by Leil Lowndes
miserable and crossed her arms in front of her chest, hiding two of her very good assets. She looked unhappy, grumpy, unsure of herself—refore homely.
Beautiful womemnove differently than their plainer sisters do.
This leads us to a technique to change your Quarry's perception of your looks. Develop confident and beautiful body language. You will actually appear more beautiful when you move with grace and enthusiasm. Beauty is as beauty moves.
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TECHNIQUE #47 (FOR HUNTRESSES): MOVE
LIKE A 10
Can you fool Mother Nature? No. But you can fool a man.
Convince yourself that you are the most beautiful creature that ever graced the planet. Thenmove accordingly.
Men, does a similar technique work for you? Yes.
Your physical movements definitely affect how alluring you are to women.
Recently, after one of my seminars, a man asked me for some advice on approaching women. He was a good-looking fellow, but he stood slumped in front of me, his arms dangling like he had no further use for them. His eyes periodically darted away from mine in shyness. He asked me what opening lines work with a woman. I wanted to shake him and say, "Hey, forget what comes out of your mouth! First shape up your body language." Women are attracted to men who move in a strong, self-assured, and masculine fashion.
TECHNIQUE #48 (FOR HUNTERS):
MOVE LIKE A HUNK
Men, make strong, smooth, bold movements. Walk strong. Look like you know where you're going and why.
Take the woman's arm when crossing the street, help her in and out of cars, and make other manly gestures that women find so seductive.
Countless studies conducted on how your physical appearance affects your success in love lead us to the following unusual technique. It will definitely increase your chances of finding your special someone.
How to Beef Up Your Odds on Making the
Kill
If I told you that, by heeding the results of the studies, you could more than double your chance of success the next time you try to pick up a , would you believe it? Believe it! PLP
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In singles' clubs everywhere, Hunters are getting shot down when they try to pick up a lady. Every night Huntresses go home alone feeling like white rabbits glancing at their biological clocks. Marriage-minded men and women all over America are griping tha t they'll always be supporting cast at the wedding rather than the stars. Why is this happening? Most singles are barking up the wrong trees, howling after impossible prey. These lone wolves might as well be baying at the moon.
How can you better your odds? First, go after more equal targets in the physical appearance department.
Men, it's rough for you to keep your eyeballs off the best-looking women on the premises. You want the most attractive date possible, but aren't you tired of getting your ego bruised every time you say hello?
Women, it's easier for you to go after men within your own attractiveness range because women usually are more appreciative of inner qualities.
Start by taking a good look at yourself in the mirror.
(Go ahead, you can cheat. Get all gussied up first.) Eyeball yourself objectively. Rate yourself on th1e0scale. (If you need some help, ask your closest friend.) Are you a four, a six, an eight, better? Now, with that number in mind, look at the Quarry you are trying to score with. Rate him or her on the same scale. If your Quarry is one or two points within your range, go for it. If not, forget it. The studies show you're wasting your time.
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Do you enjoy kisses and cuddles? The psychologists also predicted that couples similar in attractiveness would be more affectionate. They observed couples at parties and singles' gathering spots. And they guessed right. Whether the couple was two ''beautie s'' or two "uglies," they seemed happier and played footsie a lot more if they were of similar attractiveness. A full 6o percent of the similar couples nuzzled each other, 46 percent of the moderately similar couples caressed, and only 22
percent of the le ss similar couples ever touched each other.
It seems that birds of a feather flock together—at least when it comes to plumage.
TECHNIQUE #49:
MIRROR, MIRROR, ON THE WALL
To dramatically increase your chances of success with new Quarry, only pursue prey within one or two points' difference on the attractiveness scale. This technique also ups the odds on lifetime happiness with your partner.
Now it's time to move on to the next two commodities on the equity scale: possessions (or money) and status (or prestige).
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27
While writing this book, I excitedly told anyone who would listen that I was exploring what science says makes people fall in love. If my listeners were single and searching, I'd then ask them what type of partner they'd like to make fall in love with them. Sometimes, after the first wave of predictable answers like someone kind, loving, and intelligent, came another swell. Some love-seekers gushed about finding a lover who was rich, powerful, cultured, and even high-class.
It is with a degree of embarrassment that I write this sensitive chapter, but the market dictates. If you've set your sights on Quarry way above your own status, you need special trappings. In other parts of the book there are techniques to come across as more attractive, intelligent, gracious, and kind. Now let's talk about how to come across as richer, more refined, higher class, or higher status to attract like Quarry.
The Look of Money
What special hunting outfit do you need to pursue pedigreed prey? Obviously, you're going to leave your Hawaiian shirt and polyester pantsuit in the closet. Rich birds have a special eagle Page 182
eye for those of the same expensive feathers. The look of wealth goes from your haircut right down to your feet. Don't try to sneak one cheap detail into your ensemble. Spring for a fifty-dollar haircut, an expensive watch, real gold jewelry. It shows.
A pair of K mart shoes stands out like a sign flashing imposter in otherwise million-dollar duds. Better to sport twenty-dollar socks fraying at the ankle than new cheapies you picked up in the supermarket checkout line.
TECHNIQUE #50:
LET YOUR RAGS SHOW RICHES
Gentlemen, go for one handmade suit. Make sure your tailor is expert in the delightfully arcane details of flaps, vents, lapels, and stitching.
Ladies, you can dress off the rack, but make sure the rack has a recognizable designer's name over it.
When chasing costly Quarry, make sure nothing adorns your body that costs less than $100, with the possible exceptions of your socks and undies.
The Sound of Class
Another obvious class determinant is language.
Talking rich does not mean flinging out fakeries like,
"When my chauffeur drove me to Elizabeth Arden this morning in my Bentley . . ."doItesmean paying attention to the words you drop. Avoid low-class klunkers.
Using euphemisms for certain words reveals lower stature. In England, where people are more conscious (or at least less embarrassed) about matters concerning class, a writer named Nancy Mitford wrote a magazine article about upper-class and non-upper-class language, orU(for upper-class) and Non-U (for non-upper-class, or lower-class) language.44
As soon as the magazine hit the newsstands, it caused a national frenzy. As Phillip Toynbee put it in the London
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Observer, the article became a sort of a "How to Tell Your Friends from the Apes." Mitford gave examples of U and Non-U words. For example, a very proper upper-class Brit, upon being
introduced, would say, "How do you do?" The other very upper-class Brit would nonsensically repeat the question back: "How do you do?" However, a lower-class, or Non-U, Brit, upon being asked, ' How do you do?" would actually have the crassness to answer the question: "Very well, thank you,'' or, worse,
"Pleased to meet you, I'm sure."
Another big giveaway of apelike status is using euphemisms. Lower cla
sses used words like wealthy , whereas the upper classes called it like it is,rich. The Non-U crowd euphemized lavatory paper , whereas upper-class folks said toilet paper .
Do we do make these same upper- and lower-class judgments in America? Yes, unfortunately, we do. In a way, it's worse here because we don't admit it.
When pursuing pedigreed prey, simply stamp out euphemisms. Call a spade a spade. It's toilet, not little boys' room . It's penisand vagina , not pecker and pussy. When they talk about their family jewels, the American U crowd is referring to the ones in the crude, resort to French. Backsideis out.
Derriereis in.
TECHNIQUE #51:
LET YOUR TONGUE SHOW RICHES
To trap pedigreed prey, you needn't collect upper-class words and memorize them, but do cut the euphemisms. (Don't forget to use
theEchoingtechnique. It will save you from making many faux pas.)
safe on the wall. If a word is just too When socializing with swells, pay attention to your speaking voice. Keep it low, keep it dulcet, and keep it clear. I once decided to give my voice a much needed boost and consulted an actress friend of mine, Barbara, who had a beautiful speak-Page 184
ing voice. Barbara's voice had an elegant ring to it. In fact, she made a living doing voiceovers for expensive cars and jewelry.
I knew Barbara had invested several thousand dollars in voice training, so I asked her what she got out of it.
Was it worth it?
"Yes," she replied. "But it could have all been summed up in one sentence." In a voice dripping with rubies, Barbara told me to pronounce every syllable of every word.
TECHNIQUE #52:
THE SOUND OF CLASS
The secret to a well-heeled tongue is, quite simply, to pronounce all of your syllables and finish every word that issues forth from your mouth.
What Does the U Crowd Talk About?
If you intend to do much prospecting on Easy Street, learn the street language of the residents. Listen attentively to get the drift of conversations. You'll soon sense that some topics are in, others are out. For example, the arts are in. How much something costs is out. (After all, the rich can have whatever they want, whenever they want it, and to heck with the cost.) Current events are in. Strong political opinions are out. Tributes are in. Teasing is out. Avocations are in. Vocations are out.
Upon rare occasions, I get invited (as the token working-class person, I'm sure) to parties studded with people whose main battle in life is fighting off charities seeking donations. At most parties, I enjoy talking about my work, but at these gatherings, I've learned not to don a friendly smile and ask "What do you do?" Many pedigreed pups don't doanything— at least not for pay.
In the case of prestigious prey? Well, you should juskt now what they do. It's an insult to ask. Page 185
TECHNIQUE #53:
DON'T ASK "WHAT DO YOU DO?"
Develop an ear for appropriate topics of conversation.
Pedigreed and other prestigious prey have very sensitive toes. You don't want to go around stomping on them.
Above all, avoid the favorite party question, "And, what do you do?" It tags you as so working class.
Use Status Words with Status Prey
People from richer backgrounds have richer clothes, richer houses, richer cars, and richer vocabularies.
They don't necessarily have big cars, but they do tend to avoid the common little ones.
It's the same with their words. They don't often use big ones, but they do avoid the common little ones that have little impact.
To be well-spoken in the well-heeled, high-accomplishment crowd, use the technique I caylol ur personal thesaurus . Think of some words you often use, for example, the overused wordsgood and smart.
It's very common to say, "You look good" or "That's a smart idea."
Take a thesaurus (a dictionary of synonyms) down from the library shelf. Look uspmartand good. You'll find dozens of richer synonyms. Like trying on a suit of clothes, choose three or four words that seem to fit your personality. Then, Hunters, the next time you want to compliment your classy Quarry and tell her she looks good, say, "Oh, Sue, you lookravishing ,"
or stunning . or "Sue, how striking you look," or "Oh, my goodness, you look elegant ."
Huntresses, you'd like to compliment your highbrow Quarry by telling him he did something smart?
Instead, say, "Oh, George, that was so cleverof you,"
or how resourceful, or ingenious. "George, that was so astute of you."
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Give high rollers high-rolling compliments. Cultivate your own personal thesaurus of not big words, but words you like, elegant words that fit you. Use them a few times with your friends and family.
Soon, just like breaking in a new pair of shoes, you'll be comfortable chatting with your well-spoken Quarry.
TECHNIQUE #54:
YOUR PERSONAL THESAURUS
To convey a rich background, choose rich words from the thesaurus. Like a beautiful necklace, try them on, then let them fall, like pearls, from your lips while chatting with your prestigious prey.
28
Knowledge, Social Graces, and Inner Beauty Are Tangible Assets
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So far, we've talked about increasing your market value through manipulating your Quarry's impression of your physical appearance, possessions or money, and status or prestige. These are
but the first three assets that equity principle scientists say influence love. They are important but, by no means, the most important. In fact, many people prefer the next three qualities by far. They are information or knowledge, social graces or personality, and inner nature.
Let's talk about information, or knowledge. The pursuit of knowledge is a lifetime commitment, one that brings you deep joy throughout your life.
Intelligence gained through knowledge can also be a potent asset in making someone fall in love with you.
Many women, myself included, find the seedy, professorial, pipe-smoking, suede-patches-on-the-elbows-of-his-sweater type of man very attractive. I once flipped over a man
whom other women might call a poor, homely recluse because he was a genius on the computer. His knowledge deeply impressed me, and I wanted to learn from him. Hunters, especially in today's Page 188
world, women have a tendency to fall in love with men who can help them professionally. Your knowledge is an aphrodisiac to bright, ambitious women.
Social graces, or personality, is the fifth asset which gives you a higher value on the open love market.
Techniques throughout this book are offered to help you deal with these two aspects. Heed them all.
The final asset on the list, but by no means the least, is your inner nature. Perhaps this is the most important of all—it certainly is the deepest. To make someone fall in love with you, strive always to have loving thoughts about them and about others. Give selflessly to other persons when there is no reward in sight. Be sexually faithful, financially responsible, and personally flexible. The list of inner nature qualities goes on. You probably never thought of them in these terms, but they are all marketable assets you bring to a relationship. Everything you learn, every experience you process, every fine quality you develop, is a tangible benefit in making someone fall in love with you.
TECHNIQUE #55:
UP YOUR ANTE IN INTANGIBLES
To up your market value, never stop learning, never stop developing your personality and social skills, and always strive to develop fine inner qualities.
They are as good as golden bullets to pierce your Quarry's heart.
29
They Love You
Let Your Quarry Do Favors for You
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Loving someone, and being loved by this person, is a convoluted pattern of reward and punishment. We are happy when the person we love gives us gifts or does favors for us, and we receive equally as much joy doing the same for our beloved. But, according to the equity principle of love, somewh
ere buried in our subconscious is thescorecard. Who is doing more for whom, and does it all balance out?
It doesn't have to be tit for tat in equal actions. The tit can be the joy we receive for doing tat. For example, Huntresses, if you love a man, you
actuallyenjoydriving him to work when his car breaks down. His appreciation is your reward. Hunters, youenjoygiving her flowers. Her smile is your reward.
Are we forced to drive him to work or to give her flowers? No. We do it because we want to.
Why do we want to? The answer is obvious. We do it because we love him, because we love her. Or so we tell ourselves.
This leads us into an intriguing aspect of the love game. You can use it to make people convince themselves that they are in love with you.
Researchers call it thceognitive-consistency Page 190
theory . Cognitive consistency says that individuals strive to keep their cognitions psychologically consistent and that, when inconsistencies arise, they strive to restore consistency. In other words, people strive to keep their actions in tune with their convictions. Whenever they do something, they want to feel they are doing it for a good reason, because they want to do it.
Often individuals who volunteer for a worthy cause value the task more if they are not offered money.
Studies have shown that the harder a person works for a volunteer group, the more he or she values the organization's efforts. If offered financial compensation, most people would see the task more as a job they hadto do.
People watch their own actions and then instinctively adjust their philosophy and feelings to match. They say to themselves, "Golly, I'm working so hard for this group. I must really believe in their goals." That way they achieve cognitive consistency. If they continued working hard and didn't believe in the goals, they would have to admit to themselves that they are stupid or screwed up, and nobody wants to do that. It's the same in love.
If you find yourself doing for someone things that, in themselves, are not rewarding, you are likely to come to the conclusion that you must like that person, because you could not be doing the things for their own sake . . . thus you achieve cognitive consistency.