by Ann Aguirre
“Let me introduce my companion, Helix.” She wished she could link their limbs together to make the point visually, but she had promised to respect his boundaries, so she didn’t touch him. “Helix, this is Gravitch.”
“Who’s this?” Gravitch cut in.
She saw him register Helix’s sheer physical perfection, and she took secret pride in how well she’d designed the prototype. Gravitch was seedy in comparison, which wouldn’t matter if he had an agreeable disposition. She had no idea what Inatol had been thinking when she selected him for a potential match. It must have been their mutual interest in science, but even then, Gravitch was more of an administrator, secretly looking down on those who preferred research. If she recalled correctly, he enjoyed doing the assessments for the science coalition, deciding who deserved their annual stipend.
“I cohabitate with Qalu,” Helix replied unexpectedly. “This morning, I met with her mothers. They all like me very much.”
That…is perfect. Delightfully, it was all scrupulously true and those revelations combined to give a certain impression. She could almost imagine that Helix had been designed with a knack for chicanery. Gravitch glanced between them, visibly nonplused.
“Congratulations seem to be in order.” Those words rang with lukewarm sincerity.
Helix scrutinized the scientist, then turned to her. “Is he a person of importance?”
“Just an acquaintance.” She made sure her tone was deliciously dismissive.
“I see. Then if your conversation is concluded, I would like to tour the next level.”
He was already moving away, brusque to the point of rudeness, and Qalu gloried in it.
She fluttered her head tendrils in the barest hint of respect, then she hurried after Helix, who was already ascending the ramp to the next exhibit. “Are you in a rush? We have plenty of time before the museum closes.”
“No.” The word came out strong and flat.
Qalu paused; she’d never heard that tone before. “Is something wrong?”
“I did not like him.”
Startled, she asked, “Why?”
Helix stopped in the center of the ramp, seeming to consider the question. “I have no data to support my antipathy. It is…an emotional response.”
“But you must have some notion what triggered it.”
“He disrespected you. He interrupted you and misrepresented your work,” he finally said.
“Oh.” She quivered a little over the perceptive nature of his response. It was so good to be seen and known. The longer she spent with Helix, the more she appreciated him. “That’s precisely why I dislike him,” she added.
“How are you acquainted?” He set off again, more slowly this time.
As they climbed, she explained the situation, and Helix let out a sound of pure annoyance. “This is what you meant to avoid by asking me to act as your suitor.”
“Yes. While you’re with me, I won’t have to deal with individuals like Gravitch any longer. I can enjoy the peace and focus on my work.”
“Yet you haven’t worked much since I woke,” he pointed out.
“On the contrary, every moment I spend with you is pertinent.”
Helix stilled then, frozen mid-step, and when he gazed at her, she glimpsed a quiet wound. Did I say something wrong?
“Then staying with me is…work? You do not enjoy my company.”
Qalu felt the sting of that question in her own chest, and too late, she saw what she had implied. That he was all research to her, data to be logged, results to chart. How can I fix this?
“I enjoy spending time with you,” she said quickly. “Currently you’re my favorite person. But it’s also true that your existence informs my work. Which I also happen to love.”
Perhaps I didn’t put that well.
“I am your favorite person,” he repeated—a statement, not a question.
At first, she thought he was questioning the “favorite” part but when she looped the words in her own head, she detected a faint stress on the final word, as if it mattered to him greatly be considered a person. He had been, even before he gained flesh. Yet he seemed to find validation in her assertion.
“You are.”
“Would you say that we’re friends?” he asked.
“Definitely. What do you think?”
“I’m still figuring out what that means. Before, I thought I was close to someone, but I always felt the crushing need to be useful, as if I would be discarded otherwise. I’m not sure how I fit into a world where I receive benefits regardless of my contribution.”
Not for the first time, Qalu wished her touch imparted comfort. “Benefits?”
“You shelter me, feed me, provide for me in all respects. And now, you’ve brought me to observe art for personal inspiration. And yet you ask nothing in return.”
“Your company is valuable,” she said. “So are your thoughts. I enjoy hearing them.”
“I have difficulty adapting to that outlook,” he admitted.
“That you have value outside of any labor provided?”
“Yes.”
“Then…imagine our situations were reversed. Am I worthless if I cannot give you food? If I lacked the resources to continue as we are?”
“Certainly not,” he said at once. “You’re a brilliant person.”
“So are you.”
“Oh,” he said, his voice deep and soft. “I’m…feeling something new.”
“Can you describe the sensation?”
“It’s confusing. But…I’ll try. My chest hurts a little, but not like the pain from before, when I first woke up. It’s something else. I’m happy too. I know how that feels, but there’s more to it. And I want to be…closer to you.”
“Physically or emotionally?”
“Both? I think it’s both.”
At hearing that, Qalu took two steps forward, bringing herself close enough to inhale the scent of his skin. They used the same hygiene products yet they smelled different on him somehow, deeper and richer with hints of spice. “Better?”
“Yes. But it’s not enough. What do I want exactly?” He wasn’t asking to tease her.
Qalu could tell he didn’t know, and she wasn’t sure enough of her hypothesis to speculate aloud, though it seemed as if Helix might be experiencing attraction. The great mothers knew that she was, had been from the beginning, but it was inappropriate to let such feelings flourish. She ought to consider him family, not a potential love interest.
But when he stepped nearer still, she didn’t withdraw. Instead, her head tendrils fluttered up in silent invitation. That was an irrepressible mating overture, and she hoped he didn’t realize as much. Just as she was about to withdraw, his head tendrils quivered to life, and she stilled, scarcely able to believe this was happening.
“Yes?” he whispered.
He’s asking. He doesn’t even understand what he wants to do, but he’s asking.
“Yes,” she said.
Then his head tendrils grazed hers, the only point of contact between them, and pleasure spilled through her, gliding down from her head to the rest of her body. Helix let out a soft sound and his whole body quivered. This was a deeply erogenous zone, much more so than forelimbs, and she stayed quiet as he grew bolder, letting their head tendrils twine together and slide in tender movements.
“It feels so good,” he said, breathless.
[ 6 ]
Helix could neither understand nor interpret the sensations currently rioting along his nerve endings.
For the first time, contact didn’t repulse or alarm him. The fluttery touches made his entire being feel as if it were glowing, like nothing he could have ever imagined in his prior existence. There was only Qalu, nothing and no one else in the world, and he focused on her with the intensity he’d previously reserved for complex calculations.
At least, he did until an amused whisper penetrated. “How adorable! They can’t keep their tendrils off one another, even in public.”
“Talk about shameless!”
Two Tiralan went past, one interested, another disapproving, and he realized they must be deviating from social norms. Helix stepped back, immediately regretful when the stimulation ceased. For a few seconds, he stood and breathed, trying to make sense of this physical response.
“Are you all right?” she asked.
“Confused.”
“Do you want to return to our domicile?”
Our domicile. Hearing that gave him a strangely pleasurable shock, as if there was no question that he belonged. His momentary silence gave her the wrong impression, though, and she turned like she meant to go back the way they’d come.
Immediately, he demurred. “I prefer to finish touring the museum, if time permits.”
“Yes, it does. Do…you have questions?”
“Many, but I need time to process.”
“I understand. Then shall we…?”
In answer, Helix set off again, leading the way up the ramp. The two Tiralan who had passed them were admiring a work deeper in the gallery, and he avoided them, choosing to start his exploration on the other side. In the center of the space, there was an enormous statue, all jagged edges and gleaming metal. The shape seemed ominous, threatening, even, as he circled it, wondering why it made him feel so uneasy.
“What do you think?” Qalu asked.
“It’s terrifying.”
“Your instincts are excellent. It’s modeled after the cellular structure of a virus that nearly destroyed Tiralan a few centuries ago. Those were dark times. We went underground into hermetically sealed units and even then…”
Helix wished he could scan for the pertinent information, but the uplink she had mentioned was still malfunctioning. Everything had to be done manually, and it would likely be rude if he stopped to check his wrist unit for details that weren’t critical to continue the conversation.
“The cost was high?”
“It dramatically reduced our population,” she said simply.
“Should I offer comfort?”
“Do you want to?”
“If you require it. I promised your mothers that I would do everything within my power to provide happiness, and I believe emotional solace falls within that purview.”
Qalu chuffed, an amused sound. “While I appreciate the offer, it’s not a personal trauma. That happened long before my time. But I do find it interesting that you identified a past catastrophe without context.”
“Does that signify something special?”
“Mainly that you’re a fascinating person with untapped depths.”
Odd, thus far he had primarily considered everything he’d lost, not whether he would receive new abilities to compensate. Helix was still undecided in some regards, but he did enjoy the olfactory sense immensely. And it was satisfying to interact with the world directly, not through a mechanical avatar.
“Thank you,” he said.
“For what?”
“You always say the right thing.”
She paused, studying him with evident astonishment. “That’s the first time I’ve heard that. Generally, I’m not good with others.”
“Then they were the wrong people.”
She took a soft breath. He wanted to touch her again, but from the reaction they’d received earlier, such contact should be reserved for more private moments. Deliberately, he turned away, before her eyes could pull him in, and he moved toward a piece at random, this one multimedia with colors and textures gone wild, spines jutting from the surface and swollen with a fiery hue. Somehow, as he stared at the work, it seemed to seethe, expanding and contract like a living organ. But when he looked away, the piece was static. A trick of the light? Or his mind?
Quietly, they passed through the rest of the museum, so much fuel for his own work. Until now, he had mainly mimicked others but possibly he might create something new, going forward. More to the point, excitement built within him at the prospect of trying. Such novelty—there was nothing he must achieve. Being with Qalu meant freedom he had never known before. Only his personal choices and preferences mattered. Once they viewed all the exhibits—and he returned to a few favorites—it was time to go home.
“Aevi must be missing us,” she noted.
“I have never been missed.”
“That likely isn’t true. I’m sure your friend on Barath is wondering how you are and if you’re well. Have you sent any—oh. Right. You don’t remember.”
She had probably been wondering if he’d messaged Zylar, but he had no recollection of doing so. If I did, it must have been during that lost half cycle. But it wasn’t too late.
“Do you think I could contact Barath when we get back?”
“Of course. The distance precludes direct contact and there will be a delay in the response, but I’ll set up a private account for you on the extranet. I’m sorry, I never meant for you to be cut off from your friends.”
“It’s not your fault. I’ve been quite occupied getting acclimated to my new circumstances, but now that things have settled, I should reach out.”
Six spans have passed. By now, the Choosing would be over. Zylar and Beryl would have received their ruling, one way or another.
“Understood. Let’s go home.”
Just as when she’d said “our domicile,” Qalu’s use of the word “home” had a peculiar impact on Helix. His whole body quivered, a softer echo of when they had twined their head tendrils together. Tension swirled away as he followed her back down the ramp, several levels, all the way to the ground. Outside, the light was already waning. He recalled that she had mentioned long darktides, and the shadows on the ground grew longer with their every stride.
“I’d like to show you how to summon transport. May I touch your wrist unit?” Qalu waited for Helix’s assent before reaching out. Even then, she didn’t graze his flesh, only manipulated the display. “This is the icon. I’m keying the number of passengers and the address. Then tap this to send.”
“Simple,” Helix said. “I will remember how it’s done.”
They waited for a while, until eventually an identical pod glided to a stop. Helix embarked first and settled, less agitated about the journey now that he knew what to expect. When Qalu settled next to him, he didn’t tense or recoil. She had proven she would never willfully violate his boundaries, so he did not fear her proximity. In fact, part of him even relished it because he could feel her ambient warmth and breathe in secret gulps of her perfumed skin.
“Did you enjoy the trip?”
“Very much. Are there other museums we could visit?”
“Many. There’s the classical art museum, the science museum, and a number of specialty archives you might be interested in. Peruse the listings when we get home and choose your favorites. Tell me where you’d like to go, and I’ll accompany you.”
Stunned, Helix could only stare at her for long moments. “Simply…make a list. Of my wishes. And you will fulfil them.”
“It’s not difficult,” Qalu said, seeming bewildered. “Public transport carries a nominal cost and cultural activities are included in our annual citizen’s tariff. The only real outlay is time, and I greatly enjoy spending mine with you.”
“Truly, I don’t understand. This seems…and you seem…too good to be true. Before, I believed this was a dream, and I wanted nothing more than to awaken.”
“And now?”
“I’m afraid I will. I fear that I will awaken, and I’ll be alone, drifting in a derelict ship with a broken mechanical avatar and no hope of being salvaged.”
“Helix…” She breathed his name, and the sound shivered through him, all sweetness. Never had his name sounded so lovely, or so warm. Qalu went on, “We comfort one another through touch, but I don’t know if that intent will translate for you. May I try? If you don’t like it, I will desist at once.”
“Yes,” he said.
To Qalu it felt as if Helix had given her the world.
She set a forelimb carefully on hi
s chest, not directly on his skin, and she tapped lightly in rhythm with his pulse, a comforting tympany offered to represent two hearts beating as one. He didn’t pull away, only sat quiet as she completed the gesture. When she drew back, he let out a breath.
“How was it?” she asked.
“I feel calmer now. It was a…gentle feeling.”
Relief spilled through her. So much of his transition was unknown, and there was no one she could ask. Even on Tiralan, her work was ahead of everyone else’s; she was the expert in this field, and she had no research to guide her. Each step they took together was one into the unknown.
“I’m glad.” She paused, trying to decide how to put this. “While I’m glad you appreciate your new life, please don’t feel frightened. This is real. I am too. And I’ll never abandon you. This is your home, for as long as you want it to be. And if you ever want to leave, I’ll help you do so. Your happiness is important to me.”
“Why?” he asked in a tight voice, as if the question pained him.
That was a difficult question to answer. She could have spouted some vague nonsense about the importance of her work, but the truth was, he had never been merely research to her, not even when he was fragile, beautiful code that she was desperately trying to transplant into a biosynthetic prototype. To her, he had always been a precious being, absolute proof that life flourished in many forms.
Before she could speak, he added, “Is it because I’m convenient? Because your mothers like me and they don’t beleaguer you anymore.”
“I am invested in you,” she finally responded.
“But what does that mean?”
She wasn’t ready to articulate anything, and thankfully, the pod set down outside their habitat just then. And in the bustle of disembarking, the question was lost. Aevi met them at the front door, chattering angrily.
“You were gone all day, most unfair. Foul play, very foul! I’m bored, and I tend to destroy things when I’m bored.”
“What did you do?” Qalu asked.
Immediately after asking, Qalu discovered one of her plants mostly uprooted and partially chewed. She knew better than to grow anything poisonous to Aevi’s species, as this was typical. Aevi was great company, but she could also be spoiled and temperamental. It was a bit surprising that she got on as well as she did with Helix. Two suitors that Inatol sent over had received nasty bites in sensitive regions.