Look away.
Pretend this doesn’t mean anything.
Because it didn’t.
Sascha crooked his finger.
Air seized in my throat. “It can’t.”
“What can’t, little bird?”
I choked on my words as he hooked his finger again.
“Yes, mate. Your body is mine to memorize and nurture. I will always give you everything you need. I’ll give you what you never knew you wanted.”
I needed what his finger could give me now.
I’d never admit that I wanted him specifically to fulfil that need.
A force so strong it almost scared me began to push upward from my core. A confused moan left me.
Sascha’s shoulders bunched as he moved both of his hands, and the sight of him pleasuring himself was the sight that began to unravel me.
“You’re close, mate,” he murmured.
I nodded, unable to speak. I could only beg him with my eyes not to stop.
Never to stop.
“Let go, mate.” His low voice rocked through me, and I was inwardly lifted and thrown into a place I could never return from.
12
Ouch.
Fucking ouch.
Groaning, I moved my legs through the blankets tangled around my body. Someone had driven a battering ram into my sides.
One hundred and two times by the feel.
“You’ll be sore for a few days,” a honey voice said. “The first change isn’t easy.”
I wrenched my eyes open and sat.
Across my cabin—thank shit I wasn’t on pack lands—sat the man-beast who’d last occupied the space between my legs.
Very well if memory served.
I ran a hand through my hair. “What happened?”
“The part where you shifted alone, then I found you, and we nearly entered the heat? Or the part where you passed out from the best orgasm of your life?”
Yeah, that was 2000 percent gloating.
“You should be proud of yourself,” I told him flatly.
His smug smile didn’t fade.
Honestly? He could back it up.
Asshole.
“One day,” Sascha rumbled, “I’ll have you in my bed looking just like that. Tussled auburn hair, dazed eyes, and naked. After hours of sex.”
Peering down, I eyed my breasts which were, indeed, popping out to say hello. Scowling at the Luther, I kicked the blankets away and wobbled over to my wardrobe. I yanked out a short dressing gown.
“The glare can stay too,” he muttered low.
He likes our glare, my wolf gushed.
She was still here—then again, I’d felt her foreign presence within me as soon as I woke.
Ignoring her continued crush, I shrugged into the gown, tying it tightly. Last night dealt with my out-of-control libido, but it was a one-off.
“What’s the time?” I croaked. “And where did you get pants?”
“Just after dawn. Hairy dropped them off.”
He couldn’t have dropped off a shirt as well? “You carried me here?”
“I found your car and brought us back in that.”
I tensed. “The cameras?”
“Two of them. Don’t worry. No one saw me.”
Sighing, I filled the kettle and set it to boil. When I leaned against the bench, Sascha was sitting on the low couch, comfortable as pie as his gaze lazily roamed over me.
Did he watch me sleep all night? Heat flooded me at the thought, and his nostrils flared.
He wasn’t smiling now. “How are you going to play this, Andie?”
Gravel rode my voice. “Oh, I’d like to play with you.” I clapped a hand over my mouth, blinking at him. “That wasn’t me.”
Sascha was still for a moment, then he threw back his head, rich laughter booming.
I rubbed my forehead. Was that necessary?
You’re the one who wanted to share forms, she said smugly.
Something I’m regretting.
You shouldn’t. The surge in strength afterward meant this was the right choice for us.
I’m trying to play it cool with Sascha. I can’t be seen to… find him attractive.
No one else is here to look.
She could make a point. I’d give her that. That’s not enough with everything else he’s done.
Greyson did those things.
They’re the same person.
Are we the same person?
Mothershitter, she was good. I like to think that we’ll take each other’s considerations into account before acting.
So take mine into account. I like Sascha’s physical appearance and possibly his mind—though that’s not strictly needed.
You also want to eat Greyson’s heart. Sounds like a super healthy relationship.
Who said I wanted a relationship?
We could agree on that at least.
Snorting, I poured my tea as Sascha got himself under control. “Want a drink?”
“Thank you, mate. Yes. Just whatever you’re having.”
Didn’t strike me as an Earl Grey tea man, but I shrugged, grabbing a second mug. There weren’t many seating options in the cabin. Withholding a sigh, I strode to the couch but halted at the object occupying the other seat.
Sascha scanned my face. “I found your saxophone outside.”
Yeah, I left it there on purpose.
He took his drink, focus never leaving my face as I moved the instrument without comment and sat as far from Sascha as possible on the two-seater. My hand burned where it had touched the case, and I forced my mind from it.
“We need to decide how this goes from now.” He took a tentative sip.
Curious, I inhaled. The pine part of his scent retreated. He didn’t like the tea? Was this how he catalogued my moods?
What did I smell like? “I’m going to keep what I’ve become from the tribe, Sascha. For as long as possible.”
“They’ll notice. New Luthers aren’t known for their control.”
A new Luther never had the incentive I did. “I’ll practice.”
“It takes years. Decades. As a sigma, you’re more powerful than most because you don’t rely on strength from a pack, but Luthers of our status face struggles of their own.”
Tell me about it. “The lone wolf thing?”
“That. And following rules. It took most of my life to find a way for Greyson to accept my position and what came with it. Even then, the pack makes allowances for his nature. How will your wolf manage the confines of your position around people who have no idea about her and therefore make no compromise?”
My wolf was listening. I don’t like rules.
I’ve heard. We’ll find a way. I’m not going to shut you out. I promise. And I wouldn’t. I’d expected to be quivering in fear after the shift, but it was like my mind and heart had doubled. I accepted her place inside me without question, something that surprised me most of all. I didn’t depend on people. I depended on myself. Yet I was bizarrely okay with her permanent residence in my body.
Thank you, Andie.
You got it, wolf girl.
Don’t call me that. I’ve told you that I have no need or desire for a name.
It just feels strange calling you my wolf all the time. She had her own mind.
I didn’t receive an answer.
“I appreciate what you’re saying,” I said. “You know a lot more about being a sigma and a Luther than I do. I know what I won’t give up, and that’s my family.”
Sascha held my gaze. “The family who might not accept who you are.”
“Who may not accept what my enemy turned me into. You forget they’ll sympathise. It could have happened to any of us.”
His hands curled to tight fists. “I’ll tear his throat out when I find him.”
“Go ahead. How did this happen anyway? You said biting didn’t change humans to Luthers.”
Sascha glanced at me. “Not just any kind of bite.”
I waited.
“It’s purposeful,” he said shortly.
That’s all I’d get apparently. “Well at least me being a Luther serves your agenda too.”
He glanced at me. “You think I’d change you against your will?”
“Perhaps not you. But Greyson, yes.”
“Then you don’t know him.” There was a definite bite to the words.
I raised a brow. “Why are you upset about me being a Luther when it only serves what you’ve wanted this whole time?”
Sascha’s jaw clenched. A slight growl filled the cabin. “Another Luther touched my mate. That’s against our most sacred laws.”
“Why?”
“Because we only have one mate. We can only have children with that one mate. We’ll only experience such a connection with our one mate. Our mate is everything. They are not to be harmed. And with all that, it’s against our laws to change a human without pack consent. I can’t recall it ever happening.”
I toyed with the handle of my mug and twitched my nose. The musk in his scent just increased to irritating levels. It smelled… dishonest?
Sascha was holding something back on the mate front. “Does your entire pack know about me now?”
“They’ll put two and two together. Your howl and lack of mental link to the pack marked you as an outsider. My reaction will unlock the rest of the puzzle for them.”
Fuck. “Will they keep their mouths shut?”
“Have they revealed anything else?”
True.
He regarded me. “That’s your choice then? You’ll remain in this cabin, leading the Ni Tiaki?”
I didn’t flinch. “It is.”
The musk in his scent muted this time while the river water smell intensified. I wanted to whine in response. This one was easy. He was unhappy.
Sascha set his mug aside. “Then here’s what you need to know until we’re able to meet again for a Luther lesson. The first shift is the only shift made at the full moon. Otherwise, you will be pushed to shift when there’s least sun—during the nights of the new moon. The next one is in two weeks. During this time, I suggest you meet with my pack—”
I opened my mouth, and he held up a hand.
“—initially. This will prevent your wolf attacking anyone or anything she shouldn’t.”
I do like to chase things and eat hearts, she informed me.
Jesus.
But hundreds of Luthers watching and judging me? No thanks.
“The presence of your wolf, as you’ve probably gathered, grows stronger in times of high emotion. Meditation will help you to retain control in two-legged form.”
I’d discovered that pre-shift and I’d practice in every spare moment. “Can I shift between new moons?”
“Yes, you’ll need to. You can shift whenever you like, but I suggest waiting until you’re fully healed before a second shift.”
My stomach churned. “Will every time be as bad as the first?”
He paused. “How long did it last?”
I frowned. “It started somewhere around seven, I think. You found me at midnight? Five hours?”
Sascha jerked, fingers twitching on his thighs. “If you shift in the presence of the pack, the first shift should take no more than twenty minutes.”
Minutes. My gaze flew to his. “Really?”
His expression was grave. “The longest first shift I’ve heard of is one hour.”
I shivered. Right. Sounds like I brushed a little close to death. Yikes. “What if I shifted by myself again?”
“Not as long. Considering the length of your first, I can’t guess.” Sascha’s chest rose. “Please don’t shift without me near, little bird. I can help you.”
No deal. I nodded, and he glared.
He leaned in. “I’ll need to keep an eye on you.”
“That’s not creepy.”
Sascha’s lips twitched. “Not creepy if you know I’m there.”
That. “I’m… not sure I can feel you anymore.”
His face smoothed. “You can’t feel me sitting here?”
“Maybe it will work when you’re farther away?” That would be handy as shit. A Sascha beacon.
“Perhaps,” he replied after a beat.
I inhaled again. Unhappy.
“There’s one more thing,” he said. “But I must ask that you keep to yourself at all costs. Telling you this could endanger my pack, and it’s not a decision I take lightly. If ignorance of this didn’t endanger your life… I’m asking you not to betray my trust.”
Dang. This had to be good. “I promise.”
Sascha took another sip of his drink.
Definitely didn’t like Earl Grey tea. Cataloguing his scents was kind of like collecting Pokémon cards or something. I could see the fascination with it.
I watched him closely, hands still wrapped around my warm mug.
He rested back, closing his eyes. “Our pack travelled across the seas over two hundred and sixty years ago, before my birth. We were a much larger pack then. Ten times the size. My father had a disagreement with the alpha in our homeland, his brother, and the pack split in two. The responsibility landed on my father to find new territory for those who’d chosen to follow him. We landed in what’s now known as Bluff City and were almost immediately set upon by Vissimo—or vampires as they’re known to some humans. We ran, fighting a battle at our backs that took thousands of Luther lives—Vissimo being the stronger adversaries. We only escaped because of sheer numbers.”
That didn’t really tell me anything except that I should hire three hundred vampires as mercenaries to fight for us in Grids, which was probably against the rules anyway.
He shot me a look. “The Vissimo ceased the attack when we reached the area now known as Frankton Gorge, but the way forward was treacherous. The battle had weakened us, and our elderly and young couldn’t face such dangerous terrain. To his error, my father turned north. There, our pack encountered the largest demon kingdom in the world and lost thousands more. Those who could, fled injured back to Frankton Gorge. We had only fifteen hundred pack members of ten thousand left. There was mass dissent. Those who’d followed my father across an ocean now struggled to be loyal to him through their despair. We hung by a thread, and my father knew we could not face another battle. We could go east or south, but what if those territories were claimed by another supernatural race? In the end, he chose the route no one in their right mind would take—the treacherous, rocky cliffs leading east that he’d turned from before. If Luthers, the most endurable of all supernatural races, shied away from entering this place, no other supernatural race would have sought to enter it before. He hoped.”
I found myself leaning forward. “And he was right.”
But fifteen hundred Luthers were left after the demon war, and yet the pack now numbered just over seven hundred and fifty.
What happened?
Sascha shifted in the seat, widening his thighs, and I swallowed. Why did he do hot stuff like that? It hardly helped.
I pushed back into the corner of the couch as he continued.
“We were welcomed to Deception Valley by a human tribe who deemed themselves protectors of the land. The area was bountiful and, really, we had no other choice but to lick our wounds for a time on the land loaned to us. Decades went by in this manner without issue, but then the humans discovered what we truly were. Sensing the shift in the tribe, my father tried to broker the purchase of land here, but the tribe would not allow it. Owning land was against their sacred laws. They agreed to loan us the south side of the valley in return for their guaranteed safety. The relationship was tense, and my father worried for the future of our pack. He turned his attention to a new direction. South. A small group were sent to gather what information they could.”
My mouth dried. “What happened to them?”
“Only one returned. Before he died, he told father that a witch’s coven occupied the land to the south. They’d claimed the territory in the last ten years. Father had
left the exploration too late—and the terrible sight of the dead Luther’s body was enough to convince him not to start a war with witches. Now, only one direction remained. Farther east. Another party were sent there. They discovered that not only did the demon kingdom we’d faced fifty years before occupy the territory north of Deception Valley, but their kingdom wrapped around the base of this place too.”
Vampires to the west.
Witches to the south.
Demons to the north and east.
Oh my god. “You’re trapped here.”
I’d never seen Sascha look so solemn when he replied, “We can never leave this place.”
They’d wanted to own the land for security.
If my tribe won Grids and cast the Luthers out, they’d be slaughtered. “Shit, Sascha.”
But that didn’t explain how they’d lost another half of their pack.
Was that to the Ni Tiaki?
He looked at me. “That’s not all. We can’t leave Deception Valley, Andie. That means our mates can’t get in either. And we can’t have children without finding our mates. Some of us have been lucky in the last two hundred and sixty years—very few. Some were already mated prior to coming here.”
“What does that mean?” I croaked.
Sascha glanced away. “It means my pack is dying. Any pups are few and far between.”
“But you’re immortal.”
“Immortality is given to mates only. Nature only protects those of us able to reproduce. The lifespan without finding your mate is around four hundred and fifty years. Many of the pack were at least one hundred before they arrived at Bluff City.”
Shit.
Being contained like this was literally killing them.
I mean, four hundred and fifty years was over five times the life expectancy of a human, but that seemed so harsh, to kill wolves who couldn’t reproduce.
And to never find a mate because they couldn’t leave the valley… that put so many things into perspective. How desperate Sascha was when we first met and I mentioned leaving. How intense he’d been.
He probably expected to die without finding his mate.
Yet he’d never forced me to stay here either. Nowhere near as much as Herc and Rhona.
I frowned, aware that feeling pity and sadness for my enemy wasn’t a great idea. “Does anyone outside of the pack know?”
Moon Claimed: Supernatural Battle (Werewolf Dens Book 2) Page 12