“I was kind of teasing, guys,” she told them sheepishly. “I guess I’m out of practice.”
Talk about understatement. If any of her department knew she’d tried to crack a joke, they’d have had an ER department flat out on the ground in astonishment.
Husky laughter rumbled out of Justiss as he leaned forward, rubbed his knuckles under her chin, and murmured, “You do need to practice, sweetheart. Decapitation isn’t really a joke. Especially when it revolves around the most important person in our world.”
“No,” she mumbled. “I guess not.”
He laughed again then said, “I can’t say it enough, but your safety means everything to us, Tonia. You needn’t fear. I would be happy to go to your place if there was space for us to shift, but from your reply, I’ll assume there isn’t, so we need to go where we’re safe too.”
“I understand that.” She nodded to reassure them both. “I’ll just run some last checks on a couple of patients and grab my things. You’ll have to sign yourself out, Justiss.”
“Yeah, I know. Where do we meet you?”
“The canteen?”
Graver whispered, “You promise you’re not going to try to run?”
That had her rearing back in surprise. Of all the thoughts flooding her brain, that hadn’t even been a possibility. “Run?”
Justiss sighed. “Graver. Don’t be ridiculous.”
He blew out a breath, a guilty cast overtaking his features as he held out his hands and told her, “Sorry, Tonia. I didn’t mean to imply…”
She reached for his hands, squeezed them. “It’s okay, you don’t have to apologize. But you misunderstand; I won’t try to run.” Her smile was shy as she admitted, “I probably should. I mean, this is insane, but it’s insane in a good way, right?” When neither seemed particularly reassured by those parting words of wisdom, she let out a sigh. “Sorry. I’m not explaining this very well. I should be scared, but I’m not. This connection between us…”
Ugh, how did she go about explaining something that made no sense to her either?
She’d been alone for so long—empty inside, apart from everyone, a single entity, only able to connect to the world through her work. Even then, she’d alienated people with her anal-retentive nature and had been unable to stop herself from making it worse.
Then, to walk into a cubicle as she’d done hundreds of times that day and to come face to face with someone who made the cold deep inside her start to warm up… Well, it was like a miracle. The man on the gurney had sped up the process. A small kernel of heat was currently buzzing away inside her core, not simply sexual in nature, but more importantly, emotional.
In less than an hour, they’d done what no one else had managed to do since her parents’ deaths.
Even if she was scared by the intensity of her reaction to them, a reaction that was involuntary, all this was happening with or without her say so after all, but she couldn’t reject them. Could never run from it no matter how frightening it was to suddenly start feeling again.
But how to condense that into words these two would be able to understand and accept?
She opened her mouth to speak, but then Graver played with her fingers and squeezed them gently, his big paw engulfing her delicate hand. “There’s no need to explain. I understand. And I’m sorry for even saying it.”
Toni swallowed back her nerves. “Are you sure you understand?” She knew what it felt like to be insecure, and that was the last thing she wanted for either of these two people.
As little as she knew them, it was suddenly imperative that they know she wasn’t running from this. Frightening and crazy though it was, she needed to know where it was going. Because the prospect of no longer being alone was far more addictive than any chemical she’d ever come across.
“Yes. I’m positive. I was being stupid. Insecure.” He admitted to the feeling she’d feared he’d been experiencing. “To have you and to lose you was more than I could even think about bearing. This has all come out of the blue, and I was reacting to that. I’m sorry.”
Touched that the intensity of this situation wasn’t just being processed by her, she smiled at him. “Well, you needn’t worry. I’m not going anywhere.”
With his mate’s words ringing in his ears, Graver watched as she walked through the curtains and went to finish off her tasks for the night’s work.
As she walked away, one thought reverberated around his mind: she was tiny.
There was no other way to say it.
And he wasn’t.
Nor was Justiss.
And she had to…? How could she…?
“We’ll make it work.”
Justiss’s mind must have been running on the same track because when he turned to look at him, Graver saw a concern equal to his own written onto the man’s face. Mostly, it was in his eyes. A terror that he assumed all Shifters felt when it came to the safety of their one and only.
But today, in particular, was more delicate than most, because Jesus, she was small and they weren’t, and she had to somehow be a mate to both of them. One would be hard enough. But two?
He shook his head. “How? How can we make it work? I mean, she’s itty bitty and we’re monsters in comparison.”
“The Goddesses know what they’re doing.”
Yeah, Graver didn’t think that was the case. Hell, he knew it wasn’t. Because of that, he kept his trap shut and his eyes trained on the ground.
“What?”
Justiss’s annoyed question had him jerking a shoulder. “Nothing.”
“Bullshit. I know when you’re sitting on something. Talk to me, Aaron. There’s nothing more important than Tonia. If you know something that will help, then don’t keep me in the dark.”
“You don’t have to tell me that, J. Jesus.” He let out an annoyed breath then took a quick glance around. In between him and the next cubicle was nothing more than a shitty piece of curtain. “There’s not enough privacy in this place. We need to talk when we’re back at the clubhouse.”
At Graver’s reticence and apparent need for the talk to be uber private, J’s eyes widened, then they shuttered when he nodded his irritated understanding. He reached up to scrub a hand over his face and grumbled, “I’m so fucking tired.”
“I think we all are.”
“Some bonding night this is going to be,” J retorted, but he didn’t sound sarcastic or even put out. More than anything, he just sounded exhausted. “I just want to Shift, mess around a little as a bear to get my energy back, then dive into the shower and get straight into bed. Fuck, I must be getting old.”
“Nah. I’m young, and I want the exact same thing. It’s true what they say. The rite pulls on your magic. My bear’s rattling around inside me like a chicken that’s had its head lobbed off.”
J winced. “Thank you, Aaron. You didn’t have to save me. But you did. I’ll never forget that.”
Graver ducked his head. “It was worth it. It will never not be worth it either.”
“Even if I’m a pain in the ass?”
He snorted. “When aren’t you? If you suddenly decided to be normal, I’d think there was something the fucking matter with you.” He yawned, suddenly feeling the pull of the energy that had been robbed from his bear, and a thought occurred to him as a result, one that had him sucking in a bracing breath. “How are we going to handle the sleeping arrangements, J?” Graver drummed his fingers nervously against the flat mattress his brother was resting on. “All any of us want to do is sleep. So, we need to figure it out sooner rather than later.”
“We share a bed with her in between us.” He shrugged a shoulder, like that simple reply explained it all away.
Graver’s relief made his knees knock. “You’re not going to push me out? Push me away because I’m the youngest?”
J cocked a brow. “When have I ever done anything like that?”
“True, but you’ve never died, been brought back to life, and found your mate all in the same day.�
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“Well, I reckon one-sixty-years on this plane lets me figure out what kind of person I am, and none of that is going to change me. Not unless whatever it is you have to tell me in private will knock that off skew?”
Would it? Graver didn’t know. All he did know was that he doubted in all those years, Justiss, in his infinite wisdom, wasn’t going to be wiser than a Goddess.
Gnawing on the inside of his cheek, he studied J. But the longer he studied him, the more Justiss’s features turned from teasing to serious.
“Really?” he mouthed, eyes widening when Graver gave him a brief nod.
“We should talk about this later,” Graver said, a touch curtly.
“Yeah, sure.” The instant he murmured in the affirmative, the curtains to the cubicle swung open and Betsy, the nurse who had worked point with Toni, appeared.
Curiosity sparkled in her eyes, but she managed to keep it professional as she showed J where to sign so they could get the hell out of this place.
Christ, he was glad he wasn’t human, susceptible to their little colds and injuries that happened with barely any instigation. It had taken a bike running over his chest for him to break a rib when he’d fallen off his own and into the path of his brother’s ride, and he’d been carrying a three-hundred-pound bag of cement when he’d dislocated his shoulder—and his brothers had ribbed him for weeks when he’d dropped the bag, but rather than let go, had maintained a hold on it. The momentum, weight, and force had jerked the joint out of its socket. It was no mean feat injuring a Shifter. They were susceptible, like humans were, where organs were concerned. J was a testament to the fact that a knife could slice as cleanly through a Shifter’s skin and matter as it could a human, but they were powerful creatures. Humans, on the other hand, weren’t. They were frail, delicate—a nightmare to keep safe.
It was the torment of all Shifters. In the grand scheme of things, they didn’t give a damn about humans, but they sure as hell had to when their mates could be found within that gene pool. Frail mates were a blessing and a curse. To have them, finally, was a wonder, but fear for their safety was a constant plague.
His ma was stronger now she was bound to her mate. All humans underwent a slight transition after they were bound and gifted a ‘talent’ from the Goddesses who had reared them for one of their Shifter children. His mother had a talent for growing shit; their garden, even in their dustbowl of a neighborhood, was like a greenhouse without the glass. But with or without that talent, she was nowhere near as strong as the offspring she’d borne. Of course, there was the irony that though she was the weakest in the family, she’d outlived two sons. But that was hard living and hard choices, nothing more, nothing less.
Toni, when she was bound to them, would be stronger. She wouldn’t be so weak. But still, the fear was there, and it was rampant in Graver’s head. He’d seen Justiss almost die tonight, had endured the passing of two brothers… To finally have found his mate and to lose her was beyond anything his mind could even handle.
As he watched Betsy flutter through what seemed like copious amounts of paperwork for a stay in hospital that ran under an hour and where J hadn’t actually been tended to or treated, he saw her hiss and hold up a finger to her mouth. The tang of blood perfumed the cubicle, making both his and J’s nostrils flare at the metallic scent.
They shared a look, and J seemed to understand what he was silently saying because he shook his head, silently telling him to shut up. When Betsy retreated and finally left them with more polite but curious smiles aimed their way as she ducked out—a thousand questions longing to fall from her lips—J held up a hand to stall him. “She’ll be tougher when she’s bound to us.”
Graver grunted. “Fucking paper, J. Paper.”
“They’re more delicate than us.”
“You’re telling me. How the fuck can paper hurt you?” He folded his arms across her chest. “I can’t lose her.”
“You’ve only just found her, and you’re already talking about losing her.” J wagged a finger at him. “Since when did you become so all fire negative?”
“Since I watched you bleeding out in the foyer… That a big enough clue?”
“Bullshit. It’s since your bros died. Well, I get that. I do. But you have to get over it. For my sake, and your sake, but mostly Tonia’s, because Jesus, if you try to wrap her up in cotton wool, you’ll do nothing more than fuck her off.
“Look at this place. She works here. She’s a doctor. She’s smart. You can’t coddle her. She won’t let you. She’s too used to being independent. You do anything to hold her back, and she’ll resent you.”
Graver knew where J was coming from, but all he had to say was, “Paper injures humans.”
Justiss rolled his eyes, but before he could say a damn thing, the curtain rolled back again. “Skin, especially on the hands, can be quite tender. Not every sheet of paper will do it. Just some.” Their mate studied them both, a faint smile on her lips. “Don’t worry. We won’t bleed out from a paper cut. I won’t die from anything so humbling.”
“I wasn’t worried,” Justiss pointed out, swinging his legs down to the ground and getting up onto his feet. He was a little woozy at first, a little unsteady; a factor both he and Toni monitored until he ceased wobbling. “Neither was Graver, not really. We’re just not used to being around humans, that’s all.”
“Speak for yourself. My ma’s human, but she’s not as fragile now she’s bound.” He grimaced. “Sorry, Toni, if you overheard all our conversation. I wasn’t implying anything…”
She sighed, reached over, and patted his arm. “Don’t worry, Aaron. It seems like it’s been a stressful night for you. I know it has been for me, and for Justiss too. Maybe we should all see about getting some rest, eh? Because if you apologize anymore tonight, I think I’m going to have to nickname you ‘Sorry.’”
Graver let out a weary breath that ended on a faint chuckle. “I think that’s a great idea.”
Justiss’s roar reverberated around the yard. Graver’s followed soon after. All Toni could see was two sets of beady eyes staring at her from amid the darkness of the garden out back.
She knew they were watching her. Knew they were making sure she was comfortable before they did what they had to do in their other forms. What that was exactly, Toni didn’t know. She figured from her training that the act of shifting shapes imbued them with energy and magic, refueling their empty tanks as it were. And considering what had happened tonight, to both of them, she could only assume those tanks of theirs were almost running dry.
Another howl echoed around the yard, and she figured they’d loped off. It was too dark to have visual confirmation of that supposition however, a thought that had her moving away from the windows and turning toward the bright lights in the room.
She’d yet to let on that she was terrified of the dark, but it would come soon, because they’d been disappointed about her not wanting to meet their bears. Ordinarily, she would have loved to. A doctor didn’t study Shifter healing without having any interest in the species, but no amount of interest outweighed her terror. There was no way she was standing outside in the yard in the full black of night, even if it meant watching her mates turn into beasts.
The ride home had been an effort in torture. She’d been blanketed by the darkness on all sides, driving away from home, her sanctuary, and not toward it. It was a wonder she’d hadn’t completely lost it, but her mates had grounded her. She’d been tucked in between Justiss and Graver, protected from the night, even if she had been in a pick-up truck with another huge Shifter at the wheel and a tiny blonde as a passenger who kept peering back to stare at them all as though they were the major stars in a freak show.
The night seemed to be getting weirder for the entire MC, but that was nothing for Toni.
This morning, she’d been dreading going in for her shift, hating the fact she’d be leaving soon after midnight. Knowing she’d be terrified as she drove back home. She’d had to force herself t
o eat, force herself to pack food for her to munch on during breaks, and had known that the day would only be a shittier one because Rodriguez would be working part of the shift with her.
Aside from that, from her fear of the dark, life was as bland this morning as it had been the day before, and as it should have been tomorrow.
Toni’s life was as comfortable as she could make it. Her parents’ life insurance, as well as the inheritance she’d received after her grandparents, her mother’s parents, had died and left her alone in this world, had paid for med school. She was close to a promotion at the hospital, spent very little on herself, and lived in the house her father’s parents had left her. Financially, she was secure. Emotionally, she was insecure. But she had stability in one part of her life, and job satisfaction glued the other parts of her together.
But now, that was all changing.
She’d always been fascinated by Shifters, had loved learning about them and their heroics when they’d revealed their identities to the world to save the Allies from the Nazis. Their tales of bravery had astonished her, because at heart, she was such a coward. In the face of their strength and capabilities, she’d been floored. And the idea of being able to help them, to heal them, made her feel like she was borrowing some of their strength. It was a notion that had helped her through some tough times, because if she was smart enough and strong enough to fix the bravest people in the world, then she could do anything, couldn’t she?
Shifters rarely came into the ER though. Only the threat of death ever brought them into her vicinity, so seeing Justiss tonight was unusual. But to learn that she had not one, but two mates? Men from a species she’d been fascinated with since she was little?
Talk about overwhelming.
Then, throw in the fact they ran with an MC… Yeah, Toni still didn’t know what to do with that.
She was upper middle class to her marrow. Her father, had he survived, had been an eminent lawyer, and his mother had always told a tiny Toni how he’d have gone into politics eventually because he’d wanted to make a difference. Given his background, his education, and the people he knew, Toni had no doubt if her papa had wanted to run for Congress or something nuts like that, he’d have achieved his goal. Because if he had any flaws, her mother would have patchworked it up. With her brains, beauty, and her own connections, they’d been the perfect power couple.
Justiss And Graver (MC Bear Mates Book 4) Page 5