Witch Is Where Squirrels Go Nuts (Witch P.I. Mystery Book 39)

by Adele Abbott

  “Maggie doesn’t just resemble Scarlet. She could be her twin sister.”

  “Okay, sorry to interrupt. Carry on, please.”

  “Two days after I’d taken the booking, the client contacted us to cancel. Obviously, cancellations do happen from time to time so I thought nothing of it. But then, about a week later, it happened again. And then again, and that’s how things have continued. It’s got to the point where every time I take a booking, I expect it to be cancelled.”

  “And you have no idea why that’s happening? Have you asked the customers who have cancelled?”

  “Of course. I ask them every time it happens, but they always make some feeble excuse. I’m convinced that someone is deliberately trying to put me out of business.”

  “What about your competitors, Rock? Do you have any?”

  “There was another agency in Washbridge, but they recently went bust.”

  “Is there anyone else who might have a grudge against you? Any disgruntled ex-employees?”

  “Nothing like that. I have always treated my lookies with the utmost respect. Ask any of them.”

  “Okay. It might be helpful if I paid a visit to your office. Maybe I could speak to some of your—err—lookies?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “I’d also like to see details of some of the bookings that were cancelled.”

  “No problem. How about tomorrow afternoon? Say one o’clock?”

  “That’s fine. I’ll see you then.”

  Chapter 2

  The lookalike business is a strange one where people get paid just because they look like someone famous. Which got me thinking: Maybe, right now, someone was being paid good money just because they looked like me.

  What do you mean, I’m not famous? I’m the most powerful witch in Candlefield—if that’s not famous, I don’t know what is. If someone is making money by being my lookie, then by rights, I think I should get a share of their earnings. Food for thought, don’t you think?

  Talking of food, I was feeling rather peckish, so I magicked myself over to Cuppy C where the twins were both behind the counter.

  “Hi, Jill.” Amber sounded full of the joys of spring.

  “Hiya.” Pearl flashed me a big smile.

  “What’s up with you two?” I said.

  “Nothing, why?”

  “Well, for a start, you aren’t arguing, which is a first. And you both look obscenely happy.”

  “We don’t always argue,” Pearl said.

  “You could have fooled me. So, which one of you two lookies is going to get me a coffee and a blueberry muffin?”

  “What makes you say we’re lucky?” Amber said.

  “Not lucky. Lookies. It’s what you call lookalikes, and let’s face it, you two definitely look alike.”

  “You’re talking in riddles, as usual, Jill.”

  “It’s all to do with my latest case. My client owns a lookalike agency.”

  “Is it another murder?” Amber said.

  “Not every case I work on is a murder. The owner of the agency thinks he’s being sabotaged, and that someone is causing all his bookings to be cancelled. I’ve got to find out who’s doing it and why.”

  “Where do you start on a case like that?” Pearl said.

  “I’m going to pay a visit to his offices tomorrow, to talk to some of his lookies, and I’ll take it from there.”

  “In other words, you’re going to wing it.”

  “Cheek! I do not wing it. I’ll have you know my methods have been carefully honed over the course of more than a decade.”

  They looked at each other and laughed. “If you say so.”

  “Am I going to get my coffee and muffin or not?”

  “I’ll see to it.” Pearl walked over to the coffee machine.

  “We were going to call you later today,” Amber said. “Pearl and I are taking the two Lilys to the seaside on Sunday. Would you and Florence like to come?”

  “Where are you planning on going?”

  “Candle Sands of course. Where else?”

  “Are the guys going too?”

  “No, they both have to work this weekend. What do you say? Do you fancy it?”

  “I’d love a day at the seaside, and I know Florence would, but—” I hesitated.

  “But what? You can give work a miss for one day, surely?”

  “It isn’t that.”

  “What then?”

  “It doesn’t seem fair because Jack wouldn’t be able to come with us.”

  “I bet if you asked him, he wouldn’t mind.”

  “I’ll have to think about it. Can I let you know?”

  “Sure. Give us a call.”

  As Pearl handed me the coffee and muffin, someone called my name. It was only then that I realised Grandma was sitting at the far side of the shop.

  “Why didn’t you two warn me Grandma was here?”

  “We were too busy listening to you talk about lookies.”

  Somewhat unenthusiastically, I went over to join her. “Sorry, Grandma, I didn’t see you over here.”

  “That’s because you were gabbing to those two who, by the way, haven’t invited me to go to the seaside.”

  “Did you want to go?”

  “Of course not, but it would have been nice to be asked.”

  “There haven’t been any more altercations between you and Miss Drinkwater since this morning, have there?”

  “Of course not. And as long as she keeps her distance, there won’t be. Incidentally, did you hear about Gwen Ravensbeak?”

  “What about her?”

  “She’s dead.”

  “What? How?”

  “From what I heard, she’d just taken delivery of a new batch of t-shirts for the bowling team. Apparently, she was trying to carry the box across the road when she dropped it on her toe.”

  “And that killed her?”

  “Of course not. The pain made her take a step back, straight into the path of a bus. She died instantly from all accounts.”

  “That’s awful.”

  “They think she dropped the box because her nail extensions were so long that she couldn’t keep a grip on it. It’s just a pity Gwen couldn’t see the future instead of the past.”

  “Grandma! That’s an awful thing to say.”

  “Says the woman who took Gwen to get her nails done.” Grandma finished her drink and stood up. “I can’t hang around here all day. I have work to do.”

  I was still feeling guilty about Gwen when a tiny fairy flew into the shop. She looked around and then headed for my table.

  “Are you Jill Maxwell?” she said in a teeny voice.

  “Yes, I am.”

  “Good. I was told I might find you here. I’m Melanie.”

  “Hi, Melanie. It’s nice to meet you. I hope you don’t mind my asking, but what kind of fairy are you?”

  “I’m a sweetheart fairy. I’m hoping you might be able to help my friend, Ursula.”

  “Is Ursula a sweetheart fairy too?”

  “No, she’s the queen of the unicorns.”

  “Really? I’ve never met a unicorn.”

  “They’re very shy. That’s why she asked me to try to set up a meeting between the two of you.”

  “I’d be delighted to meet her.”

  “Great. Would Wednesday at one o’clock be okay?”

  “Yeah, I can make that. Where?”

  “Would it be alright if I took your phone number? Then, I can send you a message on Wednesday with directions.”

  “Sure.” I gave her my number, which she entered into her own teeny-tiny phone.

  “Thanks, Jill. I’ll be in touch. Bye.”

  “Bye, Melanie.”

  Wow! I was going to meet a unicorn. How very exciting! I’d better not tell Florence, though, or she’d want to go with me. She was crazy about them; she had two unicorn soft toys, a unicorn colouring book, and a unicorn duvet cover and pillowcases.

  ***

  I was just about to magi
c myself back to Washbridge when my phone rang. I was surprised to see that it was Yvonne because she rarely called me.

  “Jill, have I caught you at a bad time?”

  “No. Is everything alright?”

  “Everything’s fine, but there’s something Roy and I would value your advice on.”

  “Right. Do the two of you want to pop over tonight to talk to Jack and me?”

  “Actually, we’d rather talk to you by yourself if that’s okay?”

  “I suppose so. When do you want to do it?”

  “The sooner the better. Whenever you’re free.”

  “I could pop over now if you like?”

  “That would be great.”

  “Okay. I’ll be with you in a minute.”

  It was a while since I’d been to Ghost Town, and I’d only visited Yvonne’s house once before. Fortunately, she and Roy lived on the opposite side of town from my mother and father, so there was no chance I would inadvertently bump into them.

  Both Yvonne and Roy came to the door.

  “Jill, thanks for coming over.” Yvonne beckoned me inside. “Let’s go through to the lounge. Would you like a cup of tea?”

  “Not for me, thanks. I’ve just come from Cuppy C. Are you sure there’s nothing wrong, Yvonne? Your phone call has left me a little nervous.”

  “There’s nothing to worry about, I promise. Before I get into the reason I asked you over, I really must apologise for what happened on your anniversary.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I’m just sorry we were forced to cut short the dinner. I had no idea Kathy and Peter were coming over.” Honest, guv.

  “It’s probably just as well they did. The way your mother and I behaved was unforgivable.”

  “My mother can be very difficult.”

  “It’s not fair to lay all the blame at her door. I was just as bad. The two of us will never see eye to eye. I think that’s something we’ll all have to accept. I must confess I was surprised that Jack had invited us all over that night.”

  “Not as surprised as I was.” I laughed.

  “His heart’s in the right place.”

  “I know he meant well, but the outcome was fairly predictable. By the way, is it true what you said about Cakey C and the hygiene certificate?”

  “I don’t think I should be discussing that, Jill.”

  “It is true, then.”

  “I’m sure your mother will have got it renewed since then.”

  “I’m not sure I share your confidence. I don’t think I’ll be eating in there for a while. Anyway, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?”

  During all of this time, Roy had been listening to the two of us and nodding occasionally.

  Yvonne continued, “We thought that it might be nice if we could live some of the time in the human world.”

  “Do you mean you want to move into our place?”

  “Good gracious, no.” She laughed. “You wouldn’t want your in-laws living with you.”

  “I wouldn’t mind,” I lied.

  “That’s very sweet of you, Jill, but it would be a nightmare. For all of us. We were thinking more in terms of finding somewhere we could treat as a holiday home.”

  “Let me make sure I’ve got this straight. You’re talking about haunting this ‘holiday home’?”

  “Haunting isn’t a term I particularly like, but strictly speaking, I guess that’s what it would be. Ideally, we’d prefer a sizable house where we could move around without disturbing the occupants too much. We were just wondering what you thought of the idea.”

  “I don’t see why you shouldn’t do it. What I don’t understand, though, is why you didn’t want to include Jack in this discussion.”

  “It’s only an idea at the moment, and we thought it best not to worry him unnecessarily. We weren’t sure what he’d think of his parents haunting a house.”

  “I’m sure he’ll be okay with anything that makes you both happy.”

  “You’re probably right, but even so, I’d rather wait until we’re sure it’s going to happen before we say anything to him. I have no idea how one goes about something like this. I don’t suppose you know, do you?”

  “I wouldn’t know where to start, but I might be able to find out for you.”

  “We wouldn’t want to put you to any trouble.”

  “That’s okay. There’s a couple of people I can ask if you like.”

  “That would be great, Jill, thanks.”

  “Something else occurs to me. I think I know a house that would be ideal for you.”

  “Really? Where?”

  “I recently completed a case for the woman who owns Tweaking Manor.”

  “That sounds rather grand.”

  “It’s a large house that’s in need of some renovation work, but it might be just what you’re looking for. A lot of the rooms aren’t even in use, and there are several hidden passageways.”

  “That does sound good. What do you think Roy?”

  “It sounds lovely, dear.” He nodded his approval.

  “Okay. Why don’t I make some enquiries to see what I can find out about the whole haunting thing, and I’ll get back to you.”

  “That would be great, Jill. We really would appreciate it. And you won’t mention any of this to Jack?”

  “I don’t normally like to keep secrets from him, but on this occasion, I’ll make an exception until you decide if you’re going ahead or not.”

  ***

  I’d no sooner walked through the door, than Florence came running up to me.

  “Mummy, it isn’t fair.”

  “What’s not fair, darling?”

  “Wendy can whistle, but I can’t.” She put her lips together and blew, but no sound came out.

  “Not everyone can whistle.”

  “Can you whistle, Mummy?”

  “Err, yeah, but only a little.”

  “Daddy can whistle too, so why can’t I?”

  “I’m sure if you keep trying, you’ll soon be able to do it.”

  “I’ve been trying and trying, but it doesn’t work.” She stomped off.

  Jack came through from the kitchen. “She’s been giving me grief ever since I picked her up from school. I tried to show her how to do it, but it’s hopeless. It’s something you can either do or you can’t.”

  “She’ll get over it.”

  “I hope so. How was your day?”

  “Not bad. I landed a new case involving some lookies.”

  “What’s a lookie?”

  “It’s what they call the people who work at a lookalike agency.” I quickly checked to make sure Florence wasn’t within earshot, and then said in a hushed voice, “I’ve also been asked to meet with the queen of the unicorns.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yeah. Her name is Ursula, and I’m meeting her on Wednesday.”

  “You’d better not let Florence find out. You know how she feels about unicorns. She’ll definitely want to go with you.”

  “Why do you think I’m whispering? Oh, and I also called in at Cuppy C. Amber and Pearl are taking the two Lilys to Candle Sands on Sunday.”

  “Didn’t they ask you to go with them?”

  “They did, but I said it didn’t seem fair because you couldn’t come too.”

  “I don’t mind. You and Florence should definitely go. In fact, it makes what I’m about to tell you much easier.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Tommy Gray asked if I fancied a game of golf on Sunday, and I told him yes.”

  “Have you joined the golf club?”

  “No. He’s going to sign me in as a guest, but if I enjoy it, I might just take the plunge.”

  “Good. You should. I’ll go and tell Florence about the seaside. Hopefully, it will take her mind off the whistling.”

  Chapter 3

  The next morning, as I was trying to decide what to have for breakfast, Florence came rushing down the stairs; she was clearly excited about something.

 
“Listen, Mummy, I can do it. I can whistle.”

  She put her lips together and blew. Whatever the sound was that came from her mouth, it certainly wasn’t a whistle. Not that I was about to tell her that. Obviously.

  “That’s very good, darling. Well done.”

  “I did what you said, Mummy. I practised and practised and practised, and now I can do it. I can’t wait to tell Wendy.”

  “Maybe it would be a good idea to keep it a secret. Just between the two of us.”

  “No, I want to show Wendy.”

  “Okay. Are you excited about the seaside?”

  “Yes, I can’t wait. How many days is it until we go?”

  “It’s Tuesday today and we go on Sunday. So how many days is that?”

  She began to count on her fingers. “Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Five days! Aww, that’s a long time.”

  “Not really. It’ll fly by.”

  “I wish Daddy could come with us.”

  “It’s okay, pumpkin,” Jack said. “Daddy’s going to play golf on Sunday.”

  “The seaside is much better than golf because there’s sand and sea and donkeys.”

  “There’s sand on the golf course too. In the sand traps.”

  “What’s a sand trap, Daddy?”

  “It’s a hole full of sand. When you hit your ball, you have to try to make sure it doesn’t end up in one of those.”

  “Can you make a sandcastle in there?”

  “No, I don’t think the people in charge would like that.” Jack turned to me. “What day is it you go and see the unicorn, Jill?”

  I glared at him. What on earth was he thinking?

  “What unicorn, Mummy?” Florence said.

  “Err, I—err—”

  “Daddy just said you’re going to see a unicorn. Can I go with you?”

  Looking very sheepish now, Jack mouthed the word ‘sorry’.

  “Please, Mummy. I love unicorns. I’ve got unicorn toys and a unicorn duvet.”

  “I know you have, darling.”

  “Can I, pleeeeease!”

  “When I visit the unicorn on Wednesday, I’ll ask if it’s alright for me to take you to meet her.”

  “What’s her name?”

  “Ursula. She’s the queen of the unicorns.”

  “I’m going to tell Wendy. She likes unicorns too.”

  “I don’t think that’s a very good idea. Humans aren’t allowed to know about unicorns.”