Counting Stars

by Renee Porter

  “Jonathan has some explaining to do,” Charlie said as she stood. At the rasp of the brunette’s voice, Ryan finally was led out of her stupor.

  “Yes, you can say that again,” Ryan stated without a smile. She was still in shock and didn’t know exactly what to do. Why had Jonathan lied to her? Why had he set Ryan up on a date with Charlie? Was this even a date?”

  “Why don’t we sit and get a bottle of wine. Then we can contemplate why Jon decided to set us both up tonight.” Charlie smirked and Ryan just nodded. She sat gingerly, not wanting to make eye contact with her ‘date’ for the night. She felt embarrassed and utterly confused. But when Charlie chuckled the sound warmed her as much as the heater lamps and she couldn’t help but give the woman a smile.

  “What’s so funny?” Ryan asked. Charlie shook her head as she tried to explain.

  “Just my cousin. He could have very easily avoided the cloak and dagger of this all if he wasn’t so dramatic.” Ryan furrowed her brows at the explanation. She didn’t know what Charlie was talking about. The brunette in front of her sighed as she tried to explain better.

  “Jonathan was furious that I didn’t call you when I was away. And he made it sound like I had hurt you so for that, I’m sorry.” Charlie paused for a response but when one didn’t come she continued. “Anyway, he told me to make it right and I guess I just didn’t know how. The last thing I wanted to do was to make you feel sad in anyway and even though I’ve tried to call you these last few days I just didn’t know what to say to make it better. So I think Jonathan took it into his own hands.”

  Ryan let out a breath as a chuckle made its way from her lips. She studied Charlie in the soft waning light and shook her head.

  “That does sound like something Jonathan would do.” She waited as she picked up her water glass and took a tentative sip.

  “I really am sorry, Ryan.”

  Ryan chewed on her bottom lip ready to accept the apology and just move on. But she needed more. She needed to know why.

  “Did I do or say something to upset you before you left? I mean, I know we haven’t been friends for very long but it just felt strange not to hear anything from you. And I know you were busy so if that’s the real explanation…”

  Charlie placed her hand on Ryan’s to stop her from rambling and then quickly removed her palm from the warmth underneath it. “It was my fault. I guess…” Charlie tried to think of an excuse but decided to tell her some of the reasons why she hadn’t called. “I know your feelings toward what I do and I didn’t want our only conversations to revolve around the film.”

  “When have any of our conversations revolved around what you do and not revolve around who you actually are?” Ryan challenged and Charlie gulped in response. Ryan was right. Throughout these months of getting to know one another, they rarely spoke about Charlie as an actress and only spoke about who she was as a person.

  “You’re right, I’m sorry.”

  Ryan sighed. “You really don’t have to be, Charlie. I honestly don’t know why I was so upset.” Ryan waved off the apology as the waiter placed two glasses of red wine at the table. Ryan took a sip as she waited for Charlie to say something to break the silence.

  “I’d like to think you were upset because we’ve become good friends and I left you hanging for almost a month and a half.” Charlie wanted to also add that she would like to think she was upset because Ryan had feelings for her, but she knew that it was a long shot.

  “I think that is a possible conclusion.” Ryan stated simply while smiling.

  “And I think I won’t be able to say I’m sorry enough times. But I promise I’ll make it up to you.” Charlie winked and was grateful that their easy banter had finally erased the tension that was initially felt.

  “Oh? And how do you plan to do that?” The brunette almost heard a hint of flirtation in Ryan’s voice but she chalked it up to her Ryan’s p p layful nature.

  “We’re going to get that mustang to drive for more than two miles before stalling out.” Charlie was sure that Ryan would beam with the idea. She had been working on it for so long and Charlie knew it wouldn’t take much more to get the car in driving condition. But the clouded eyes that Ryan held was not something she expected.

  “It was stolen,” Ryan said. She took another sip of her wine as she blinked rapidly. Charlie didn’t know why the car held so much symbolism for Ryan but she knew that it being stolen was like Ryan losing a piece of herself.

  “What? When?”

  Ryan took a deep breath. “About two weeks after you left. When I walked out and didn’t see it in my driveway I nearly broke down then and there. I found glass on the floor and I knew that it was gone. The police say that there have been some thefts in the area. They probably took it to just sell it for parts.”

  Ryan felt a warm hand on hers again but this time, Charlie didn’t pull away as fast as she had before.

  “Ryan, I’m so sorry. What did they say? Are they looking for it?” Charlie watched as Ryan shook her head. “What do you mean they aren’t looking for it? Isn’t that their job?”

  Ryan couldn’t help but smile at the outburst, even though the subject they were talking about was heartbreaking to her.

  “They aren’t looking for it because they already found it.” Ryan’s eyes took in the horizon as she continued to speak. “When I went to the impound to go see it my heart broke. The whole thing was stripped. They even took the windows and the interior. It’s nothing but a hunk of metal now.”

  “Are you going to try and restore it again?” Charlie asked but she already knew the answer to the question.

  “I’m going to tell them just to junk it. It’s not worth it anymore.” Ryan tried to say it with steady nerves but Charlie knew that Ryan was letting go a huge piece of her life.

  “Ryan, we can salvage it.”

  Ryan shook her head as she drew out a deep breath. “My dad bought that car for us to work on a few years before he died. He had a demanding job so we didn’t get to work on it a lot but when we did it was the most fun I’d ever had. He built that engine from scratch and even though it still needed work it just wouldn’t be the same. His heart was in that car. Now there is nothing left of him there.” Ryan shrugged her shoulders as she wiped away an errant tear. Charlie still held onto her hand and her heart broke at the story. It was the first time that Ryan really spoke of her father and Charlie was just thankful that the woman had trusted her enough to let her in, even if it was just a little bit.

  “He would have been proud of you getting that far, don’t you think?”

  Ryan gave a watery smile as she nodded her head. “Yeah, I think he would have.” Charlie finally squeezed Ryan’s hand as she let go, allowing them both to peruse the menu.

  “You know, even though I hate Jonathan meddling, I’m glad he set this up tonight,” Ryan said after a few moments of silence. Charlie smiled shyly as she nodded her head in agreement.

  “Me too.”

  Chapter 8

  “No. This is not possible.” Jonathan paced back and forth from his kitchen to the living room and then back again. Charlie glanced over at Ryan with a snicker of a smile and Ryan’s eyebrows furrowed at her in confusion. Ryan pulled her eyes away from Charlie as she glanced back over at Jonathan who was running his hand through his hair, successfully messing up his perfect dark locks while reading the letter in his hands. He definitely was agitated about something.

  “What’s wrong?” Ryan asked as she sipped her water. Charlie glanced up from the thick script she was reading and whispered over to Ryan as Jonathan whimpered in the background.

  “He got a letter from our old high school.”

  “Fifteen years, how is that possible?” Jonathan sat heavily in the chair between Charlie and Ryan and flopped the letter down at the table. Ryan scanned the contents and smiled empathetically.

  “So you got invited to your fifteen year high school reunion. What’s so bad about that?” Jonathan looked at her as if she ha
d just asked him what the difference between red and white wine.

  “What do you mean? Of course this is horrible. Fifteen years, Ryan! It’s been fifteen years since I graduated high school.” Jonathan sighed out and mock cried. “I’m so old and I have nothing to show for it.”

  Ryan’s eyes widened and she placed a hand on Jonathan’s arm. “First off, you’re not old. And secondly, what do you mean you have nothing to show for these last fifteen years? You’re successful and living in a beautiful house in Los Angeles. Who can say that in your graduating class?” Jonathan looked up and pouted, shoving his thumb over in Charlie’s direction.

  Ryan’s eyes widened again and Charlie shrugged. “I graduated a few years early.”

  “She just wanted to do everything that I did. She was enamored with her older cousin.” Jonathan attempted a smile but then his eyes went to the letter again and he frowned.

  “Exactly how many years early did you graduate?” Ryan asked. She looked between the two, already knowing the answer but actually needing to hear it from her friend. She knew that Jonathan was six years older than Ryan and that Charlie was only four years older than herself…which meant that…”

  “I was sixteen.”

  Ryan sputtered out her water and coughed. Jonathan laughed and Charlie looked concerned but also held a twinkle of humor in her eyes.

  “So you basically skipped all of high school then?” Charlie shrugged as she grabbed her script and started to read again.

  “Imagine how it was for me? I was barely passing math while my sixteen year old cousin skips two grades.”

  “I didn’t skip two grades. I just decided to get my GED so I can focus on drama classes.”

  “You got accepted to Columbia when you hit puberty.”

  “I got a good score on the SATs…”

  “I didn’t know that ‘good’ was used to describe ‘perfect’.” Again Ryan sputtered as she watched both cousins banter back and forth. Ryan looked at Charlie who shook her head.

  “I didn’t get a perfect score.”

  Jonathan smiled teasingly at Ryan who attempted to smile back. She knew that Charlie was smart but teenage genius smart? How did Charlie manage to keep climbing further out of her league with every day that passed?

  “So are you guys going?” Ryan asked trying to bring herself back down to the present. Jonathan laughed.

  “Hell no.”

  “Absolutely.”

  Jonathan looked quickly up at his cousin. “You have to be joking. We are not going to this. High school was hell.”

  “It wasn’t that bad, Jon.” Charlie said. Jonathan scoffed at her description.

  “That’s because you were hardly there. I very much remember four years of hell.”

  Charlie sighed as she nodded her head in defeat. She grabbed Jonathan’s hand in comfort. “I know. It was rough for you, but don’t you want to show everyone that you were able to get out of town and make something of yourself? Imagine all those people that bullied you. You’ll be walking in there with your head held high. You’re one of the most successful people to come out of that town. You should be proud.”

  Jonathan’s smile was small but gradually he nodded his head. “You’re right. And plus, everyone is going to be jealous when I have two beautiful ladies as my date. Ha! They’re going to have their jaws drop when the gay boy shows up with two hot ladies from L.A. on his arms.” Jonathan slapped his hand against the table as Charlie smiled and laughed. Ryan however, didn’t catch on until Jonathan looked at her with a twinkle in his eyes.

  “Say Ryan, have you ever been to South Dakota?”

  ***

  Ryan shielded her eyes from the sun blaring in from the passenger window. Jonathan was driving up front singing along to some old country song on the radio. Charlie held her chin in her hand against her door as she stared out across the never ending landscape of the Midwest state. She wondered what the woman was thinking at that moment, with her eyes looking out but not truly seeing what was in front of her. Charlie sighed heavily as she glanced in the side mirror, catching Ryan’s eyes. She smiled and Ryan mirrored the action. They held each other’s gaze for what Ryan felt was a few moments too long. It felt as though Charlie was trying to tell her something with those eyes but like usual, it was something that was just out of reach.

  “And those are the Black Hills,” Jonathan broke from his song and pointed in front of the car. Ryan had glanced at them in the distance when they first started their drive from the airport to Jonathan and Charlie’s hometown but now that they were closer she realized that the “black” that she had seen in the distance was actually a deep green, dense forest of trees. She couldn’t actually see any spot in the hills where there was anything but trees. There had to be millions of them.

  “There’s also a lot of caves over there if you’re interested in doing some tourist things.” Charlie stated at Ryan.

  “I wonder if Buck is still spelunking. I bet Ryan would love Jewel Cave.”

  “I could ask Billy Bob to find out. I bet he still works down at the diner with Mary Lou and Johnny Boy.”

  Ryan couldn’t help but laugh. “Buck, Billy Bob, Mary Lou and Johnny Boy? You two are teasing right?” Jonathan glanced over his shoulder at Ryan with a smile. “Well yes and no. Buck was my dad’s best friend. Charlie was teasing with the Johnny Boy one though.” Charlie chuckled as Ryan playfully slapped her shoulder.

  “How much longer until we get there?” Ryan asked and as soon as she did the sign on the small highway stated ‘ “ Custer, Population 2,831. ’ ”” Jonathan sighed as he slowed the car down to the speed limit, the small town now fully coming fully into view.

  “Unfortunately we’re here. Thank goodness we didn’t blink or else we would have drove right through.”

  Ryan heard Jonathan’s words and in her own assessment he was right. The heart of the town consisted of a diner, a bank, a post office and what looked like a rundown bar. They drove through the heart of the town in less than a minute and Jonathan continued up a winding, dirt path. Finally, he put the rental car in park as both cousins let out a heavy breath.

  “Honey we’re home,” Jonathan sang. Charlie shook her head as she opened the car door and stood. Ryan followed the cousins outside and breathed in, the smell of trees and nature assaulting her senses. If she hadn’t heard so much about Jonathan’s hometown she would almost think this was paradise.

  “I’ll get the suitcases if you two want to head on in and dust off the cobwebs.” Jonathan waved his hands to scurry Charlie and Ryan away and the women were more than willing to allow him to handle the heavy stuff. “Who said chivalry was dead?” Ryan stated out to no one in particular.

  Charlie laughed and then asked, “Ready for the nickel tour? ’ ” Ryan smiled as she nodded, following Charlie up the wooden steps to the cabin like home.

  Chapter 9

  Ryan sat with her head tilted toward the sky. She was amazed at the amount of stars that peaked through the darkness. If she looked close enough too, she could see the distinct haziness of the Milky Way, something she had never seen in all her life living in the city. She grabbed the blanket that adorned her shoulders and arranged it tighter around her body. hugged it tighte r to her . The night was a bit chilly but the fire that Charlie had started for them in the large backyard was more than enough to heat the cool night air. Ryan kept her eyes upwards, following known patterns and trying to find something that she thought she might just be able to see without the lights of Los Angeles. LA .

  “Penny for your thoughts?” Charlie asked as she made her way towards Ryan. The woman turned her head to the voice and grabbed the chilled beer that was handed to her. Charlie sat opposite of the fire and Ryan’s heart thumped a little quicker with the reflecting warmth she found in Charlie’s eyes.

  “I’m not sure they are worth that much,” Ryan said. Charlie shook her head as she took a sip of her own beer.

  “Agree to disagree with you on that.” Ryan smiled shyly as s
he took another glance up toward the night sky and then back down toward her company. She wished she could open up to Charlie at that moment and let her know exactly what she was thinking. That what she was looking for in the sky was also something that she was looking for in her life, but just like both she was unable to see exactly what she wanted. She wanted to tell Charlie everything in that instant but she couldn’t form the words on her lips.

  “Where is Jon?” She asked in cowardice. Charlie laughed lightly, looking amused at Ryan.

  “He’s getting everything ready for the reunion. He’s pressing his suit right now, but I’m sure he’ll do it again tomorrow night too.”

  Ryan smiled. “Well, if it’s one thing that Jonathan loves, it’s looking like a million bucks.” Charlie raised her bottle in a mock solute and took another sip.

  “Not sure why though. Everyone there will probably be dressed for a hunting party and not a formal event.”

  Ryan cocked her eyebrow up. “So it’s a good thing that I packed my flannel and boots?” Charlie’s lips curled upward over the mouth of the bottle and Ryan too took a much needed sip. Was it just her or was something changing? The normal easiness that fluttered through the air between her and Charlie felt like it was becoming thicker. Ryan didn’t know when it started to change but she did find it almost becoming tangible.

  “Definitely a good thing,” Charlie said. She licked her lips and opened her mouth to say something but then shook her head. She smiled into the warming fire, her eyes glossing over like they did when they were in the car.

  “I haven’t asked you yet how it feels to be back here.” Charlie looked up, her blue eyes flickering in the flames. She smiled but Ryan wasn’t sure if it was sincere or sad.

  “It’s bittersweet. I can’t say that I miss it but I also can’t say that I don’t.” Ryan nodded in understanding.

  “How long has it been since you’ve been back?”

  “About five years. Last time I was here was for my father’s funeral.”