by Enid Blyton
“He’d see right through any disguise I wore!”
“All right, all right,” said Fatty. “I’ll go and face old Clear-Orf - in my French-boy disguise again - and I bet I’ll get that letter back too.”
“Fatty - you’re marvellous!” said everyone together, and Fatty tried in vain to look properly modest.
Fatty and Mr. Goon
“How can you possibly get our letter back, though?” asked Larry. “I mean - old Clear-Orf isn’t likely to hand it meekly to you, is he?”
“Fortune favours the bold,” said Fatty. “I propose to be bold. First of all, I want to write another letter in invisible writing. Hand me an orange, Larry.”
Larry gave him an orange and he squeezed juice from it into a cup. Then he took out his pen, with its clean nib, got a sheet of white notepaper just like the one he had written on before, and began to write:
“DEAR CLEAR-ORF, - I suppose you think you will solve the next mystery first. Well, as your brains are first class, you probably will. Good luck to you! From your five admirers,
“THE FIVE FIND-OUTERS (AND DOG).”
Fatty read it out loud as he wrote. The others laughed. “There!” said Fatty, “if I can possibly exchange this letter for the other one, it won’t matter a bit if he goes parading round showing it to our parents!”
He stuck his teeth back under his upper lip, and at once his face altered out of all knowledge. Then he carefully fitted on the curly wig. It was a beauty.
“What else did you buy?” asked Larry.
“Not much, after all,” said Fatty. “The things were much more expensive than I thought they’d be. This wig took nearly all my money! I got these teeth, and two or three pairs of different eyebrows, some make-up paint that gives you a pale skin, or a red one, or whatever you like - and that foreign-looking cap. I got a cheaper wig too, which I’ll show you - mousy hair, and straight.”
He put on the foreign-looking cap and stuck it out at an absurd angle. Nobody would have thought he was Fatty. He began to limp across the room.
“Adieu!” he said. “Adieu, mes enfants!”
“He means ‘Good bye, my children,’ ” Pip explained to Bets, who watched with admiring eyes whilst Fatty limped along the passage to the head of the stairs.
“Good-bye, Napoleon!” called Bets, and every one giggled.
“I hope old Clear-Orf won’t get him,” said Larry. “He’s frightfully brave and bold, and awfully clever at this sort of thing - but Clear-Orf doesn’t like jokes played on him.”
“I wonder if Clear-Orf has been able to read the invisible writing yet,” said Bets. “I bet he was angry if he has!”
Clear-Orf was angry. In fact, he was almost bursting with fury. He had heated an iron, knowing that heat was one of the things that made most invisible writing show up plainly - and he had carefully ironed the sheet of notepaper.
He could hardly believe his eyes when he read the faint brown letters! He swallowed hard, and his froggy eyes almost fell out of his head.
“All right. We’ll see what your parents say to this!” said Mr. Goon, speaking as if the children were there in front of him. “Yes, and the Inspector too! This’ll open his eyes, this will. Rude, cheeky toads. No respect for the law! Ho, now I’ve got you! You didn’t think as I’d be smart enough to read your silly invisible writing, did you?”
Mr. Goon had several things to do that day, and it was not until the afternoon that he decided to go and display the letter to the children’s parents.
“Don’t wonder they dursent come and deliver the note themselves!” he thought, remembering the queer boy who had delivered it. “Got some friend of theirs, I suppose. Staying with one of them, I’ll be bound.”
He decided to go to the Hiltons first. He knew how strict Mr. and Mrs. Hilton were with Pip and Bets.
“Open their eyes nicely, this will,” he thought, trudging off. “Hallo! - there’s that little Frenchy fellow. I’ll just find out where he’s staying.”
“Hi!” yelled Mr. Goon to Fatty, who was sauntering along on the other side of the street, hoping that the policeman would see him. “You come here a minute.”
“You call me?” said Fatty politely, in the high, foreign kind of voice he had used before.
“I got a few questions to ask you,” said Clear-Orf. “Who gave you that there rude note to deliver to me this morning?”
“Rude? Ah, non, non, non - surely it was not rude!” said Fatty in a shocked tone, wagging his hands just as his French master did at school. “That I cannot believe, Mr. Poleeeceman.”
“Well, you look here at this,” said Mr. Goon. “Maybe you can tell me whose writing this is, see?”
He took the envelope from his pocket, and pulled out the sheet of paper. “There you are - you take a squint at that and tell me if you know who wrote that rude letter.”
Fatty took it - and at that moment the wind most conveniently puffed down the street. Fatty let go the paper and it fluttered away. Fatty sprinted after it at once, and, when he bent down to pick it up, it was easy to slip it into his pocket and turn to Clear-Orf with the other letter in his hand.
“Drat it, it nearly went!” said Mr. Goon, and he almost snatched it from Fatty’s hand. “Better not flap it about in the wind. I’ll put it back into the envelope.”
He did, and Fatty grinned to himself. It had been so easy - much, much easier than he had expected. What a kind puff of wind that had been!
“Where are you walking to, Mr. Poleeeceman?” asked Fatty politely.
“I’m going down to Mr. and Mrs. Hilton,” said Mr. Goon righteously.
“Then we part,” said Fatty. “Adieu, dear Mr. Poleeeceman.”
He went off round a corner, and Mr. Goon stared after him. He felt puzzled. but he didn’t know why. “That French boy isn’t half queer,” he thought. He would have thought him queerer still if he had seen what Fatty did round the corner!
Fatty pulled off his wig, took out his teeth, removed his queer-looking cap, and took off the rather gaudy scarf he wore. He hid them all in a bush.
Then, looking once more like Frederick Algernon Trotteville, he hastened to the house where Pip and Bets lived, and where Mr. Goon had already gone. He went in and gave the usual call for Pip, although he knew quite well he wasn’t there, but was at Larry’s.
“Oh, there you are, Frederick,” said Mrs. Hilton, looking out of the door of the sitting-room. “Come here a minute, will you? Pip is out, and so is Bets. Mr. Goon is here with a very extraordinary story. Apparently he thinks that you and the others have been guilty of most unnecessary rudeness.”
“How extraordinary!” said Fatty, and went into the sitting-room. He saw Mr. Hilton there too, and Mr. Goon sitting on a chair, his knees turned out widely, his great hands flat on them.
“Ho!” he said, when Fatty went in. “Here’s one of them what wrote that invisible letter. Now, ma’am, I’ll just show it to you, and you’ll be able to read it. Talks about my brains creaking for want of oil!”
Mr. Goon took out the sheet of paper from the envelope and laid it on the table. It was blank, because the writing had not been warmed up. Mr. Goon looked at it, and was annoyed. The lettering had been there last time he had looked at it.
“It wants a hot iron again,” he said, much to Mrs. Hilton’s surprise. “Could I trouble you to procure me a hot iron, ma’am?”
One was warmed and then Mr. Goon ran it over the sheet. “There you are!” he said in triumph, as the faint brown lettering became visible, “you just read that, ma’am and sir - what do you think of that for a letter sent to a reper - er - representative of the Law!”
Mrs. Hilton read it out loud:
“ ’DEAR CLEAR-ORF, - I suppose you think you will solve the next mystery first. Well, as your brains are first class, you probably will. Good luck to you! From your five admirers,
“ ‘THE FIVE FIND-OUTERS (AND DOG).’ ”
There was silence. Mr. Goon’s eyes bulged. This was not what he had re
ad before! He snatched the letter.
“Well, Mr. Goon,” said Mr. Hilton, entering into the matter suddenly, “I can’t see what you have to complain about in that. Quite a nice, complimentary letter, I think.
Nothing about your brains er - er - creaking and wanting oiling. I don’t understand what you are complaining of.”
Mr. Goon read the letter again hurriedly. He couldn’t believe what he saw! “This here ain’t the letter,” he said. “There’s some dirty work going on. Did you write this letter, Master Frederick?”
“I did,” said Fatty, “and I can’t think why you should object to us expressing our admiration for you - or perhaps you think you haven’t got first-class brains?”
“That will do, Frederick,” said Mrs. Hilton.
Fatty looked hurt.
“What’s become of the letter I first had?” said Mr. Goon, feeling more and more puzzled. “Yes, and what I want to know is - are you children messing about with any more mysteries? Because if you are, you’d better tell me, see? If you go snooping around trying to find out things, you may get into Serious Trouble.”
Fatty couldn’t resist the temptation to let Clear-Orf think he and the other children really were trying to solve another mystery. So he looked very solemn indeed.
“I can’t give any secrets away, Mr. Goon, can I? It wouldn’t be fair.”
Mr. Goon at once thought there must be a secret, a mystery he didn’t know about. He got so red in the face that Fatty thought it was about time he was going.
“Well, I must be off,” he said to Mrs. Hilton, in his politest voice. “Good-bye!”
And before Mr. Goon could think of any good reason for stopping him, he went! He exploded into loud laughs as soon as he was out of earshot. Then he decided he had better go and get his disguise from the bush. He would put it on again to save carrying it, and would pop back to his house to fetch old Buster.
So, in a few minutes Fatty, once more in disguise, was walking home looking the same curly-haired, queer, rabbit-toothed boy that Mr. Goon had already seen twice that day.
And Mr. Goon spotted him just as he walked in at his gate! “Ho!” said Mr. Goon, pleased, “so that’s where that little varmit is staying - with that Frederick Trotteville! I’ll be bound he had something to do with altering that there invisible letter - though how it was done beats me! I’ll just go and make a few inquiries there, and frighten the life out of that Frenchy fellow.”
So, to Mrs. Trotteville’s enormous surprise, Mr. Goon was announced and came ponderously into her drawing-room.
“Good afternoon, ma’am,” said Mr. Goon. “I just came to ask a few questions of that foreign boy you’ve got here.”
Mrs. Trotteville looked as if she thought Mr. Goon had gone mad. “What boy?” she said. “We’ve got no foreign boy here at all. There’s only my son, Frederick.”
Mr. Goon looked at her disbelievingly. “Well, I see him come in to your front gate just half a minute ago!” he said
“Really?” said Mrs. Trotteville, in astonishment. “I’ll see if Frederick is in and ask him.” she called Fatty. “Frederick! Are you in? oh, you are! Well, come here a minute, will you?”
“Hallo, Mr. Goon!” said Fatty, coming into the room. “You seem to be following me about this afternoon, don’t you.”
“None of your sauce, now,” said Mr. Goon, beginning to feel he couldn’t keep his temper much longer. “Where’s that foreign-looking chap that I see coming in here a minute ago?”
Fatty wrinkled his forehead and looked in a puzzled manner at Mr. Goon. “Foreign-looking chap? I don’t know who you mean. Mother, have we got any foreign-looking chaps here?”
“Of course not. Don’t be silly, Frederick,” said his mother. “I wondered if a friend of yours had come to call.”
“There’s nobody here but me,” said Fatty truthfully. “No other boy, I mean. Mr. Goon, do you think you need glasses? There was that letter you thought was different - and now you keep seeing foreign-looking boys.”
Mr. Goon got up. He felt he would explode if he stayed there one minute longer talking to Fatty. He went, vowing to himself that the very next time he saw that there Frenchy-looking fellow he’d drag him off to the police station, that he would!
An Escape - and a Surprise
The next time the Five Find-Outers met they roared with laughter at Fatty’s story. He acted it well, and the children could imagine exactly how poor Mr. Goon had looked.
“And now he really does think we’re on to some mystery he doesn’t know about,” said Fatty. “Poor old Clear-Orf - we’ve got him really puzzled, haven’t we! Mother tells me he has been making inquiries all over the place to find out where the ‘Frenchy fellow’ is staying, but nobody can tell him anything, of course.”
“I do, do wish there was a mystery to solve now,” sighed Bets, tickling Buster. “We’ve got all sorts of good detective tricks - invisible writing - how to get out of a locked room - disguises - but there’s nothing to solve.”
“We’ll just have to go on playing a few tricks on Clear-Orf,” said Fatty. “That’ll keep our wits sharp, anyway. Pip, would you like to wear a disguise today, and go and do a bit of parading where Clear-Orf is?”
“Yes,” said Pip, who had now tried on all the eyebrows, teeth, and wigs and painted his face a curious collection of colours. “I’d love to. Let me wear the other wig - the straight-haired one, Fatty - and the teeth - and those big black eyebrows. They’re lovely. And I might give myself a red face like Clear-Orfs too.”
This sounded exciting. Every one helped Pip to put on his disguise.
“I don’t see why you haven’t bought any moustaches too,” said Pip, thinking that he would look grand in a black moustache.
“Well, we haven’t got voices to match moustaches,” said Fatty. “You want a man’s voice for that. I did think of bringing back a moustache or two, but it wouldn’t be a proper disguise for us. We can only disguise ourselves as some kind of children. There - you look positively frightful!”
Pip did. He had a fiery red face, black, fierce eyebrows, the awful jutting-out teeth, and the straight-haired wig. He borrowed a red scarf from Daisy, put on his mackintosh inside out, and then felt himself sufficiently disguised.
Goon always goes down the village and round the corner at half-past eleven,” said Larry. “There won’t be any one much about today, it’s such an awful day, and there’s a fog coming on. Wait round the corner for him, and then ask him the time or something.”
“Please, sir, what’s the time?” said Pip, in an astonishingly deep, hoarse voice. Every one laughed.
“That’s fine,” said Larry. “Well, off you go, and come back quickly and tell us what happened.”
Pip set off. Down in the village it was foggy. He could hardly see more than a yard in front of him. He waited about at the corner, listening for Clear-Orf’s heavy feet. Some one came unexpectedly round the corner, walking quietly and lightly.
Pip jumped - but the other person jumped much more! The sight of Pip’s fiery face, fierce eyebrows, and awful teeth made old Miss Frost scream.
“Oh! Help! Who is it?” she squealed, and turning back, she raced down the village street. She bumped into old Clear-Orf.
“There’s a horrible person round the corner,” she panted. “Awful red face and great eyebrows - and the wickedest teeth I ever saw - sort of hanging out of his mouth!”
The mention of sticking-out teeth reminded Mr. Goon of the French boy, and he wondered if it was he who was hanging about round corners. So, trying to walk as lightly as he could, he tiptoed to the corner and went round it very suddenly.
Pip was there! Mr. Goon was on him almost before he could move. The policeman stared in amazement at the boy’s fiery face, the absurd eyebrows, and the familiar jutting-out teeth.
“’Ere, what’s all this?” he began, and shot out a powerful arm to get hold of Pip. Pip felt his grip on his mackintosh, and had to wriggle right out of it before he could escape. Mr.
Goon was left standing with a mackintosh in his hands - but he didn’t stand for long. He went after Pip at top speed.
Pip was frightened. He hadn’t really thought Mr. Goon would catch hold of him so quickly - and now he had got his mackintosh. Blow! Well, he mustn’t be caught, or there would be very awkward questions to answer. For a minute he was sorry he had gone out in such an extraordinary disguise. Then as he gained a little on the panting policeman, he began to enjoy the adventure.
They tore up the road. They raced up the hill and over it. Pip made for open country, thinking that he might be able to get behind a hedge and let Mr. Goon go lumbering by in the mist.
He came to a gateway, and remembered that it led up the drive to an old empty house. No one had lived there for ages and ages. It belonged to somebody who seemed to have forgotten all about it!
He tore into the drive, hoping that Mr. Goon would go on without seeing him. But the policeman was not to be put off so easily. He tore up the drive too.
Pip fled round the old house, and came into a tangled, untidy garden, with many trees standing about. He spotted one that seemed easy to climb, and in a trice had shinned up it, just before Mr. Goon came round the corner, puffing like a goods train.
Pip sat high up in the tree, as silent as could be. There were no leaves on it and if Mr. Goon looked up he was lost! He watched the policeman go all over the garden, and took the chance of climbing up still farther, so that more branches hid him from Mr. Goon. He was almost at the top of the tree now, level with the highest storey of the house. He watched Mr. Goon, hardly daring to breathe.
“Jolly good thing this is an empty house,” thought Pip, “else the people would all be coming out to see what the matter is - and I’d be spotted.”
He crouched against the trunk of the tree, level with a window. He looked at it, and saw to his surprise that it was barred.
“Must have been a nursery window at one time, I suppose,” he thought. “Jolly strong bars though.”
Then he glanced in at the window - and he almost fell out of the tree with shock!