“I wish you and Dad were still married.”
“It’s better the way things are for your dad and me, baby. Some people just weren’t made to live with each other.”
“I won’t ever get married.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Roy. Of course you’ll get married. You’ll have children and grandchildren and everything. You just have to find the right girl.”
“Weren’t you the right girl for Dad?”
“He thought I was. It’s not so easy to explain, honey. There were all kinds of reasons our marriage didn’t work. The best part of it was that we had you.”
“If Dad dies, I don’t want another one.”
“What do you mean, baby?”
“If you get married again, he won’t be my dad.”
“Look, Roy. Is that one a ketch or a yawl?”
“A yawl. It’s got two jibs.”
“We’ll be in Islamorada in five minutes. I’m ready for some squid rings myself.”
On the Arm
“Maybe we can go to a baseball game in Atlanta. I went once with Dad and his friend Buddy from Detroit. We saw the Crackers play the Pelicans.”
“We’ll look in the newspaper when we get there, baby, and see if the Crackers are in town. Don’t hang out of the window, Roy. Get your arms back in.”
“Mom, it’s so hot. I won’t get hit.”
“Remember when we read about that boy whose arm got taken off by a truck?”
“Is Buddy from Detroit still in Atlanta?”
“Buddy Delmar, you mean? No, honey, I think he’s in Vegas now. He works for Moe Lipsky.”
“Buddy was a ballplayer. He knows a lot about baseball.”
“Your dad told me Buddy could have had a career in the game, but he had a problem, so he didn’t go on.”
“What kind of problem?”
“He’s a fixer, Roy. I guess he always was, even back when he played. Buddy bet on games. He paid pitchers to let batters get hits, hitters to strike out, and fielders to make errors.”
“Did he get caught?”
“Somewhere along the line. I don’t know exactly what happened, but according to your dad, Buddy had an umpire on the arm who had a big mouth. The ump spilled the beans and did Buddy in. I don’t think he went to jail over it, but he was finished as far as baseball was concerned.”
“He could tell me things that would happen before they happened. A player would do something and Buddy’d say, ‘Didn’t I tell ya?’”
“The first time I met Buddy Delmar, your dad and I were at the Ambassador, in the Pump Room. Buddy paid for our drinks. He flashed a roll that could have choked a horse.”
“You mean if he tried to swallow the money.”
“Who, honey?”
“The horse.”
“It’s just an expression, Roy. Buddy likes to act like a big shot. Some women go for that routine, not me.”
“I remember Buddy asked me, ‘How’s that good-looking mother of yours?’”
“Did your dad hear him say that?”
“I think Dad was getting a hot dog.”
“Buddy Delmar thinks he’s catnip to the ladies.”
“I’d never take money to strike out.”
“Of course you wouldn’t. You won’t be like Buddy Delmar. You’ll be your own man.”
“Is Dad his own man?”
“Sure, Roy, he is. Being his own man causes him problems sometimes.”
“Buddy from Detroit had a problem, you said.”
“Baby, you don’t have to be like any of these people. Your dad is a decent person, don’t get me wrong, but he does things you’ll never do. Your life will be different, Roy.”
“What about Buddy?”
“What about him?”
“Is he a decent person?”
“If Buddy Delmar had never been born, the world wouldn’t be any worse off.”
“Mom, if we ever have a house, could I get a dog?”
“Oh, Roy, you really are my own special angel. We won’t always be living in hotels, I promise. Listen, if the Crackers aren’t playing, we’ll go to a movie, okay?”
“Okay. It wouldn’t have to be a big dog. If he was too big, he wouldn’t be happy riding in our car so much.”
“Baby, remember what I said about keeping your arms in.”
Look Out Below
“Mom, when you were a girl, what did you want to be when you grew up?”
“I thought I might be a singer, like Nanny. Other than that, I had no idea.”
“Uncle Jack says I should be an architect, like him.”
“If that’s what you want to do, baby.”
“I want to be a baseball player, but after that I’m not sure.”
“Apalachicola. Doesn’t the name of this town sound like a train? Let’s say it, Roy. Slowly at first, then faster and faster.”
“Apalachicola—Apalachicola—Apalachicola—Apalachicola—Apalachicola—Apalachi-agh!-cola! It gets harder the more times you say it.”
“Isn’t it just like a choo-choo? Ap-alachi-cola—Ap-alachi-cola— Ap-alachi-cola—”
“It’s pretty here, huh, Mom?”
“Especially now, at sundown. Your dad and I were here once in a big storm. Almost a hurricane but not quite. Black sand was flying everywhere. We couldn’t see to drive.”
“I think it was close to here where Uncle Jack’s boat got stuck on a sandbar when he and Skip and I were fishing. Remember, Mom? I told you about it.”
“Tell me again, honey. I’ve forgotten.”
“Uncle Jack couldn’t drive the boat off the sandbar so he told me and Skip to jump in the water and push from the stern.”
“Did it work, or did you have to call the coast guard?”
“It worked, but when we first got in and started pushing, Skip saw a big fin coming at us. He shouted, ‘Shark!’ and we climbed back into the boat as fast as we could. Uncle Jack asked, ‘Where’s a shark?’ Skip pointed at the place where he’d seen the fin and Uncle Jack said, ‘Get back in the water and push! I’ll tell you when there’s a shark coming.’”
“That sounds like my brother. Did you both get back in?”
“Uh-huh, Skip’s a lot stronger than I am—”
“He’s four years older.”
“Yeah, well, he pushed as hard as he could and so did I, and Uncle Jack cut the wheel sharp so the boat came unstuck. Then Skip and I swam fast to it and climbed aboard before the shark came back.”
“I’ll have to talk to Jack about this.”
“No, Mom, it was okay. We had to do it. We were really stuck and only Uncle Jack could drive the boat.”
“You wouldn’t be much good as a baseball player if you lost a leg to a shark.”
“There was a pitcher with the White Sox who only had one leg. I saw a movie about him. I think he lost it in a war.”
“Roy, is this true?”
“Honest, Mom. He pitched on a wooden leg. I don’t know how many times, but he did it.”
“That’s incredible. A person really can do just about anything if he works hard at it.”
“When I find out what I want to do, I’ll work really hard at it.”
“After baseball, you mean.”
“Yeah, after baseball. Mom?”
“Yes, baby?”
“Do you think Skip and I were really dumb to get back in the water? What if the shark had come up from underneath to bite us?”
“Please, Roy, even if there was a one-legged baseball player, I don’t want to think about it.”
The Up and Up
“Why didn’t you tell me Dad was going to die?”
“Oh, baby, I didn’t know he would die. I mean, everyone dies sooner or later, but we couldn’t know he would die this soon.”
“Dad wasn’t old.”
“No, Roy, he was forty-eight. Too young.”
“I didn’t know he was in the hospital again.”
“We talked to him just after he went back in, don’t you remember?”
“I forgot.”
“Your dad really loved you, Roy, more than anything.”
“He didn’t sound sick, that’s why I didn’t remember he was in the hospital.”
“It’s a shame he died, baby, really a shame.”
“After he came home from the hospital the first time, after his operation, Phil Sharky told me Dad was too tough to die.”
“Phil Sharky’s not a person worth listening to about anything. I’m sure he meant well telling you that, but he’s the kind of man who if you ask him to turn off a light only knows how to break the lamp.”
“What does that mean, Mom?”
“I mean Phil Sharky can’t be trusted. You can’t believe a word he says. If he says it’s Tuesday, you can get fat betting it’s Friday. Phil Sharky’s a crooked cop who doesn’t play straight with anyone.”
“I thought he was Dad’s friend.”
“Look how dark the sky’s getting, Roy, and it’s only two o’clock. If we’re lucky, we’ll make it to Asheville before the rain hits. I thought we’d stay at the Dixieland Hotel. It has the prettiest views of the Smokies.”
“Phil Sharky gave me his gun to hold once. It was really heavy. He said to be careful because it was loaded.”
“Was your dad there?”
“No, he went out with Dummy Fish and left me at the store. He told me he’d be right back. I asked Phil if the gun wouldn’t weigh so much if there weren’t any bullets in it and he said if they went where they were supposed to it wouldn’t.”
“Baby, you won’t ever see Phil Sharky again if I have anything to do with it. Did you tell your dad about this? That Phil let you handle his gun?”
“Dad didn’t get back for a long time and I fell asleep on the newspaper bundles. When I woke up, Phil was gone and Dad and Dummy and I went to Charmette’s for pancakes. I remember because Solly Banks was there and he came over to our table and said I was a lucky kid to have the kind of father who’d take me out for pancakes at four in the morning.”
“Suitcase Solly, another character who couldn’t tell the up and up if it bit him. So your dad didn’t know Sharky showed you the gun?”
“Phil told me not to say anything to Dad, in case he wouldn’t like the idea, so I didn’t.”
“We’re not gonna beat the rain, baby, but we’ll get there while there’s still light. Tomorrow we’ll fly to Chicago. The funeral’s on Sunday.”
“Will everyone be there?”
“I don’t know about everyone, but your dad knew a lot of people. Most of the ones who come will want to talk to you.”
“Even people I don’t know?”
“Probably. All you have to do is thank them for paying their respects to your father.”
“What if I cry?”
“It’s normal to cry at a funeral, Roy. Don’t worry about it.”
“Mom, what was the last thing Dad said before he died?”
“Gee, baby, I really don’t know. I think when the nurse came to give him a shot for the pain, he’d already died in his sleep. There was nobody in the room.”
“Do you remember the last thing he said to you?”
“Oh, I think it was just to not worry, that he’d be okay.”
“I bet Dad knew he was dying and he didn’t want to tell us.”
“Maybe so.”
“What if he got scared just before he died? Nobody was there for him to talk to.”
“Don’t think about it, Roy. Your dad didn’t live very long, but he enjoyed himself.”
“Dad was on the up and up, wasn’t he, Mom?”
“Your dad did things his own way, but the important thing to remember, baby, is that he knew the difference.”
Black Space
“Isn’t that terrible? Roy, did you hear that just now on the radio?”
“I wasn’t really listening Mom. I’m reading the story of Ferdinand Magellan. Did you know there’s a cloud named after him that’s a black space in the Milky Way? What happened?”
“They found two cut-up bodies in suitcases in the left-luggage department in the railway station in New Orleans.”
“Do they know who put them there?”
“The attendant told police it was a heavyset, middle-aged white woman who wore glasses and a black raincoat with what looked like orange paint stains on it.”
“It’s raining now. When it rains in Louisiana, everything gets fuzzy.”
“What do you mean, things get fuzzy?”
“The drops are wobbly on the windows and that makes shapes outside weird.”
“People are capable of anything, baby, you know that? The problem is you can never really know who you’re dealing with, like this woman who chopped up those bodies.”
“Were they children?”
“Who? The corpses in the suitcases?”
“Uh-huh.”
“No, honey, I’m sure they were adults.”
“But the crazy lady who did it is loose.”
“They’ll get her, Roy, don’t worry. Maybe not right away, but they will.”
“Do you think it’s easy to kill someone, Mom?”
“What a strange question to ask. I don’t know. I suppose for some people it is.”
“Could you do it?”
“Maybe with a gun if I were being threatened. I’ve never really thought about it.”
“Could you cut up a body like she did?”
“Roy, stop it. Of course not. Let’s talk about something else. Are you hungry? We can stop in Manchac and get fried catfish at Middendorf’s.”
“I wonder if she wrapped the body parts up so blood didn’t go everywhere.”
“Please, baby. I’m sorry I mentioned it.”
“Remember the shrunken head Uncle Jack brought back from New Guinea?”
“How could I forget?”
“Somebody had to chop it off before it got shrunk. Or do you think the whole body was shrunk first?”
“Roy, that’s enough.”
“I bet that attendant was really surprised when he saw what was inside those suitcases.”
“They must have begun to smell badly so the attendant got suspicious. I think he called the police, though, and they opened the suitcases.”
“Do you think the woman is still in New Orleans?”
“Baby, how would I know? Maybe she just took a train and beat it out of town. I’m sure she did. She’s probably in Phoenix, Arizona, by now.”
“Nobody really has control over anybody else, do they?”
“A lot of people don’t have control over themselves, that’s how a horrible thing like this can happen. Now stop thinking about it. Think about horses, Roy, how beautiful they are when they run.”
“Mom, you won’t leave me alone tonight, okay?”
“No, baby, I won’t go out tonight. I promise.”
Fear and Desire
“I don’t like when the sky gets dark so early.”
“That’s what happens in the winter, Roy. The days are a lot shorter and colder because our side of the planet is farther away from the sun.”
“The trees look beautiful without leaves, don’t they, Mom?”
“I like when it’s sunny and cold. It makes my skin feel so good. We’ll stop soon, baby, in Door County. I’m a little tired.”
“I think I dream better in winter.”
“Maybe because you sleep more.”
“Mom, what do you think of dreams?”
“What do I think of them?”
“Yeah. I mean, what are they? Are they real?”
; “Sure, they’re real. Sometimes you find out things in dreams that you can’t any other way.”
“Like what?”
“Some experts think dreams are wishes. You dream about what you really want to happen.”
“Once I dreamed that I was running in a forest and wolves were chasing me. There was a real big red wolf that caught me in deep snow and started eating one of my legs. Then I woke up. I didn’t want that to happen.”
“Maybe it meant something else. Also, dreams depend on what’s happening around you at the time. Dreams are full of symbols.”
“What’s a symbol?”
“Something that represents something else, like the red wolf in your dream. The red wolf was a symbol of a fear or desire.”
“I was afraid of the wolf because I didn’t want him to bite me.”
“Do you remember anything else about the dream?”
“The red wolf didn’t have any eyes, only dark holes where his eyes were supposed to be.”
“This sounds like a case for Sigmund Freud.”
“Is he a detective?”
“No, baby, he was a doctor who studied dreams and wrote about them.”
“If I’d had a gun I would have shot that wolf.”
“It’s not always so easy to get rid of something that’s chasing you, because it’s inside your own mind.”
“You mean the red wolf is hiding in my brain?”
“Don’t worry, Roy, the wolf won’t bother you again. You woke up before he could hurt you.”
“The sky’s all dark now. Mom, is desire bad or good?”
“It can be either, depending on what it is and why a person desires something.”
“A person can’t decide not to dream.”
“No, baby, dreams either come or they don’t. We’ll stay at the Ojibway Inn. Remember that motel with the Indian chief on the sign?”
“I bet everybody has scary dreams sometimes.”
“Of course they do.”
“I hope the red wolf is chasing somebody else now.”
God’s Tornado
“Oh, Roy, I just love this song. I’ll turn it up.”
“What is it?”
“‘Java Jive’ by the Ink Spots. Listen: ‘I love java sweet and hot, whoops Mr. Moto, I’m a coffee pot.’”
The Roy Stories Page 22