“Yeah,” I said, not knowing what else to say. “Well, we won in court. I still have primary custody.”
“That’s great.”
I stared at him waiting for him to say something else, but nothing came. I took a deep breath and decided to just tell him what was in my heart.
“Listen, I know that I said many things that hurt you and I’m really sorry. I’m a coward, Carter. I was scared of just being happy. You know what my mom said to me once?” When he didn’t say anything I continued, “She said that no one is actually happy. She said we’re all discontent in life, that discontentment is just the human condition. She said that certain things could make us temporarily content, but otherwise there was no such thing as happiness.”
He still continued to work, not saying anything, so I pressed on.
“I think I really believed that. I really believed that happiness wasn’t in the cards for me, so every time I had the opportunity to be truly happy I freaked out because I was so scared that it wouldn’t last.” I touched his shoulder and said, “Look at me.”
Finally, he did. His eyes were emotionless and guarded. His mouth was drawn into a tight line. Clearly, I wasn’t getting anywhere. He was still shutting me out.
“I’m not scared anymore. I mean I was before.” I shook my head and then raised my eyes to his. “But I knew all those years ago that being around you, just being with you made me happy. And I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, happy and secure in the fact that you love me. I want that chance, Carter. I know I probably don’t deserve it, but I desperately want that chance to be happy with you again. I love you so much—” My voice cracked but I pressed on even though he continued to look at me coldly, unmoved by my words.
I tried again. “I love you so much. You mean so much to me and I just want to tell you that I’m sorry for what happened three months ago. The things I said. And I’m sorry for what happened eight years ago. I mean, I’m not apologizing for what we did. I’m just apologizing for how I left things… for how I hurt you.”
I reached for his hand and squeezed it. “I’m asking for your forgiveness. And for a second, or I guess now it’s a third chance.” I gave a nervous laugh and he finally broke eye contact and turned away from me and started again to work.
“I have to finish this. Thanks for stopping by, Dana,” was all he said.
I couldn’t even speak. He was rejecting me. It was over. History was repeating itself. I was going to lose Carter yet again.
Feeling numb, I got into my car and drove home. I pulled up in front of my house and just sat there in shock. Then the tears came. I leaned my head on the wheel and just cried until no more tears were left. I’d gambled and lost. He didn’t want my love. I’d hurt him too much.
With shaky legs, I climbed out of the car, opened my front door and walked into my house. I saw Becca and Meredith sitting there watching some TV show about wedding dresses.
“You’re thinking of getting married again?” I said incredulously.
Becca shrugged. “You know what they say. Once you fall off a horse, you just climb back on.”
“Marriage isn’t a horse.”
“Well… yeah… So how did things go between you and—” She abruptly stopped. “Never mind. The look on your face tells all. I’m sorry.”
I tried to smile bravely but I failed. Instead I mumbled, “I’ll be in my room if you need me.”
Meredith was sleeping or she would have been full of questions too. I made my way to my room and fell into a deep sleep. I’d finally found out what it felt like to be loved and cherished. I’d been a happy woman and I’d thrown it all away.
It was dark when I woke up and I could hear the TV on in the background. I pulled myself out of my slumber and almost screamed when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I looked crazy. Maybe I’d fought myself in my sleep, I thought, running a hand through my hair.
I checked on Meredith and realized that Becca had put her to bed. Becca left me a note saying that she hoped I felt better. She was truly a sweet person.
I then practically jumped out of my skin when I heard the doorbell ring. I picked up an umbrella ready to clobber the person on the other side of the door when I realized it was Carter.
I opened it, confused.
He looked at me and then the umbrella and said, “I guess you weren’t expecting me?”
I was confused and surprised. “Should I be?”
“You texted me.”
“No, I didn’t.”
He pulled his phone out of his pocket and read it out loud to me. “I have an emergency. Please stop by.”
I shook my head. “I didn’t text you. I couldn’t have. I just woke up.”
And then I sighed. “I’m going to guess that text came from Meredith.”
He chuckled. “I should have guessed that. Please was misspelled. I just thought you were too busy handling an emergency to notice.”
We awkwardly stood there staring at each other when finally, I said, “Well, thanks for coming over. You’re always running to my rescue…” I let my voice trail off and whispered, “Even when you hate me…”
“I don’t hate you,” he said, and I gave him a dubious look.
“You could barely look at me a few hours ago.”
“You surprised me. That’s all. I didn’t really know how to feel. But I don’t hate you. I could never hate you.”
He reached for me then and pulled me towards him.
I let him pull me into his arms and I lay my head against his chest. Everything about being held by Carter just felt right.
“I love you too much to hate you,” he whispered against my hair.
I tightened my arms around him and tilted my face up to look into his eyes. “I’m so sorry for everything. I’m especially sorry that you felt it was necessary to leave your job.”
“It would have been hell seeing you every day knowing that you didn’t feel for me like I felt for you. Last time that happened I left the country and didn’t come back. This time I figured I would stay in the country and just find another job.”
“I’m glad then that you only quit your job and didn’t leave America just because I’m the world’s biggest idiot.”
“I don’t know. I would argue that you don’t have that title… yet,” he said, placing his hands on either side of my face. “But there’s a title I would like you to hold… how does Mrs. Knight sound to you?”
I blinked and realized I had tears in my eyes. Tears of joy. “I think that’s a title I would like to have.”
“Finally!” someone said behind us, and I turned around to see Meredith smiling.
“I know you sent that text, missy,” I said, giving her a stern look, but unable to hold back a smile.
“Someone had to help you two out. You guys are terrible communicators.”
I looked at Carter, Carter looked at me, and we both laughed. Meredith skipped over to join us and wrapped her arms around our waists as best as she could.
“Are you guys going to get married?” she asked hopefully.
We nodded at the same time. Meredith looked relieved. “Great. I really want a little brother. And maybe a little sister. Maybe even twins.”
I looked at Carter and he looked at me. The shock was apparent on both of our faces. “How about we start with planning the wedding first?”
Meredith shrugged. “I guess… but you don’t need a wedding to have a baby.” She gave us a serious look and said, “You guys do know how babies are made, right?”
Carter and I instantly let go of each other and I knew I was turning as red as he was.
“How about you just go back to bed?”
She shrugged happily. “I’m just glad I’m going to get a little brother or sister or both before Danny Schultz. His mom won’t even go out on a date. Danny said his mom is afraid of her own shadow.”
I stifled a giggle. “Goodnight, Meredith.”
“Goodnight mom, Goodnight ex-Principal K
.”
“Night, Meredith.”
When she closed the door behind her, Carter again brought me into his arms. “You sure you want to be a part of all this?”
He smiled and kissed me hard on my lips. He pulled back and said, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
And as we stood on my porch, holding each other, I knew then what true happiness meant. My mom had been wrong. Love and happiness went hand in hand. I was unconditionally and whole-heartedly loved by this man and I knew that because of his love, every day of my life would be full of happiness.
“I love you, Carter,” I whispered against his ear, “But I really hope we don’t have twins.”
He threw his head back and laughed. “Even if we do I can’t imagine a more amazing person to have children with. I love you too.”
We stood there in each other’s arms. And I knew that both of us were envisioning a future together. A future full of laughter, happiness, and plenty of love.
Epilogue
“Mom, take a picture of me. Come on, Mom,” Meredith said pulling at my shoulder.
“Give me one sec. I just need to get this diaper—” I didn’t get another word out as the diaper came flying up and hit me squarely in the face.
Meredith immediately burst into laughter, holding on to her side. “Oh my God, you should have seen your face. Hilarious.”
Meredith sighed. “Next time duck, Mom. Move on over, let me help. You go sit down. You need a break. And I’m an expert. I can change a diaper in thirty seconds flat.”
She did exactly that. I barely had time to collapse on the bed before she was done.
“Oh, my amazing girl, what did I ever do right in life to deserve you?” I said, closing my eyes as I sank down into the pillows. I just needed a nap. Just one minute, that was all I needed.
“Umph” I groaned as something that felt like a sack of potatoes landed on my back and knocked the wind out of me.
Meredith laughed. “Gabby, you’re too funny.”
“All my children are trying to kill me,” I said with my eyes still closed, determined to get just a few seconds of a nap.
“Just Gabby. CJ just wanted you to change his diaper faster.”
I opened my eyes and the three of them stood there looking at me with goofy faces. My twins had just turned a year old. I had a girl, Gabrielle, and a son, Carter Jr. We called him CJ for short. CJ was pretty tame and pretty much slept and played quietly by himself. Gabrielle, or better known as Gabby, was bold, adventurous and always getting into trouble.
They all looked at me with goofy looks on their faces and I couldn’t help but smile back. “Come here, you guys,”
I held my arms out and they jumped into them. And that’s how Carter found me when he walked into our room.
“Another group hug without me?” he asked.
He didn’t need to say another word as they switched gears and piled on him instead, almost knocking him on his butt.
“Woah, woah, woah,” Carter said, falling over as he tried to steady himself. “I guess you guys missed me?”
They all nodded in unison and held him tighter. I pulled myself up on my elbows and looked at them. Who would have thought that three years ago, my life would end up here?
Carter and I had married less than a week after he’d proposed. It had just felt right. We figured, why wait? We’d already loved each other for what felt like a lifetime.
He’d reapplied for his old job and was reinstated as principal at the International School. Meredith loved having two dads. And for the sake of Meredith, Tom was always on his best behavior. Mostly, he was afraid of Carter’s stepmom taking him to court.
Tom was also on his third divorce, but already had a new girlfriend. Even Meredith was starting to mix their names up. Becca was still a constant figure in our lives. In fact, we were on our way to her college graduation.
She had earned her bachelor’s degree in record time and was thinking of continuing on to law school to study family law. Becca spent the weekends with us sometimes and she was more like the little sister I’d never had. We’d become such good friends and it was hard to think that I could have ever thought to dislike her. She was funny, caring, a little ditzy, but a great person. She had even become a doula so that she could help me when I went into labor with the twins. I thought she would pass out at the first sign of labor, but she had held up even better than Carter. In fact, she’d had to give Carter a pep talk.
And she’d taken care of Meredith during the time when I was in the hospital after having the twins.
I had to give a lot of credit to Meredith. She was a champ and it seemed the bigger our family got, the happier she was.
She immediately accepted Carter and was terribly excited about the twins. She wasn’t excited about the additional chores, but she was a champion diaper changer and she frequently got up before I did to get the babies a bottle in the middle of the night. She was the best big sister, but I knew she would be.
Carter pulled the twins off him, gave them a kiss on the forehead and then turned to Meredith and said, “Why don’t you go ahead and get ready? I’ll take care of these two troublemakers.”
“Thanks, Carter,” she said, before skipping away.
At first, she had tried to call Carter “Dad” but it had gotten awkward, so they had both agreed that Carter was just fine. He respected the fact that Tom was her father and he didn’t try to interfere with their relationship.
I moved to get up but Carter stopped me. “Take a nap. You look tired. I’ll get the kids ready and then wake you up.”
He kissed me softly on the lips and my eyes closed and I fell asleep. I don’t know how long I was out, but I felt him shaking my shoulder gently.
“Hey sleepyhead,” he said once my eyes were open. “Put these on and meet us downstairs. We’ll wait for you in the car.”
I looked around and not only were all the kids dressed, but the nursery was organized, and Carter had picked out something for me to wear so that I wouldn’t even need to think about it.
That was life with Carter. He made everything so much easier. He anticipated my needs before I did, and I was so grateful to have such a loving partner in life.
For what felt like the millionth time, I thanked Tom in my head for divorcing me. He had done me a huge favor. If he hadn’t divorced me, I wouldn’t be surrounded now by so much love.
I took a quick shower to wake up, brushed my teeth, and then slipped into my clothes. I grabbed an apple on the way out and locked the door behind me. We were all living in Carter’s craftsman style home and we’d made an addition to it to make room for the twins.
I walked past the garden that Meredith now helped Carter with every Saturday and saw that the plants they’d planted were already sprouting.
I jumped in the car and Carter gave a low whistle. “You look amazing.”
“I feel like I was hit by a pile of bricks.”
“Sexy bricks,” Carter reassured me as he backed out.
Meredith laughed.
The twins were busy playing with some sort of toy Carter gave them to distract themselves and we arrived at the college where graduation was being held in no time.
We found our seats. Piper and her latest boyfriend joined us. I think he was an acrobat or some guy she’d met while taking Meredith to see the circus. I also got a chance to meet Becca’s dad. He was a nice guy, shy and a little anxious.
We all sat next to each other and clapped enthusiastically when Becca’s name was announced. After the ceremony, we eagerly anticipated her arrival and waited in the hall for her to appear.
She came towards us a few minutes later, laughing and hugging friends. I don’t think I saw her any happier.
When she saw us she squeaked, waved and flew towards us. Her dad caught her in a big hug and then Meredith hugged her as well. The twins followed suit because of course, they wanted to do whatever their big sister did.
“Congratulations,” I said as I finally got a ch
ance to embrace her.
“Thanks for being here,” she said. “It means a lot.”
“I’m starving,” said Meredith suddenly, “Let’s take this party elsewhere.”
“Sounds like a plan to me,” I said.
We wrangled the twins and put them back in the stroller. Meredith happily pushed them along while she walked between Becca and her father, chatting. She was such a social butterfly. She loved new people.
Carter slid his hand into mine and we walked hand in hand behind our blended family.
“Thank you,” he said suddenly, stopping me while the others walked on.
“For what?” I asked turning to look at him.
“For giving me such a beautiful family. None of this was possible without you.” His eyes locked with mine and I couldn’t help but smile. I was so lucky that Carter had decided to love me.
“Maybe I should be thanking you…”
“You gave birth to twins—”
“You’re right. I deserve ALL the thanks.”
He laughed and then pulled me close. “I love you, Dana.”
“The feeling’s mutual,” I joked, and as he laughed, I kissed him, knowing that our lives together would be like this moment every day: Full of love and laughter.
Bonus Sex Scene: Dorm Room
As he undressed me, I couldn’t even think. All I could hear were the sounds of someone in a neighboring room blasting hip-hop with so much bass it made the walls shake.
I figured that was a good thing because if his kiss was any indication, his touch was going to set me on fire too and I would be moaning and screaming his name in record time.
His mouth was back on mine as he finally undressed me and led me to his bed. He stepped out of his pants and lay me down.
I reached for him, but he pushed my hand away and instead, lay down next to me. In the narrow bed, he was pressed against the wall and he leaned over and started placing kisses down my belly. He kissed my belly button and I let out a nervous giggle.
But my giggles seized as he trailed kisses further and further south until he was kissing my sex. I sucked in a breath. He gently parted my legs, pushing my thighs apart to gain further access. I was shy, but I let him, gasping as his tongue licked my folds.
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