by Abbi Glines
“And . . .”
I wasn’t sure what she wanted me to say. “And what?”
Braden let out a loud sigh. “What did you and Jace talk about?”
Hell, I couldn’t remember. My mother was stressing me out. I was planning on installing the new board. I was going to let Della come back to work and stop smothering her. Nothing that should’ve upset her. “I can’t think of one thing I said that would have made her leave me.”
“So Jace never told you that you had to stop dealing with her crazy ass? And you didn’t say that it was affecting your work and it was easier to work with Angelina? And Jace didn’t say that you had to get rid of the batshit crazy because you had a corporation to run?”
I shot up out of my chair. “What?” I roared.
“I didn’t think so. Didn’t sound like you at all. If someone had called Della batshit crazy you would have beat their ass. Della, however, felt sorry for you for having to put up with her and thought it was in your best interest if she left.”
“Holy hell! I swear to God I never said that. Jace never said that. I would’ve killed him. We were talking about . . . we were talking . . . oh, motherfucker.” I knew what she’d heard. She hadn’t heard everything. She’d just heard enough.
“Please tell me you didn’t just have an epiphany and this conversation did actually happen,” Braden said, warning me.
“No. Of course not. I mean, it did but we weren’t talking about Della. God! Never Della. We were talking about my mother. She had just caused problems for me at the club and I was talking to Jace about how to deal with her. I . . . fuck! I can’t believe she thought we were talking about her. I’m coming to get her. I can’t do this anymore. I have to explain this to her. She has to know.”
“No! Shut it, Kerrington. I told you at the beginning of this conversation that you would do just as I said. I’m not done talking to you and telling you everything you need to hear. So calm down and put your damn keys away. When it’s time for you to come get her, I’ll let you know, but this time I think it’s real important that she come back to Rosemary on her own. She ran. She needs to find her way back. The cavalry can stay put and be patient.”
“I have to see her, Braden!”
“Would you shut up and listen to me? I have information for Della that she needs to deal with first. She thinks she’s going to be mentally ill because her mother and grandmother were. She thinks that staying with you means you can’t have kids because their mother could snap at any time and go insane. She loves you more than she loves herself. So she’s making sure you don’t suffer that ridiculous fate she’s convinced you’ll have with her.”
“We won’t have kids. I just want her. If she’s scared of that, fine. We won’t have kids. I have to tell her I just want her.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know you do. Shut up, I’m not done,” Braden snapped into the phone. I fisted my hand around my truck keys and moved to stare down at my truck parked outside. I could get to her in five hours.
“Della was adopted.”
So many emotions ran through me at once, I wasn’t sure if I was going to weep or cheer or fall to my knees and take deep, even breaths. Holy fuck. This was a game changer.
“She was adopted?” I managed to choke out.
“Yep. She was adopted. Her adoptive parents were scared to have kids because they were afraid that Della’s grandmother’s mental illness was genetic. So they adopted a boy from the foster system. He was two when they adopted him. Then a couple years later they adopted a baby girl from a teenager who wasn’t ready to be a mother yet. You know the rest.”
She was adopted. Her fear of being mentally ill like her mother was unfounded. “Does she know?”
“I told her today. She knows. I’ve set up a meeting with her birth mother. She’s a kindergarten teacher. She’s married and has a ten-year-old son and an eight-year-old daughter. They live in Bowling Green, Kentucky. Her name is Glenda Morgan and she wants to meet Della. She said she tried looking for her after her son was born. She realized what she had given up and she wanted to make sure she was okay. But the file was closed and it cost money she didn’t have to get an investigator. Her husband had agreed that with their income tax refund this year they would find her daughter instead of taking a family vacation. So when the investigator I hired found her she was as thrilled as I was.”
I wanted to like this woman, but knowing that her decision to give Della up had been the reason for the hell Della had lived through made it hard for me to forgive her. Where was the guy who knocked her up? Did he not care he’d given up a child?
“What about her birth father?” I asked.
“Glenda has contacted him. His name is Nile Andrews. He lives in Phoenix, Arizona. He’s a dentist. Also married, with triplets. All girls. He wants to meet Della, too. His wife is being supportive of his decision.”
A kindergarten teacher and a dentist.
“I’ve seen a photo of her birth mother. She looks like her.”
“Please let me come. I want to be with her through this. She needs me.”
“No, Woods. What she needs is to feel like she’s strong. Like she can handle all of this on her own. She knows she’s not going insane now. That’s big. Real big. She’s lived with that fear for so long. It’s crippled her. She has to find her own strength now. And she needs to come back to you on her own. With the belief that she is strong and worthy of you.”
“Worthy of me? What the fuck does that mean? I belong to her. How can she not be worthy of me?”
“I know this and you know this but she has to figure this out on her own. She had shit for a life. I held her hand for years. Then she left me and within months she had you holding her hand. No one can hold her hand this time.”
“I don’t want her to be alone.”
“This isn’t about what you want, Woods. It’s about what Della needs.”
I pressed my forehead against the window and closed my eyes. I didn’t want her to be right. I didn’t want to wait for Della. But this wasn’t about my wants. Della loved me more than herself. She loved me enough to walk away because she thought it was best for me. It was time I proved I loved her more than I loved myself.
“Okay. But please, keep me updated.”
Braden let out a relieved sigh. “I knew you’d do the right thing. Just so you know, I think you’re worthy of her, and that’s a high bar to reach. You promised to walk on water and I happen to believe Della already does.”
Della
Her name was Glenda. When she’d given birth to me it had been Glenda James. She married when she was twenty-two. I would have been six years old that year. She married a man she met her freshman year of college. They had fallen instantly in love. They had kids. Two of them. Today I would be meeting her. And if all went well I would be meeting her family.
I was in a surreal moment. One I couldn’t seem to snap out of. The mentally ill woman who raised me wasn’t my biological mother. I wasn’t going to become her. The woman who gave birth to me was a teacher. She was a mom and wife.
And my brother. He had been adopted, too. I didn’t remember him but he’d been such a big part of my life. My mother had snapped after losing him and my father . . . or her husband. He wasn’t my birth father and he had barely been my adoptive father before he was killed. There was so much my mother had told me that couldn’t be true. She had said she was nursing me and led me to believe she had gotten depressed after my birth. But she hadn’t been pregnant. She hadn’t given birth to me. None of that was true. I didn’t know what was true anymore.
“What are you thinking?” Braden asked as she drove down the busy streets of Atlanta. Glenda was driving down with her family to Atlanta. We were meeting at a coffee shop that Braden knew about. I wasn’t sure I could eat a meal with this woman yet. I also wasn’t sure what to ask or say to her. There was so much I wanted to know but then so much I didn’t.
“She doesn’t know about anything. I didn’t tell her. I foun
d her but I didn’t feel like it was my story to share.”
I wasn’t sure I would be telling her about my life either. “What if I don’t know what to say once I see her?”
“Then don’t say anything. Do what you feel comfortable with. If today all you’re ready for is ‘hello,’ then that’s what we will do. When you want more we’ll make arrangements to meet with her again.”
Braden always made everything sound so easy. This woman had put her family in a car and had driven down to Atlanta to meet me. I had to say more than hello. “You won’t go in with me?” I asked again. Braden had informed me that I had to do this on my own. It was my chance to prove to myself I was strong. That I was brave and that I didn’t need someone to hold my hand. Though right now I was thinking I needed someone to hold my hand. I was terrified.
“Don’t do this to me. I want to go with you. I hate the idea of you going by yourself, but this is for you, Della. This is for you.”
She was right. Braden was always right. I nodded. “I know. Thank you.”
I watched as she pulled the car into a parking spot in front of a quaint little coffee shop. There were tables outside and inside. The crowd wasn’t big and I recognized the woman who had given birth to me from the photo Braden had shown me, sitting at the table in the courtyard to the left of the building. She had a cup of coffee in her hand and she was twirling it around nervously. This was scary for her, too, I guess. But she was brave. She was here alone.
“There she is,” Braden said, pointing toward Glenda.
“I see her,” I replied, and reached for the door handle.
“You can do this.”
I glanced back at Braden and smiled for the first time in weeks. “I know.”
Her eyes locked with mine the moment I stepped out of the car. I watched as she stood and looked at me. I made my way over to her table, still unsure as to what I would say to this woman. She had given me life but she was a stranger.
“Della,” she said as if needing to check and make sure it was me. We had the same hair, nose, and mouth. But her eyes were brown.
“Yes,” I replied.
She fidgeted with her hands a moment, then covered her mouth with one hand. “I’m sorry. I just . . . I don’t know . . .” She dropped her hand and gave me a wobbly smile. “I’ve thought about this day. I’ve thought about it so many times and now I’m actually standing here, looking at you.” She studied my face, taking in the features I already knew were hers. “You have Nile’s eyes. He’ll like that. He always loved his eyes,” she said with a smile. “They’re his best feature. I’m glad you got them.”
I knew I should say something but I didn’t know what. I decided that it didn’t matter if she liked me or approved of me. I wasn’t here to gain her admiration. I wasn’t perfect. I was damaged but I was a survivor. I had that to be proud of.
“I like my eyes,” I finally said.
She let out a soft laugh. “They’re beautiful eyes. I was always jealous of Nile’s eyes. I used to tell him they were too pretty to be wasted on a boy.”
It sounded as if she still kept in touch with my birth father. I wanted to know about that, too. “Should we sit down?” I asked, pulling out a chair.
Glenda nodded and sat back down. Her coffee cup sat forgotten. “Your friend, Braden, she didn’t tell me much about you. She said that you should be the one to decide what I got to hear. I want to know it all, at least everything you feel comfortable telling me. What do you do? Are you in college?” She stopped and smiled at me. “Sorry, I’ll let you talk.”
There was one thing I was sure of: Glenda wasn’t going to push for my life story. It wasn’t easy to tell, and I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t fade out while telling it to her. That was a part of me that I would keep to myself. If this woman remained in my life then maybe one day, but not today.
“I’ve been traveling around. I wanted to see and experience new things for a while. Then I plan on going back to college.”
“That sounds like fun. Are you traveling alone?”
I thought of Tripp and realized I was going to have to send him on to South Carolina without me. I wasn’t going there now. I had to decide what my next move would be. “I was traveling with a friend of mine. He’s going back to his home in South Carolina this week. I’m not sure yet what I’ll do next.”
“That sounds exciting,” she said, watching me carefully. I knew she wanted me to delve deeper into my life but she didn’t deserve that.
I didn’t say anything else. I had nothing else to say really. Now that I had seen her and I knew this was my mother, I felt like I was finished here.
“I almost kept you. I wanted to. I loved Nile back then. He was the captain of the basketball team and everyone fell under his charm. But he’d picked me. I was his girl and I worshipped the ground he walked on. When I found out I was pregnant I wanted to keep my baby. I wanted to marry Nile and I wanted a family. But I was sixteen. I knew nothing of love and heartache. I didn’t know what paying the bills was like or how much babies cost. My mother worked as a nurse back then and my father was a construction worker. They made a modest living and we lived from paycheck to paycheck. I, of course, didn’t understand any of that. I was wrapped up in the romance of it all.” She stopped and took a drink of her coffee. She was nervous telling me this but I realized I wanted to know why. Why had she given me up?
“Nile came from money. Lots of money. His mother’s father was a congressman and his father was a surgeon. They had big plans for Nile. Being a teenage father wasn’t on their list. I think he loved me back then. I really do. I’ve always thought he did. He told me he’d get some money and we would run away and raise our baby. We would get married when we turned eighteen. I was giddy with excitement. Until everything changed.” There was a sadness in her eyes. As if remembering this was hard for her. It had been twenty years ago. I couldn’t imagine she still regretted it. Especially with the life she had now.
“Nile was offered a full-ride basketball scholarship to the University of Arizona. He decided to take it. He told me he wasn’t ready to be a dad and he didn’t think I was ready to be a mom. We were too young. We had no idea what we were doing. I knew he was repeating his parents’ words back to me. I was angry and hurt. He tried for a long time to talk to me and get me to forgive him but I was done with Nile. He had betrayed me. He had chosen a scholarship over me and our unborn child. As the months went by and my stomach grew bigger, he would go out of his way to help me at school and do things for me, like bringing me my lunch tray. I continued to ignore him. He wasn’t standing by my decision to keep the baby. He wanted me to give it up.” Tears filled her eyes and she gave me a sad smile before wiping them away.
“As the days drew closer to your delivery date, my dad lost his job. My mom had been forced to sign us up for food stamps just so we could eat. They were fighting all the time and I knew it was because they were scared. Soon there would be another mouth to feed. A baby who would need diapers and formula and child care if I was going to finish school. I didn’t want that for you. I didn’t want you to live the life I had been living. I wasn’t ready to be a mom and I wanted you to have more. I loved your father. You were a product of that love. It took me until I held you for the first time to realize I couldn’t do this to you. I couldn’t take you home to the life I could give you. It wasn’t enough.” She paused and took a deep breath. “I kissed your fat little cheeks, then handed you to the nurse and told her I couldn’t keep you. To find you a good home.”
I sat there and stared at Glenda. Her story made sense. Sixteen-year-olds weren’t ready to be parents. I felt sorry for her, and she had been young enough to believe that handing me over was a better option. Maybe if my adopted father and brother hadn’t been killed, then it would have. My mother may not have snapped mentally if they had lived.
“I’d like to meet your family,” I finally said.
A grin broke across her face. “I would love that. Thank you, Della.”
> Woods
I walked over to the bar and took the glass of bourbon that Mitch, the club’s bartender, pushed my way. It was after-hours and I was expecting someone. He’d texted me an hour ago.
Just as I lifted the glass to my lips, Grant walked in the door and scanned the room until he found me at the bar. He had been out of town more than usual this year. It was summertime. He should have been in his condo, living it up in Rosemary.
“Give me one of those, Mitch,” Grant said as he approached the bar, and leaned against it before looking at me. “I’m back. What’s up?”
“Where have you been?” I asked.
His mouth was in a firm, set line before he gave in and let out a sigh. “You don’t want to know,” he said, then took a long swig of the bourbon.
That meant he’d been with Nan. There was a story there I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. Grant was Rush’s best friend. They were like brothers. Rush’s mom had been married to Grant’s dad when they were kids. The marriage only lasted a few years but they bonded. What no one expected was for Grant and Nan, Rush’s half sister, to do anything more than fight. They fought when they were kids and they fought now. Grant was a good guy. Nan was the world’s second-biggest bitch. Angelina was the first.
“Nan,” I said simply.
Grant took another swig and handed the glass back to Mitch. “Another,” he replied.
“That’s twenty-three-year-old Kentucky bourbon. It’s meant to be sipped and enjoyed, not thrown back like a shot of cheap tequila,” I pointed out.
“You’re an elitist, Woods. Kiss my ass. I need more alcohol.”
“Anyone who spends five minutes with Nan needs alcohol. The question is, why the hell do you do it?”
Grant threw back his second glass of bourbon and then looked over at me. “Not talking about her tonight. Why did you call me? What is going on?”
Good. I didn’t really want to know about Nan anyway. If she came back to town, Rush was gonna be pissed. He loved his sister, but she hated his wife. So Nan had drawn a line and Rush had stayed on Blaire’s side. Nan’s coming back to Rosemary wouldn’t be cool. I’d hoped she was staying in LA with her daddy. She’d recently found out the man she had grown up thinking was her father was not. Her real father was the lead singer of Slacker Demon. Apparently, Rush’s momma liked sleeping with the band back in the day.