Evan chewed on his bottom lip. Catalina raised her eyebrows.
“What’s gotten into you?”
“Nothing. I’m just nervous is all. It’s normal to be nervous. This stuff is stressful.”
“This isn’t a normal amount of stressed out. You’re acting like you’re about to lose it. You’re sweating buckets, you’re pacing around, and you’re mumbling like a crazy person. Talk to me. What’s going on?”
Evan sighed but wouldn’t meet her eyes. Catalina looked quickly at the closed office door. She needed to get Evan to calm the hell down before he went in and made a fool out of himself.
“Nothing, Cat. You don’t know anything about this. You don’t know what it’s like to have parents—a mother—like mine. They aren’t nice people, Cat. I know they seem mighty friendly to whoever comes into the shop, but they aren’t always like that, especially to their kids. You don’t know what they are like when people aren’t around.”
He was ranting, throwing his hands into the air as he kept pacing.
“It’s so goddamn hot in here.” He loosened the tie around his neck. Sweat dripped down his face and off his brow.
“It’s not that hot in here. Why are you talking about your parents? This isn’t about them. This is for you.”
“That’s the problem, Cat. You don’t get it. I’m not supposed to do things for myself. I just—can’t. I should just keep working for them. Stay in my lane. Stay on the right path that they want for me.”
“What’s the worst that could happen, Evan? I’m sure that they just want you to be happy, and once they see that this is something you really want, they will come around. I’m sure of it.”
“No, Cat. You really don’t get it. I can’t be here.” The volume of Evan’s voice started to rise.
“Evan, wait. It’s okay. I can reschedule if you want—”
“No. Don’t bother. Just forget it.”
Evan walked out of the bank with his stack of papers, leaving Catalina behind to deal with her boss.
What the hell, man?
Catalina shook her head. Something had come over him to make him act like a wild animal. It was just a meeting. He wasn’t going to meet with a firing squad, just a middle-aged, balding bank manager. It wasn’t that intimidating, really.
What did he think was going to happen to him?
CHAPTER ELEVEN
“The therapist said that you need to start going out more, right? This is a good thing, Kitty. You need to have a drink, to have a grown-up conversation without little ears listening to everything you say. You need to see the world again and maybe even shave your legs,” Gillian said while she poured herself another tall glass of red wine.
Catalina was sorting through her closet, looking for something to wear that wasn’t from high school but also didn’t make her look like what Gillian called “a school marm.”
“Bonnie is bringing you something to wear. Don’t worry.” Gillian winked at her as she leaned over the vanity to put on more eyeliner.
“Where are we even going? Bonnie’s pregnant. It’s not like we can go barhopping,” Catalina said.
“Bonnie is going to drive so we totally can go barhopping. Gene will be here with the kids. We have everything covered. You have to show up and have a good time. God knows you need it.”
“I’m still not sure about this.”
“Don’t worry so much. We’re going to find some cute college boys to buy you a drink, and we’re gonna dance until our shoes fall off,” Gillian said, pouting her lips in the mirror.
“These shoes are cute, right?” Marie walked into the room, perfume following her. Her hair was fanned out from her face, those dirty-blond strands flowing in waves around her head. “Cat, you have to get ready!” Marie shrieked after seeing Catalina in her dirty terry cloth robe.
Catalina’s damp hair hung limply and her face was still tight from the shower. She hadn’t applied any makeup yet.
“I’m getting ready.” She pointed toward the closet. Marie—whose eyes were lined with dark black liner and her lipstick a deep matte red, making her look much older than Catalina remembered—looked at Gillian, who shrugged her shoulders and took a gulp of wine. “You look good though. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you with that much makeup on before.”
“Yeah. This is my going-out look. I don’t go out much.” Marie snorted. She had even painted her nails a dark red color. “We’re alike, at least in that way.”
“Come on, Kitty. Let’s dry your hair. Bonnie and Gene will be here soon.” Gillian led her over to bathroom and started to sift through the drawers to find a hairbrush.
“No, let’s do this right. Let’s put on some music.” Marie looked through her phone until she found music that made her and Gillian bounce their heads to the beat. “And let’s glam you up!” She giggled as she reached for Catalina’s makeup.
*
She felt pretty like she hadn’t felt in a long while. She felt sexy like she hadn’t felt in an even longer while.
“Dang. girl! Looking good!” Gene whistled when they strutted out of the bedroom. He was holding a sleepy Asa in his arms. Olivia was bouncing around in her pajamas.
“Mommy! You look so pretty! You all look so pretty!” she was squealing with excitement.
“Oh, honey, calm down. Momma will be home later. You be good for Gene, okay?” Catalina fussed over Olivia. She pushed down Olivia’s hair and tried to gently kiss her on the forehead. She rubbed away the lipstick mark she left there.
“Calm down, Cat. I got this. It’s practice for when we have two kids.” Gene laughed and swayed from side to side with Asa.
“I’m not sure how comfortable I am with you using my niece as a guinea pig,” Marie said from behind Catalina. She blew a kiss at Olivia.
“Don’t worry, ladies. Have some fun. Drive safe. We’ll see you later.” Gene gave Bonnie a wet kiss on her temple. He rubbed her lower belly with his free hand. “Keep my baby safe too,” he whispered.
Catalina looked away quickly. She didn’t want to see him being so good to his wife. Her eyes stung with jealousy, and she tried her best not to rub at them because of the makeup she was wearing.
“Everything will be fine, Gene. We’ll be back soon.” Bonnie blushed and kissed her husband on the cheek. She ruffled Asa’s hair and gave him a big kiss too.
“Alright, enough lovey dovey stuff, folks. Let’s get this show on the road,” Gillian said as she shrugged on her jacket and opened the front door. Her brown pixie cut hair was smoothed down behind her ears. She looked like a slutty Peter Pan, and Catalina was pretty sure she was going to bust out of her tight pants.
“Hold on. I can’t walk too fast,” Catalina called out as she shimmied down the hem of her short dress. The silver dress shimmered in the dark, and with her black wool coat wrapped around her, it looked like she wasn’t even wearing a dress. The high heels that Marie wrestled her into made her feel like she was trying to walk on the edges of Popsicle sticks. She looked into the night. It seemed still and peaceful even as the ladies were piling into Bonnie’s car and Gillian was making some innuendo.
The air was crisp in her lungs. She didn’t feel like it was being sucked out of her. She didn’t feel a pressure on her chest or a heavy weight on her shoulders. She shut the door behind her. Olivia, her whole life, was safe behind that door. Everything was going to be okay. She was going to be okay.
“Come on, Cat. You ready to get your groove on?” Gillian hung out of the passenger side window and hooted. Marie looked worried in the backseat, but after a beat, Catalina took a wobbly couple of steps forward and climbed into the car.
The bar was packed for the weekend. The snow had thawed enough to let all the college kids out of their dorms and into the bars. Catalina and Marie still got carded, but Gillian winked at the bouncer, a thick-necked redhead. They headed for the bar while Bonnie toddled off to the bathroom, murmuring something about her tiny bladder.
The crowd was too close to Catalina; s
he was surely going to suffocate in the next few minutes. She hadn’t been around this many people in such a long time. Gillian thrust a short glass filled with creamy green liquid into her hand.
“Here. Let’s do some shots. Warm up a little bit,” she said as she clinked their glasses together.
Marie’s eyes lit up as she tilted back her glass into her mouth.
Gillian pushed at Catalina’s glass in her hand and slurped down her shot in a gulp.
Catalina reluctantly raised the glass to her lips. The drink was sweet and smooth. She hadn’t planned on drinking much tonight. There were too many feelings from the last time she ended up drinking too much. She didn’t want to end up forgetting things the next day. She wanted to only loosen up, have some fun, feel normal.
She wasn’t going to be calling Evan in the middle of the night. She wasn’t going to even look at any men. She was going to enjoy her time with her girlfriends like normal twenty-somethings should do.
“What do you want to do? Dance? Just sit and talk? Crowd surf?” Marie said with her mouth close to Catalina’s ear. The DJ was starting to play some pop music, and Catalina could feel the bass as it rattled her chest.
“I’m fine. I am…thinking,” she yelled back over the music.
“Tonight is not about thinking. It’s about having fun.” Marie laughed. They ordered another round of shots, which Catalina drank down easily before Marie and Gillian pulled her onto the dance floor.
Even though most of the crowd was their age, college kids, Catalina felt old among them. Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, wasn’t a big town, but Leigh University brought enough new faces that sometimes it felt big. She didn’t recognize any of the people around her, and it liberated her. She was among friends and strangers. She could be herself.
Marie put her hands above her head and twisted and turned her hips to the music. Gillian grounded her ass against some strange guy. He gripped at her hips, touching her skin where her shirt rode up. He was wearing a baseball cap and a polo shirt. He looked like Gillian’s type: a party guy who needed some work.
The thought made Catalina laughed out loud, but her voice was drown out by the music. Bonnie slid into their small dancing circle and yelled a loud “Whoo!” over the music. She put her hands into the air and bounced on the balls of her feet. She’d been smart and wore flat boots. Gillian had said that she was forgiven because she was knocked up. The rest of them were on the prowl.
Gillian hadn’t called Catalina single, but she was, wasn’t she? She still wore her wedding band, even though it was dinged up and dulled. She couldn’t bring herself to take it off. She was too naked without it.
The music switched to something even more fast paced, and the crowd seemed to swell around them. There were more bodies, more movement. They squeezed in tighter. A guy tried to grab Marie’s hand, but she grimaced at him and he moved on. Catalina lost herself in the motion of her body. Her limbs were loose and her body felt light. Her elbows jutted out and her hips swirled.
The alcohol was moving in her body. Her face was warm and her lips were numb. She reached up to touch them with her hand. She laughed as Bonnie started to sing along with the music.
Catalina closed her eyes. She wasn’t anybody. She was dancing. There was nothing she needed to be doing. She only needed to exist.
They danced for a few more songs. Gillian had cycled through a few guys, danced with some of them, and then pushed them on their way.
She waved the girls over to the bar.
“Oh, thank God, I’m sweating like a pig,” Bonnie said. She sucked down a bottle of water from the bartender. Gillian ordered the rest of them Long Island iced teas and started to suck it down her straw.
“Do you see any good men among the rabble?” she asked, looking around the bar like a lion searching for wildebeests on the savanna.
“I see a couple with potential, but nothing too amazing,” Marie said. Her drink was already half gone.
“What about you, Kitty? See anything you like?” Gillian raised her eyebrows.
Catalina glanced quickly at the people’s faces around her. They all kind of looked the same.
She shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t think so. It’s kind of early, isn’t it?”
The drink in her hand was stiff, but it didn’t burn on the way down the way she expected it to. She should probably stop drinking so much. She didn’t want to get too drunk.
“Early? Like in the night? I guess more people will be coming later, but it’s already prime-time,” Marie said.
“No. I didn’t mean like that. I meant like I think it’s early for me to start thinking about…you know…dating or whatever.”
“Oh, Kitty. Nobody is saying that you should start dating. Just maybe stop looking at other people like they are the enemy. There’s some cute looking guys here. You can dance with them or make out or something. We are young. Let’s act young!” Gillian yelled over the music.
Catalina crinkled her nose. She didn’t like the look of any of the guys’ mouths around them. It surprised her that for the first time in a long time, Hudson’s face wasn’t the one that drifted into her mind’s eye. The only person she could think of kissing wasn’t anywhere near here. It was Evan’s blue eyes that she wanted to be looking into. Evan’s soft lips that she wanted to taste, one more time. Her belly started to flip, and she was sure it wasn’t from the alcohol.
She’d probably never see him again.
“Let’s get back out there.” Catalina sucked down her drink quickly and dragged a surprised Marie and Gillian onto the dance floor.
One more Long Island iced tea later, despite Catalina trying to tell Gillian that she didn’t need any more to drink, she was feeling even looser. She was laughing a lot— at least, her face was tight from all the smiling. Bonnie still bopped along with the music and kept going to the bathroom. Catalina teetered on her high heels while Gillian waved over a group of young guys.
“They don’t even look old enough to be in this bar,” Catalina hissed in Gillian’s ear.
“Oh, shush. Don’t ruin this for me. I love me a younger guy,” she said back.
Marie eyed the tall one and he looked her up and down.
Gillian pulled in a shorter one with a shaved head.
“Hey boys. Wanna buy us a drink?” She winked.
That left Catalina standing awkwardly next the last guy. He was wearing a plaid, button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His light-colored hair was spiked up with gel from his forehead and his eyes were dark.
“Sure thing. You girls look like you’re having fun,” he said. He reached for Catalina’s hand. “I’m Jason. Nice to meet you.”
She took his hand and shook it slowly. She was trying to read his eyes. He seemed friendly. He smiled at her easily and let go of her hand to introduce himself to Marie and Gillian.
They ordered a round of beers and Catalina was silently grateful to slow down on the drinking. Gillian was lying to the short one about her age and asked them their majors. Jason was a communications major, which made Gillian roll her eyes.
Marie leaned down and said, “College boys, Cat. They can’t be that bad.”
“That’s exactly why they’re bad.” she said on return, but Marie’s eyes were glued to the tall boy with dark brown eyes. Marie bit her lower lip.
“Oh God. You’re totally a lost cause.” Catalina laughed.
“Hey, you wanna dance?” Jason’s breath blew the soft hairs there. His deep voice was like a rough bourbon but not entirely unwelcome. Catalina looked down at the ring on her hand. No man had hit on her in so long.
“Yes. Sure.” He took her hand in his. His hand was so big compared to her own, but it was soft.
Hudson’s hands were always so tough and worn from working at the auto body shop. They were permanently stained with grease, oil, and dirt.
Jason led her through the crowd, pulling her gently behind him. He looked over his shoulder and smiled at her. The skin on his face was so smo
oth that she doubted he even had to shave.
She let him pull her into him when they hit the dance floor. His body was solid against hers, and she could curl into his arms easily. He started to shift side to side as the music changed to something slow. He wrapped his arms around her lower back and her arms fell naturally around his neck. Her hands softly rubbed at the back of his head.
“I love this song,” he said. His voice vibrated through his chest and into hers. She got goose bumps on her arms, and she tilted her head up at him.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a black figure move quickly toward them, bursting through the crowd. Jason’s arms were ripped off of her, and a strong arm pulled Catalina backward.
She was clearly not going to have an uneventful night.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Devi, Evan’s sometimes booty call, pulled him into the crowded bar. They were a little late to the scene, but Evan was happy to get out. He had a rare morning off the next day and he needed to get out of his head. A few beers and Devi, with her tight, black dress, in his lap would help him forget about Catalina. He could make it work.
That was, until he saw Catalina’s long, tan arms on the dance floor. She was swaying in a short silver dress that rode up on her thighs. Evan’s mouth started to water—what would her skin felt like there? She took his breath away.
Until he saw the guy leaning down to whisper in her ear, and Evan’s hands formed immediately into fists. Before he realized what he was doing, he was pushing his way through the crowd and pulling the guy away from Catalina.
“What the hell is going on?” the jackass who was all over Catalina said to him.
“I should be asking you that, asshole.” Evan’s voice floated above the music.
“Evan,” Catalina said, bringing her hand up to touch her lips. The kiss. Yup, she totally still remembers that.
“Shit, man. I didn’t know she was your girl. She acted like she was single. I didn’t know.” The guy smoothed a hand over his hair, embarrassed, and looked, past Evan’s shoulders at Catalina.
Recovery Road Page 8