I couldn’t give up now.
Becoming a monster didn’t mean I had to become one inside. I could still fight for the right side. And maybe, maybe if I could show the stewards that they were my ongoing priority, I could share my secret one day without fear.
A growl slipped from my lips, and I doubled over as pain erupted in my fingertips. I fell to my knees, crying out and clawing my hands.
Needles were trying to press from the inside out.
I panted in a heap on the floor until the stabbing agony faded. What the hell was that?
Knock, knock.
“Andie?”
It was Wade.
I didn’t answer until the door handle turned. “I’m busy right now!”
“Oh my giddy aunt, are you getting some?” came his muffled reply.
I had bigger fucking problems.
I winced as a deep ache throbbed in my teeth, around where I assumed fangs would explode into existence one day. I dashed away another tear. “Go away.”
“Are you okay?’
“Jesus, Wade. Leave me alone!”
Scrambling for the mirror, I stared in horror at the darkness looking back at me. I watched the shadow of his feet under the door and reached for my mental forest.
“Okay... Sorry to interrupt.”
The shadow disappeared, and I listened to his retreating footsteps, sinking down to the floor, dark eyes and all.
No.
This couldn’t be my fate.
I refused to let this bite and transition determine my future. I couldn’t lose everyone and everything. This place was part of me now, and no one would ever forge my path again.
Picking myself up, I made sure my eyes had returned to human norms and sat next to the window.
There was a way out of this.
I just had to find it.
“I realise it’s an irregular request,” I smiled slightly.
Nathan frowned. “That’s one word for it. It will send a message that you want to be separated from the stewards.”
Forest, forest, forest.
My teeth ached something ferocious. I could assume they wanted to sink into Nathan’s neck.
“Only if we portray it that way,” I pressed. “Cast in another light, I could just wish to experience life as they do. I could be one of them.”
Roderick hummed. “You’d be outside the protection of the manor.”
“If stewards’ houses are less secure than the manor, then that is of concern to me,” I said coolly.
Every emotion had to be cool and calm. Not white hot and furious. I couldn’t let frustration take over. Or any strong feeling.
Not now. Not ever again.
That’s when my Luther symptoms ramped up.
“You know what I mean,” he replied. “You have a larger target on your head than most. We can’t forget the attack on you in Water.”
“Tell us why again,” Pascal said in the quiet wake.
Shocked was an apt description of how they’d been since I mentioned moving out of the manor. There were two free cabins—I’d checked with Eleanor. One sat at the far outskirts of our territory.
There, I’d have a shot at hiding the truth.
I spread my hands on the table. “I’m not used to so many people around all the time. It’s affecting my focus. I can’t sustain a healthy balance this way, so I have to alter something. I’ll be at the manor from dawn until dusk each day, and available at all hours of the day by phone. But for me, living away from the manor creates a clear line in my mind that will allow me to switch off in the evening. I’m not sleeping. What sleep I do get isn’t restful. My mind isn’t leaving work, so to speak.”
“That’s why you’re not sleeping?” Rhona asked.
She didn’t believe me. “I’d be lying if I said the events of the last two months aren’t affecting me too. I lost my mother—or the woman I assumed was her. Then the father I thought was my uncle. I’m processing their deaths and their lies, but I need space to do that.”
The others fell silent.
My move didn’t look good—Nathan was right, for once. But I couldn’t transform into a Luther in the damn manor.
If this compromise was made, then I could stay.
If it wasn’t, I’d leave tonight.
I held Rhona’s gaze, clinging to my invisible forest. Please understand.
“I don’t like it,” she said. “You’re too vulnerable out there.”
Fuck.
She straightened. “I’ll live out there with you.”
“We can’t put both of us at risk.”
“Just you, right?” she drawled.
Fury slammed into my chest. I stood and turned from the head team. Inhale. Exhale. When the ache receded from my throat and teeth, I answered, “That’s right, Rhona. If you needed this, then I would support you. I know your disagreement stems from your fear for my life, but I won’t live in fear.” Opening my eyes, I looked into the reflection of a picture to check them.
No black.
I faced them again. “I will live my life for this tribe, but it’s with this caveat. And it’s for the tribe. I know my own limits. I know how to manage them.”
Stanley rumbled, “I don’t see the issue of you moving out myself. Couldn’t stand people milling around at every hour of the day. If the stewards take issue, it’s because they’re too damn nosy.”
My lips twitched. “Thank you, Stanley.”
“I’m against it, but then, I don’t believe you were asking for our permission,” Valerie said, glancing at my sister.
Yeah, Valerie didn’t like me one bit. I addressed her. “The head team are representatives of the tribe. Concerns you have will be shared by other stewards. Of course, we must be united in how this is presented.”
Pascal leaned forward. “You know your limits. You’re a strong believer in maintaining your wellbeing for the betterment of the tribe. Even if that baffles some, they’ll respect it. Some will talk.” Her eyes slid to Nathan and Valerie. On purpose?
I couldn’t figure that woman out.
“I’m in agreement. If you need this to balance the stresses of head stewardship, then we’ll support you,” Roderick said.
The others murmured their assent.
Mostly.
“If you can’t handle the stresses of head stewardship, you should delegate more tasks to others,” Rhona exploded.
When I played this through in my head, Rhona didn’t kick up the most fuss. I should have known better, but my heightened temper really wanted to forget that she cared about me.
“That’s exactly what I wanted to talk to you about.” I tilted my head when she glared at me. “Will you join me on a walk outside? I’ve been cooped inside all day.”
My skin literally itched with the need to be outside—another Luther trait, I could assume.
Rhona stormed for the door, and I followed her out, halting in the doorway. “You’re dismissed. Please return to me for individual reports on strategy developments by the end of today.”
Timber was next, and I’d passed my ideas on to the teams.
We had to win this grid. I needed a damn good thing to happen.
Rhona was waiting for me in the herb garden. I should be happy she didn’t make me run to prove my love.
We fell into step.
“Why are you really doing it?” she burst out.
This required quick thinking and another fucking lie. It was true what they said—telling one lie led to another and another.
I slid a look at her. “You were right about Sascha Greyson.”
Her eyes widened. “That he’s obsessed with you? How do you know?”
“I watched him when we went to pack lands. There’s something to your theory. And I’ve thought of a way to use it to our advantage.”
Rhona stopped. “You want to lure him to the cabin.”
“Yes. Any unwilling touch between Luther and steward outside of Grids will result in a penalty point. Five penalty points and the Luthers lo
se a grid. We have cameras all through our territory.”
Her face worked. I didn’t know if being sisters made reading her emotions easier, but I’d never had the ability to read anyone like Rhona. I could almost hear her inner battle.
She didn’t want me in danger’s way, but she loathed Sascha Greyson with the fires of a thousand hells.
She smirked. Hatred won. “You’ll need to gear up to protect yourself. I’d be on speed dial, of course.”
“That’s why I need to be at the outskirts. Though, I’m really not lying, I need this for myself too.”
She kicked at the ground. “I know.”
“Are you sure? Because you managed to make those words sound like fuck you.”
She snorted. “It’s a skill. I’m sorry. I keep biting off your head without meaning to.”
This wasn’t just temper. This was her truly worrying about me. And more. “I can handle anything the Luthers throw at me. You know that, right? I’ve got this head stewardship under control. I’m almost bored.”
Her head lowered and the movement only reminded me of a werewolf’s submission.
“It’s just that...” She bit her lip. “I could do it too. That’s the problem.”
I stiffened, and Rhona shook her head, holding up her hands. “It’s a daddy issue. That’s all. I’m taking it out on you. I have this need to prove myself to show him what a mistake he made. All the while, I agree that he made the best choice in you. I would choose you too. Seriously, don’t worry. It’s fucked up.”
Gripping her arm, I said fiercely. “You would have made a great head steward, Rhona. Don’t ever doubt it. We know Herc didn’t mean for things to come out this way, but please don’t doubt that he believed in you. You could lead the stewards in a heartbeat. I know it. You know it.”
Her eyes shone with unshed tears. “I’m being silly. It’s nothing.”
Wounds like this weren’t nothing. I really hoped she came to terms with this one day.
“Also, ouch.” She tugged free. “Your grip is strong considering you stopped training.”
Oops. “I want to start again soon. Once I have things in order. I feel better after Iron. Give me a few months, and I’ll be an old hat at this.” I remembered my real reason for this talk. “Listen, I want you to do something. I have a feeling you’ll be happy about it.”
Rhona’s brows climbed. “Do I get to kill Sascha Greyson?”
My stomach lurched and I gritted my teeth against the voodoo before forcing a smirk. “Well, it’s a start.”
10
I heaved the last suitcase from Ella F onto the small table in the kitchen. Dusty. And worn.
I didn’t care.
This run-down cabin was officially my safety net.
“We’re going to have so many parties here.” Wade burst inside with my cleaning supplies from the car.
“Hey,” I greeted him. “Didn’t hear you pull up.”
“Walked here,” he said. “You’re really isolated. Are you sure that won’t bother you?”
The full moon would begin tonight, and—impossibly—I could feel energy stirring under my blood like a beast waking from slumber. I just hoped the change happened tonight and not during the grid tomorrow night.
I crossed the creaking floorboards. “Wade, listen. About the other night when I yelled at you. I’m sorry.”
He pursed his lips. “What was it about?”
“Everything. And nothing I want to get into. I just needed a moment alone.”
Wade pulled me into his arms. “Being a hermit out here will give you a lot more of that. Forgiven, baby girl.”
“Thank you.”
“Do you want me to stay with you tonight?”
Hell fucking no. “I appreciate that. But I’d like to be alone.”
His hold tightened. “I’d like to pull apart whatever you’re holding inside, but I’m going to be an adult about this.”
Drawing away, I peered up. “Uh, thanks?”
“You should thank me. Adulting is something I prefer to avoid. Just please promise there’s nothing to worry about.”
I eyed the cabin. “The only thing to worry about is the state of this place. You have perfect timing.”
He groaned. “I fell into that one. Before I forget. The accommodation team want to start letting the riverside apartment again. They found your saxophone inside. I put it just outside.”
My mouth dried. “Okay.”
“I’ll grab it. I know you have an unhealthy relationship with it.”
“No, no. It’ll get dusty with this mess. I’ll grab it later.”
Fucking thing can stay out there and rust.
Wade started with the broom and dustpan as I grabbed a rag and surface spray. I listened to his singing, rolling my shoulders that perpetually ached.
I was so sore that feeling terror was almost impossible. Almost. I’d seen Sascha shift to four-legged form. The sickening squelching, cracks, and pops. The movies depicted nice versions of these creatures shifting in a shimmering haze. They weren’t anywhere close to reality.
My entire body would break apart as it changed to another species. My chest tightened and I inhaled thinly, turning from Wade as the throbbing at the base of my incisors ramped up.
In the last two days, I’d found my gums and knuckles always hurt when my eyes started darkening. It was a good warning sign for me to regain control.
My phone pinged, and I checked the email. “Yes.”
“Porn?”
I rolled my eyes. “Not everything is porn.”
“Respectfully, I disagree.”
“The house deposit was paid into my account.” Huh, and the payment from the manor account to cover the outstanding debt balance.
Rhona must have done it. I wasn’t going to do that until settlement.
I slipped the phone away.
“You can’t tell me selling your house isn’t worthy of a few drinks tonight,” Wade said.
“My aunty-mum left me a nearly half-a-million-dollar debt. My ex-boyfriend tried to sabotage the sale by smashing windows. I just want the debt and house gone and to never think about it ever again. Until that happens completely, I can’t celebrate.”
Wade’s smile slid away.
“I just… don’t want to talk about any of this. I want to clean this cabin and be alone.”
“That’s fine for a while,” he said eventually. “After what you and Rhona have been through, it’s even expected. As long as you know that can’t last. You’re head steward, Andie.”
I whirled. “Do you think I’ve forgotten that?”
“I know Ragna fucked up, but you loved her. Love her. Selling the house won’t… well, I don’t think that will make the pain better, baby girl.”
“I don’t need a reality check. I need people to understand the words coming out of my mouth. I want to be alone.”
After a beat, he nodded. “I can do that.”
His shoulders were tense as he turned away to resume cleaning.
Fuck. I was taking this out on the wrong person. Wade had been there for me. “Sorry. Again. Just—don’t take this the wrong way. I value you a lot, but I’m in a shit mood. Could you leave me to this? Forget I was a bitch for the second time.”
The itching under my skin was driving me fucking crazy. I pulled at the bottom of my sweater.
Wade ran a hand through his blond hair. “People only lash out when they’re hurting. I’ll leave you alone tonight. You better believe I’ll be back tomorrow morning.”
I blinked several times. “I don’t deserve you.”
“You deserve the very best. Of which I am.”
I kissed his cheek and hugged his firm middle. “Don’t come too early. I haven’t been sleeping well.”
“Is that why Rhona’s doing the Timber announcement to the Luthers right now instead of you?”
“That’s me sending a message to Sascha. I’ve decided not to keep going with the mating meets.”
Wade stiffened
, holding me at arm’s length. “Since when?”
“Since two nights ago when I told him.”
He searched my face. “Andie. Is that smart?”
I closed my eyes in case things got charged again. “I’m sick of it. The mating stuff is his problem.”
At his silence, I cracked an eyelid. “What?”
Wade shrugged. “Never thought I’d agree with a Luther.” Before I could snap again, he squeezed my shoulders. “I’ll lecture you tomorrow. Tonight is yours.”
I grimaced. “How about we don’t do the lecture at all?”
“I’m the best, bitchhole. Not perfect.”
Ditching the rag and spray, I walked onto the porch to watch him leave. The closest cabin was a ten-minute walk according to Rhona.
Leaning on the balustrade, I scanned the area. A visit to Heather told me two frequency generators covered this space. A camera was fixed fifty metres to my right. Another, one hundred metres to the left. They faced outward to cover the road and forest bordering our territory. There weren’t any cameras beyond them.
A heat detector was stationed not far from the cabin. I’d need to be at least sixty metres from that when I shifted. Safer to be well away before that time. To my knowledge, partial shifts didn’t register as abnormal on the detectors, but I couldn’t rely on that to remain hidden.
Maybe first shifts were different.
I was going in totally blind.
Returning to the house, I set to ridding the small cabin of dust and dirt. Mopping the floor for the third time, I made the bed with linens stolen from the manor and unpacked my things in the small drawers and wardrobe.
I’d done it.
The first part of remain in Deception Valley as a werewolf.
Time for phase two.
Dragging out my phone, I texted Cameron.
Hey, everything at the cabin is good. Just cleaned stuff up and it’s looking cosy.
I want you to see it, but I won’t lie, tonight I’m chilling out.
This girl needs a few hours to herself.
I clicked Send and messaged Rhona.
How did you get on? Notice anything?
Cameron replied.
You deserve it.
Rest up. I’ll come see the place tomorrow!
Moon Claimed: Supernatural Battle (Werewolf Dens Book 2) Page 9