“Yeah, she’s thinkin’ about it. Not sure she’s ready yet. Just like it’ll be a long time before Autumn’s ready. They both have good fuckin’ reasons.” Trip took an audible breath and grabbed the gavel, turning it within his fingers and studying it. “Again, want you to stick, brother, but if you don’t wanna stick... You wanna take Autumn and start elsewhere... If that’s what she wants... Gonna help you do that.”
Sig’s spine snapped straight. “How? Money’s tied up in all these businesses and shit.”
“Can sell a part of the farm to get you started elsewhere.”
“You’d give me my half?” Did Sig just hear that right?
His brother wasn’t any kind of happy about that offer, though. And he wasn’t hiding that fact. “Not sure it’ll be half but there’s a piece on the other side of the tree line a developer approached me about when I first came back to town. Said offer would remain open. Whatever he’d pay is what would go into your pocket. Set you and Autumn up so you two could start fresh.” He paused. “If that’s what you want.”
“That’s not what you want,” Sig murmured watching his brother’s face closely.
“Used to be best friends, Sig. Closer than brothers. Now we know we’re real brothers, we ain’t even friends.” Trip swallowed hard. “Miss that, brother. Want you to stay and wanna work on rebuildin’ what we had. But you gotta want it, too.”
Sig dropped his head and studied the table. The table that their father used to sit at. The table both of them had hidden under a few times. The table where they witnessed shit no boys should witness. The table that held both their past and their future.
The table that could build a strong brotherhood.
The table he might claim Red at.
If she wanted that.
If she stayed. If he stayed.
He had it good there. He probably wouldn’t have it this good anywhere else. He had brothers at his back and a woman in his bed. In truth, he wanted for nothing.
He also had more than he ever had in his whole fucking life.
But he needed to talk to Red. See where her head was at before he made any decisions. Because if she didn’t stick, he wasn’t sure he could, either.
He fucking needed her more than she knew. More than anyone knew.
It was fucked up, but it was true.
He hoped to fuck she would stick with him. Whether there as a part of the MC or elsewhere. That would be her choice.
Because what Red wanted, Red got.
And he didn’t give a shit if that was true for the rest of his life. He would break every goddamn finger trying to give her what she wanted. Just to keep what he needed.
Which was Red.
Fuck, he wanted her so goddamn bad, it hurt. And never in his life had he wanted anything so badly.
Except for his sister Syn to be safe.
“Gonna leave it up to Red,” he finally said to Trip. “She needs to agree to stick with me. If she does, she needs to wanna stick here. She does, gonna do my best to repair what’s broken. Me. Her. And you and me.”
“Then I hope she sticks,” Trip said softly.
“Yeah, me too, brother.”
“Now, one more thing...”
Sig groaned. But what Trip said next surprised him.
“Need to fuckin’ apologize. To you and to her. You’re sittin’ here, so gonna start with you. We made a bad call with the Shirleys. We shouldn’t’ve waited. Wanted those fuckers to come off that mountain so we could snag ‘em one at a time and dispose of them properly. And by dispose, you know I mean the pet crematorium. Was waitin’ for that paperwork to all be settled. We waited too long. I’ll take the blame for that. Wanted shit to be fuckin’ neat. Sometimes life ain’t neat. Sometimes we gotta get our hands bloody to protect ourselves. Promise you, won’t make that mistake again. We need to handle shit? We’re gonna handle shit.”
That sounded promising, but Sig hoped shit like what happened up on that mountain never happened again. Even so... “Havin’ that fuckin’ crematorium’s gonna make handlin’ that type of shit a fuck of a lot easier, Trip.”
“Yeah. Not only a perfect way to keep shit neat, but it’s profitable, too. Hope we don’t need it in the future to clean up messes, but if we do?” Trip shrugged and smiled. “We do.”
“Ain’t gonna hurt to have it. Will also keep any future prospects busy and makin’ scratch for the club.”
“Yeah,” Trip answered.
“That it?” Sig needed to get back to Red. It had been over ten minutes and he needed to get this conversation over with. And the one with Red over with, too.
Trip rapped his knuckles on the table. “Talk to Autumn.”
“Doin’ that next.” Sig pushed to his feet.
When he began to head toward the stairs, Trip stopped him. “Sig...”
He paused and turned his head to look at his older brother.
“You stay? Gonna need to get our colors inked onto your back. Wanna know you’re all in. Think it’s time for you to plant some roots. It’ll help keep you on solid ground and out of those fuckin’ concrete boxes. Because I know it only too well, bein’ in one of those ain’t a way to live, brother.”
Sig only gave him a nod and then jogged down the stairs. Red was waiting.
Autumn chewed her bottom lip as she heard a key turning in the lock and then held her breath as Sig came through the door. She let her gaze slide over him from head to toe to make sure he was okay.
He looked fine on the outside and hoped that was true on the inside as well. Even though Trip and Sig were brothers, there always seemed to be some tension between them.
Neither were responsible for the sins of their father, so why their relationship was rocky, she didn’t know.
“Everything good?” she asked him as he closed the door and locked it behind him.
“Should you be up like that?”
She stood at the sink, filling a glass with water. She wasn’t doing anything taxing. “Yes, I’m fine. Moving around is good, running a marathon is not.” Though, she couldn’t wait to get back to her walks around the farm with Stella. She missed their chats, too. The bar owner had quickly become the sister Autumn never had.
His brow furrowed. “You ever run a marathon?”
Only down that mountain the day you found me. “No. Never. You?” she asked, teasing.
“Baby, we need to talk.”
Crap. “I figured. The baby’s been born, there’s no reason for me—”
“No. Not about that. Well... Yeah, about that... Fuck. Sorta.” He dragged a hand down his bearded face on one side, the other, then he scrubbed at his forehead. “You need to sit.”
Her pulse began to speed up. “Is it that serious?”
“No. Well... Yeah. Fuck. Sorta. Goddamn it.”
Oh boy. “Where do you want me to sit?”
“Truth? On my fuckin’ face, but that ain’t happenin’ any time soon.”
Well, she knew the man had no filter so she shouldn’t be surprised by his answer. At least he was honest. “Yes, well... I wouldn’t suggest that right now. But I’ll keep it in mind for the future.”
“That’s what we need to talk about.”
“Me sitting on your face?” she teased. She didn’t like how heavy the room had become, but her teasing him wasn’t helping relieve any of that tension.
“The future.”
Oh shit. She had nowhere to go. She wanted to stay close for now to provide her milk for Levi. She could find a place in town, she guessed, but she had no money, no job. Nothing.
And even if she had all those things, she didn’t want to go anywhere. She wanted to be with Sig no matter how screwed up he was. Because, in truth, so was she.
They both had bad nightmares and always might. And while she didn’t really know everything that caused his or made him the way he was, he knew what caused hers.
From the second they met, he seemed to accept her the way she was. And not once had he looked at her like she was onl
y a victim. Even with some of the things he told her about himself—and also with what Stella had warned her about—he’d never done anything to hurt her. She’d never been on the receiving end of his temper or violence. He’d been nothing but loving.
And that was the only way she’d describe it. Loving.
From the second he held out his hand to her in those woods.
Whether he’d admit to it or not.
For someone with such a short temper, he’d been nothing but patient with her. So, no matter what he said, she saw him for who he was now. Not who he used to be.
He came around the counter, grabbed her hand and guided her to the couch, making sure she was settled comfortably before he joined her. He didn’t face her, instead he propped his elbows on his spread knees, dropped his hands between his thighs and stared at the floor.
Holy crap, this was not settling her nerves.
“Now that the baby’s born, you’re free to do what’s best for you, Red. No reason to stay here anymore.”
Oh, this wasn’t starting out well.
“If you wanna go, not stoppin’ you from goin’.”
If you wanna go... If. “Maybe I don’t want to go.”
Autumn wasn’t sure if he heard her because he kept talking like he hadn’t.
“Not sure I can be what you need. You need someone who’s soft and understandin’. That’s never been me. I’m hard, got issues, got nothin’ inside me.” He pressed a palm to his chest. “Nothin’. It’s cold and empty. Nothin’ in there to give you. And you need more than just nothin’.”
“That’s not true. You have plenty to give. You just won’t let yourself see it. You’ve got it tucked away so you don’t get hurt. But I’ve seen it, Sig.”
“Spent most of my life behind bars.”
Good lord, he was coming up with every excuse to push her away.
“I know.” Stella had told her all about his extensive record back in the beginning. She had wanted Autumn to know who she was staying with and offered to have her move into the house if she wasn’t comfortable with the things he’d done in the past. At least the things he’d been caught doing.
Autumn imagined that list wasn’t everything.
“Never cared about anyone but my baby sister.”
“You cared about Trip once...”
“You need someone to love you as you fuckin’ deserve to be loved, Red.”
“Sig—”
“Never thought a woman would come into my life the way you did. Knew we were the same that very fuckin’ second you took my hand, when you put all your trust in me. Never thought my life would change the way it had because of that one fuckin’ moment.”
She swallowed, remembering that moment, the moment where her thoughts had been spinning and she took that leap of faith and trusted him.
That moment changed her life, too. Not just his.
“I’m far from fuckin’ perfect. Will never be perfect. Got issues I gotta deal with and so do you. Wanna deal with them together. But that’ll be up to you. You don’t wanna be with me, you can stay however long you wanna stay and go when you’re ready. Ain’t gonna stop you. You wanna be with me, then you decide where that happens. You wanna stay here, we can stay here. You wanna go far the fuck away, I’ll go wherever you want. Don’t fuckin’ care. Got no roots here yet, so I’ll plant ‘em wherever you wanna plant ‘em. Just want you to plant ‘em with me. That’s all I’m askin’.”
What she thought was him pushing her away wasn’t. Not quite. She now realized he’d been laying out all his bad points so she could make the right decision. “You want me to stay with you.”
“Yeah, wherever you want that to be.”
“You want to be with me.”
He frowned at the floor. “Yeah, said that.”
“Sig,” she said softly. “Look at me.” She reached out, took his chin within her fingers and turned his face toward her.
His brown eyes were troubled. Even apprehensive.
He was worried she’d say no. That she didn’t want him.
But this man, the tattooed biker who talked rough and acted even rougher, had never hidden the fact he wanted her. He’d shown it in so many different ways. Even despite knowing what happened to her on that mountain.
He knew almost everything.
And some men might not be able to handle it.
But he had looked past it to who she was. Or would hopefully be again soon.
She was getting there. Every day was a step forward. And he had a lot to do with that.
Not just him. All of them.
In the short time she’d known them, the club had become more her family than her own. She now understood the appeal of the MC and the brotherhood. It wasn’t orthodox but it was real.
“Sig, you saved me. I’m not just talking about the day you found me. But every day I’ve spent with you since. Every single day you helped me move forward and stop looking behind... It wasn’t just you, it was Stella, Trip, Judge, Shady, all of the MC. All of you accepted me, took me in, treated me like one of your own, when I was far from it.”
“You didn’t make it hard, Red.”
“You didn’t make it hard for me to fall in love with you, either.”
He closed his eyes and his jaw shifted. It was something he wanted but he still struggled with it. Hearing it. He believed he was unlovable.
His mother and father, whether Razor or Buck, never showed him any. He probably didn’t even know what it felt like. So, she wanted to show him.
Whether he knew it or not, he’d shown her love, too. He probably just didn’t recognize it.
“Sig...”
“’Cause of you I’ve changed.”
“No, you haven’t changed. You’re still you. You’re still who you’ve always been. Like me, you still have issues to work on. And if I stay, you need to find a way to direct your temper when it starts to overwhelm you.”
“Trip’s workin’ on that.”
“Good. He loves you, too, you know. And you need to let him.”
Sig said nothing.
One step at a time.
“Just wanna make shit clear—”
“Hold out your hand,” she ordered, cutting him off.
Without hesitating, he did. He held it out to her, waiting, until it started to tremor just slightly. His dark brown eyes searched her face.
She searched his.
He hadn’t ridden in to save her like a knight on his white horse. Instead he rode a black and chrome horse with loud exhaust pipes. He wasn’t a typical savior, but he was hers.
And she’d keep him.
He was beginning to curl his fingers into his palm when she stopped him by putting hers in his and gripping it tight.
“You,” she whispered, her voice trembling as much as their hands. “You. The choice has always been you.”
Epilogue
Re-Awakening
Autumn glanced up from her laptop as Sig walked into the apartment, unwrapping the tape from his hands.
Today had been a bad day for him. He’d struggled after almost being clubbed with a bat when doing a repo earlier. He managed to grab the bat out of the man’s hands and had broken it over a charcoal grill instead of over the man’s head.
So, he was improving.
Somewhat.
But as soon as he’d dumped the vehicle in the new secured storage yard that Trip had built on the farm, Sig had come up to the apartment, changed and disappeared without a word to her.
She recognized the signs when he needed to be left alone, when his temper was flaring and she let him work it out as he saw fit.
Well, all except for the way he used to.
She had two strict rules. No spanking and fucking other women and no going back to prison.
While he agreed with both of those, he still had moments where she worried he’d break their agreement.
“Is it helping?”
He was covered in sweat, his hair was damp and his shirt gone, showing off h
is many tattoos and the defined muscles he’d developed since one of the sheds had been converted to the club’s “rage room.”
Those bigger muscles meant he used that room a lot. Most likely due to the fact that since they’d been together, they’d only had actual intercourse a few times before her going into labor. And, of course, zero since the baby had been born. Though, they had done a few other things. Especially since Sig couldn’t keep his hands off her bigger boobs.
“You tell me,” he said, throwing the wraps onto the counter next to her.
“After the incident earlier, did you have the urge to... do what you used to do?”
“Not really,” he grunted.
Not really wasn’t a no. But she knew he was doing his best and that was all she could ask for.
He was also taking the advice and training he’d been given to heart.
One of Trip’s Marine buddies named Slade had come up not long after Levi was born. The biker, who belonged to another MC in southwest Pennsylvania, had brought along his wife, Diamond, their son, Hudson, and new baby boy, Sawyer, who was absolutely adorable.
In fact, she and Diamond had hung out a few times as the woman nursed Sawyer and Autumn pumped breast milk for Levi. The woman was a trip and told her some interesting stories about her “family.” She’d been born into the Dirty Angels MC just like Stella had been born into the Fury.
Diamond had told Autumn, even though life hadn’t always been perfect growing up in an MC, she wouldn’t have it any other way. That gave Autumn hope for the future. For her future children, if she and Sig decided to have any.
They hadn’t talked about it and were in no rush to do so. Unlike Trip, who kept saying he wanted two sons, Sig never mentioned children. Not once.
But if, down the road, she asked, she was sure Sig would be fine with it. He always tried to make her happy, no matter what.
She loved that about him.
And it was why she tried to make him happy, too.
It was also the reason why she was sitting at the kitchen counter completely naked.
Though, he acted like he hadn’t noticed.
It wouldn’t take much for him to be naked, either, since he was only wearing those long, loose nylon shorts he wore when he needed to go out and burn off some energy when either his nerves were shot or he was completely wired and ready to split in two.
Blood & Bones: Sig (Blood Fury MC Book 2) Page 31