Witch Is Where Squirrels Go Nuts (Witch P.I. Mystery Book 39)

by Adele Abbott

  “When you buy your lunch, make sure to get a receipt and I’ll reimburse you.”

  “That’s very generous of you, Jill, but there’s no need.” He opened his briefcase and took out a Tupperware box. “I always bring my own sandwiches.”

  Mrs V wasn’t due to arrive for at least another couple of hours, so I had to unlock the offices.

  “My office is through here.”

  He followed me in, but then stopped dead in his tracks.

  “Is everything alright, Arthur?”

  “Err, yes. I was just wondering why your cats are dressed in pirate outfits.”

  I glanced across at the sofa where Winky was seated next to a small female cat. They were both dressed as pirates.

  “I—err—show cats,” I said. “It’s a hobby of mine.”

  “Dressed as pirates?”

  “That is a little unusual, granted, but there’s a good reason for it.”

  “There is?”

  “Err, yeah. There’s a competition coming up in a couple of weeks for cats wearing fancy dress.”

  “I see.” He scratched his chin. “It takes all sorts, I suppose. Is there a toilet close by, please, Jill?”

  “Yes, it’s back out the way we came, across the landing, down the corridor, and it’s on your left.”

  “I won’t be a minute, then I’ll make a start on your books.”

  As soon as he was out of the door, I turned on Winky. “What’s going on here?”

  “We’re preparing for the fancy dress competition, obviously.”

  “Well, you can’t do it in here.”

  “How was I supposed to know you were going to choose today to come in at the crack of dawn? You’re never here at this time.”

  “I had to come in early because my accountant’s going through the books before the tax inspection later. Anyway, why on earth am I explaining myself to you?”

  The female cat coughed. “Seeing as no one else is going to do it, I suppose I’d better introduce myself. I’m Mimi. Winky is my boyfriend.”

  “It’s nice to meet you, Mimi, but I’ll have to ask you to leave, I’m afraid.”

  She turned to Winky for support, but he just shrugged. “Sorry, babe, it’s out of my hands.”

  “That’s just great.” She huffed. “And after all the effort I made to get here so early.”

  “I said I was sorry, babe. See you later?”

  “You might. You might not.” And with that, she disappeared out of the window.

  “See what you’ve done now?” Winky said. “You’ve upset Mimi.”

  “I don’t care. I’ve got more than enough on my plate with the tax inspection, without having to explain why there are two cats dressed as pirates in my office. Now take that stupid outfit off.”

  He moaned and groaned, and then disappeared under the sofa.

  Moments later, Arthur came back. I’d expected him to ask me lots of questions, but he simply got his head down and began to work his way through my books. Every now and then, he made a disconcerting tutting sound, and occasionally said things like, “Oh dear.”

  I felt a bit like a spare part, so to pass the time, I started messing around on my phone. I sent Kathy a couple of messages, but she didn’t respond. She was no doubt still tucked up in bed.

  About an hour later, I heard the door in the outer office open. It was clear Arthur didn’t need me, so I went out to greet Mrs V.

  “Good morning, Jill. I’d forgotten you were coming in so early. Have you filled the kettle?”

  “No, sorry. I never thought about it.”

  “Not to worry. I’ll do it in a minute.”

  “You look a lot brighter this morning, Mrs V.”

  “I feel much more awake. I’ve stopped taking that sleeping draught. It was way too strong. In fact, I heard that a couple of yarnies have been hospitalised after taking it.”

  “That doesn’t sound good.”

  “I’m glad I only took it the once. Would your accountant friend like a drink?”

  “I’ll go and ask him.” I stuck my head around the door. “Arthur, I’m sorry to disturb you, but would you like a drink?”

  “Yes, please.”

  “Tea or coffee?”

  “Tea would be lovely.”

  “Milk and sugar?”

  “Milk and one and five-eighths teaspoons of sugar, please.”

  “Right, you are.” I turned to Mrs V. “Arthur would like a cup of tea please. Milk and one and five-eighths teaspoons of sugar.”

  She grinned. “That brings back memories.”

  “Mrs V, would you be able to do a little job for me this morning?”

  “Of course, dear. What is it?”

  I took out the sheet of paper that Raymond Double had given to me.

  “This is a list of the clients who cancelled their bookings with the Double Take Agency. Would you get in touch with them, starting with the most recent, and see if you can arrange for me to go and talk to them? I want to try to find out the reason for the cancellation.”

  “I’ll be glad to. Just drop it on my desk.”

  Arthur was still busy going through the books while tutting to himself, so I sat on the sofa and played around with my phone some more.

  ***

  Thirty minutes later, Mrs V popped her head around the door.

  “Jill, Betty Longbottom is here.”

  “Okay. Excuse me, Arthur, the tax inspector is here. Are we ready for her?”

  “As ready as we’re ever going to be.”

  “Okay. Send her through, please, Mrs V.”

  “Good morning, Jill.” Betty was full of smiles; she was clearly a woman who enjoyed inflicting pain on others.

  “Morning. Can I introduce you to my accountant, Mr Arthur Bacus? Arthur, this is Betty Longbottom.”

  “I’m very pleased to make your acquaintance, Betty.” Arthur stood up and offered his hand.

  “Likewise, Arthur. Is it alright if I sit here?”

  “Of course. We’re all ready for you.”

  “I’d like to go through the last three years’ accounts, if that’s alright?”

  “Absolutely.” Arthur nodded. “Shall we start with the oldest first?”

  Mr Bacus, who had always struck me as rather timid, seemed much surer of himself in the presence of Betty.

  I was happy to leave the two of them to get on with it, so I took a seat on the sofa again. As I did, a voice came from underneath it. “The end is nigh.”

  I glanced under the sofa to find Winky grinning. “It’s all over now that the taxman has caught up with you.”

  “Be quiet.”

  “Sorry, Jill?” Betty said. “Did you say something?”

  “Err, no. I’ve just got a tickly throat.”

  As the two of them went through my books, Betty asked a number of questions. Every time she did, Arthur seemed to come up with an answer that satisfied her. This was going much better than I could have hoped.

  An hour later, and I was bored out of my brain, and feeling quite peckish.

  “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I have some urgent work that I need to attend to. Would it be alright if I nipped out for a while and left you to it?”

  “That’s fine by me,” Arthur said. “What about you, Betty?”

  “Yes, but I will need to talk to you this afternoon, Jill. Can you be back by three o’clock?”

  “Of course. Right, I’ll be off, then.”

  “How’s it going in there?” Mrs V asked as I was on my way out.

  “Swimmingly. The accountant seems to have it all under control. I’m going to nip out for a while, but I’ll be back by three.”

  “Okay, dear. I’ve rung some of the people on the list you gave me, but I haven’t had any joy yet. No one wants to talk to you, but I’ll keep at it.”

  “Okay. I’ll see you later.”

  I was headed down the high street when my phone rang.

  “Is that Jill Maxwell?”

  “Speaking?”

>   “This is Marian from Tweaking Tea Rooms. You sent me a message.”

  “Hi. Thanks very much for getting back to me. I’m investigating the murder of Miss Drinkwater.”

  “Are you the police?”

  “Not exactly. I—err—I work alongside them.”

  “I see. I’ve already talked to one of the detectives working on the case.”

  “Yes, but as I said, my work complements theirs. When would be a good time for me to talk to you?”

  “With the tea room closed, I’ve no work to go to, so you can come over anytime. Right now, if you want to.”

  “Err, okay.” I was dying for a blueberry muffin, but I didn’t want to risk missing the opportunity to speak to the person who had discovered Miss Drinkwater’s body. “What’s your address, Marian?”

  The address she gave me was only a few minutes’ walk away.

  “Okay, I’ll be straight over.”

  Marian lived on the second floor. She answered the door wearing a baggy track suit and fluffy slippers.

  “Come in. I’m sorry for the mess; my flatmates are rather untidy.”

  “Are they here now?”

  “No, they’re both at work. This has all been rather a shock for me. I still can’t quite believe it’s happened.”

  “I understand you were the one who discovered her body.”

  “That’s right. Miss Drinkwater gave me a key to let myself in if ever she was running late, but she rarely was, so I was surprised to find the door locked.”

  “And that’s when you found her body?”

  “Not immediately. The first thing I did was go into the back to turn down the heating. It was like a furnace in there. It was only when I came out and went into the tea room that I found her. It was horrible. I’ll have nightmares about that forever.”

  “I know this is difficult, but can you tell me exactly what you saw?”

  “She was just lying there, face-down in a pool of—” Her words drifted away.

  “Blood?”

  “No. Water. There was a pool of it on the floor. I think she must have spilled it when she fell.”

  “Could you see her injuries?”

  “I’ve already told the other officer all of this.”

  “I know, and I really do appreciate your patience.”

  “The side of her head—” Marian touched her temple. “It was caved in, like someone had hit her with a hammer or something.”

  “Did you see anything like that on the floor?”

  “No. Nothing.” She seemed to study my face for a minute. “Haven’t I seen you in the tea room?”

  “Yeah, I live in Middle Tweaking. You served us the day that I came in with my husband and our little girl.”

  “I remember. She had a strawberry milkshake.”

  “That’s right. Can I ask, how did you get on with Miss Drinkwater?”

  “If I’m honest, I didn’t like her very much. You’ve seen how she could be. Even so, I would never have wanted anything like this to happen to her.”

  “Can you talk me through the day of her murder? Did anything unusual happen?”

  “Miss Drinkwater did have a couple of run-ins that day, but that wasn’t particularly unusual.”

  “Tell me about them, anyway.”

  “Okay. The first was with a couple who had come in for breakfast. They were a bit noisy, and Miss Drinkwater was getting angrier and angrier. Eventually, she lost her temper, and went over to tell them to be quiet. There was a big argument, and for a while there, I was worried it might get out of hand. They were both well-built, like they were bodybuilders or something, and they both towered over Miss Drinkwater.”

  “Did it get out of hand?”

  “No. In the end, they just told her where she could stuff her breakfast and walked out.”

  “This couple, do they live in the village?”

  “I don’t think so. I’d never seen them before that day. I reckon they must have been staying at the new hotel. We’ve had quite a lot of people in the tea room recently who were staying there.”

  From the description Marian had given me, I suspected the noisy couple were the two werewolves I’d seen going into the tea room that morning.

  “You said Miss Drinkwater had a couple of run-ins?”

  “Yeah, she also had a blazing row with the vicar. I was really surprised because he’s a regular customer and he’s usually very quiet, but they were really going at it.”

  “Did you happen to hear what they were arguing about?”

  “No, I stayed well clear.”

  “Were you the only waitress working that day?”

  “No. Elizabeth was working there too. Until Miss Drinkwater sacked her, that is.”

  “Why did she sack her?”

  “Miss Drinkwater was always being nasty to us. I just took it and kept my mouth shut, but Elizabeth often talked back to her. She answered back once too often that day, and Miss Drinkwater completely lost it and sacked her on the spot.”

  “What will you do now, Marian?”

  “I don’t know. I need to find a job to pay the rent on this place. I suppose it depends on what Miss Drinkwater’s brother decides to do.”

  “I didn’t realise she had a brother.”

  “Yeah. Ryan. He’s a part-owner of the tea room.”

  “I didn’t realise. Does he work there?”

  “No. He used to come in about once a month for a meeting with his sister.”

  “Did you ever hear what they talked about?”

  “No, because they always went into the back.”

  Chapter 10

  Ursula, the queen of the unicorns, had said she would get her brother, Devon, to contact me. She was going to ask him to update me on his investigation into the stolen horns. That was a couple of days ago and I still hadn’t heard from him, so I magicked myself over to the farm on the outskirts of Candlefield where he was living undercover as a horse.

  Whoops!

  If I’d thought it through, I would have realised that my footwear wasn’t exactly suited for visiting a farm. Wellingtons would have been much more appropriate than the flats I was wearing, which were already covered in mud.

  There were four horses in the field behind the stables. After squelching my way over there, I leaned on the fence and tried to work out which one of them was Devon. After a couple of minutes, the black horse stopped eating grass, looked my way, then walked over to me.

  “Hi, Devon, I’m Jill Maxwell. I believe your sister may have been in contact with you. She’s asked me to investigate the missing unicorn horns.”

  He continued to stare at me but didn’t say a word. Perhaps he resented me being brought in on the investigation. Undaunted, I continued, “I was hoping that you might be willing to share whatever information you’ve uncovered so far.”

  He stared at me in silence for another minute or two, then turned around and walked away.

  How very rude!

  “Devon!” I called after him. “It would be really helpful if—”

  “I think you must be looking for me.” The voice came from behind me.

  I spun around to find a much smaller grey horse standing there.

  “Devon?”

  “That’s right. You must be Jill. I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch, but I’ve been rather busy here on the farm. Why don’t we go into the stables in case the farmer happens to come by?”

  “Sure.” I squelched my way back across the yard. “Your sister told me that you’ve been investigating the missing horns.”

  “That’s right, and I don’t mean to cause any offence, but I’m not really sure why Ursula felt the need to bring you in. I’m confident that I’m going to get a result any time now.”

  “Obviously, I don’t want to tread on your—err—hooves, but if you’re willing to tell me what you’ve done so far, it will save me covering the same ground. Maybe you could start by explaining why you’re so sure the horns have been brought to Candlefield?”

  “
I would have thought that was pretty obvious. Although sups know that unicorns exist, they rarely, if ever, get to see us. I’d venture that most sups will go through their whole life without ever having seen one. For that reason, there’s a certain fascination about everything unicorn. I believe whoever is stealing the horns is bringing them to Candlefield and selling them. Because they’re so rare, they’re bound to fetch a high price.”

  “Your theory is sound enough, but do you actually have any proof?”

  “Nothing concrete as yet, but it’s only a matter of time. I’ve been working with a number of sweetheart fairies. I’ve asked them to keep an eye on all the collectibles shops in and around Candlefield. I’m convinced, sooner or later, the horns will show up in one of those shops, and when they do, we’ll bring in the authorities. They should be able to trace them back to whoever’s stealing them. We just need to have some patience.”

  “Is there anything I can do to help speed up the process?”

  “You’re welcome to check some of the collectibles shops yourself. Maybe you’ll strike lucky.”

  “Okay. I appreciate you sparing me your time. If anything crops up that you think I should know, will you give me a call?”

  “Of course.”

  I wasn’t particularly impressed with Devon or his so-called investigation. Based on no evidence whatsoever, he seemed to have decided that the stolen horns would eventually turn up in collectibles shops in Candlefield. He could be right, but it seemed reckless not to at least consider other possibilities.

  That would be my job, I guess.

  My shoes were caked in mud, and there was no way I could go back to the office looking like that, so I magicked myself over to Cuppy C, where I’d be able to get cleaned up and get a well-deserved blueberry muffin and coffee.

  I’d just stepped into the shop when Pearl yelled at me, “Hey! Stop there! You’re treading mud into the shop.”

  “Sorry, but I’ve just come from a farm.”

  “I don’t care where you’ve been. You can’t come in here with those shoes on. Go back outside.”

  “Will you bring me something to clean them with?”

  “Okay, but wait out there.”

  Pearl appeared a few minutes later with a bucket of water and a scrubbing brush. “There you go.”