by Anne Conley
She was falling for him. She wanted to be the one to sit by his hospital bed and have a vested interest in his recovery. Annette needed to see him, to hear his voice. The adrenaline rush she felt from watching the video made the booty call night make all the sense in the world. He’d needed her that night. Needed the connection with someone. She’d made it about herself and cheapened the experience by making it a booty call instead of talking to him and realizing what it was truly about.
Her career wasn’t worth not spending time with Jude. The idea that there was anything more important than getting to spend every spare minute with the man she loved while she could was absurd. She’d been fooling herself with this whole “no relationships” thing. If Jude had died in that accident, there was no telling what she would have lost.
Because she’d never have known it.
She had an abundance of energy she needed to get rid of.
Suddenly, Annette didn’t want to give Jude the time he said he wanted. They’d spent weeks apart after something incendiary had happened because she’d been an idiot. She saw now that Jude needed her, and she wasn’t going to let him push her away.
Annette just needed to figure out what to do.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Jude was riding shotgun in the firetruck on the way to Pamona Gulch Primary School with Joey, his aching arm in a sling. He’d been put on what he liked to call “accessory duty” at the station but was pretty sure the chief was about to make him stay home except for shit like this.
But he really liked shit like this. Going to teach fire safety at the schools was awesome. He wanted the little people to grow up chanting “Stop, drop, and roll” like a mantra they couldn’t stop when they saw flames. He wanted them to go home and insist their parents make a plan for fires in the house. He wanted them to protect themselves from the dangers inherent in the flames. If doing these programs at schools would save lives, he’d happily do them every day, all day, the rest of his life.
He never wanted to find a kid in a closet of a burning home again.
“So the wedding’s still on, and I have to go get fitted for a fucking monkey suit. I’m not happy with the douchebag, but Mom says it’s not about me.” Joey was rambling on in the driver seat, maneuvering the huge steering wheel like an extension of himself.
“He’s the really young guy, right?” Jude was trying to stay present, thinking about Joey and the program, when all he really wanted to think about was Annette. Her phone call last night had been unexpected, and he wondered if he’d said the right thing, except it felt right. She needed to know what she wanted before they kept on like this because Jude was quickly learning he was all fucking in.
“Yeah, like, six years older than me, but he acts like he’s sixty. Listens to all those moldy oldie crooners and shit. Mom says he’s an old soul, but I think it’s a front so he can get her to cook for him and do his laundry. Fucking mommy issues is what it is.”
“But your mom’s happy?” Trying to focus on that, he wanted Joey out of this dark funk his mom’s wedding was putting him in. It had come up rather suddenly, and Joey was clearly having some difficulty with it.
“Yeah, she is.” He sounded defeated and sighed once, loudly. “Oh, hey, I think Everly’s finally done with you.”
“What do you mean?” Jude didn’t really care about Everly, especially after the shit with Annette, but was curious what Joey was talking about. He twisted in his seat, ignoring the twinge in his collar at the movement. Broken collarbones sucked, but the pain killers were pretty awesome, hence why he wasn’t on any sort of duty with responsibilities at the station. He may have fibbed about his faculties when Chief asked him if he was okay for this assignment.
“Turns out, Simone was only with me to get Everly closer to you. Simone broke up with me last night, giving me the whole ‘it’s not me’ speech. I’m really fucking sick of women. It really sucks they have to be so beautiful. Like that one who brought the prime rib by the fire station this morning. She was fucking gorgeous.”
They turned into the parking lot at the primary school, and Joey parked along the curb in front of the entrance so the kiddos could come out and look at the various parts of the truck after the presentation. Joey reached in the back and got the box of plastic fire hats they were passing out and looked at Jude.
“I’m really sorry things didn’t work out with that girl, but in my opinion, women aren’t worth the bullshit they put us through.”
“Maybe not, but I’m not totally done with Annette yet. I just haven’t figured out my next move.” Like how to protect my heart.
Joey snorted before hopping out of the driver’s door of the truck, leaving Jude to maneuver his way out one-armed without falling on his ass.
While Jude set up the PowerPoint presentation they’d emailed to the school, Joey got the rest of the stuff from the firetruck: boxes of little plastic baggies filled with fire safety coloring books and full-color promo stuff for the Breakfast with Santa fundraiser they were doing in a couple of weeks.
The kids started filing in, and Jude watched, feeling their excitement at the program build in his gut. Hushed whispers about the firemen sounded all around him, giving him a ridiculous sense of pride. He’d grown up like these kids, admiring the firefighters he saw around town and the ones who came to the school. He’d always wanted to fight fires and was living his dream.
With one notable exception.
He didn’t have Annette … yet. As he watched the tiny grownups with wide, expectant eyes, he noticed a few parents off to the sides of the group who had come to watch as well. He wondered if Annette would be the type of mom who would want to go to all the children’s programs at school and if she would make trays of cookies to take to class for parties.
His mind drifted to what sorts of kids they would have together. He saw a little girl who wore a ruffled dress with a matching hair tie and a curly ponytail. He saw another girl who wore jeans and tennis shoes like they were a second skin. He saw the little boy who clearly wished he were anywhere but at school, with a t-shirt that said, “You can hear my swagger coming.” And he saw the little boy with braces on his legs, who used hand crutches to walk.
Jude knew he would love unconditionally whatever child was a part of Annette.
Realizing his train of thought, he started. Was this really how he felt about her? Did he really want that sort of a future? Kids and a house and the whole nine yards? He barely knew her. How much his dreams had changed in such a short period of time was ridiculous.
Granted, the days at the cabin, the forced proximity, had given them ample time to learn about each other. He knew she loved all things beef, Justin Timberlake was a guilty pleasure, and she couldn’t pick a favorite color. He knew her favorite movie was The Breakfast Club, she hated being hot, and she was ticklish behind her knees. He knew she was extraordinarily brave, having left everything that was comfortable to move here. He knew she was driven and determined to make her life here a success.
He just had to get the guts up to put his heart on the line. Jude couldn’t protect it and have her at the same time.
It was time. He’d put it off long enough and had pussy-footed around with the rose on her table in the square. He needed to take action.
Her phone call last night was huge. She’d made a declaration, even if she didn’t realize it. He’d heard it in her voice, even if she hadn’t said the words. Annette wanted this with him. Maybe not the kids and house and yard … yet. But she’d called him last night to apologize. He didn’t really see a reason for her to do that—they were still feeling their way around this—but he knew what he wanted and wasn’t going to stop until he got it.
She’d opened the door, he’d taken a step back, but he was about to take a running start and go for it.
Butterflies took wing in his stomach at the idea today was the day he wou
ld do something. Just making that decision gave him a different outlook and determination to get this particular show going so he could get to her.
Then a little girl came into the gym, and his focus zeroed in on her. It was the girl he and Zane had gotten out of the fire.
Long, golden curls hung limply down her back, and she wore a cheap sweatsuit that probably came from donations from the community. He knew the girl was currently staying with an aunt, but he’d heard through the grapevine that she was probably going to move in with another relative during the Christmas break. His heart went out to her, and he found himself staring. When her eyes looked to him, she gave a vague smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes. He beamed back at her but didn’t go over to talk to her. He didn’t know exactly what to say to the child since he hadn’t been quick enough to save her parents. Jude didn’t want to make a big deal out of saving her life, either, because that wasn’t who he was.
He just didn’t know what to say to the child, so he said nothing. The little girl whispered something to her teacher and was escorted out.
Jude went over to Joey, who had just come in with the rest of the boxes. “Hey, man. Jessica was just in here. Do you mind starting this while I go talk to her? I want to make sure she’s okay.” Joey knew who Jessica was. Losing her parents wasn’t just Jude’s fault. The entire firehouse took losses hard. Joey nodded with a knowing gleam in his eyes, and Jude walked outside to find Jessica sitting on a cafeteria seat, looking forlorn.
He sat down next to her, silent for a moment while he gathered his thoughts.
After a bit, he said, “I guess that’s too much for you right now, huh?”
She nodded, a tear slipping down her cheek.
“Jessica, things are going to be okay. I hear you’re moving in with Grandma in a couple of weeks.”
“Yeah, I just didn’t want to listen to you talk about what to do during a fire.” Her words were stuttered out, as if carefully chosen.
“I understand. You’ve survived one.” He knew how to talk to kids under normal circumstances, but not like this. “Look, Jessica, I want you to know how very brave you were, and are, to keep coming to school and going on, even though things are really tough right now. You were a brave little girl during that fire. It was a bad one, and you made it out alive. That takes a special person.” He could lecture her on the mistakes she’d made by hiding, but now wasn’t the time or the place. Joey would take care of that inside the gym, but Jude needed to be here.
“Were you hurt in the fire?” Jessica was looking at his shoulder sling, pointing but not touching.
“Yes. When I was thrown out of your window, I broke my collarbone, but I’ll be okay,” he reassured her, even though he wasn’t sure why. He was feeling guilty as hell.
“My grandma makes peanut butter cookies,” she offered.
“I like peanut butter cookies.”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what, sweetheart?”
“For you getting hurt in the fire. I was hiding. The lady told me that was bad and I shouldn’t have done it.”
He didn’t know what lady Jessica was talking about but assumed it was probably a social worker or something. “Jessica, your hiding didn’t get me hurt or hurt your parents. It turned out okay for you. We found you.” Okay, he couldn’t let it go. “But if it ever happens again, you shouldn’t hide, okay? Find something to wrap around your face to keep the smoke out and stay down low if you can’t get out of the house, but don’t hide. None of this was your fault. You didn’t start that fire. It was an old house, and the wiring wasn’t safe. That’s not your fault. Remember that, okay?”
She sniffed and nodded, but then fell into his arms with more tears. It hurt, but he didn’t care. He wrapped his good arm around her and held onto the girl.
He looked up to see a woman watching him with a small smile on her lips. Most likely the principal or her teacher or someone. He smiled back, a grim smile he was sure, but something passed between them in that moment.
When Jessica’s tears had subsided, he pulled away from her so he could watch her. “Can I give you something?” She nodded. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a business card, then got a pen out of his shirt pocket and wrote his cell number on it. “This is for you to keep. It has my phone number on it. Anytime you want to talk about stuff, or you’re feeling sad, or you have questions, or just anything, call me. Okay? I want us to be friends.”
Jessica nodded, and Jude felt his phone buzz in his pocket, but he ignored it. “Promise? I want to hear from you.”
“I will.” She squinted her eyes as she read the front of the card. “Jude? That’s sort of a funny name.”
“Yup, and I’m stronger for all the teasing I got when I was little because of it.” He smiled. “You’re a strong girl too. You’ll make it through all this. But if you need help, call me. Okay?”
Jessica gave him a genuine smile this time, albeit a bit watery, and hugged him. Jude cringed because she wasn’t being careful of his broken collarbone, but it was okay. It wasn’t like the little seven-year-old was a hulk or anything.
“I have to go help my buddy pass out fire hats now. Are you gonna be okay?”
She nodded, and he tugged on a piece of her hair before leaving.
Jude went back to the gym just in time to help Joey pass out hats and bags to the kids as they filed back to their room, his head in a fog. This was usually his favorite part, but today he was too distracted to look at the faces and hear all the thank yous.
In the truck with Joey, he thought about Jessica’s future while Joey prattled on about playing Santa at the upcoming breakfast. He was complaining about all the tiny people sitting on his lap.
“Dude, I would do it if the suit fit, but you’re the only one, so shut the fuck up and deal with it.” Jude didn’t feel guilty for snapping at his friend. He was too full of guilt about other stuff.
“Sorry. Seeing that kid was rough, huh?”
“Yeah, a little.” Understatement of the year, but Joey wasn’t much for deep, soul-searching conversations, so he left it at that. Jude’s cell buzzed again, and he remembered the text while he was talking to Jessica. He pulled out his phone to see who was trying to get in touch with him.
Annette: Truth or dare?
Annette: You there? Or have I lost you?
Lost him? Did she actually think that was a possibility? He quelled the excitement surging through him. If there was anyone who could get him out of this funk, it was Annette. Unless this was about sex. If she was getting him on a booty call, he’d have to rethink everything. He wanted so damn much more, and it was his fault she thought sex was all this was about.
Jude: You can’t lose me. I need you. For more than sex.
He added that last part so she knew. No mistakes this time. No misunderstandings.
Annette: Can you meet me at the Ski Lodge?
The Lodge? Why would she want to meet there? Maybe because it was public and she didn’t want him mauling her as soon as he saw her, which was his first instinct every time she was near him. Understandable. And perfect.
Jude: When?
Annette: When can you be there?
Jude: An hour
Annette: LOL. Make it two
Jude smiled to himself. This was it. He was getting her back, and it would be epic. He didn’t have a grand gesture planned, still couldn’t think of something that would work for her. But just the idea of talking to her again was giving him the fluttery shit in his gut, and a pang of excitement shot up his spine.
Two hours, and she would be his again.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Jude looked out the floor-to-ceiling window at the fresh powder that covered the gulch Pamona Gulch had been named for. A massive, u-shaped hollow in the side of the mountain, the lodge he hung out at had an a
mazing naturally-made half-pipe just for snowboarders. In the spring, the thaw made it a fantastic swimming spot. Anticipation coursed through him at the prospect of seeing Annette any minute. He couldn’t stop fantasizing about her in a bikini, nipples popping at the cold water from the thawed snow.
He adjusted himself, shifting in his seat. This was exactly why she was probably meeting him in public. He was likely to start with sex if they met in private. He had stuff to say to her that really should be said first, and he was going to listen to her words too.
At the Gulch Ski Lodge, the real world was idyllic and peaceful. It was a place he came to a lot, especially in the winter. The ski lodge was where the locals went mostly. There was a resort, a fancier place over on the other side of the mountain, but it was a pricier experience that catered to the tourists during ski season—the ones who couldn’t afford Aspen or Breckenridge but still wanted the experience. The lodge still had tourists, and offered some lessons for them, as well as a restaurant and cabins for rent, but the locals came for the skiing, the bar, and the people watching. Jude had had his share of hook-ups here, in his younger days, but that wasn’t why he came today. Today wasn’t about a hook-up, if he got his way.
Today was about a fresh start for forever.
He absently watched the shredders through the window, trying to ignore his thoughts of Annette by feeling sorry for himself because he couldn’t be out there tearing up the powder. The lifts were a nice backdrop as they toted people further up the mountain, and he imagined he was on it, the wind blowing across his face.
Then he heard Annette’s laugh in his head and nearly lost it.
His eyes were drawn to the massive oak doors that led outside, and his breath was gone. The tinkly music of her laughter continued as everything else slowed down. Her elegant hand brushed a lock of honey-blonde hair away that had blown into her face. Flakes of snow stuck to her eyelashes, her green eyes sparkling with laughter and mischief.
Everything inside him turned to warm goo. That was the effect she had on him. Two women followed her, and something rushed him, making him lightheaded. It was a possessiveness and regret. She’d made friends, and he hadn’t helped. One of the women was Katie, a girl he’d known forever. He didn’t recognize the other woman. Suddenly, he wanted to know everything. How did they meet? What did they do together? Did these women know she loved margaritas and watching baseball?