Though the staff served with their usual faultless elegance, Lila was acutely aware of the curious glances being cast at her and Bishop. She knew the servants, like everyone else in Beaton, were full of speculation about the abrupt change in the wedding plans. Arrangements of early spring flowers covered the sideboards and the center of the long polished table, remnants of the reception that had been planned to celebrate her wedding to Logan.
Staring at the fragile grace of an anemone, Lila tried to imagine how she’d feel if it were Logan sitting across the table from her now. She’d known Logan all her life, yet his image was blurred and out of focus. She closed her eyes, trying to picture him, but instead of golden blond hair and warm brown eyes, she kept seeing black hair, worn too long, a leaner, harder face, and eyes the pale blue of a winter sky and just as cold. are you feeling all right, lilac Susan’s concerned question broke her concentration. Lila opened her eyes and found herself looking directly into Bishop’s cool gaze.
Bishop McKenzie. Her husband. Lila rubbed her thumb over the thick gold wedding ring he’d slipped on her finger. The plain band felt as heavy as iron shackles. In a sense it was a shackle―one that bound her to the man sitting across from her. It was the symbol of ties meant to last a lifetime.
“Please excuse me.” Lila rose abruptly, her chair scraping across the polished floor in a way that would have made her mother wince. She left the room without waiting for a response, her skirts belling out behind her with the speed of her exit.
She left behind a silence thick enough to cut. Susan half rose from her chair as if to go after her, then glanced from her husband to Bishop and sank back down again.
Seeing her look and reading the worry in her eyes, Bishop almost smiled. She was obviously concerned about what might happen if he and Douglas were left alone. She was probably right to worry. He didn’t doubt that there was nothing Douglas would like more than a chance to go for his throat. Not that he could blame him.
Bishop set his heavy linen napkin beside his barely touched plate. “I don’t see much point in dragging this out. Unless one of you is dying for my company, I think I’ll take a walk. When no one said anything, Bishop’s mouth twisted in a wry half smile. He pushed his chair back and rose.
Susan spoke as he reached the door into the hallway. "Take a coat, Bishop. It’s only April and the nights are cold."
Bishop turned to look at her, his smile gentling. Susan reminded him of his mother. She was a born caretaker, with a heart too soft and gentle for this world. "I'll do that.”
“I hope the bastard freezes to death,” Douglas snarled as they heard the front door close behind Bishop.
“Watch your language, Douglas But there was no heat behind the reminder. Susan rose from the table. "You'd best get used to the idea that Bishop is Lila’s husband now.”
“I should have killed him.” Douglas stood up, pushing his chair back with a barely controlled violence that nearly tipped it over. He threw his napkin down on the table. “I should have let Logan kill him in front of the whole blasted church.”
“I understand your anger but he’s a member of the family now, like it or not.”
“I don’t!”
“And you’d best learn to accept that,” Susan finished, ignoring his interruption.
“He seduced my sister,” Douglas reminded her angrily.
“Lila is a grown woman, and has a will that would be the envy of many men. If Bishop seduced her, it was not without her consent. Now, don’t bite my head off,” she added, raising one hand to forestall his furious response. “I’m not implying Lila is a woman of easy virtue, but even virtuous women sometimes make less than virtuous choices. Have you forgotten that we anticipated our own wedding night?”
Douglas stared at her, shocked by the blunt reminder. “That was different,” he muttered. owe were planning to marry
"So we were.” Susan crossed the short distance between them and set one small hand on his sleeve, tilting her head back to look up into his eyes. “I’m not saying that what they did was right. But it can’t be changed, and we—all of shave to live with the consequences. Just don’t forget that Lila is your sister. And Bishop is your friend."
“Was,” he corrected harshly.
“And now he’s your brother by marriage. If you don’t want to lose touch with your sister—not to mention your niece or nephew—you’re going to have to accept that what’s done is done.”
“Bishop said the same thing this afternoon at the church.”
“And he was quite right. Now I’m going to go see how Lila is.” Susan rose on her toes to brush a kiss across his mouth. “Think about what I’ve said, darling.”
She didn’t wait for a reply but turned and left, leaving Douglas alone in the empty dining room.
***
Lila sat on the edge of a slipper chair upholstered in soft green silk. She’d fled the dining room in search of a place where she could forget the events of the day, at least for a little while. But it seemed she was not going to be allowed to forget, even for a moment. The first thing she’d seen when she entered her bedroom was a black portmanteau sitting at the foot of her bed. She’d stared at the unfamiliar case a moment before it struck her whose it was.
Bishop’s. It was Bishop’s case and the servants had put it in her room because he was now her husband and they assumed he’d be sharing her room. Her bed. The thought was so shocking that she’d all but staggered across the room to sink down on the edge of the graceful chair. She’d been sitting there ever since, bolt upright, her eyes glued to the case as if it contained a bomb set to explode if she looked away.
She hadn’t given any thought to where Bishop would be spending the night. There hadn’t been any time to think about it. When Logan had offered to marry her and claim her child as his own, he’d promised her that he’d make no demands. Bishop had made no such promises.
Despite the fire that burned on the hearth less than half a dozen feet away, Lila shivered. Surely Bishop didn’t expect this to be a real wedding night. But she couldn’t think of a single reason why he shouldn’t. Not only were they married, but he had reason to know that she was no shrinking virgin. And he might also have reason to believe that she would not be completely averse to sharing his bed. She shivered again, remembering the abandoned response his touch had wrung from her three months ago. It frightened her to think that he might be able to draw that same response from her again.
The quiet knock on the door made her jump halfway out of her skin. She shot to her feet as if the smooth upholstery had suddenly caught fire. If it was Bishop...
“Lila? May I come in?” The sound of Susan’s voice made Lila feel light-headed with relief. She didn’t have to face her new husband. Yet. It was an effort to steady her voice enough to call permission for her sister-in-law to enter.
“I wanted to see if you were feeling all right,” Susan said as she shut the door behind herself. Her eyes mirrored the concern in her voice.
“I’m fine,” Lila told her. What was one more lie after having stood before a man of God, promising to love a man she neither knew nor liked?
“I was concerned when you left the table so abruptly. We all were.”
“All?” Lila’s dark brows rose. “Douglas can barely stand to look at me, and I suspect Bishop would be quite content to find I’d expired of some miraculously speedy illness.”
“That’s not true. Your brother needs a little time to get used to the situation. He’ll come around. He loves you.”
“Unlike my new husband.”
A look of distress flitted across Susan’s pretty features. “I know things are starting out... awkwardly. But, given time, I know the two of you will come to care for each other.”
“Is that why you wrote to tell him about the baby? Because you thought we’d come to care for each other?” Lila asked, remembering what Bishop had told her about Susan contacting him.
Susan flushed but she met Lila’s eyes without flinching. “I did
what I thought was right.”
“Did it occur to you that I already had things arranged quite satisfactorily? That I didn’t need you to decide what was right?”
“Bishop had a right to know about his child,” Susan said calmly.
“How did you know it was Bishop’s child?” Lila demanded. “How did you know there was a child at all, for that matter?”
“I have eight younger brothers and sisters. I’ve seen the symptoms often enough to recognize them. As to how I knew it was Bishop’s, I saw what was happening between the two of you three months ago. I saw you leave the ballroom not long after he did and when he left so abruptly the next morning, I had my suspicions.”
“Suspicions?” Lila questioned incredulously. “You wrote to tell Bishop I was carrying his child just because you thought something might have happened between us? What if you’d been wrong?”
“I had more than suspicions.” Susan’s eyes shifted away, focusing on a delicate Meissan figure that stood on the mantelpiece. “After Bishop left that morning, I went to his room and found your maid stripping the sheets from his bed.”
“Oh.” It was Lila’s turn to flush. She’d sent her maid to get the sheets so that she could wash them herself or burn them, if necessary—whatever had to be done to conceal the evidence of her lost virginity.
“Mary wouldn’t say anything but it wasn’t hard to guess what had happened. When I realized that you were with child, it seemed clear that Bishop was responsible.”
“Did it occur to you to speak to me before taking it upon yourself to write to him?” Lila asked, anger flaring anew.
“I was going to but then you and Logan announced that you were getting married. Perhaps I should still have said something but you were so determined to rush the wedding through and I wasn’t even sure I could reach Bishop.”
“The problem was solved. I wasn’t going to bring shame on the family by bearing a child out of wedlock. There wouldn’t have been any scandal. I can’t believe you prefer this!” Lila swept out one arm in a gesture that encompassed the whole situation, including the debacle at the church and the rumors that were surely racing through town with the speed of a wildfire, Reverend Carpenter’s breath fanning the flames. “If you’d left well enough alone, no one would have known any of this. I had everything arranged. No one would have been hurt.”
“What about Logan?” Susan asked quietly.
“I didn’t lie to him.”
“Didn’t you?” Susan raised one delicately arched brow in question. The ugly word “rape” hung, unspoken, in the air between them. Lila flushed, feeling like a child caught out in a lie. Susan had the same gentle implacability that had characterized Lila’s mother. She had the ability to make Lila feel like little more than a child. It was easy to forget that there was only four years difference in their ages.
“I didn’t lie about the baby,” Lila corrected herself sullenly. “Logan is a doctor. I couldn’t very well lie to him, even if I wanted to. Which I didn’t. Marriage was his idea, not mine.”
“I’m sure it was. Logan cares for you.” Susan frowned. “I am a little puzzled as to why you felt you could tell him about your ... situation and yet you couldn’t tell your brother and me the truth. Surely you know Douglas would never have turned his back on you.”
“I know that.” Lila smoothed her fingers over a crease in her dove-gray skirt. “I didn’t intend to tell Logan about... about my situation.” Ridiculous that even now, she couldn’t bring herself to say the words out loud! “I didn’t intend to tell anyone.”
Susan’s pale brows rose. “You surely didn’t think you could keep something like that a secret for very long. There are signs when a woman is—”
“I’m not completely without sense, despite recent evidence to the contrary.” Lila’s tone was more weary than angry. “I had decided to go away. Someplace where no one knew me. I thought I could say I was a widow, perhaps find a job teaching. You needn’t look at me as if doubting my sanity,” she said in answer to the look in Susan’s eyes. “I know it was a ridiculous idea. But it was the only thing I could think of. Obviously, I couldn’t stay here in Beaton. I was trying to avoid a scandal.” Her mouth twisted with bitter humor.
“Did you go to Logan for help with this idea of moving away? Is that how he found out?”
“Logan came by to see Douglas shortly after I’d realized that I was ... that I had to do something. The two of you were in Philadelphia that week, and I’d had nothing to do but think of the situation in which I’d found myself. Poor Logan made the mistake of asking if I was feeling all right, and I burst into tears.”
She’d never forget Logan’s shocked expression. But he rallied immediately, drawing her into his arms and holding her as she cried. He didn’t speak until the initial flood of tears had started to subside.
“Tell me what’s wrong,” he said quietly. And Lila, who had already determined that she could never, ever tell anyone what was wrong, found the truth spilling out. Not the whole truth, certainly. She’d refused to tell him who had fathered her child. And when he’d assumed she’d been forced, she’d been too weak to correct him. It hadn’t seemed to matter at the time.
It had been such a relief to be able to talk to someone about it. Maybe it was the fact that Logan was a doctor that made it possible for her to tell him. Or maybe it was that, while he was nearly a brother to her, he wasn’t actually her brother. Whatever the reason, she’d outlined her half-formed plans for moving away and seeking employment.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” he’d snapped and Lila’s eyes welled.
“But I have to do something. The scandal... I can’t... I have to leave.”
“There’s not going to be any scandal.” Logan caught her restless hands in his. “And you don’t have to go away, at least not for very long. You’re going to marry me.”
Lila felt her eyes sting at the memory of his unselfishness. She’d argued with him. She couldn’t let him sacrifice his life. There had to be another way. But there hadn’t been another way, short of throwing herself in the river, and she was not quite ready for that. Logan’s calm determination had overwhelmed every one of her protests. And maybe she hadn’t protested quite as much as she might have, Lila admitted now. She’d wanted so desperately to be convinced that this was the right thing to do.
“I care for Logan,” she told Susan now. “That’s more than some marriages start out with. If you hadn’t interfered, we would have been happy.” She was uneasily aware that her words sounded more defiant than confident.
“Perhaps.” Susan moved over to the fireplace. After lifting a log from beside the hearth, she set it on the fire, which had begun to bum down. Then, dusting her hands together, she turned to look at Lila, her expression pensive. “Did you give any thought to the idea that, when you married Logan, you were taking away his chance to find a woman who really loves him?”
Susan’s tone was gently questioning, offering no reproach, but Lila found herself looking away. She had given a great deal of thought to what Logan might be giving up by marrying her. But she hadn’t been able to see any other way out of her dilemma.
“If you were so concerned about Logan’s future happiness, why didn’t you simply tell Douglas the truth right away?” Lila asked, aware that her tone verged on sullen.
“I didn’t know if my letter would reach Bishop in time.”
“You mean, you didn’t know if he’d care that I was having his child.”
“I knew he’d care. I knew he’d get here if he could. If I couldn’t reach him, marrying Logan was certainly better than the alternative.”
“You have a great deal more faith in Bishop than I do,” Lila said.
“I think I know him a good deal better.” Susan moved away from the fireplace. Her skirts rustled around her as she sat down on the edge of the bed. She tilted her head, her mouth quirking in a half smile. “That may sound odd, considering... well, considering the situation, but I think it’s the truth.”
Lila didn’t doubt that it was. No one could know Bishop less well than she did.
“Why don’t you sit down, dear,” Susan said, patting the bed beside her.
“I’m quite comfortable standing, thank you.”
Susan sighed but didn’t repeat the invitation. “Last summer, when your brother and I met, it was on a stagecoach traveling through Arizona Territory. It’s hardly a pleasant way to travel to begin with but, to make matters worse, our stagecoach was set upon by thieves. They killed the driver outright and would probably have killed Douglas and me also, if it hadn’t been for Bishop McKenzie. He—”
“I know what he did,” Lila interrupted. “He rode out of the desert like some knight on a white charger and dispatched the villains in a hail of bullets.”
That story had been a big part of what had attracted her to Bishop in the first place. When he’d arrived for the wedding, she’d been prepared to offer him her gratitude for having saved Douglas’s life. But instead of the half-tamed ruffian she’d been expecting, she’d found herself being introduced to a man who made her heart beat faster with nothing more than a look. The cool disinterest in his eyes had been a challenge. She was not accustomed to having a man—any man—look at her as if he barely saw her. She’d set out to make him notice her. And she’d certainly succeeded, she thought with bitter humor.
“I’m aware of the debt of gratitude this family owes him for saving your lives,” Lila said flatly. Linking her hands together in front of her to conceal their trembling, she met Susan’s eyes. “Douglas told me the whole story when he returned home.”
“Did he?” Susan looked thoughtful. “Did he tell you that, once the villains were driven off, the three of us were left alone in the middle of the desert with only Bishop’s horse between us? If it hadn’t been for Bishop’s knowledge of the desert, the land would have accomplished what the thieves had failed to do. It took us nearly a week to walk to the nearest town.”
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