“Oh. Uh, yeah. I’ll do that,” I said, surprised. “Thanks, Valandra.”
“Of course,” she nodded stoically. “I will return here when your equipment is ready. We will have plenty of time to discuss logistics and intelligence on the road to Attetsia.” She held out her hand. “Until then, Lux.”
I reached out and shook her hand. “Until then.” Though her hand was warm to the touch, her grip was solid as iron. With a final nod Valandra began her return trip to the city, leaving me alone by the roadside. The encounter had gone much better than I expected, but I still had a sense of puzzlement in the back of my mind that I couldn’t shake. I had never before encountered a person as difficult to read as Valandra, and our conversations never seemed to go as I imagined they would.
When I returned to the storage area behind the barn, I found Lia sprawled out on a cluster of crates, swinging her legs lazily over the side. Marten was seated beside her, still whispering questions into her ear to her clear annoyance. As I came into view, he hopped down from his seat and bounced his way over to me. “Lux! Why didn’t you tell me you were working with the King’s Shield? Is it true what they say about her? That she’s the greatest warrior in the kingdom?”
Lia rolled her head to face me with a tired expression. “He’s been like this the entire time you were gone.”
“Sorry, but I don’t think I’ll have any more details for you than Lia did. We’ve only just met her,” I apologized as a small grin curled up a corner of my mouth. “You seem awfully interested in her, Marten. What’s that all about?”
He looked at me with disbelief. “Of course I’m interested! Are you telling me you haven’t heard the stories about her? Anybody would be interested to meet her, she’s a legend!”
Lia picked up on my line of questioning. “I’m not so sure about that. Are you sure it isn’t because she’s a beautiful knight in shining armor? You certainly asked a lot of questions about her.”
Marten whipped around to face his daughter. “What are you talking about, Marlia? That’s not at all what I, er—what I mean is, I wasn’t thinking that at all!”
Hana suppressed a laugh as she snuck her way up behind her husband. In an instant, her face shifted from one of enjoyment to a mask of sadness. “She’s right, dear. You haven’t looked at me that way in years,” she said mournfully.
The color drained from Marten’s face as he slowly spun to face her. “Darling, no...that’s not how it is, you know that…” There was a great fear in his eyes as he took her hand and stroked it softly. “I love you more than anything in this world, I always...I was just so surprised to see her here at our house is all, that I—”
There was a loud bang as Lia fell back onto the crate she was perched on and roared with laughter, clenching her hands over her stomach. I did my best to maintain my composure, but couldn’t stop myself from snickering under my breath. Hana smiled apologetically and laughed. Marten spun between the three of us in a daze, coming to terms with what had happened.
He pointed a stubby finger at me. “You put them up to this, didn’t you? Don’t try to deny it, I can see it written all over your face!” His cheeks were flushed and his forehead was damp with nervous sweat, but he chuckled along with the rest of us in good humor. “I’ll get you back for this one, Lux.” Without waiting for a response, he stalked back towards the house, muttering under his breath as he went.
Hana followed after him, pausing beside me to put a hand on my arm. “It was long overdue for him to get a taste of his own medicine. Thank you.” We both laughed again as she jogged off to catch up with him, and they rounded the corner of the house together arm in arm.
I crossed the dirt patch and leaned back against Lia’s crates, looking up into the clear blue sky. The sun was just warm enough to fight off the autumn chill, and the air smelled crisp and clean as I took a deep relaxing breath. “So, how did I do?”
“You tell me,” Lia replied, wiggling her way to the edge of the crates. “I wasn’t listening. I don’t want you to feel like you don’t have your privacy, and it wasn’t my conversation to listen to. Not that I could have anyway, with the amount of questions I was dealing with back here.”
“I appreciate that. Thanks.” I looked at her and grinned. “I think it went well, all things considered. I apologized for how I acted yesterday, and Valandra accepted it. I’m pretty sure I even saw her smile, if only for a second.”
Lia giggled. “I’m glad you were able to work things out with her.”
“Me too. I feel...good. Content.” I searched for the right word. “Happy.” My elbow nudged at hers gently. “That’s mostly thanks to you, you know.”
She looked away and fidgeted with her hands in her lap. “Oh, go on. I didn’t do anything. You’re the one who actually talked to her; I just convinced you it was a good idea.”
“That’s not what I meant,” I said, pushing off from the crate to stand directly in front of her. “You saved me last night. I’m not sure I could’ve continued on that way for too much longer; hiding from all the painful memories was killing me. Inside at least.” I reached out and took her restless hands. “I couldn’t have talked to anyone else about it. Only you.”
Out of options to distract her focus, she looked up into my eyes. “I’m not sure what to say,” she murmured as her cheeks flushed.
“You don’t have to say anything. I just want you to know how important you are to me.” I gave her a reassuring smile. “I’m not sure if it was my fate that brought you down to the dungeon or I finally had a bit of good luck, but I think it was the best thing that could have happened to me.”
A smile spread across her face as she nodded quietly in response. I held her gaze for a moment, pausing to think. Something felt wrong. Her happiness was plain to see on her face, but there was some aspect of her expression that seemed off. Behind her glistening amber eyes, she was holding back another emotion. My gut registered it before my brain did. I could feel the same emotion in the pit of my stomach, where I had learned to suppress all of my other feelings: it was longing.
My lingering guilt surged down to bury the sensation in an automatic response, but this time, the longing fought back. I know how she feels, because I feel it too. I stepped forward and pulled Lia into a tight embrace, holding her close against my chest. Whatever guilt I would dwell on later would be worth it; the only thing I could focus on in the moment was how much I needed her.
Lia wrapped her arms around me and hugged hard enough to pop a joint in my back. I did my best to crystallize every detail into one perfect memory: the faint smell of mint on her hair, the warmth of her body pressed against mine, the sound of her breathing, the flutter of her heartbeat. Though it only lasted for a moment, I knew I would remember it no matter how many lives I lived.
Eventually, my rational brain overpowered my rush of emotions. With a final squeeze, I picked her up from the crate and spun her around, stopping to set her standing gently on the ground before me. I pulled away slightly, leaving one arm around her torso as I rested my chin on top of her head. “We should head inside soon. I need to find something to eat, and I should probably apologize to your father for giving him a hard time.”
I felt her nod into my chest in agreement, but as I moved to walk past her, she grabbed my hands and pulled me back. Her head pressed more firmly into my chest as she wove her fingers between mine and took a deep breath. After a moment her fingers loosened and she nodded a second time. “You go ahead. I’ll be right in.”
“Of course,” I replied. While I walked along the well-worn path towards the house, I considered reaching out with Detection to check on her. There was a large part of me that wanted to make sure she was okay, but her comment about privacy in our previous conversation stopped me. If she wanted me to be there, she would have asked me to wait.
Hana was preparing lunch in the kitchen when I entered the house, with Marten nowhere to be seen. “The food will be ready in just a moment, if you’d like to wait at the table,
” she called out, turning to see who had come in. “Oh, Lux. Is Lia coming as well?”
“Yes, she’ll be in soon,” I answered with a smile.
A wrinkle of concern crossed her forehead. “Are you feeling well, Lux? Your face is quite flushed.”
“Oh, yes. I’m fine,” I replied, feeling my cheeks redden further. “The physical exertion certainly gets the blood pumping, and it is a bit chilly outside today.”
The worry faded as she turned back to the food. “Yes, it is unseasonably cold today, don’t you think?” There was a new inflection to her voice that sounded almost patronizing, and I assumed she hadn’t believed my excuses. “Lia was quite something, wasn’t she?”
“Lia?” I asked, confused. My brain was too slow to follow immediately, given the recent events, but it caught up quickly. “Oh, yes. She learns quickly and seems to have a real aptitude for it. I’m sure she’ll be besting me, given another few...uhm, another few months of…” My train of thought derailed as I caught movement from the corner of my eye.
At the far wall of the house, a window was lined up perfectly with the kitchen to display where I had been standing with Lia just moments ago. She was still in the same spot, and I watched as she oscillated between a radiant smile and a furrowed brow while speaking aloud to herself. The burning in my cheeks intensified and spread to my ears as I fell into an embarrassed silence.
Hana hummed merrily to herself as she finished preparing our lunch, a stew made from the familiar blue tubers served with crispy bread. Lia joined us soon after the meal was served, saving me from the lull in conversation. They chatted about local gossip while I enjoyed my food quietly and savored the opportunity to regain my composure. Once our bowls were emptied, Lia and I returned to the dirt arena for a meditation session.
The time we spent at the Corell homestead flew by far faster than I had hoped it would. After the forced hiatus of our nightly sparring sessions, the hand to hand combat practice I led Lia through completely exhausted any energy reserves I had remaining. The two of us hardly made it through dinner with her parents before turning in for the night, far too tired for our usual exchange of questions.
Marten rescheduled the deliveries he had planned for the following day in an effort to spend more time with us before our departure. The four of us walked to the Tolamar market together, where we spent a large portion of our day browsing the various stalls and talking with family acquaintances. I was happy to fade into the background and listen to the conversations; watching Lia and her parents spend time together brought me a deep sense of comfort and satisfaction.
When our trip to the market was complete, Lia and I spent the remainder of our day helping with various household chores. The feeling that I was taking advantage of the Corell’s hospitality still weighed heavily on my mind, so I did my best to make myself useful. After a delicious dinner and an amusingly competitive game of cards, Lia and I found ourselves in her bedroom on the eve of departure for a second time.
I leaned my chair back on two legs and perched my feet on the edge of her bed, watching with interest as she went over a mental checklist of belongings to pack. Most of the possessions she had taken on our first adventure were still bundled in a small bag at the foot of her chest of drawers. After looking between a small pocket mirror and a wooden figurine for the fourth time, she set them both down, sighed, and crossed the room to sit on her bed.
“When we were getting ready to leave on our first trip, I was so nervous. I had no idea how long I was going to be away from home, or what my life was going to be like. It was scary to think about leaving everything I knew behind.” She chuckled softly as her face grew distant. “Now it feels strange to be back.”
“You’re a different person than the girl who left here with me to go adventuring,” I said with a smile. “I know it hasn’t been all that long, but you’ve grown a lot since that day. Imagine if you told that version of Lia she would be arrested, judged by the King himself, and tasked with an important diplomatic mission.”
She grinned. “I’m not sure she would’ve gone with you.” With a laugh she rolled over onto her stomach and faced me, propping her head up on her hands. “I’m glad that I did, though. The time I’ve spent with you has been the best of my entire life, arrest and all.”
“It’s been by far the best time of my life, too. This life, anyway,” I said, smirking at my own joke. Lia looked less amused as a frown crossed her face. “What’s wrong?”
“I just…” she trailed off. “I thought of what you told me the other night. About why you were sent away from Alderea.” Her bottom lip quivered as she paused. “I don’t want you to get sent away, Lux.”
“And I don’t want to leave,” I sighed. “I’m ashamed to admit it, but that’s why I wanted to go to Lybesa. I thought that maybe, if I could get away before anybody found me and set me on my mission, I would be able to just...live. I’d have a chance to mourn everyone that I’ve lost.” I shook my head and looked away. “I know it’s terrible, running away when the world needs me. I put my feelings ahead of the lives of every person in Kaldan. It was a selfish thing to do.”
“That’s not true,” she cut in. “You didn’t ask for any of this. Nobody should have to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders like you do.” Her frown lengthened, and a waver entered her voice as she continued. “You deserve to live a normal life. You deserve to be happy.”
“I am happy, Lia. Right here and now.” It pained me to see her so upset, especially on my account. “I’ll stay happy as long as I get to keep spending time with you.” The statement brought a smile to her face and a blush to her cheeks. “And who knows? Maybe this whole situation is one big coincidence. Maybe we’ll get back from our mission, and that’ll be that. The King will keep his promise,” I paused to give her a dramatic eye roll, “and then I’ll get to go live that normal life.”
“I hope you’re right!” she said happily. “I’d like to see that.” A sudden yawn caught her off guard, and she rubbed her face sleepily. “Wow. I guess that means it’s time for bed.”
The yawn infected me as well. “I suppose you’re right,” I said as I stood from the chair with a stretch. After stripping down to my boxers and folding the clothes neatly into a small pile, I crawled up over the end of the bed to my usual spot against the wall. The sheets were cold against my bare skin, and I shivered as I burrowed underneath them to get warm.
Lia changed quickly into her nightgown before snuffing out the lamp on her bedside table, plunging the room into darkness. When she took her spot beside me, I pulled her in close to my chest, eager for any source of heat. She let out a short squeal as she slid across the mattress, snuggling back against me once my arm was comfortably rested around her waist. “You know,” she spoke quietly into the darkness, “this could be the last real bed we sleep in for quite some time.”
“Don’t remind me. I was just starting to get used to it again,” I said with a groaning laugh. “Although, there’s something to be said for sleeping out under the stars, too.”
“And this time, you’re not hiding out with a bounty on your head,” she reminded me. “We won’t have to be so secretive with our accommodations.”
“That’s true,” I agreed. We laid together quietly for a while, still fully awake. I broke the silence with a whisper. “Are you sure you want to do this, Lia? You can still choose to stay here, with your parents.”
“Anywhere you’re going, I’m going,” she said confidently, holding my hand tightly against her body. “As long as you’ll have me. Even if you won’t.”
“I’m glad,” I replied. “I’d support you no matter what decision you made, but...I’m not sure what I’d do without you. I’ll have you for as long as you’ll follow.”
“It’s settled, then. Forever.”
“Forever,” I echoed. The word struck a bittersweet chord in my chest, and a handful of memories floated up to the edge of my mind in response. “We should get some sleep. Tomorrow’s a bus
y day,” I said, as much for my own benefit as for hers.
She nodded. “Goodnight, Lux.”
“Goodnight, Lia.”
---
“Something’s wrong,” I spoke aloud to the empty room. Immediately, I recognized the surrounding space as the bedroom I had shared with Amaya, but the details seemed to shift and blur whenever I focused on a single object. I waved a hand in front of my face and felt the quilt of the bed I was sitting on, confused by the presence of mind I was experiencing. “What is this?”
“It’s a dream, Elden,” Amaya’s voice laughed from the doorway. “A real dream, like normal people have. Not the endless memories you replay in your head.” She entered the room and sat down in a large cushioned chair across from me. While the rest of the room was obscured by a light fuzz, she was a beacon of clarity.
I felt a lump form in my throat as I stared at her, and my stomach filled with an ache I had long since learned to suppress. “How are you?” I croaked. “Are you safe? Are you...no.” Amaya tilted her head to one side and watched me with a pitying expression. “This is a dream. You don’t know any of that.”
“I am the Amaya you remember,” she said softly, “and you remember her very well. But you’re right. I don’t know anything more than you do.” She pulled her legs up into the chair and hung them over one arm, lounging comfortably against the high padded back. “How are you?”
The gesture lit a spark of irritation within me. “Don’t do that. Don’t act like she acted. Don’t sit like she used to sit. You aren’t her.” I bristled as I looked away. “You’re just me.”
“Oh.” The sadness was clear in her voice, and it cut through my heart faster than any sword could. “I suppose I should leave, then.”
My chest tightened in fear. “No, wait. Please stay.” It was a pathetic display after the tough facade I had put on, but I didn’t care. The only thing I cared about was making her stay. “I’m, uh, I’m...not sure how I am. It’s hard to explain.”
Restart Again: Volume 2 Page 10