by SJ McCoy
He nodded. That was good, but it didn’t mean she saw him any differently than she had before. He waited.
“And you were right that you and me—us—we’re, we might … maybe …”
He took a step closer, hoping that she was saying what he thought she was. She was struggling, and he didn’t want to put it all on her. He smiled. “Are you saying that I might have a chance?”
She nodded.
He held his arms out to her, and she stepped into them. He wanted to kiss her, but that didn’t seem right. A girl shouldn’t start her night on a date with one guy and end up going home with another. He knew that between the two of them, what started as kissing would only ever lead to the bedroom.
Instead, he hugged her to his chest. “I’m not as bad as you seem to think I am, Abbie.”
“I never thought you were bad. I just know that we’re the same kind of animal. We’re about the good times, not about the long term. I thought I needed to get straight to the long-term stuff, but even my mom says I should just figure out how to be me—that I don’t need to hurry up and settle down just yet.”
“What are you saying?”
“That maybe we can have some good times together. Hang out, go out, you know.”
He nodded and dropped a kiss on top of her head. He did know what she meant. What he didn’t know was how to tell her that he might want to explore more than that—the long-term stuff, as she called it. And he sure as hell didn’t know how to ask if she’d be interested in that with him. “I’d like that.”
She looked up at him. “I don’t mean that I want to go home with you tonight. That wouldn’t be right.”
He smiled. “I can’t say I don’t want you to, but it wouldn’t feel right to me either. Do you still need help with a Christmas tree?”
“Huh?”
“I was still planning on making a nuisance of myself and coming over this weekend. I figured your mom would accept my help even if you don’t want it.”
She smiled. “Well, now you know that I do, too.”
“Okay. I’ll call you tomorrow, then. For now, let’s get you home.”
When they reached her house, she unlatched the gate and looked up at him. “Thanks, Ivan. I feel like I don’t deserve you being so understanding.”
He reached up and touched her cheek. “You deserve the world, Abbie. Don’t ever tell yourself otherwise.”
He wanted to kiss her, but he stepped away instead. He’d see her tomorrow, and he’d rather they started whatever this was going to be on a new day—not on the tail-end of her failed date with someone else.
“Goodnight. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
She stood on her tiptoes and planted a sweet little peck on his cheek. “I’ll look forward to it.”
Chapter Nine
Abbie woke up early on Saturday morning. She should be working today, but Mrs. Evans had asked if she could swap. Abbie was happy to let her. Saturday mornings at the practice always meant kids running around the waiting room. It often meant snotty kids, too. She wasn’t a fan.
She snuggled deeper under the duvet. It wasn’t seven yet—it wouldn’t even get light for over an hour. Usually, she liked to stay in bed on these dark mornings when she got the chance, but this morning she couldn’t settle back down. She was too excited.
Today, Ivan was going to call her. He was going to help her find a Christmas tree for her mom. And … and she didn’t know what else, but she hoped it would involve going to his place and getting to know each other better. He might not be interested in settling down—he’d told her that upfront that first night that they’d had a drink together. But he was interested in dating—and everything that went with it. That was enough. It’d have to be.
It was funny really that Neil was the one who’d managed to make her see what everyone else had been telling her. She’d believed all this time that she needed to become someone else. Maybe it was because she’d actually tried to be someone else with him and had seen for herself just how awkward and uncomfortable it was. They hadn’t even gotten started on their date before it had become apparent that it wouldn’t work. No way would she be able to live her whole life that way.
She rolled over and looked out the window into the darkness. She’d been prepared to set out on a path toward marriage and domestic bliss, but she could admit now that it would be more like a nightmare.
Ivan was smarter than she was. He wasn’t looking to settle down. She’d told him last night that they were the same kind of animal. He just knew himself better than she did. He knew that he wasn’t cut out for that kind of life. She frowned. Or maybe he just didn’t see himself living that way with her—he’d told her outright that he wasn’t going to marry her and produce offspring. She sighed. She shouldn’t want him to either. That wasn’t who he was—and he knew it.
She sat up. She shouldn’t be lying here thinking about what could never happen between her and Ivan. She should get her ass out of bed and start the day—get excited about what was going to happen. They’d have fun, she knew that. And if she had to put money on it, she’d bet that they’d have sex, too. A shiver ran down her spine at the thought.
Last weekend in his kitchen had been amazing, but it had been quick and guilt-ridden, too. She’d felt like she shouldn’t be doing it. Now, she saw no reason why not. She wasn’t going back to her old ways. She wasn’t going to be screwing around. She hugged her knees to her chest. She was just going to be screwing Ivan—as hard and as often as they could.
She went downstairs and started making coffee. Her mom wasn’t up yet, and she loved it when the coffee was ready before she was.
She went and opened the curtains in the dining room and looked out at the back yard. “Holy shit!”
It had snowed! There was maybe a couple of inches on the ground. She hadn’t expected that.
She heard her mom hurrying down the stairs. “What’s wrong?”
Abbie laughed. “Nothing. I didn’t mean to scare you. Sorry. It’s just that it’s snowed overnight.”
“It has? Let me see?” Her mom came and stood beside her and peered out into the yard. “It’s so pretty, I love the snow.”
“I know. You’re like a little kid with it. Do you want to get bundled up, and we can go and walk around in it before it melts?”
Her mum grinned and hugged her. “Aww, I love that you’d do that with me. I know you’re not so keen on it.”
Abbie hugged her back tight. “I’m no snow bunny, but I’d do anything for you, Mom.”
Her mom kissed her cheek. “Thanks, Abbs. Then you’ll let me get my coffee and enjoy that before we go out there.”
Abbie chuckled. “Of course. Coffee before all else. And unless you want to go for a walk, we don’t even need to get dressed. We can just put our coats over our jammies and play in the back yard. Do you want to build a snowman?”
Her mom grinned. “You bet your ass I do. This is the best snow we’ve had down here in years. Your dad and I had started to go up into the mountains every year.” She stopped, and her smile faded. “He’d love this.”
Abbie squeezed her hand. “I know.”
“Coffee.”
Abbie knew to leave her alone with her coffee and her thoughts. If she was still feeling sad in a little while, they’d talk about Dad. But her mom tended to drift off in her mind to deal with her thoughts and then come back to reality, acting more composed. Abbie never really knew if she felt any better or if she just coped by putting on a brave face.
It seemed, however, that she didn’t want to get lost in her thoughts. Instead, she asked, “How was last night? You were home early.”
“Yeah. Neil is a very nice guy, but …”
Her mom laughed. “Oh, my gosh, Abbs. He is so not your type.”
She gave her mom a rueful smile. “Go on. You can say I told you so.”
“I don’t take any joy in that. I just want to see you happy. Even before I met him, I knew you didn’t feel anything for him.”
&nb
sp; “I was hardly likely to feel anything for him. That was our first date.”
“I don’t mean real feelings that grow over time—I mean, you didn’t feel any excitement, any spark. There was no way he was ever going to give you butterflies. I knew by the way you talked about him.”
Abbie nodded. “I know. But he did help me to understand what you’ve been telling me about needing to be myself and to find someone who fits with who I really am.”
Her mom grinned. “Well, then I like him. But I still don’t like him as much as someone else I know. Someone who I’d guess does fit with who you really are.”
Abbie raised an eyebrow and took a sip of her coffee in an attempt to hide her smile. “And who might that be?”
“You know exactly who I mean. Ivan! He gives you butterflies, doesn’t he?”
Abbie nodded. “He does. I was being dumb, Mom. I thought I shouldn’t go out with him.”
“Why, though?”
“Because he’s too much like me. He’s taken some wrong turns in life. He likes to have fun. He’s a free spirit.” She sighed. “He’s not looking to get married and produce offspring.”
Her mom laughed. “I don’t know why you kids think that’s the way it works. You don’t just decide that you’re ready or you’re not ready to settle down. You don’t get to choose. The person who’s meant for you just shows up in your life, and you fall for them, and being with them changes you and makes you want to get married because you can’t imagine living your life without them. And then kids come along, or they don’t. You don’t make those decisions in a vacuum in advance. They grow out of what you do each day—who you meet, who you choose to go out with.”
Abbie nodded. “I guess you’re right. I hadn’t thought about it that way. I kind of felt as though just going with the flow and letting life happen was how I got so screwed up—and drifted so far away from you and Dad. I thought that it was time to take control and do things right from now on.”
Her mom reached across and squeezed her hand. “Try as you might, you can’t control life—and especially not love. It comes when it’s ready, whether that suits you or not.” Her eyes filled with tears. “And it leaves before you’re ready, too.”
“It still lives in your heart, though, Mom. Just because he’s not here doesn’t mean he doesn’t still love you.”
Her mom sniffed and nodded. “It doesn’t mean that I don’t still love him either. Anyway. Tell me about Ivan before I start crying in my coffee.”
“He’s going to give me a call this morning. He remembered that you asked about him helping with a Christmas tree.”
Her mom smiled. “You can say thank you anytime you like. I could tell the two of you had a thing for each other and that you were doing your best to mess it up. I planned to leave as many doors open for him as I could.”
Abbie chuckled. “Thank you.”
“Are the two of you going to do something together today, then?”
“I hope so. He said he’d call about the tree.”
Her mom smiled. “Forget about that. You two should go off somewhere. Do something together.”
“I’m not going to forget about it. I’m glad that you want to put one up.”
Her mom sighed. “I do, and we will. But I might need a little more time to get used to the idea first.”
“Okay.” Her mom hadn’t wanted to decorate for Christmas at all last year—they hadn’t even really done Christmas. It hadn’t felt right. Abbie was glad that she felt better about it this year, but she wanted to let her take things in her own time. “We’ll forget about it for today. Do you want me to ask again tomorrow—or should I wait until you tell me?”
“I’ll tell you. I do want one. It’s just …” She gave Abbie a sad smile. “I need to come to terms with it first.”
Abbie went to give her a hug, but she held up her coffee cup. “Why don’t you go and dig out our snow boots while I finish this?”
~ ~ ~
Ivan pulled up outside Abbie’s house a little before noon. When he’d called her earlier, she’d told him that they didn’t need to get a tree today. At first, it’d seemed like she was having second thoughts about seeing him, but she’d assured him that wasn’t the case. She did want to see him, it was just the Christmas tree shopping that was off.
He raised his hand to knock on the front door, but it opened before he could. Her mom stood there, grinning at him.
“Ivan! It’s lovely to see you. Come on in.”
“Thanks, Mrs. …”
She gave him a stern look.
“Nina.”
He followed her into the living room, where she offered him a seat. He sat down on the sofa, hoping that this didn’t mean he was going to be here a while.
“Abbie will be down in a minute.” Nina grinned. “We had a busy morning already, she needs to get changed.” She looked over her shoulder before saying in a lower voice. “I’m glad you’re here.” She winked at him. “I was worried last night.”
Ivan smiled. He wasn’t sure how much she knew, but it didn’t really matter. The important thing was that she was on his side. “Thanks. So was I.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t put up a fight.”
“How could I?”
She laughed. “I know he was a bit weedy. You could have knocked him over with one finger.”
Ivan chuckled. “I didn’t mean that. And for what it’s worth, he is a nice guy. I meant I have to respect her wishes.”
“Aww. I knew there was a reason I liked you. As a guy, you’re right; you do have to respect a girl’s wishes. But as her mom, it was frustrating to see her wishing for the wrong thing. Especially for the wrong reasons.”
Ivan nodded.
“I’m sorry. I don’t want to embarrass you. I’m just glad you’re here now. And I hope the two of you work something out.”
“So do I.”
Abbie came hurrying down the stairs. “Mom, do you want—oh! Hi! I didn’t hear the door.”
Her mom chuckled. “I let him in quietly because I wanted a word.”
Abbie raised her eyebrows. “Should I be worried?”
“No. You’re fine.”
Abbie looked at Ivan. “Did she interrogate you or put you off somehow?”
He laughed. “Nope. We were just making friends.”
“Hmm, I’m not sure if that’s better or worse.”
“It’s better, Abbs,” said her mom. “Much better. You need your people to like each other and be friends.”
Ivan wondered what Abbie thought about her calling him one of her people. He liked the sound of it, but he wasn’t sure that she would be so keen.
To his relief, she smiled. “I do need that, and it’s such a refreshing change from last night. She wasn’t as nice to Neil.”
Ivan clenched his fists by his side. Neil was out of the picture now, but it still made his heart beat faster to think that he’d been here last night to take Abbie out.
Her mom caught his eye. He’d guess that she knew exactly what he was thinking—even if Abbie seemed oblivious.
“I wasn’t mean to him.”
“You weren’t exactly friendly, either.”
Her mom shrugged. “I don’t think I would have liked him,” she told Ivan.
“He’s a good guy.” He couldn’t help but stand up for Neil.
“Oh, I’m sure he is. But …” She looked at Abbie. “Well, you know. Anyway. What are you two going to do with yourselves today?”
Abbie looked at him. “I don’t know. I’m sure we’ll think of something.”
“You could go up to Stanton Falls. They’re having that big Christmas market today.”
It would make for a long day; they wouldn’t get back until well after dark if they went now. But if Abbie was interested, Ivan was game to take her.
“That’s your idea of fun, Mom.”
“I don’t mind taking you both if you want to go,” Ivan volunteered before he stopped to think about it. A Christmas fair was so
mething that only happened once a year. He’d hate to think her mom was missing out on it because of him.
They both stared at him.
“That’s so sweet of you,” said her mom. “But honestly, I couldn’t face it yet. Maybe we can all go next year.”
Ivan sucked in a deep breath. Next year? Was she seeing this as a long-term thing—even if Abbie wasn’t?
Abbie had a weird look on her face—maybe she was freaked out by the thought of still seeing him this time next year. “Maybe we don’t need to think about next year yet. It’s too late to drive all the way up there today.” She looked at Ivan. “I was thinking we could go over to the plaza at Four Mile Creek. We could poke around the stores and have some lunch over there?”
“That sounds great.” He wasn’t one for poking around stores, usually, but it was too cold to do much of anything outside.
“Drive carefully, won’t you?” said her mom. “The roads might still be slippery.”
“They’re mostly clear now,” said Ivan, “but I will drive carefully.”
She smiled at him. “I know she’s safe with you.”
He wondered if she meant that as a chauffeur, he knew how to drive in any road conditions. From the way she was looking at him, he’d guess that she meant something more than that. It gave him a warm feeling in his chest—until he remembered that she wasn’t the one he needed to convince—and Abbie didn’t see him as someone who she’d want to look after her.
Chapter Ten
Abbie stared out the window at the lake on the drive over to Four Mile. It looked so beautiful with snow on the shore and a now bright blue sky above.
“Are you okay over there?”
She turned to look at Ivan, and her breath caught in her chest. He was so damned gorgeous. “I’m good. Just admiring the view.”
He shot a glance at her. “The lake—or me?”
She laughed. “Both. I have to say, you wear that jacket a lot better than Neil does.”
He frowned.
Why in hell had she brought that up? It was because it was true. She’d been thinking that he looked so sexy in it—which reminded her that Neil hadn’t. But she hadn’t intended to bring up her stupid attempt to date someone else.