Watching the trees disappear behind her, she remembered the first moment she looked up at Jared on top of his horse. The way he’d made love to her the night before and then kissed her goodbye that morning seemed to communicate that there was more to come. At least, she hoped so.
Garrett the Texan GPS man led her across the state border, and she felt an enormous weight of sadness on her chest when she saw the “We’re glad Georgia is on your mind” ahead of her and the “Welcome to Tennessee” sign in her rearview mirror.
While she drove along the highway, she thought back to the night before and tried to figure out what about their relationship had her acting like a child again, ignoring every single thing she’d been trained to help others see.
Doctor, heal thyself, indeed.
She had been in love before and had shown more rational behavior in previous relationships. She made her living helping others work through these things that muffled so many from telling their truths.
She realized that never before had she felt so complete, as if all the pieces of the puzzle of her life, her past, and her future, had fallen into a cohesive, and quite beautiful, picture. It was about timing almost as much as it was about anything. A time when her heart was open and looking for serenity, for her roots.
It was the comfortable, tightknit community of Belle Ridge, the endearing family made up of Jared and Nikki … and Marshall. The thing that seemed to be eating at her mind ever since she had met him was that everything was so simple with him. Everything made sense. It was all so maddeningly uncomplicated, something she found foreign. Her analytical mind had been in overdrive for her entire life. It had to be, as a survival instinct. But in Jared’s home, in his arms, there was nothing to analyze. It just was.
Beautiful, simple, and comforting.
And, above all, it was this calm, kind, loving, beautiful man. There had never been a Jared in her life, and there had never been a time in her life more ripe for a Jared.
A little more than an hour later, she was pulling into the hotel parking lot in Carrollton, in a cheerier mood. She unloaded her bags and checked in, then took the elevator to the sixth floor to her room. Inside, she checked her watch: close to two pm. After setting down her bags and taking out her laptop, she sat on the bed and called Jared’s number. Heat pooled in her belly in anticipation of hearing his voice.
My goodness, Kinsley. It’s only been a couple of hours.
Disappointment replaced the heat when she heard his recorded voice.
“You’ve reached Jared Adamson. I’m probably out in the field and can’t pick up. Leave your message and I’ll try you back when I can.”
It seemed forever before the tone sounded. “Hey, Jared. It’s me, Kinsley. Just letting you know Ethel and I made it safe and sound. I just checked in to the hotel and am gonna stick around here, do a little bit of writing, and order room service before I head over to the bookstore … So, um, anyway, call me back in a bit … if you want.”
Her phone rang just as she dropped her hand to her lap and excitement spiked … until she looked at the caller ID. She took a breath to keep from sounding disappointed when she answered the call from her publisher.
“Hey, Lynn.”
“Hi. Just checking to see if you made it to Carrollton okay. I just got off the phone with Judy at the bookstore, and they’ll be ready for you to arrive at five pm.”
“Sounds great. I’ll be there. She’s been so wonderful to be so flexible about all of this.”
“Yes. She seems very laid back with that ridiculously sweet Southern hospitality. Is that all real or are you taught from birth how to hide behind that smile?”
Kinsley laughed, shaking her head. Yankees. “Both, actually. You really don’t want to piss one of us off.”
“I believe you. Anyway, Judy’s really looking forward to meeting you. She said they’ve been reading Forever 21, Eventually 40 in her book club, and she expects all of her group to be there. They’re making tonight an official event for their club. She really does sound like a great person.”
“That’s wonderful. I’m looking forward to meeting them all.”
“And how’s the new book coming along?”
“Great!” Kinsley tried to make sure her wince was not evident in her voice. She could not think of the new book without thinking of Jared, and the fear crept in for just a moment, before she shook it from her thoughts. “I should have the first quarter of it to you in a couple of weeks.”
“Perfect.”
“When I get home”—she winced again—“I’ll get all my plans together for coming back down here. The bulk of the book won’t be able to be fleshed out until then.”
They talked for another few minutes about the timeline and then ended their call. She turned on her laptop and read through the room service menu while the computer booted up. An hour and a half later, she was setting her cleared dishes in the hall next to her door after having completed the better part of Chapter Three on relearning the meaning of slow and easy, and how invigorating it was to be present and aware of life, not just focused on the next stop.
She had just an hour before she needed to leave for the event, so she walked over to her bag and pulled out the dress she had bought the day before. The dress she would have been wearing at this event had been stained in the barn—something she certainly did not regret. She shook the new dress to knock out a couple of wrinkles. It was made from a wrinkle-resistant fabric so no more than a shaking and smoothing with her hands was needed.
It was a simple purple dress, not too casual nor too formal, with wide straps instead of sleeves. Low-cut just enough to be summery without being inappropriate for such an event. The sundress she had worn to Nikki’s party caught her eye as she was turning away and she paused, flushing as she remembered Jared’s hands pulling up the skirt and how they lay together on the blanket while he admitted he was in love with her.
It was as comforting as it was exciting, reminding her of the intense passion they had shared. It did not seem possible that all of that would end in such a manner. No, she thought, this story had more to play out.
And with that upbeat thought bringing a smile to her lips, she headed to the shower, feeling light.
***
It had been thirty minutes since Kinsley had driven through the Adamson Pride gate, and Jared was in one of the worst moods of his life. He had already snapped at Nikki for asking if he had seen her boots, the couch for having a rip, the refrigerator door for not shutting property, and no one in particular for … nothing in particular.
After asking Nikki, in a very grouchy tone, to put her dish in the dishwasher, his daughter snapped back, “Daddy, Jesus! You have got to go ahead and call her for God’s sake.”
“She’s driving,” he grumbled. “I don’t want her to run off the road.”
“Then please try to be patient and wait for her to call you and stop jumping all over everybody and everything.” She sighed loudly and left the room.
He stomped through the back door and headed to the barn, growling at the place where he had almost lost Kinsley. Hearing a shuffle and snort, he turned to the horse stall where Marshall seemed to be giving him a critical eye. Big Sal stuck her head out of the stall next to Marshall.
He couldn’t help but smile. “You two think I’m being too grumpy too, huh?” He walked over to the horses who watched him intensely. “Nikki’s right. I’m not happy with how Kinsley and I left things, so … uncertain.” He patted Marshall along his snout and thought about how the horse had taken to her so quickly—how they all had. Then he nuzzled Big Sal remembering the confidence in Kinsley as she pulled herself onto the back of Nikki’s horse.
He checked his watch. It had not even been an hour since she had left. Feeling very uncomfortable with the unsettling feeling, he turned back to the house and decided to force himself, if he had to, to talk to Kinsley about their future when she called.
***
Lynn was right; Judy was a peach. She made
Kinsley feel very welcome and comfortable from the moment she walked into Best Sellers. The event was set up on the bookstore’s outside patio, just through the coffee bar. It was a beautiful night to be outside. A little on the hot side, she thought, but after all, it was late summer in the South. At least there was a light breeze to keep it from being stifling and not so strong that it was difficult to read a book in the night air.
The patio’s gate had been opened, and part of the parking lot beyond had been roped off where seats had been added. Kinsley thought that might be a little ambitious considering she was no John Grisham, this was not a novel, and that she had cancelled the first event, but Judy seemed confident that she would fill up the one hundred chairs.
In addition to the seats, the podium was arranged at the patio fence so people inside the gate and outside would be able to hear her clearly. As usual, there was a table for the signing off to the side with a stack of books already on top and two boxes beneath it. Three other tables lined that side of the patio. Judy had gone out of her way with the arrangement of finger foods and wine.
After getting a lay of the land and complimenting Judy on the setup, Kinsley followed her to a lounge with a couch on the other side of the store where Judy offered her something to drink.
“My book club has really enjoyed reading your book,” said the owner. Her hair was dark blond and cropped short to frame her face. It gave her a youthful look. She was actually much older than she seemed, Kinsley had learned. The writer had thought the woman to be in her late twenties and was surprised to learn that she, also, was almost forty. “We are so pleased you are joining us this evening.”
“Thank you, that’s so kind of you to say. I am happy to be here tonight too … finally. You have been so gracious about the delays.” She took the woman’s hand and squeezed and started to offer more apologies when the bookstore owner waved her off.
“I’m just glad you didn’t decide it wasn’t worth it. I know we’re your last stop on this tour.”
Kinsley smiled at Judy, thinking again that everyone really had gone out of their way to make her feel welcome. “I always save the best for last.”
Judy excused herself to check on those who had begun to arrive while Kinsley looked at her phone for missed calls or text messages. Then she pulled up her email and replied to Lynn to let her know everything was set for that evening and that Judy was indeed wonderful.
Putting down her phone, she relaxed, closing her eyes and centering herself for the evening. But thoughts of Jared continued to invade no matter what she tried to do to clear her mind. Finally, she decided she could not fight it and allowed herself to daydream about that night with him at the hotel in Chattanooga and how much fire he’d ignited with his touch. A pleasing ticklish warmth spread in her abdomen, and she smiled, thinking of how they could not seem to get enough of each other. She was even more sure that it had not just been a passing fling, soon to be forgotten.
What it was to be, however, was still unclear.
Judy returned to the lounge thirty minutes later. “We’re just about ready. Do you prefer to wait until the event is scheduled to start to meet the group or would you like to mingle while they’re arriving? There are about twenty-five people here so far. Mostly from Book Worms, my book club… I know, the name’s cheesy. Believe me, my arguments were all vetoed.”
“Let’s just consider it a ‘classic’ name.” Kinsley jumped in to assure her and took her hands. “Thanks again for everything, Judy. I think I would like to get out of my head for a few minutes and start meeting your friends. If we had thought of it ahead of time, we could have set it up for you and your club to have a private reception with me before the reading.”
“That would have been wonderful. Maybe you’ll come back through here after your next book and we can do that.”
And if I find myself spending much more time in a nearby Tennessee town, I just might drop in a few times, Kinsley thought. “Absolutely. I’ll let Lynn know that we’d like to set that up.”
She followed Judy through the restaurant to the patio and set her book, which had been marked for the pieces she wanted to read, on the podium and then began greeting the women who had been putting food on their plates before she had joined them.
People were still arriving when Judy stood behind the podium and introduced the author. Kinsley scanned the audience as she approached the microphone. Nearly all the seats had occupants and there were several people standing in anticipation. A few more were walking through the door from inside the bookstore. It looked like it was going to be a record crowd.
Not being able to help herself, she eyed each person, wondering if any of them might be stalkers. Then she chided herself and forced the thought from her mind as she greeted the group with a story. Normally she began her readings with how and why she had written the book. This time, off the cuff and with a handsome cowboy in her mind, she told a different tale.
“I grew up not too far from here, in a small town in Tennessee, and I spent my early childhood and teenage years on a farm. There was a lot of love, but I was a hopeless dreamer. I couldn’t wait to get out and move to the big city. It never occurred to me that I might end up back here to come full circle.”
The audience was quiet and focused.
Kinsley continued, “I started writing these books because of all the people in my life who had taught me what it meant to be alive, what it meant to be a part of a community. And I was recently reminded about the beauty of slowing down, breathing deeply, spending time with family and friends, making new friends … and love.”
She forgot about her worries and what had happened with Ralph and became part of the group, no longer studying each person suspiciously but allowing herself to be in the moment with them. She didn’t continue to register each new face; instead, the room seemed to melt away.
“As you know, I’m rounding the base to forty in a couple of years, and there have been aspects of my life that I had really considered as having run their course. I confess that though I thought I was still approaching each new experience with the sense of wonder I had in my twenties, I really wasn’t seeing how much a part of the present each experience was and how much more there was to enjoy.
“Then, along came a cowboy, a horse, and a car named Ethel, and I’m learning that I will be experiencing new people, new feelings, and new things for the rest of my life. And so, I’m looking forward to each coming day and learning how to connect my future, present, and past in a way that makes me whole. In fact, I’m working on a new book about rediscovering my home.
“Reaching my middle age has been so much more fulfilling to me than I ever would have imagined. I’d like to share a few of those experiences with you that I’ve written in my latest book.”
She opened her book to the first passage she had chosen and recited, “One of my experiences with being nearly forty is dealing with a lot of personal questions, from both women and men. Questions that indicate there are expectations that I haven’t met. People wonder why I’m not married—am I gay; do I hate men; is there something wrong with me; was I abused? Sometimes the question is asked aloud. More times than not, it’s unspoken.
“A scene in which I have found myself more times than I can count goes something like this: A jovial, lengthy conversation with someone at some kind of gathering. During the natural course of the discussion, it becomes obvious that I am neither married nor do I have children. And something flashes in their eyes, followed by an uncomfortable silence during which I can almost hear their inner dialogue looking for an escape. ‘It’s okay,’ I want to say. ‘It’s okay that you wonder. You can’t help it.’
“Every once in a while, the scene is disrupted in a way that makes me want to shout, ‘Yes, this is the way to do it. This is how we love each other.’ And that twist usually happens at that moment where others would have asked the question or walked away. The conversation continues as it has. That’s it. No interruption. No questioning, just learning about eac
h other without judgement, just listening to each other’s stories without trying to rewrite them.
“That’s what I wish for everyone. For the conversation to continue.”
She paused, allowing the audience to applaud, and then turned to the second passage she had chosen. About halfway through that reading, Kinsley suddenly felt as if the temperature of the room had suddenly heated up. She looked across the heads in front of her and there, leaning against a wall at the very back, was Jared.
Her heart fluttered and she lost her place in the reading. She stumbled through her words before regaining her footing and refocusing on the audience before her. It took all of her mind’s strength to be still and present for the event. She finished her reading, trying to keep her eyes off him, and answered questions for nearly an hour while he stood quietly, watching her, but appearing fully present with the audience, showing interest in what others asked, how she answered.
Then Judy stepped in and brought the discussion to a close. Kinsley made her way to the table while Judy shared important information about lining up and purchasing the book. She signed books for around forty-five minutes before the line was down to one last person.
She looked up into Jared’s blue eyes and felt heat sweep across her body. He was holding one of her books and set it in front of her, leaning in to speak softly. “Can you make it out to ‘the most handsome man I’ve ever seen.’” His eyes shone with mischief, and she laughed.
“That won’t be difficult at all,” she said, enjoying the electricity of his nearness. “I think you just might indeed be the most handsome man I’ve ever seen.” She took the book and signed playfully. “I think I’ll end it with ‘Love, a love-struck author and a car named Ethel.’”
“I’m so sorry to interrupt,” Judy interjected, looking at Jared. “I would ask if you need help in getting everyone out of here, but it looks to me like this fan is more than welcome.”
Country Pride (Belle Ridge Book 1) Page 17