“I remember,” he said finally and reached for his clothes.
A minute later, we walked out of the room, the air between us as cold as if we were strangers.
I didn’t look back as I grabbed my belongings from my study table and left without another word.
CHAPTER 11
Tucker
The phone rang until it went to voice mail and the recording played in my ear.
“You have reached the phone of Anna Harper. I am unable to take your call right now. Please leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as I can.”
I hung up without leaving a message. What was the use when the others I’d left had gone unanswered?
Anna was ignoring me. It had been two days since our encounter in the library.
Two days since she’d left me in the building watching her walk away and not knowing what to do to stop it.
Two days since I felt like a part of me was missing.
Two days of trying to find a way to stop caring so much.
It was so much easier to be a playboy and keep my heart unattached, that was for damn sure. I wished I could go back to being the guy I’d been before. I had never cared for women like this until Anna came along. Even after we broke up, I had never connected with another woman on such a level, and I was beginning to think that I never would again.
My mind was settling into the fact that Anna was the only one for me.
She obviously didn’t feel the same though.
She couldn’t wait to get away from me every time we made love; I hated how cheap and used that made me feel.
The guys on my old military squad would have laughed their asses off if they knew how sprung I was.
I tried to convinced myself that I this was just a momentary bout of craziness I was experiencing and it would soon pass. That maybe time away from Anna was a good thing because it would help me get her out of my system.
Yet, none of the self-talk changed how much I missed her—not just her body, but her smile, her voice, her scent…
Everything. I missed everything about her.
I had to stop bull-shitting myself; these feelings wouldn’t go away, no matter how much I wanted them to. I just had to man-up and admit I was all kinds of messed up over Anna Harper.
I would have gone and knocked her door down if I knew where she lived. I would have demanded that she listened to what I had to say.
Hence, it was probably a good thing I didn’t know her address because that way, I couldn’t make a fool of myself.
I put my cellphone away before I wound up dialing her number again. I then pulled out a text book, deciding to try getting some studying done before going to bed.
It was Monday evening, which meant Anna and I had class in the morning.
I would confront her then and lay my feelings on the line.
***
Saying my piece was a lot easier said than done once I was confronted with Anna’s cold and aloof stare the next day.
I sat next to her in what had already become our usual spot. “Good morning,” I greeted.
She gave an uncommitted nod without even looking at me.
Ouch.
The professor came in before any more could be said, and the lecture began. Nevertheless, my attention was mostly on the woman beside me for the better part of two hours. Yet, the whole time, her eyes remained trained on the lecturer. She only moved to flip pages of her notebook when she ran out of writing space.
When the professor dismissed the class, she immediately began packing her stuff.
Just as she was about to leave our table, I reflexively grabbed her arm.
She halted, looking to where my hand touched her as if offended.
Her expression hit me like a punch to the gut. I removed my hand. “We need to talk,” I said after the last student had left and we were alone.
Anna lifted emotionless eyes to meet mine. “I can’t imagine what we have to talk about, Tucker,” she said, her tone void of feeling.
Fuck.
I cleared my throat and tried carrying on in a carefree tone. “There’s plenty to talk about—like the fact that you’ve been ignoring me. That’s not very nice of you, study partner. So how about dinner tonight? You can apologize and I’ll pretend to be mad for a few minutes before we make up.”
I smiled to end my teasing speech, but she remained as aloof as ever. It was like being confronted by a brick wall. My smile fell. “Come on, Anna. Meet me halfway. We can talk this out. There’s no reason for things to be so tense between us.”
She looked away and sighed impatiently. Adding insult to injury, she looked down at the small watch on her wrist. “Look, Tucker, this isn’t going to work out between us. Not as friends or as study buddies. We should just be classmates from now on. I’m here to work hard and I don’t have time for messing around with you. I can’t afford to be distracted right now.”
My heart fell into my stomach. “I disagree,” I said. “We’re both smart. If we put our minds to it, I know we can make it work so that we both do great in school and maintain a stable, healthy relationship. We were great together before, Anna. I think we should give this thing between us another chance. We obviously have the chemistry. I know I hurt you before. I should have never shut you out like that. But things will be different this time. I will—”
“What we had was in the past and we should have left it there,” she interrupted. “I want to leave it there. Do you understand what I’m trying to tell you? I don’t want to do this! Please, just respect my decision and leave it alone.”
Forget a punch to the gut. This felt like someone had just reached through my chest and ripped out my heart.
Old habits dying hard, I did the only thing I knew how—resorting to my playboy antics to hide my hurt. I put on a cocky grin even though I was aching inside. “Well, if you change your mind,” I said, “you know where to find me. I’ll even reinstate our friends with benefits arrangement if you ask nicely.”
She rolled her eyes. “Is sex all you think about?” she asked, annoyed. The question was rhetorical though, because she turned her back without waiting for an answer, leaving me standing alone.
CHAPTER 12
Anna
I was in the kitchen making dinner while Garrett babbled on about his day at daycare and the new friend he’d made.
It hadn’t been long since we got home, and I was glad Garrett had been able to be on campus with me. It made my life so much easier because I didn’t know how else I would have been able to juggle classes, mothering, and working part-time.
I savored spending quality time with my son, treasuring the minutes because they were becoming rarer with the demands of school.
Dinner was a simple pasta fare with cleverly cloaked veggies that Garrett downed without realizing. Then we had his favorite desert –chocolate cake.
Afterwards, he tried helping me clean up, although he just made more of a mess in the process. Nonetheless, I had fun watching him.
Next, we moved to the bathroom so he could take his bath, which gave me more to clean since he was so rigorous with his splashing.
After he was cleaned and dressed in his Spiderman pajamas, we read a bedtime story and I tucked him into bed.
“Good night, baby boy,” I said, smoothing his hair back to kiss his forehead.
“Good night, Mommy,” he returned, speech slurred with sleepiness. He yawned and he was asleep within minutes.
After cleaning the bathroom and tidying the living room, I pulled out my books and knocked out some homework before studying chapters that would be discussed in my classes the next day.
Before I knew it, the clock on the wall showed that three hours had passed. I yawned and wiped my sore eyes before putting my books away.
I stood from the table and stretched, my body stiff and tired.
Quietly, I went to check on Garrett, making sure he was sleeping peacefully. Then I went to take a shower, dressing in an old t-shirt and a cotton underwe
ar afterwards. I pulled my hair up into a messy bun then patrolled the house one last time to make sure everything was secure.
I was just about to turn in when my cellphone rang.
My heart jumped in my chest, thinking it might be Tucker. I had mostly been successful in keeping him off my mind since our talk earlier, and I’d been resolved to keep my distance from him.
Granted, I had faltered for a moment after our talk, thinking I’d seen pain his eyes. But emotion was gone as fast, I figured I had imagined it, and not before long, he had resumed being his typical care-free self.
I couldn’t deny being slightly disappointed; a small part of me had harbored hope that he would make an argument for us being more than just fuck friends. His phone calls after we had parted ways at the library had made me think he might want more than just ‘benefits’. But when his last words to me have been about sex in class, I knew it was a lost cause and that I had made the right decision.
A clean break from Tucker was for the best.
Still, I was frozen for a moment as I watched the phone vibrate on my bedside table.
I slowly reached for it and looked at the caller ID, releasing the breath I’d been holding as I read the name.
It wasn’t Tucker. It was my dad.
“Hey Dad,” I answered. “What’s wrong?” It was almost midnight and I knew he wouldn’t have called so late unless something was wrong.
“Hi, honey. I’m sorry to call so late, but I just had to talk to someone.”
I waited with baited breath, knowing that something must have really been worrying him. It was my little sister, Autumn, who he usually went to when he needed to talk, partially because she was the one always with him. Granted, I was still the oldest, and by default, the most mature. So whenever matters were more drastic, I was the one he sought.
“What is it, Dad?” I asked, not wanting to be kept in suspense any longer.
He sighed heavily. “Have you seen your cousin Brandon lately?”
“Yeah,” I said. “Just a few days ago, actually. Why?”
“I just had a big blow out with him and he ran out. I’m worried about him. He’s been hanging with the wrong crowd lately and he gets testy every time I try to talk to him about it. I’m just worried he’ll end up in trouble. Of course, he thinks I’m just worried about the press and my political reputation. I can’t seem to get him to understand that I’m worried because I genuinely care.”
I bit back a sigh. Yet, what my dad was describing sounded very typical of Brandon.
Brandon was my father’s sister’s son. He hadn’t grown up with his own father, so my dad had always served as his paternal stand-in.
The problem was, my father had a rather overprotective style of parenting, which only increased tenfold after my mother died. Being the oldest, his overprotectiveness had never applied much to me though. I’d always been the solitary type and had been forced to carve out a life for myself after becoming a single parent.
Dad kept a much closer eye on Autumn and Brandon, on the other hand. Furthermore, being younger and around him more regularly, it went without saying that they were at greater risk of capturing headlines than me. Thus, it made sense that were the primary recipients of my father’s helicopter-parenting.
Autumn was good and well-mannered though, so things were always easy between her and Dad. She was his shining star, and the press loved her. Young, beautiful, and living a fairy-tale romance after meeting her Prince Charming during our father’s campaign, she was a media darling.
Brandon was a different story, and he hadn’t been reacting well to the helicopter parenting at all. He was a young man starting to form his own opinions about the world and Dad’s attempts to figuratively keep him protected in bubble-wrap was causing tension.
They’d had several blow-ups as of late, and if Dad didn’t let up, it wouldn’t get any better. And while I knew Dad genuinely cared, he still had his political reputation to look out for. The press and his opponents would have a field day running stories about his out-of-control nephew if they ever got the chance.
Deep down though, I believed Dad was most likely worried for nothing. Regardless of the act Brandon put on, he had a good head on his shoulders and wasn’t as easily swayed by others as he seemed to be.
Still, I told my father what he needed to hear. “I’ll talk to him, Dad,” I said, fully understanding my role in the family dynamics. My big sisterly duties were needed. I was expected to help Brandon ‘clean-up’ his act.
Dad sighed with relief. “Thanks, sweetie. If anyone can get through to him it’s you. You’ve been doing all right, haven’t you? No press or anything bothering you?”
“Nope. I’m doing fine. Just studying hard.”
“That’s my big girl. I always knew I’d never have to worry about you, Anna.”
***
That next morning, Brandon and I were seated at Angel’s Bakery having scones. I had kept my promise to my father about talking to Brandon, and was ready to get it over with. I figured I would check in with him, we’d eat some delicious baked goods, and he would tell me he was fine and then we could all move on.
Except when I arrived, it looked like Dad had been a least a little bit right. I noticed how tired Brandon looked. Haggard even. We sat in silence for a long time before he seemed able to muster the energy to talk.
“Let me guess? Your dad asked you to speak to me?” he said.
Looking even closer, I saw that he had lost some weight and his movements were a little nervous in nature. I frowned. “He’s just worried about you,” I said.
Brandon sighed and put his scone down as if it suddenly left a bad taste in his mouth. “God, not you too,” he groaned.
“Why are you being so defensive? I just want to know how you’re doing. You’re like a little brother to me. Why is that wrong?”
“I don’t need you to look out for me. I’m a big boy,” he replied, rolling his eyes.
“And just like I tell Autumn, you’re never going to be too old for me to look out for you. It’s what big sisters do.” I reached out and took ahold of his hand. “You would come to me if something was wrong, right? You know you can trust me with whatever.”
Sitting across from him, taking in his appearance, I suddenly worried that I had been so wrapped up in my own life that I’d been neglecting my big sisterly duties.
Brandon rolled his eyes like I was being dumb and pulled his hand away. “Of course, I know that.”
“Then talk to me,” I urged.
“There’s nothing to talk about. I have everything under control.” He wiped his hands on a napkin, leaving most of his scone untouched. His statement not sitting well with me, I opened my mouth to grill him some more, but he abruptly stood, towering over me. “Look, I have someplace I need to be. See you later, Anna.”
Although he leaned over to kiss my cheek, our meeting ended far from satisfactory. I watched him leave the bakery, hating the fact that my father was right, and that something was definitely wrong with Brandon.
I was going to find out what though.
I grabbed my book bag and headed back to campus. I still had one more class before picking up Garrett from daycare.
As I drove, I plotted how I would uncover what was up with my little cousin.
CHAPTER 13
Anna
I kept hitting a road block in trying to get Brandon to confide in me.
A week had passed since meeting up with him at the bakery, and I was still no closer to finding out what he was hiding. In fact, I felt like I had taken several steps backward on that front. He had started avoiding my calls, and another one-on-one talk had resulted in him clamming up on me and angrily walking away.
I swallowed a sigh as I walked the campus hallway, heading for class. I needed to fit in some studying before I had to pick up Garrett in a few hours. Thanks to my family drama, I was behind on the material.
Knowing the class was usually empty around this time, I wanted to take adv
antage of the quiet space. However, my mind was so preoccupied with Brandon that I wasn’t really paying attention to where I was going. My body simply moved on autopilot.
When I reached the classroom, I stopped abruptly, seeing that I wasn’t the only one who’d thought to use the empty space to study.
Tucker was seated in his usual seat, his head bent over an open textbook, and headphones plugged into his ears.
My eyes couldn’t help trailing over him.
His hair was mussed as if he had dragged his fingers through it a few times. It was getting longer as the days passed, falling over his brow. My fingers itched to push it back.
Shit, why did he do these things to me?
He wore a simple t-shirt and full-length cargo pants over brown boots. The fabric clung to his hard body and it looked like one good flex would send the clothes ripping off of him.
I had to fight to control my hormones just at the thought.
He had respected my wish to keep things platonic between us. Apart from a few teasing comments that were rather tame for him, he had made no moves on me. We still sat next to each other in class, but he kept his attention on the lecturer now and left with an impersonal smile and goodbye once the professor dismissed us.
We were just as I demanded – classmates and nothing more.
Hence, I couldn’t explain why it left me feeling annoyed when I should have been ecstatic. He had finally listened to me, for a change.
Yet, my heart silently wished he would ignore my words.
Feeling hot and bothered, I immediately knew I shouldn’t be alone with him. I had a feeling I would do something stupid if he merely looked my way…
He looked up just as I was about to turn and leave. Of course.
For a moment, we just stared at each other.
Slowly, he pulled off his headphones.
I stared at his big hands, remembering how good they’d felt on me…
“Don’t leave,” he said.
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