by A. G. Wilde
Ka’Cit looked down at the human.
She still had her face pressed into the ladder, but if she’d heard what Herza said, she didn’t give any indication.
They needed to head farther down.
His only fear was that the ladder would creak and give their location away.
If Herza didn’t know about the hiding spot, chances were that it wasn’t maintained.
Still, the human was breathing so hard now that if they didn’t move, Herza might hear them anyway.
“We have to head farther down,” he whispered near the human’s ear. “I’ll go first. Do not worry. I’ll catch you if you fall.”
Between how her body was heaving and trembling, he almost didn’t see her jerk her chin to say she’d heard and understood him.
The drop below wasn’t far, just a few meters, but Ka’Cit descended slowly, giving her time to move down as well.
She was hesitant.
Each step seemed to make her breathe harder and by the time his feet hit solid ground and he looked up, she was shaking so hard it was a wonder she didn’t fall off the ladder.
She wasn’t descending either. She’d only gone down two rungs farther before she’d stopped completely.
It was the strangest thing he’d ever seen in his life.
She seemed desperate to move, but somehow couldn’t, as if her body was telling her to scream and race back up the ladder.
Ka’Cit stared at her.
He could see her well enough in the dark. He was sure she couldn’t see him though. Not because her vision was less adapted to darkness, but because she was still squeezing her eyes shut.
“Ta’ii…” His whisper didn’t seem to have much of an effect, and if not for the noise of feet pounding on the floor above them, he was sure Herza would have heard them below by now.
He needed to get her off the ladder.
Ka’Cit reached forward, a frown marring his brow as he touched the human lightly.
He didn’t know why he expected her to recoil from his touch—maybe because that’s what usually happened when he tried to touch other people—but then again, he hadn’t been trying to be gentle those times.
Still…as his hand landed on her leg, she didn’t move away.
Too caught up in whatever it was that was holding her hostage, she seemed completely focused on pulling air into her lungs and exhaling.
“Ta’ii…” he said again, and this time he climbed up the ladder once more to grasp her in his arms.
Her body was stiff and she clung on to the ladder so tightly, he had to pry her fingers off the rung.
“I’m sorry.” He had no idea why he was apologizing, only that it felt like he had to.
She gripped his shirt tight as he climbed back down the ladder and now that he had her in his arms, he could feel that her entire body was not just shaking, it was convulsing.
Was she ill?
He hadn’t considered that.
This wasn’t a usual reaction to darkness or heights, surely.
Feet now on the floor, he was tempted to set her down and investigate, but he stuck to his original plan of going farther into the darkness and away from the ladder.
There was a crawl space, and he had to crouch as he headed through it.
It was hardly big enough to hold them both, and carrying the female proved tricky. Still, he made his way with her in his arms.
The going was slow, but the way she clung to him, he didn’t dare let her go.
And he…didn’t entirely want to?
She…needed him.
It was a strange feeling, being needed without any demands.
At this moment, and if even for a few seconds…that feeling felt…good.
Shaking his head, he forced himself to focus.
There should be a small storage nook ahead, just big enough for them to sit down comfortably, and that’s where he was headed.
Away from the ladder. Away from the opening. And away from Herza.
As he moved, he had to take care so he didn’t bump the human’s head into the side of the little tunnel as he made his way through.
But that was not so much of a worry.
Her head was tucked into his chest, her hands still fisted and gripping his tunic.
Every breath she took was so hard, he could feel her chest expand, and every exhale was warmth that seeped through his tunic to brush against his skin.
She said nothing and her eyes were still closed, but her breathing was coming so hard and fast that it was more than alarming.
Something was wrong and he didn’t know what to do.
The tunnel finally opened up to the nook and he was able to stand a little taller, though not at his full height.
Down here, it was warm and the constant clank-clank of the engine room could be heard through the walls.
He glanced around the space.
It was smaller than what he’d thought it would be, but it would have to do until Herza called off her search. Only then would it be safe to go above.
Glancing around the nook, he moved to one corner, his eyes on the human.
She wasn’t improving.
Whatever was happening to her seemed to be something she could not control.
Briefly, he wondered if this was some human defense mechanism.
If so, it was highly ineffective.
She didn’t seem to have any claws or his tunic would have ripped already from how tightly she was gripping it. There was no poison seeping from her skin, no weapons poking from her body, no camouflage covering her skin…
This couldn’t be defense.
As he set himself down, she still clung to him and he had no choice but to place her so she straddled his lap.
Her entire body was heaving, and he wasn’t sure she even realized they weren’t moving anymore.
“Ta’ii?” His voice was low and measured.
He didn’t want to scare her, but she didn’t respond.
She still gripped on to him, her face buried into his chest as she hyperventilated.
His ears perked once more and stiffened.
He knew animals that did this—curled into a ball and shuddered while in danger.
If she kept this up, her life-organ was going to go into arrest.
Her body was already in shock. It was only a matter of time.
Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a light disk, activated it, and set it on the floor beside them.
It bathed the little nook in a warm glow and lit up the human’s face.
Her brows were still knitted, her nostrils flaring, and her mouth was slightly open as her chest heaved with every breath.
Phek.
“Ta’ii…”
No response.
For the first time in his life, Ka’Cit felt completely helpless.
He had no idea what to do…
No idea what affliction had befallen her…
No idea how to help.
She gripped him tighter and his own life-organ thumped as if trying to escape its cavity and help her somehow.
What was he supposed to do?!
There must be something humans did in times like this.
The way she held on to him, he had no choice but to put his arms around her and pull her closer.
Maybe she needed to feel his strength…to know that she was not alone and no longer in danger?
Phek.
Maybe he should have visited his friends more often. He’d have been able to observe Riv and Sohut’s human mates—see what their species was like.
The only problem was, his friend’s mates were the main reason he hadn’t visited Riv’s Sanctuary much in the past few months.
Seeing them with their mates reminded him that…
Ka’Cit pushed the thoughts away.
This wasn’t the time.
As he held the human, her hair brushed against his mask and he found himself leaning farther into it as her body heaved against him.
“Calm down, ta’
ii. I am here.”
The words felt strange coming from his mouth.
When had he ever…comforted anyone?
It wasn’t something he’d thought he’d even be capable of doing.
As he held the human, she seemed to calm a little, and it took a few moments before a low sound reached his ears.
It wasn’t the clanking of the ship’s engine, or any other sound coming from the ship for that matter.
…it was coming from him.
There was a hum in his throat, and as soon as he realized he was the source of the sound, his vocal chords stopped vibrating as he stared down at the human in his arms.
Just…what…what was he doing?
He didn’t hum lullabies. Not to mention this was a song he’d thought he’d long forgotten.
Her hands fisted in his clothes some more, tightening their hold, and it dawned on him that she wanted him to…continue?
How could he deny this strange female being?
Ka’Cit swallowed hard.
The song was a soothing sound—one his momor had hummed to him when he was a chid many, many eons ago.
That was probably why she was drawn to it.
The thought made him shift uncomfortably.
Okay…he could hum…if she needed it.
If it helped.
He released a slow breath through his nose.
He could hum the…lullaby.
Phek…
He was really going to do this.
The sound started off hesitant in his throat but the more the seconds passed, the more he was able to do it and if he closed his eyes, he could probably pretend he wasn’t doing so many things so uncharacteristic of him.
But, as the song flowed from his memory into his vocal chords, he watched her. He couldn’t pull his gaze away.
Not now, especially in this strange situation they’d found themselves in.
Her body was tense and her eyebrows remained knitted, but her breathing was stabilizing.
He was sure.
Every breath she took caused her small frame to rise and fall against his, and it was definitely getting a more even rhythm.
A few moments before, it had sounded like every breath was raking against her windpipe.
Now, every breath was a deep inhale followed by an even deeper, smooth exhale.
That alone urged him to continue even though with each note, memories he’d locked away came flooding back.
Memories of when he’d been innocent.
Memories of times past.
The Before.
Before he’d had to run away.
It was hard keeping above the surface of those memories and he fought to concentrate, choosing the present lest he get locked into the past.
The human.
Focus on the human.
She needs you.
Slowly, the human’s body stopped heaving as much and he began to prepare himself, erecting those mental walls, for when she awakened from her fit and threw herself away from him.
…But…she wasn’t letting him go.
Minutes passed and she still held on.
Not that he minded it, but now that they weren’t in direct danger and she seemed to be calming down, he could see that the way he was holding her was quite…intimate.
Her thighs straddled his and he was holding her against him, his arms wrapped around her, the roundness of her ass cheeks in his hands.
Her head was still against his chest, her face buried into him, and her hands were still fisted in the front of his tunic.
Phek.
This was not the time nor the place, but, along with the general trouble they were in, he seemed to have a problem brewing in his trousers as well.
Ka’Cit squeezed his eyes shut for a moment.
It was a blessing his mask prevented him from sniffing her scent. His mask was already brushing against her strange hair, which stood up and away from her head instead of falling down her shoulders, and if it weren’t for the mask, his nose would be pressed into the curly strands.
He hadn’t intended it and he knew it was inappropriate, but this was intimate.
Looking down at her, it dawned on him that this was what his friends, Riv and Sohut, had.
Every. Single. Day.
Their mates were the same species as this female.
Did they fear the dark too?
Heights?
He imagined La-rehn shrieking and running toward Riv when she happened upon a random ladder on the Sanctuary grounds.
Did his friends’ mates seek comfort from them like this when they felt threatened or scared?
The question was easy to answer.
Of course, they did.
His friends got to hold their females and take pleasure knowing they drew strength from them.
And now—again, it was inappropriate for him to be thinking this, but…now he was this female’s strength.
It was a new feeling, one he’d never experienced before, and an ache developed within him that he knew far too well.
Not because he was envious of what his friends had…
No.
This ache was something else.
This ache was there because this was a part of life he, Ka’Cit, would never ever have.
And for good reason.
He had nothing to offer any deserving female.
He was cursed.
Bone Crusher wasn’t the only unwanted moniker he’d been given.
In other places, at another time, he’d been given another name.
He was Ka’Cit Urgmental, the Cursed, the Unwanted…the Smooth-Faced.
12
It felt like a long, long time before Nia was able to open her eyes.
As the minutes ticked by, the big, blue guy had held her close, allowing her to breathe through her panic attack.
She was still fighting with herself, telling herself that it was fine, that she wasn’t about to suffocate.
She knew it was an illogical response. She knew perfectly well that she wasn’t going to die…that there was enough air for her to breathe.
Still, she couldn’t stop herself.
She’d always suffered from claustrophobia.
It had haunted her most of her life and even now, it was still haunting her.
It was why she’d decided to become a nurse instead of doing what she’d wanted to do in the first place—join the army.
Her claustrophobia was a vulnerability, and in times like this, that was achingly obvious.
Imagine freezing up on the battlefield when the lives of others depended on her.
She couldn’t do it.
Fuck.
She blinked as a huge breath shuddered from her.
If this stranger hadn’t been there to urge her down the hole, could she have done it alone?
The answer to that question scared her.
She’d have let herself down.
She’d have folded and gone back up for air.
Her breathing was still labored, but she was able to lift her head a little.
Embarrassment made her cheeks warm as she realized what she was doing.
She had her legs spread over him, her hands fisted in his shirt…
Nia lifted her gaze and green eyes met hers.
Fuck.
Her heart skipped a beat.
She hadn’t realized his face would be that close.
If he wasn’t wearing that mask, they’d be so close they could kiss.
She should pull her gaze away.
She should…
Or maybe he would look away first?
No such luck.
It felt like time slowed down as she looked into those green eyes, and she could forget for a second that how she was sitting on him was completely inappropriate.
The hum of the ship disappeared and the earlier events occurred in some other dimension.
How he managed to do that with just one look was a question she’d have to ponder later.
“
You are okay now, ta’ii.” His voice was like a comforting cloak. “You are safe.”
Her heart thumped in her chest, reacting to something other than the remnants of the panic attack she’d just suffered, and Nia managed to smile at him a little.
She was calming down and it was all because of him.
She didn’t know how she was going to thank him but the first order of business was to stop straddling him as if she was about to take him for a ride—because, and she realized this much too late in her opinion, she was in the exact position to do so.
As she eased off his chest, she tried to straighten his shirt, but she’d thoroughly crushed it; she’d held on to it that tightly.
“Sorry.” She gave him a weak smile. “I’ll get you a new one once we get out of this…” she glanced around them “…this mess.”
Nia cleared her throat and slid off his lap with as much grace and poise as she could muster, which wasn’t much. The space was small, and she had to set her body awkwardly just to rise off him.
He didn’t move, and she was glad he didn’t say anything.
If he did, she might have evaporated from embarrassment.
She already knew what she looked like.
“Sorry for…” She tried to find the words but stopped short.
What was she doing?
Even if she apologized, he couldn’t understand a word she said.
She would just have to let Riv relay a message to him when they finally returned to the Sanctuary.
Maybe she’d even volunteer to work at his farm for a bit, to repay him for all this trouble.
It was her fault he was now stuck in the underbelly of a ship.
Shit!
The thought made her anxiety rise.
“Where are we? What is this place?”
She glanced around the small room, if she could call it that.
The walls on all sides were metal, and there was hardly enough space for both of them to sit comfortably.
Recognizing that, she felt another wave of claustrophobia incoming.
Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes.
One, two, three…she counted over and over as she focused on her breathing.
There was a rhythmic clanking sound somewhere farther in the ship’s underbelly and she focused on that too.
The rhythm helped.
But despite her best efforts, the panic was rising once more.