by Leslie North
“I—" she started to say, with no idea of how to finish her sentence. She had finally done it. She had pushed him too far. Easy-going, charming Nate was past his breaking point, and she had been the one to put him there.
“No,” he stopped her, holding up a hand, “don’t worry about it, okay? I’ve got this.”
He pulled his phone out of his pocket and started typing furiously, his forehead wrinkled with a full-on scowl. She wanted to ask him what he was doing, but she was afraid to speak at all. She had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach that told her she had already said more than enough.
“There you go, Athena, problem solved. I texted my PR guy. He’s going to pull your name out of the competition. I’ll take whatever flack comes our way. It was my mistake, after all.”
With that, he turned and let himself out of her apartment, careful not to slam the door on the way out. For a minute that seemed to stretch out into forever, Athena just stood where she was. She was almost afraid to move, as if that would make everything that had just happened real.
She had only had one other real relationship in her life when she was twenty years old, back when she was still naive enough to expect things to be effortless. She could still remember how stunned she had been by the way fights could crop up, and now that knowledge hit her again with full force. Only days ago, she had been practically high on thoughts of Nate, constantly daydreaming about what it would be like when the two of them finally fell into bed together. Now, she wasn't sure it would ever happen at all. And to make matters worse, she had a feeling that she might have just made a terrible mistake.
“I think you screwed up, girl,” she whispered to herself as the first tears began to slide down her cheeks, “I think you screwed that one up big time.”
13
Athena woke the next morning to find her hope of feeling better in the morning unfulfilled. Her sleep had been fretful, full of tossing and turning and half-sleep that left her feeling more tired than if she had never gone to sleep at all. She wasn't used to feeling this way, and it was making her feel sick to her stomach. When she couldn't take it anymore, she picked up her phone and dialed the only number she could think of.
“Oh my God!” Laura practically screamed into her ear before Athena could so much as offer a greeting, “Oh my God, Athena, I was just about to call you!”
"You were?" Athena asked uncertainly, "Why? Is everything okay?"
“Of course it’s okay! It’s better than okay. You, my dear friend, are the talk of the town.”
“I’m sorry, Laura, but I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Athena answered, flopping back onto her bed and sighing. This wasn’t exactly how she had imagined her conversation with Laura going.
“Your competition, sister! It was all anyone could talk about—that is, before Nate came on the radio today.”
“What do you mean?” Athena asked, sitting right back up again and gripping the phone tight, “What happened on the radio today?”
“Oh, honey, he had to eat crow, is what he did. You must have been so mad at him!”
“Um, yeah,” she answered uncertainly, “but how do you know that?”
“Because!” Laura answered shrilly, sounding like she was really starting to enjoy herself now, “I don’t think he would have done it otherwise. The competition was one of Athreal’s little satellite things and they were already putting the word out about you being in it. Thought people would be interested, what with your show and all. I seriously doubt they were happy to lose that hook.”
“What exactly did he say, Laura? I wasn’t listening.”
"Oh, you know, just that he went and put his big ol' foot in it. Both feet, from the sound of it. He should have been more careful, that's what I think. He's going to have some real explaining to do with Athreal if he still has a chance at closing that sponsorship deal with them at all. This whole mess made him look flakey and them look stupid, is what I think."
"Right," Athena said, her voice sounding far away. It was more than just her voice, though. She felt oddly detached from her body like she was floating above it instead of living on the inside where she belonged.
All she had wanted was to do a little venting, maybe have Laura agree with her on what an asshole Nate had been. Now, she was more confused than ever. She wanted to stay angry at Nate, almost felt as if she needed to stay mad for her own protection, but she didn’t like hearing Laura talk about him this way. She felt caught between a rock and a hard place, and there was only one thing she knew for certain. She needed to talk to Nate. She needed to see him, to look him in the eye and put this fight to bed once and for all.
“Anyway,” Laura continued to prattle, mercifully oblivious to Athena’s inner turmoil, “the way I see it, this can only be good for you. It’s—"
“Hey, Laura?” she interrupted, already on her feet and searching for her shoes, “I’m really sorry to interrupt, but I’ve got to go.”
“To go?” Laura whined, clearly hoping for a more lengthy, gossip-filled conversation, “What do you mean, you need to go? You just called, and we’ve got so much to talk about!”
“You’re right,” Athena agreed, “we do. And I promise I’ll call you back later so we can talk about anything and everything you want. But right now, I really need to go see about something.”
“Oh, all right,” Laura sighed, “I know when I’m beat. You go see to your man.”
“He’s not my man, Laura,” Athena said weakly, blushing furiously. She was grateful for the fact that she was alone at the moment. She wasn’t too keen on having an audience while going through the crisis of trying to figure out just what in the hell she and Nate were to each other.
“Honey, if you really believe that, you’re just about the best liar I ever met.”
Athena hung up the phone before Laura could embarrass her any further and practically ran to her car. Now that she knew what she wanted to do, she didn't want to wait a minute more. It was all she could do to keep from driving a hundred miles an hour to get to Ian's house, and she was glad for the cover of an impending storm.
She made it to Ian's drive in record time, the gravel crunching under her feet as she hurried up the path to the front door. She didn't allow herself to pause, not once until she stood in front of his door with her fist poised to knock.
“Am I really going to do this?” she whispered to herself, her face growing warm with the mere thought of the confrontation. Getting into a yelling match in her apartment was one thing, but ambushing Nate at his brother’s house was another thing entirely. She had no idea what she was going to do if Ian or Katie opened the door and wanted to know why she was there. The last thing she wanted was for them to hear her and Nate fighting, and after talking to Laura this morning, she thought a fight might be exactly what he was in the mood for. She knew she would have been, if the tables were turned.
"You planning on standing on the doorstep all day?" Nate's voice came through the closed front door loud and clear, making her jump about a mile into the air. She took a step backward as first the door, then the screen opened, revealing Nate standing in the shadowy front hall.
“Sorry,” she answered sheepishly, “I... I guess I was trying to get up my courage.”
“You need to muster your courage to knock on the door? That doesn’t say a whole lot about me, does it?”
“Not because of you, Nate, honestly. I just didn’t want to disturb your family. It occurred to me all of a sudden that it might be getting to lunch time around here.”
“Nah,” he answered, stepping aside and motioning for her to follow him inside, “you don’t need to worry about that. Ian and Katie took Andy and the baby to see her dad. They aren’t going to be here for a couple more days, I think. We’ve got the place all to ourselves. Come on back.”
She did as she was told, shutting the door behind her and following mutely as he led her through the house. A wave of nostalgia washed over her, looking at everything inside the old house.
Ian had done some remodeling, enough to make the place look modern, but there were plenty of remnants of the old house she had played in as a girl. Seeing it made her heart ache for those simpler times when she and Nate had been friendly rivals and nothing more. The feeling was overwhelming, and by the time she and Nate stepped into the guest room where he was staying, she felt like she might cry.
“I’ve gotta be honest with you, Athena,” he said, lowering himself slowly onto the edge of the bed, “I’m sort of surprised to see you here. You were really pissed at me last night.”
“Yeah,” she said quietly, “I guess I was.”
“And now?” he asked.
She looked at him closely, really looked at him, and all of her resolve left her. Now that she was standing in front of him, she understood why she had really come. She was there to explain herself more fully, and calmly this time so that they could finally understand each other.
Except when she looked at him now, he looked like a shell of his former self, like the light inside of him had been switched off. The worst part about it was she was the one who had flipped the switch. She had made him look unreliable and maybe even a little foolish to Athreal and probably to some of his fans. For Nate, that was most definitely hitting him where it hurt.
“What is it, Nate?” she asked, sitting gingerly on the edge of the bed beside him, once again careful not to let their two bodies touch.
“Nothing,” he said, swiping a hand over his eyes and sighing, “nothing that won’t blow over.”
"Feel like telling me?" she prodded gently, afraid that he was going to be angry with her pushing but pushing all the same. Her heart actually ached for Nate and the pain that was radiating off of him. She had been the one to put him in this place, and now she wanted desperately to be the one to bring him back out of it. She took a shaky breath and slipped her hand into his. When he didn't pull away, she started running her thumb lightly along the inside of his palm. She was almost afraid to breathe, lest it stop whatever was happening here.
“It’s nothing big, Athena,” he finally said, “nothing I want you to worry about. It was just a rough PR day. Let’s just leave it at that.”
“Because of me,” she said. It wasn’t a question, at least not the way she said it. It was a certified fact. Although she didn’t know exactly what he’d had to do, not yet, she could see that it had cost him dearly.
“No, Athena, because of me. I’m the one who set up that deal without consulting you. You made it pretty clear that you didn’t like me pulling strings without talking to you first, and I did it anyway.”
“So what happened? Did you…?”
“Get you out of the competition?” he supplied, sparing her the task of having to put it all out there herself, “Yeah, I did. I went to my PR guys and told them you weren’t going to be a part of the competition after all. I told you I would, and I did.”
“And?” she pressed, moving closer to him on the bed, pressing against his arm ever so slightly.
“And they weren’t happy about it,” he admitted. “I went ahead and called the director of the competition up myself.”
“What did you say?”
“That I’d jumped the gun. I told ‘em that you already had a competition and that it was my fault you were double booked. They weren’t all that thrilled, either.”
“Oh, Nate,” she whispered, “I’m so sorry. You shouldn't have had to do that. I shouldn’t have made you do that.”
“Doesn’t matter, honey,” he answered, “it’s done. There’s nothing to do but weather the storm.”
“Will this hurt you? Badly, I mean?” she asked, not sure she really wanted to know.
“It’ll blow over. There will be some bad press. People will talk about what a flake I am, maybe be a little less inclined to work with me for a while. But, like I said, it’ll blow over. And now you’re in the clear.”
There were a million things Athena wanted to say and yet she couldn’t make a single word come out of her mouth. She found that there were no words, at least none to express her thanks and her regret properly.
“Nate,” she managed, pulling his hand to her lips and kissing the back of it. When he didn’t stop her, she kissed him again, letting her lips linger for longer this time. She kissed up to the tip of one of his fingers, sliding it into her mouth and running her tongue along the length of it. He shuddered, his head rolling back and his eyes slipping shut. She couldn’t undo the damage she had done, couldn’t backpedal her mistakes, but she could do this. She could make him feel better. She could make them both feel better, giving them the thing they had been dancing around ever since he had come back home.
“Athena,” he croaked, starting to say something she feared they might both regret.
“Shh,” she answered, stopping his lips with one finger. She kissed his hand again, then stood, never allowing her eyes to stray from his face, never breaking eye contact. The only time she let her eyes leave his was when she pulled her shirt up over her head. She made sure to find his gaze again while unfastening the clasp at the front of her bra.
“Shit, Athena, I need you so badly. Do you know how much I need you?”
He reached for her, his hands rough and desperate. When they found her breasts, it was her turn to throw her head back. She shut her eyes and moaned, arching her back and pushing her breasts more completely into his hands. She wanted to scream at him to move faster, to unzip her jeans and take her before she lost her mind. She needed to feel him on top of her, inside of her. She wanted to forget everything that wasn't their two bodies coming together.
“Please, Nate,” she moaned, moving one of his hands down to her zipper, guiding him to what she wanted, “please, I can’t. I can’t wait any longer.”
That was the only thing he needed to hear, and he moved so quickly it was enough to make her head spin. In one fluid motion, he had her on her back on the bed, her hips moving helplessly as he slid her jeans slowly down the length of her legs. It was a good thing there was nobody else at home because when he slid his finger inside of her, she actually screamed. She was hit by a wave of pleasure so intense her body jerked helplessly, on the verge of orgasm before he had done more than touch her.
“Is this it?” he asked, his eyes so intense it was almost frightening as he looked down upon her, “Is this what you want?”
“Yes,” she sighed, “please, yes. I want to feel you, Nate. I want to feel you inside of me.”
She heard the small, distinct sound of a zipper coming down, and then he was pushing himself up against her, pushing inside of her. Her hands moved up to his back, gripping him so tightly she was sure she would draw blood. She hooked her legs around his ankles, her hips bucking wildly. She wanted more. She wanted to have all of him.
Her hips rose and fell in time with his, the both of them floating on a wave of pleasure. When she felt her toes begin to tingle, the distinct sensation moving rapidly up the length of her, she knew what was coming and welcomed it. It hit her all at once, and when she came, she cried out with an intensity she'd never felt before. He shuddered on top of her, moaning before rolling to one side and pulling her in closer.
“I’ve wanted you, Athena,” he said quietly, “do you know how badly I’ve wanted you?”
“I’ve wanted you too,” she whispered.
It was true. She had wanted him, and she wanted him still. But not like this. Now that it was over, the anticipation of the act itself satisfied, she understood that she had made a mistake in trying to solve things with sex. There had been a window open between the two of them, a window of vulnerability that was now closed. What Nate had actually needed was to have a conversation. It was what they had both needed. They might be physically satisfied now, but the part that really mattered was more in the wind than ever. She just hoped that she would be able to open that window again before it was closed for good.
Because, despite the different directions their lives were going, she was starting to see something real betwe
en the two of them. It might only be in her imagination, but she couldn’t deny it any longer. She wasn’t sure she wanted to.
14
Athena tossed her phone from one hand to the other nervously. She’d been playing with it for a good ten minutes, but when it came to having the confidence to make her call, she was no closer now than she had been at the start. If anything, she felt even less certain. She was talking herself in circles, and it was driving her nuts.
"You're acting insane," she hissed to herself, "after last night, you're afraid even to give him a call? This is ridiculous."
She shook her head quickly, hell-bent on getting this done once and for all. If she could have sex with Nate, she shouldn't have any trouble ringing him up. Whatever was going on between her and Nate, she didn't think he was the kind of man to use her for sex and toss her aside. True, they were in very different territory than when they were kids, but she trusted her gut feeling on the man he was now well enough to be reasonably sure of that. She held her phone steady, clicked on his number, and tried to ignore the way her hand trembled as she lifted the device to her ear.
“Hey there, sugar,” he answered after only the first ring, “I was wondering how long it was going to take you to call.”
“Oh, is that right?” she said with nervous laughter, resting her head back on the couch and wincing up at the ceiling.
“Kind of,” he laughed back, “except maybe the other way around. I may have considered picking up the phone myself a time or two.”
“That’s more like it,” she smiled, hating how giddy their banter made her feel but unable to stop it.
“So, what’s happening, honey?” he asked, “To what do I owe the pleasure of this call?”
“I was just wondering what you’re up to today,” she said, a little more breathlessly than she would have liked but hoping she still sounded reasonably nonchalant.
“Today?” he mused, playing with the silence coming from her end of the line, “What do I have going on today. That’s a good question, Athena. Don't think anyone’s asked me that yet. You’re the first one to get to me this fine, sunny afternoon.”