never missed having friends, but seriously, in this moment she wished she had someone to bounce some stuff off. She had a great idea and smiled to herself. Georgia grabbed her phone and took a picture of herself in the black sleeveless jumpsuit she was wearing and her six-inch heels, giving her already incredible height an even bigger push. She posed a little in the mirror with her finger to her mouth in a questioning manner, before typing too much? Xx
Georgia waited impatiently tapping her fingers for the response to come in. She wanted to see if it really was too much before she left and made her way to reception. Looking down at her phone as she felt it vibrate, and Georgia smiled seeing Emily’s name on the screen.
“Hey you,” Georgia said.
“Oh my gosh and oh my gosh, all over again, girlfriend! I have John here with me, and he believes you are the cutest real life lesbian he ever did see in that outfit,” she said, laughing. “Heeeeyyyy girl, you looking goooood,” he piped up.
“Ahhhh thanks, you guys. I strangely miss you both. I’ll be home tomorrow, hope to see you this weekend? Anyways, answer please? Do I look like I’m trying too hard?” she added. “I have to leave.”
“You look phenomenal. You go and knock her dead. And hell yeah, we’ll see you this weekend. I want ALL the details,” Emily finished. “Enjoy tonight and be good,” she laughed, hanging up.
Georgia still couldn’t quite get her head around the fact that no Americans seemed to say bye and just hung up on you. Feeling the nerves slowly begin to disappear, she put on her long silver dress necklace and made her way downstairs. It was infuriating how anxious she was right now. But after last night, and then not actually seeing Erika at all today, it was messing with her completely. And the fact that she would have to be super behaved tonight in front of the woman’s mother was stressing her even more. Still though, the thing that was messing with her above everything else, was the fact she was bothered at all by seeing her. Shaking her head of the thoughts that were now rushing around her head, she walked into the bar, surprised to see they were already there. Georgia first noticed Dulcie and her grandma at a table at the far end of the bar, then noticed Erika standing and being served at the bar as she strode over towards her.
“You’re early,” she said, bumping her shoulder, noticing too late her sipping a glass of wine, immediately feeling embarrassed.
Erika turned incredulously, she looked Georgia up and down. Unfortunately, still with her glass to her mouth. So, upon seeing Georgia in that outfit, it was too late to control herself from choking on her wine and dribbling some of it down her chin, before quickly wiping it away. “Well, that was probably the least attractive thing I have ever done,” she said embarrassed. “Wow, you have made me feel completely underdressed,” she said, looking down at her own attire. “But, you look incredible, like…” she stopped and turned to look at her mom and daughter, who were still unaware that Georgia had even arrived. “Like, holy hell. Incredible. Molto bella,” she said.
“You have no clue what it does to me when you speak to me in Italian,” Georgia said seriously.
“Good to know. Seriously, you thought this was appropriate attire? After last night and when my mom’s here? Geez, man,” she said, shaking her head.
“I told you payback was a bitch,” she whispered, leaving Erika at the bar, captivated and desiring of the bare back on show. This left Erika very little option but to acknowledge the thoughts of desperately wanting to touch her and feel her bare skin. Erika instantly craved at some point in the evening to walk behind Georgia and escort her through a door, just so she would have ample opportunity to place her hand on her exposed lower back. She was shaken from her thoughts as the bar tender coughed, looking at her in disgust, as he had clearly caught her watching Georgia longingly.
***
They had had a fabulous meal, and Josh was most certainly right. The steaks in Texas were amazing. After arguing over who would pay the bill, Georgia had no alternative but to give in. The argument being that she had paid for the room for Erika’s mum, before the four of them made their way back to the hotel for a nightcap and to put Dulcie to bed.
When arriving, Dulcie was giving her strongest argument for why she should have ice cream. Much to Erika’s dissatisfaction, knowing full well she would be on a sugar high going to bed, but it wasn’t really helping that her grandma was on board with it.
“Please, Mommy? How bout we just share one, between us all, and then I just have a little?” she said, making Erika realise there was no winning this one. “What do you think, Georgia? You think I should get some, don’t you?” the little girl said.
“Woah, keep me out of this one, kiddo. You got me in trouble last time, saying your mum allowed you to eat sweets, and when she woke up, she told me different,” Georgia laughed, poking her tongue out to Dulcie.
“You told her that?” Erika said to Dulcie surprised.
“Nuh huh, I told her momma let me have it,” Dulcie said nonchalantly.
Erika could feel her heart race as she was suddenly aware of what was unfolding before her. She looked to her mom concerned and noticed her mom’s confusion, before she looked over to Georgia, who looked more confused than anyone. Shit, shit she said inwardly.
Georgia was smiling confused, “What do you mean your momma?” she asked Dulcie.
“It’s only my momma that allows me to eat candy. Not my mommy,” she said, swinging her legs, unaware to the situation.
“Erm, what?” Georgia said confused, looking between all three people before her.
“That’s my mommy,” she said, pointing to Erika. “She don’t so often. I’m a special kid, cause I gots two mommies,” she said, spreading her two little fingers widely for Georgia to see.
Georgia’s head was spinning. She wasn’t normally attracted to straight women, but Erika as a whole, had just felt different. But she certainly hadn’t seen her being gay, and didn’t she refer to a husband? Why had she told her she had a husband? Had she? Shit, why couldn’t Georgia remember? She didn’t know if she had, or not. She always referred to a partner whose name was Dan, and even Mike had only said Dan. Equally, she had lied to Georgia, having had at least two opportunities this week alone. Georgia looked over to Erika, who was looking nervous and apologetic. She didn’t want to raise it, not now in front of Dulcie and her mum. But Georgia was pissed off. She could just about deal with the fact that there was so much wrong. Like she was a straight woman, that was actually married, and as far as she actually knew still together with her…partner. She knew all of it was wrong but couldn’t stop it. But she hated lies. It was only Dulcie that had alerted her to Erika having moved out, wasn’t it Erika? What did Dulcie say? She said ‘momma’ not ‘mommy,’ therefore, it wasn
’t Erika that had moved out after all. It was Dan, whoever the fuck Dan was. How did she not pick up on this? In reality, why the hell would she? English kids flitted between mum and mummy all the time. Why would she think that a child saying mommy and momma would be the difference between two different women? Shit, she couldn’t deal with this, but before she could do anything, she was pulled out of her racing mind.
“Um, I’ll take Dulcie to bed,” Erika’s mom said to her, much to Dulcie’s disappointment.
“Nooooo, I want some ice cream,” she said, getting upset.
“Do not get upset, baby. You don’t cry to get your own way, you are tired,” her grandma said. “Come, we take you some ice cream to bed,” she said. “Come, we will leave mamma and Georgia, to have one final drink? Bambina, I take Dulcie to my room,” the elderly woman said, taking Dulcie and leaving.
Chapter Sixty-One
“Georgia, please allow me to explain? But please, can we go to one of our rooms, I don’t want to do this down here. I don’t want to cause a scene, or you to. And at least that way you can scream at me as much as you like.”
Georgia was still struggling with it all. “I…I don’t…sorry, I just…I can’t. I found it hard enough liking someone as much as I do…I did, who was straight and someone who was still technically married, but having had the opportunity to tell me you were gay and then not? You lied? I can’t do lying. People think that lying by omission isn’t lying. Well it is to me!” she said, placing twenty dollars on the table and leaving.
“Georgia please?” Erika ran after her. “I know you feel betrayed, but I never lied to you…granted, I didn’t tell you. But that wasn’t me lying, that was me…delaying, delaying the truth. Truly, I didn’t do this to hurt you. I just didn’t want anything else getting in the way,” she said as they got in the elevator with other people and so remained silent.
They exited the elevator and started walking back to their respective rooms. “You didn’t want anything else getting in the way? What the hell does that even mean? You know what? I’ve been lucky enough to not have had any backlash with my sexuality. And that’s great, but if you were to stand here before me and say I’m not ready to come out yet, that Texas can be still quite homophobic. And if that’s the case, then maybe, just maybe I could get it. But you have been with a woman for…shit, God knows how long? Years…and have a five-year-old daughter with her. You’re openly gay, and you’re telling me you didn’t want you being gay getting in the way? What the fuck does that even mean?” she said, opening the door to her room. “You know what? Don’t answer that. I don’t care. I’m pulling out before it goes any further. It doesn’t matter why you did what you did, the fact of the matter is, you bare faced lie to me,” Georgia said, walking inside her room.
Erika pushed the door and stopped Georgia from shutting it. “Do not shut me out. I don’t know what’s happening with any of it. I know it’s wrong, but it equally feels right. And I can’t deal with that. Hell, I’m still married. I haven’t even had the conversation with my wife past anything further than a trial separation. So, should I be doing this? Hell, no. But do I wanna do this? Hell, yeah. I haven’t felt more alive in…you know what, Georgia; I don’t know I ever have. And that’s the truth. But, in my head I just think…if that night in the bar when you declared you were gay I then said, FYI me too, the dynamics would have changed. Honestly, I don’t know if I was being selfish because it would have been for the…well, I don’t know if it would have been for the worse or the better? But maybe I was worried that you would have taken stock of the situation and taken a step back from me. And at that point you were already making me feel more alive than I’d ever felt. Or maybe it was because I was worried I was not in a good place. Me telling you I was gay, equally, would have made you push more. I don’t know. I don’t know why I did it. I have no excuse, but please do not feel like I betrayed you, that wasn’t ever my intention. Please, Georgia,” she said pleadingly.
“I…Erika, we both knew we shouldn’t have gone there. I’m just glad we could stop it before we did anything we’d regret. I can deal with a lot of things, but I can’t deal with lies,” she said again.
Erika felt like she’d been sucker punched. She stepped backwards, feeling the pain of Georgia’s words. “For the record,” she stopped and shook her head, breathing in deeply. “For the record, if you’re referring to ‘being together’? Intimately? I wouldn’t have regretted that, but I guess the single life allows you to detach yourself from your feelings. I’m sorry, Georgia, I never thought I was lying to you. I just didn’t tell you, because…hell, I don’t even know why. But I’ll leave you, you’re right. But at least you didn’t make a mistake by fucking me, huh?” she said, opening the door.
“Do not dare. Do not even fucking dare, turn this around on me,” pushing her arm out over Erika’s shoulder and slamming the door shut before she could leave. Erika turned around stunned. “How dare you? You did this. You, not me, you. I never lied, or, what did you call it ‘delayed the truth?’ So, don’t come in here and talk to me like I’m some dyke that slags it about. I told you I don’t do that. I told you that I don’t have time, nor have interest in doing that. I’m forty fucking years old. So, do I think it was good that we didn’t sleep together? Yeah, because it would have just lead us into a whole world of difficulties, and I don’t know if I could have handled being more into you and then finding out you lied. I had no intention of ‘fucking’ you as you so crassly put it,” she spat. “I genuinely was trying everything I could to not do what my body was so desperate to do, because I knew it was wrong. But ultimately, I was desperate to physically be with you,” she spat. “But I guess that’s irrelevant now. We go back to Houston and we work professionally, and leave this…” She pointed to them both. “Leave this here!” She was furious and needed to calm down. “Look, you should go, this isn’t getting us anywhere. It’s late,” she said, looking for the first time up to Erika, who looked as though she was desperately trying to hold back the tears.
Erika was defeated. She could see in Georgia’s eyes that she was over it. Why had she done this? What was the possible reason for it? Why the hell did she not just tell her in the first place? What would it have even mattered? But it was done, she’d done it and there was nothing she could do to take it back. Erika felt shitty all over again, and all she wanted was to be held, but she certainly wasn’t going to get that here, “Good night, Georgia. I know I have said it already, but...” She stopped. “I’m sorry, you have no idea,” she said, leaving her there and closing the door behind her.
***
Erika got into her room and allowed the tears to flow freely. Seriously, what the hell? She met her a couple weeks back, when she was married. Separated granted, but married with a wife. A partner of fifteen years, and a daughter, a beautiful, wonderful five-year-old daughter. Furthermore, she had hated this woman a week ago, so why the hell was she so bothered now? Why did she have such an effect on her? She felt her phone vibrate in her back pocket and rushed to get it, desperately hoping it would be a message from Georgia, only to be disappointed to see it was from her mom.
Are you okay? If you need to speak, come to me. Dulcie is sleeping, I love you, Bambina x
Erika cried a little more. She didn’t want to tell her mom what was going on, since she was already disappointed that the marriage was in difficult times. So, telling her that she was developing feelings for another woman when she was still married, would…sheesh, she’d kick her butt.
I’m fine, Momma, I’m gonna get some sleep, I’ll come get you for breakfast in the morning. Exx
Ok.
Her mom always felt the need to have the last word, even if she did waste a text on ‘OK’. Erika got undressed and slipped under the duvet, allowing the stress of everything once again to crumble around her. She wondered if that was the reason she’d lied? Jeez, she hadn’t lied! She wondered if that was the reason that she’d not told her she was gay, too? Because f
or just a short while, she would actually be able to hide the fact that her life was falling apart around her. She picked up her phone and started typing.
I don’t know why I did it. I wish I did. But I certainly never did it to lie, and I’m incredibly sorry that you would ever feel that way. That night at the bar, we’d had such a blast at work that day, and as I explained, I just wanted one night away from all the shit that was going down around me and just be ‘normal’ for a night. I’m not saying I don’t feel normal being gay, but I just wanted to hide away from it all, and in my defence, I did tell you that. Maybe that’s why I didn’t tell you? Then the next day we’d made out already and I didn’t want to risk losing that way you made me feel. I can’t remember feeling that good, or alive, or wanted. Shit, that attractive. So, when you said what you to me about my husband, I didn’t want to correct you, in case it made you stop. Stupidly, as I write this, I can see/hear/read how dumb that sounds, a gay woman may go off a straight woman if she thought she was actually gay!! It is dumb and I don’t know what’s going on in my head anymore. What I do know is this sucks!! It sucks I hurt you, it sucks you feel I lied, it sucks that I’m here alone, crying when all I want is to lay with you. Most of all, it sucks that I did all this to prevent you from pushing me away, when in fact that’s all I’ve done. I’m sorry, and I deeply regret not being with you intimately, because all night long that’s all I’ve thought about. You looked incredible tonight, and I just thought you should know that. G’Night. Erika XXX
Erika hovered over the send button for a long while and re-read the message, which was far from a message. It was war and peace but, it was her explanation. All there in black and white. And if that didn’t work, then nothing was going to she thought, pressing send and putting her phone under her pillow.