by J. K Harper
Heartbeat thudding inside her, little black pinpoints around the edges of her vision, her hips slick and sweaty from where she and Cortez slid against each other, Haley slowly relaxed. Cortez gently slowed, a softness in his eyes and around his mouth telling her how good it had been for him. How happy he was right now. She knew her own wide grin matched his. They spent a moment just looking at each other, smiling like fools, until she giggled again. He kissed her on the tail end of it, slow and long and scorching with passion still.
This time, when he pulled back from her, his eyes were serious. His voice quiet but clear, he said, "Haley. I want to be a better man for you." He snorted out a laugh, rolled his eyes up to the ceiling for a second. But when he looked back at her again, she saw tentative hope there. "It sounds so stupid and cheesy. Like it's just from some movie."
"Hey," she whispered. He looked back at her. "I'll out-cheese you. You're the best man I've ever met in my life." Her voice shook with the emotion, the prickling in her eyes stronger. The next words just popped out of her, easy and natural and true. "I love you, Cortez."
He froze, and for a second her heart plummeted. Then he said very cautiously, "You mean that?" More soft hope stole through his words. Her heart ached for the caution in him, even as it exploded with joy that he wanted her to say yes.
She nodded so hard she almost slipped right off of him. "Yes. The same thing happened to my parents. They knew, literally from the very first date they ever had, that they were meant for each other. So I grew up knowing that love at first sight does actually exist. It's real. I thought I had it with Justin—”
"Woman, don't ever say his name again. Especially not when I'm still inside you." Though his words were deadly serious, half his mouth was a lopsided grin.
She laughed through the happy tears and nodded. "That is definitely something I can easily do. What I was going to say was, I didn't understand what love could really be like until right now. With you."
The words floated between them. He looked at her, stroked her cheek with one thumb, his expression the most awestruck one she'd ever seen, especially on a man as big and bold as him. It was like she had just given him the most important gift in the entire world, and he was bowled right over.
Quietly, yet filled with emotion, he said the words right back to her, each one of them filled with a strength of certainty that shook her to her toes. "I love you too, Haley. This is real."
Then he kissed her again, and again, until the passion rose and they rocked back into it, together.
13
Haley rolled over and blinked open her eyes when the smell of coffee hit her. Reaching up to scrub at them, she squinted to focus in front of her. Cortez gently sat down a steaming hot mug of the delicious stuff on the little stand beside the bed, smiling when he saw her open eyes.
"Good morning. Thought I'd bring you some coffee in bed to kickstart your day off right before I have to head up to the lodge."
Her heart melted and then seem to expand, filling her chest with a good, happy feeling. She struggled to sit up in the bed. "You made me coffee first thing in the morning? You're the best bear shifter I've ever met." He huffed out a light chuckle, sitting on the bed next to her and stretching his arm out to stroke from her shoulder down to her hip. But the smile on his mouth didn't reach his eyes. She frowned. "Is something wrong?"
He paused long enough that she became alarmed. Finally he said in a clipped voice, "Quentin texted me this morning. There've been complaints. He wants to see me right now to talk about it."
She stared at him blankly. "Complaints? About what?" Another short pause, then it hit her. "Wait. You mean complaints about you? From guests?"
He gave a curt nod. His fingers were still gently stroking over her hip, solid and warm, but she sensed he wasn't completely present. "That's ridiculous.” Her voice barked out with her disbelief. “How can anyone complain about you?"
He shook his head, jaw tight. "I honestly don't know. All the guests from the reunion last week thought I did great. They said they had a wonderful time on each trip we did." He took a breath before he added, “And…"
He broke off again, his jaw so tight now it must be painful. Haley could see how hard it was for him to admit all this to her. To admit he was imperfect. It softened her and broke her at the same time. She knew imperfect pretty damn well herself. She firmly put her hand over his, squeezing hard, not letting go. He looked at her, squeezed back. "And?" she prompted quietly but encouragingly.
Deep inhale. "And I also got a text from one of the guys on the search and rescue team. He told me that Tim—Tim's one of the guys who was in the avalanche. He's been in a coma in a hospital in Denver ever since. Anyway, Tim is probably being taken off life support later today. The doctors say all the signs indicate there's no coming back for him."
As he spoke, Cortez restlessly began tapping his fingers on Haley's hip beneath her hand, not even seeming to notice he was doing it. She instantly recognized it for what it was. It was hard, so hard for him to express how upset he must be about this, so while saying something he really didn't want to say, he got the trapped emotions out through some sort of movement. She knew because she did the exact same thing herself. Sometimes, shit was just really hard.
"Hey." She reached out her other hand to turn his face to her, while also trying to scoot her body down to get close enough to give him a hug. But he stopped her, squeezing his hand over hers and reaching out his other to gently wrap around her shoulders, leaning in to give her a kiss.
It was a soft, warm, lingering kiss, but she still could sense the distance in him. She knew it wasn't her, but she ached inside anyway. They'd had such a beautiful high last night. For it to come crashing down like this must be killing him. She kissed him back with all she had, wishing she could just bag everything and go with him up to the lodge. But he wouldn't want that anyway. He wouldn't want her there hearing from Quentin about how he'd screwed something up. Again.
She kissed him back, holding onto him until he pulled away to stand up. She held his hand as long as she could, not wanting to let him go, until he gently pulled it out of her grasp and went to the door. "I believe in you," slipped out of her mouth before she knew what she would say.
His shoulders stiffened, but he immediately swung back around to look at her. His jaw was still tight but his eyes were soft. So soft, and wondering as he looked at her. "Thank you," he said, his voice just as quiet as hers. "I'll call you later. Kick some ass on your book for me, okay?"
She nodded and managed to smile, though she didn't dare open her mouth again. She was afraid she'd just start crying. Seeing such a strong, powerful man hurting so badly was painful enough. Seeing it when it was her man was almost devastating. Dammit, she wanted to save him from this.
After he left, she sat in the bed for a long time, her thoughts going every which direction in a maddening whirl. Finally she reached over and grabbed the coffee, which was now just warm instead of piping hot. It was still yummy, though. Sweet, amazing man, doing such a simple yet thoughtful thing for her. Naturally, her ex had never done any such thing for her. But Cortez? He would hitch a star and pull it down to earth for her, without her even asking for something crazy like that. She knew in her bones he'd do anything for her. They'd opened up to one another, let one another in, and said yes to love. Haley was completely and absolutely excited about her life now, her book was going well, she had faith in herself, and everything felt wonderful.
But right now it was impossible to enjoy any of it when the man she loved was hurting so badly, and there was not a single thing she could do about it.
14
Haley stared at her computer, her mind as blank as the screen. The words would barely come today. She was a professional writer, she knew how to write through crappy days, illness, a thousand interruptions. So she had gotten some writing done. But it wasn't nearly as much as she'd planned, and it sure wasn't as good.
Cortez had texted her earlier in the day just to ask
what she was doing. Hearing from him made her heart pitter pat. But when she'd asked how he was doing, his answer had been vague. Okay. Call you when I'm on my way back into town tonight.
She answered him with smile, heart, and kiss emojis, feeling silly as she did. Then she simply said, Yes.
Jessie, who was clearing tables near her, caught her unfocused gazing at her computer. "Nickel for your thoughts?"
Haley smiled halfheartedly and leaned back to stretch. "My thoughts aren't worth that much today, to be honest. Where's Grant?"
A proud smile blazed over Jessie's face. "He went to work with Shane today. Which means Shane is letting him ride in front of him on the tractor while he clears some snow."
Sighing at the sweet image, Haley said, "It sounds more productive than my day's been. Jessie," she asked, hesitating. "Do you know anything about guest complaints at the lodge?" She kept her voice low, mindful of out-of-towners who might be seated at some of the tables nearby. Everyone in the place was probably too busy enjoying baked goods and coffee as they chatted amongst themselves to pay any attention to what she was saying, but she wanted to be careful.
Jessie finished wiping down the chair seat and then came and stood by Haley's table. "Not much. I think Quentin and Abby are in charge of that kind of thing. Shane does behind the scenes stuff, like maintenance, so he never knows anything about the guests. Since I work here, I don't hear much scuttlebutt about the lodge. Why do you ask?"
"I was just wondering," Haley hedged. But Jessie was sharp.
"Ah. Something go on with a tour?" She framed her words carefully, probably also mindful not to be talking about lodge business in a public place. But Haley knew that Jessie understood why she had asked.
Clinking her often-gnawed fingernails against her laptop, Haley nodded.
Jessie sighed. "He's had such a tough time these past several months since the accident. But you've made an enormous change in him, Haley. I can see it. Everyone else can, too."
Haley looked up at Jessie's kind expression. "A big enough change that can help him when he keeps getting knocked back down?"
Jessie made a face. "That's a good question. I don't know, but I will say this. He has a much better chance now that you're in his corner. Hey, before I forget, we're thinking of having drinks in town tonight. Me, Shane, Quentin and Abby. I bet Beckett and your friend Pix would come, too," she added with a knowing grin.
“Probably,” Haley agreed. She had barely seen Pix for days now, since her friend was ensconced in some sort of love nest at Beckett's place outside of town. She was thrilled Pix had met her mate, knowing what a big deal that was for shifters.
So was Cortez her mate now too? She wasn't sure. She wasn't even sure she was ready for that. After Justin, being anyone's mate seemed like an undertaking that might be fraught with peril.
As soon as she thought that though, she knew the difference. She'd never really wanted to be with Justin, not deep down. Not in the way she should have. But Cortez? Oh yeah. He was hers. Down to her toes, she knew that.
As Jessie headed back behind the counter, Haley thought about what she had said. After several more minutes, she realized she wasn't getting get any more work done at the Mountain Muffin this afternoon. She might as well head back to the house and do something useful, like clean for a while. She packed up her stuff and headed out the door, waving at Jessie. As she went out into the dull, gray day, she passed more people heading in to grab a treat. Their casual cheer irrationally bugged her. Had any of them been guests at the lodge and taken a tour? Maybe complained about him? She frowned at people on the street, recognizing how ridiculous she was being.
It just sucked so much not being able to help him. She might as well take it out on innocent strangers while she walked back to the house.
On an impulse, she veered off onto a side street to head down to Silvertip Creek where it gurgled in frozen passage through town. She liked to walk this way, even though it was out of the way and would take her twice as long to get to the house. But it usually wasn't crowded, and on a day like this one, in which gray skies and flat light made everything seem dull and uninspiring, she might even have it to herself.
As she walked, she tried to organize her thoughts into something that made more sense and thus would give her something to hold onto. An anchor.
1. She really liked Deep Hollow. The community was tight-knit but welcoming, and she felt comfortable here. Like she belonged.
2. She was making some real friends here, like Jessie and Abby. A girl needed strong girlfriends that were fun and would have her back. She instinctively knew that both of them fit the bill. And she would be the same right back for them.
3. Although she hadn't seen Pix in almost three days, they talked and texted. It was clear that what Pix had with Beckett was real. Pix always had been a wanderer, but it sounded like she was going to settle into Deep Hollow, which was awesome. Having her bestie here would make Haley feel even more grounded, not to mention just completely thrilled.
4. This was a fantastic place to be a writer. She could go hiking in the mountains to clear her head, hang out at the Mountain Muffin to get a boost of energy by being surrounded by others, and even if she didn't actually make it as a writer on her own, she could probably get a job at the bakery or maybe even up at the lodge cleaning rooms or something.
5. No, screw that negative shit. She had to stop being so anxious about her writing. She had to shove aside the nasty old voice that her ex had stuck inside her head that said she couldn't do it without him. She'd been getting good feedback from her beta readers about this book, and she could just feel how strong it was. She only had one chapter to go, and it was going to be good. So basically, she was a kickass writer for sure, and she just needed to stomp on all the ugly bullshit from the past until it was squished into nothing. Stomp stomp stomp.
6. Cortez. He knew how to kiss. Ooh, did he know how to kiss. And he knew how to be nice. He also knew how to be wild, in a super sexy way. Most important of all, he knew how to look right into her and see all the best parts, and then hold up a mirror to her so she could see them too.
7. Cortez again. She for real, truly deeply madly, loved him. Enough said.
8. He was battling inner demons of doubting himself and being unsure about his future just like she was, but she could see so clearly that he was strong and powerful and would be able to get past anything. Especially with her around to help him see that, just like he was helping her see the same about herself..
9. But right now, she wasn't quite sure how to help him see that, since she was doubting herself again too. So that sucked.
10. Biggest of all: She'd already decided, deep in her heart and on every level of her soul, that this was her new home and that Cortez was her man, forever. Truth.
Just listing everything out in her head like that made her feel calmer. Better. More on top of the situation. When Cortez got back later today, she would throw him down on the bed and have her dirty way with him, even though it made her laugh to think that she would ever remotely be able to throw him down considering he was about twice the size of her. Then they would kiss the doubt and fears out of one another, and everything would be okay.
Satisfied with her thoughts, Haley blinked and took note of her surroundings. She was at the river, almost to the bridge. As she'd suspected, no one else was around. She sighed at how pretty it was, despite the grayness of the day. Oh yeah, maybe that was number 11. The natural beauty around here soothed her soul as much all the other good parts. That was super important.
Just before she reached the bridge, her phone jingled in her pocket. Fishing it out, she saw Pix's name flashing on the screen. Hurriedly tugging off her mitten, she swiped to answer with a delighted, "What's up in the love nest, Pixie girl?"
Pix's tight, worried voice stopped her dead in the middle of the bridge. "Haley, I just saw Justin in town. Where are you?"
A coldness that had nothing to do with the day seemed to creep through Haley.
She stood rooted to the spot on the bridge, listening to the icy chuckle of the creek below. "What? That's impossible.” Her voice croaked on the words. “He doesn't know where I am. Maybe it was someone who just looked like him?"
Pix shut down her grasping at straws. "No, it was definitely him. I'd recognize that shitweasel anywhere. I don't know what he's doing here, but I don't like it. Where are you?"
Haley shivered, peering at the dimly lit trees on the other side of the creek with trepidation. "I'm on the creek bridge. I'm heading back to the house."
"Beckett and I will meet you at the house. He texted Cortez and told him to call right away, but he might be working somewhere in a part of the lodge that doesn't have any cell service. How worried do you think we should be? He's probably just being an asshole, but I don't understand why he's actually here." Pix definitely sounded concerned. She knew as well as Haley what a crazy monster Justin had turned out to be.
"I don't get it either—" Haley began when a familiar voice suddenly spoke from behind her.
"Hello, Haley. Imagine running into you out here in the middle of nowhere. Or should I say, in the middle of shifter territory?"
Haley whirled around in shock, her body completely icing over at the voice and the words. He ex-husband, Justin, stood just behind her, a cold, dead look in his eyes and a dark smile on his face as he stared right at her.
15
Haley stared back at him with the usual stupid reaction that happened when she was really knocked off her axis: she couldn't speak. Words froze in her throat, jumbled in her mind, and she didn't know what to say. She was frozen like a deer in the headlights, about to be run over.