by SJ McCoy
“What are you two up to this weekend?”
“Not much today. I wanted to check how you’re doing. Though it looks like you’re keeping busy. Did you decide to do your baking in advance for tomorrow? I thought you were baking while Ivan grills, and I sit around eating grapes.”
Her mom gave her a wary look. “I am baking in advance, but it’s because I can’t come.”
“You can’t? Why not?”
“I’m going up to Stanton Falls with Teresa.”
Abbie frowned. That caught her off guard. Her mom hadn’t been out and done anything with her old friends since … well, since her dad had passed. Teresa came over sometimes, but her mom didn’t go anywhere. “Why?”
Her mom laughed. “Because I love it up there.”
“But Ivan offered …”
Her mom smiled at Ivan. “And I appreciated the offer very much, but it’s not his idea of fun—or yours, for that matter. You two have better things to do.”
Abbie scowled. “Yeah. Like making dinner and decorating Ivan’s place with you.”
Her mom came and put her hand on her arm. “Without me, love. You need to build your foundation with just the two of you, and I need to build my own.”
Abbie had to swallow back tears, though where they’d come from, she didn’t know.
Her mom turned to Ivan. “I hope you understand?”
Ivan nodded. “I do. I just hope you know that I want you to be part of whatever we build. I think you’re feeling that you don’t need Abbie’s help so much now. But it might take a while before you can both figure out what that needs to look like.”
Abbie stared at him through teary eyes.
He gave her an apologetic shrug. “You’re both too scared to say that things are changing—that what you each want is changing. But they are. The only way you’ll hurt each other is if you don’t allow the changes to happen.”
Abbie’s mom came and put an arm around her shoulders and hugged her to her side. “I can tell you one thing that’s changed already, Abbs.”
“What’s that?”
Her mom chuckled. “You found yourself a good man.”
“I did, didn’t I?”
To her surprise, Ivan came to them and put his arms around them both. “I can’t claim to be an expert at how this family stuff works, but I’ve waited all my life to be part of one.”
“Aww.” Her mom dabbed at her eyes and smiled up at him. “Well, you’re part of one now. It’ll have its ups and downs. I can’t promise you it’ll always be easy, but I can promise you there’ll be cookies.”
Ivan laughed. “That’s all I need.”
~ ~ ~
“Would you rather go back to your mom’s place?” They’d come back to Ivan’s a little while ago, but Abbie was down, he could tell.
She blew out a sigh. “No. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be a bummer. I’m just … I don’t know. I don’t even know what’s wrong with me. I should be happy, shouldn’t I?”
“Well, yeah. I think you should. Your mom’s starting to find her own way again—do her own thing. That’s good, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. It really is.” Abbie shook her head. “I know it is, so why do I feel so bummed?”
Ivan put his arm around her shoulders. “Do you think maybe it’s because you need her more than she needs you?”
Abbie frowned. “No! I don’t need her. I just want to be there for her.”
Ivan sucked in a deep breath. “Don’t take this wrong. I’m only telling you what I think, and I may be way off. Have you asked yourself why you want it so much? Why it’s so important for you to be there for her. Why you were prepared to take your own life down a path that didn’t suit you, just because you thought it would make her happy?”
“Because I love her.”
“Most people love their parents. They don’t adjust the course of their lives for them, though.”
Abbie frowned. “Okay. So not just because I love her, but because she’s been so lost since Dad died. Because she couldn’t manage by herself.”
“But now, she can.”
Abbie made a face.
“But you still feel you can’t live your own life the way you want to because of her. She’s made it clear that that’s not what she wants or needs. But you still feel the need to do it. Why do you think that is?”
Abbie was quiet for a long time. He felt bad when she looked up at him with tears in her eyes. “Because I’m still trying to make up for what I was like before. I’m still trying to make it up to her and to Dad.”
She let out a sob, and he hugged her into his chest. He was glad she could see it. She needed to understand that she was punishing herself in a way. She wanted to make up for the way she used to be. But this wasn’t the way to do it.
After a little while, she wiped her sleeve across her eyes and looked up at him. “You’re telling me that I can’t hold her back because I need to try to make it right.”
“I wouldn’t put it like that. But I do think that you’re holding onto her a little too tight. You don’t need to make up for anything. The past is gone. What you need to do now is live your own best life; that’ll make her happy.”
She nodded. “I think I kind of know that already. It’s like I want her to need me because I want to be the daughter I should have been. If she doesn’t need me anymore, then I can never be that.”
“Abbs.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “You might have made some mistakes when you were younger, but she’s always loved you. You don’t need to be some other kind of daughter. I told you that first night that we went out. You can’t turn yourself into someone else; you just have to try to be the best version of yourself.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
He dropped a kiss on her lips. “Would you stop apologizing?”
She sniffed and smiled. “How about you take me to bed and shut me up?”
He got to his feet and pulled her up off the sofa. “If that’s what it takes, I suppose I can oblige.”
She laughed. “Poor, long-suffering Ivan. He’ll sleep with me if he must.”
He chuckled as he led her up the stairs. “What can I say? I’m nice like that.”
~ ~ ~
Abbie stood back and looked at the tree. “There. I think that does it.”
Ivan came and stood behind her and slid his arms around her waist. “I love it.”
She turned to look up at him and planted a kiss on his cheek. “I love you.”
He pressed a kiss into her hair. “Not as much as I love you.”
“Let’s not get competitive about it, huh?”
“Okay.”
She laughed. “Don’t look like that. I’m just saying. Because if we do—I’ll win.”
He laughed with her. “Well, now that the tree’s done, do you think we should start making dinner?”
“Yeah.” Abbie checked the clock.
“You think it’s too early?”
“No. I’m just wondering what Mom’s up to.”
He raised an eyebrow at her but didn’t say anything.
“I hope she’s having a good time. I’m glad she’s gone up there with Teresa. She loves Stanton Falls and all the stores. It’s just …” She shrugged. “I know I have to let her get on with it. But if you want to know what it’s really all about, part of me feels guilty that I’m finding happiness with you. I feel bad when I think about putting myself first.”
“You shouldn’t. This is dangerous ground for me because you know what I want. I want you to be with me—and that means being with your mom less. I don’t want you to think that I’m being selfish—but in a way, I am.”
“No. I get it. You want to be with me. I want to be with you. But I don’t want to leave Mom out in the cold.”
“We won’t.”
“I can’t. I feel like I have to put her first.”
Ivan shook his head. “I can’t argue with you—I won’t. I think we just need to let things play out as they will.” He came
to her and put his arms around. “I’m just going to put it out there. So, there’s no doubt about it. I want you to move in with me, Abbie. Whenever you’re ready.”
Her heart pounded in her chest. “I want to. I really do. Just give me some time?”
“Take all the time you need.”
“Let’s get through Christmas first, can we? I can’t imagine leaving her to wake up on her own on Christmas day.”
“Of course not. Like I said, I’m not trying to rush you. I just need you to know that’s what I want.” He planted a kiss on her forehead. “And maybe you can take some time to think about it and admit that it’s what you want, too?”
She nodded. She didn’t need any time to figure that out. She wanted to live with him. She wanted to be with him forever—whatever that might look like for them. He’d told her that he wasn’t going to marry her, and that was fine. If marriage wasn’t his thing, she could live with that. “I do want to.”
“Let’s go make dinner.”
She nodded and followed him into the kitchen.
Chapter Eighteen
Ivan was surprised when he got to work on Monday morning to see that someone had beaten him there. He let himself in and followed the smell of coffee to the break room.
Neil stood there, grinning to himself with a mug of a coffee in his hand.
“Morning.”
Neil looked startled. “Oh. Hey. Good morning.”
“You look happy,” said Ivan as he poured himself a mug.
Neil grinned. “That’s because I am. Thanks to you and Abbie.”
“Did it work out with you and Merry, then?”
“It couldn’t have worked out better. We went to Giuseppe’s for dinner, and we talked and laughed, and it was the best date ever.”
“That’s awesome.”
Neil nodded vigorously. “It was amazing. I walked her home, and we kissed goodnight. Then, on Saturday, we met up for lunch and then went back to her place and talked for hours. Yesterday, we went for a drive up to Stanton Falls. Oh, and we ran into Abbie’s mom.”
Ivan smiled, thrilled at how well things had worked out. “Yeah. She went up there with a friend.”
“She said you and Abbie were at home, decorating for Christmas. Are things working out for you, then?”
“They are.”
“I’m probably getting ahead of myself here, but I’m curious to see which of us makes it to the altar first.”
“The altar?!”
Neil hung his head. “Sorry. I know that’s ridiculous. But being with Merry just feels so right. I know she’s the one I want to spend my life with—the woman I want to marry.” He looked up. “Is that the way you feel about Abbie, or is it more casual for you?”
“It’s not casual.” Ivan frowned as he thought about it. “Now that you’ve put it into words, that’s exactly how I feel about her. She’s the one I want to spend my life with—the woman I want to marry.”
Neil grinned. “But you didn’t realize it until I said it? Did I help you figure it out? I hope so. I’d like to think that maybe I played a little part in getting the two of you together. You were both so instrumental in helping Merry and me.”
Ivan smiled. “Yeah. You can take the credit for it. I didn’t think marriage was one of my goals in life, but things change, right? You have to go with the flow.”
“You do. Especially when it comes to women. They just come in and turn your world upside down.”
“I can vouch for the truth of that.”
They both turned to see Mr. D standing in the doorway. He grinned at Ivan. “Did I hear you right? Did you just tell Neil that you’re thinking about getting married?”
Ivan sucked in a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah. I didn’t know it until just now, but … yeah.” He grinned. “That’s what I want.”
“And does Abbie know this?”
His smile faded. “She knows I want her to move in with me. But she wants to play it by ear. Get through Christmas first and see how her mom’s doing.”
Mr. D nodded. “That sounds sensible.”
Neil smiled at them both. “I should be getting started.”
Mr. D grasped his shoulder as he left. “You’re doing a great job, son.”
Once he’d gone, Ivan offered Mr. D a coffee, and they took them through to Ivan’s office.
“So, she’s the one?”
“She is.”
“And you want to stay here? Make this your life?”
“I do. I love this place. I love the people. I love my job. I’ll always go with you and drive for you whenever you want me to, but I think I’ve found my calling here.”
“I believe you have. I wasn’t sure about setting the office up here, but you’ve done great things for the charities just in the short time we’ve been here.”
“Thanks. I enjoy it, and I’m surprised how easily it comes. I wasn’t sure that I was cut out for office work, but this doesn’t feel like office work. This is about bringing in donations and making sure the money goes to doing the most good it can for kids who need it.”
Mr. D smiled at him. “That’s why I knew you’d be able to handle it. You might not have the office experience, but you have the heart. That’s the most important. The rest can be learned.”
“I hope you know how much I appreciate this.”
“I do. And I hope you know how much I value you.”
Ivan chuckled. “You’ve made it pretty clear with everything that you do for me.”
“Maybe I haven’t made it clear enough—yet.”
“What does that mean?”
Mr. D gave him a mysterious smile. “Maybe it doesn’t mean anything. Maybe it does.”
Ivan laughed. “Well, I’m not going to take up your time trying to figure out your riddles. We’re supposed to be going over the New Year’s campaigns this morning. Are you ready?”
“Ready and willing. Let’s get down to it.”
~ ~ ~
Abbie sat scowling at her computer screen. The waiting room was empty. The last patients of the day were in with Michael and Cassie. She’d be able to leave in a little while. But she didn’t really even want to. When she left here, she’d have to go home and deal with her mom. And Ivan would be calling, wanting to know if she was going over there tonight. She’d told him she’d call him today, but after the little bombshell her mom had dropped last night, she wanted to wait and call him later.
She forced herself to smile when Mrs. Young came out of Cassie’s office. “Goodnight, Abbie. Merry Christmas to you.”
“Merry Christmas.” Even as she said it, Abbie felt more like Scrooge. If it weren’t Christmas, her mom wouldn’t have come up with this crazy idea.
“I’m all done, Abbie. I can stay until Michael’s finished if you want to leave.”
She smiled at Cassie. “That’s okay. I don’t mind waiting.”
“I thought you’d want to get out of here to that sexy man of yours. What happened on Friday? I thought he was coming, and the next thing I heard, you’d left.” She grinned. “Did you decide you’d rather be home alone with him instead?”
“No. We were on a mission, playing cupid.”
“Oh, for Merry? Did it work out?”
“I hope so. They went for dinner together.”
Cassie smiled. “Aww. Look at you matchmaking and everything. You’re such a sweetheart.”
Abbie made a face. “Ha! I’ve been called many things, but never a sweetheart. You know what I’m like.”
“I do. You’re a sweetheart. If you mean that I knew you when you were younger and wilder, then yes, I did, but you’ve grown up—just like we all have. The Abbie I knew in high school wouldn’t have gone out of her way to help two introverts find love—she’d have been more likely to make fun of them. You’re not like that anymore. Give yourself some credit.”
Abbie stared at her.
“What? It’s true. You’re a real sweetheart these days, but you still talk about yourself as if you were that girl
in high school. She’s gone.” Cassie’s smile faded. “We’ve all changed since then—some for the better, some for the worse. We’re still the same people, though—we just have different priorities now.”
They both looked up when Max Douglas came out of Michael’s office. “Well, lookit this, two pretty ladies here to bid me goodnight.”
Abbie smiled. She loved Mr. Douglas—Gramps, as they’d all called him as kids. “Much as I love to see you, I hope you don’t want another appointment?”
“Nope. Michael says he doesn’t want me darkening his door again until at least next year. So. I guess I must be doing okay for an old fart.”
Abbie laughed. “I guess you must. But in case I don’t see you before the new year …” She came out from behind the desk and gave him a hug. “Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas to you, too, young ‘un.” He nodded at Cassie. “And you. Abbie here’s found the spirit of the season. You might want to see if you can find yours.”
Cassie gave him a rueful smile. “I’m fine. Merry Christmas, Gramps.”
“Aye. Merry Christmas.”
They watched him go. Abbie wanted to ask Cassie what he’d meant about her needing to find her Christmas spirit, but she didn’t get a chance.
“Well, if you don’t want to get out of here, I do. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Okay, see you.”
When Abbie got to her car a little while later, she sat behind the wheel for a moment. She should probably call Ivan now to tell him that she wasn’t going over to his place tonight.
She dialed his number and waited.
“Hey, sweetie.”
“Hi. Sorry I didn’t call you today.”
“No problem. I figured you were busy. Are you coming over later?”
“No.”
“Oh. How come?” She could hear the disappointment in his voice. “Is your mom okay?”
“She thinks so. But I don’t.”
“What does that mean?”
“You know she went up to Stanton Falls yesterday? Well, one of her old friends runs a store there, and she’s short-handed for the Christmas rush. She offered Mom a job, and Mom's packing her things as we speak.”