by Emma Miles
‘He seems happy enough being without my counsel now he has his new friend Adrin to keep him entertained.’
She reached out to take his hands. ‘Surely he will see through him? You and Bractius have been friends since childhood.’
Jorrun gave a slight shake of his head. ‘The trouble with Adrin is there isn’t actually much to see through. As charming as he is, he doesn’t have the patience to hide his nature for long. Aside from that, he and Bractius are actually quite alike.’
Concern for Jorrun flowed through her and she squeezed his fingers. She wanted to reassure him they could always go to the Fulmers, but she knew how much he cared about Elden and the king. ‘Shall we have a quiet dinner in the ivy tower tonight, just us, Rosa and Tantony?’
He nodded and smiled though lines still creased his forehead.
‘You should come too, Azrael.’ She smiled at the fire-spirit. Although he still hid in The Tower, so many people in Elden had now seen or at least heard of fire-spirits since the invasion from Chem he was hardly a secret anymore.
‘Not a word to them about Chem though!’ Jorrun warned.
‘Of course!’ Azrael buzzed, he made himself narrow and more human looking.
***
It was quite hard to spend the evening with Rosa and Tantony and not give anything away, Kesta’s instinct was to trust and confide in them. Knowing it might be a very long time until she saw them again gnawed at the edges of her happiness. She took comfort and strength from the fact her two friends were happy and that Jorrun was so relaxed and so much himself with them in the privacy of the Ivy Tower. Azrael also revelled in the fact he didn’t have to hide and took every opportunity to show off.
She struggled to sleep that night and found herself looking at the darkness in the windows and at Jorrun who slept beside her. He stirred, a frown forming. His breathing became more rapid and beads of sweat formed on his forehead.
‘Jorrun?’ She pulled herself up a little and leaned toward him.
With a gasp he sat up, pulling up his knees and bending over, breathing hard as though he’d been running. Kesta touched his shoulder and he flinched, raising his arm as though he meant to strike her, or ward off an attack.
‘Jorrun what is it?’ Kesta reached out with her magic and lit the candles that stood across the room on the table.
He looked up at her, his eyes huge and fearful, still struggling for breath. She wanted desperately to touch him again but didn’t dare. He swallowed, his eyes slowly narrowing, his breath coming easier. He turned away, his face flushing slightly.
‘I’m sorry, Kesta.’
‘What’s happened?’ She moved a little closer.
‘A dream.’
‘A nightmare, you mean!’
He nodded, glancing at her. ‘I … I thought I was trapped again.’
‘Oh, Jorrun.’ She tentatively reached out to stroke his hair. She realised he’d never talked about it before and she’d never asked. Guilt washed through her. ‘What was it like?’
‘I don’t want to talk about it.’
She bit her bottom lip, gently touching his hair again and kissing his shoulder. ‘Not now then, but you should talk to someone when you’re ready. It obviously still has a hold on you, talking might loosen its grip.’
He slid back down in the bed and turned to look at her. ‘When did you become wise?’
‘Oh, I’ve always been wise.’ She grinned, and he smiled back, her muscles relaxed a little. ‘I’m sorry I never asked about it, what you went through.’
He gave a small snort. ‘I wouldn’t have answered.’ He was quiet for a while and she studied his face. ‘Maybe in the daylight.’
She nodded and moved to snuggle against him and lay her head on his shoulder, his skin felt too warm. ‘I’ve never known you have a nightmare before. Is it because we are leaving for Chem tomorrow?’
He didn’t reply, so she watched the candle flames dance and waited.
‘I think it might be,’ he admitted at last. ‘Leave it for now, Kesta. Please.’
She nodded against his chest and gave him a squeeze.
***
When they went down for breakfast, they found Rosa waiting in the receiving room. Jorrun brushed aside Kesta’s hair to kiss her neck and went on down the stairs without a word.
‘Oh, I didn’t mean to chase him away.’ Rosa’s brows drew together anxiously.
Kesta shook her head and smiled. ‘He has a lot to do before we leave, anyway. I’m glad you’re here, I shall miss our breakfasts together.’
Rosa watched her as she poured some tea and sat down. ‘So, what’s really happening?’
Kesta’s mouth involuntarily opened a little and she picked up a thyme bread roll to try to hide her surprise. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean, I know you and Jorrun are going away, but I don’t believe it’s just some tour of the islands.’
Kesta put some butter on her bread, glancing up at Rosa while she tried to think of what to say. She put the bread and her knife down on the table and sat back in her chair with a heavy sigh. ‘Rosa, I can’t tell you.’
Rosa narrowed her eyes and nodded. ‘It’s something dangerous?’
‘Rosa.’ Kesta leaned across the table toward her. ‘I came back from Mantu, I came back from Chem. I even came back here from the Fulmers when I thought I never would. I’ll be back, please, try not to worry.’
‘Well I can’t not worry.’ She folded her arms over her chest. ‘But if you say you’ll be back then I believe you mean it. Just please look after each other.’
Kesta nodded. ‘Of course.’
She forced a smile and quickly changed the subject, wanting to know what Rosa was planning to do with the Hold once she was gone. A man came up the Tower stairs and politely interrupted them, asking Kesta where her belongings were that she wanted taking down to the ship. Kesta took the hint and followed him down to the great hall and out into the ward. Rosa walked quietly at her side.
Jorrun was already on-board his small ship when they arrived at the wharf, standing on the gangplank talking with Tantony. Jorrun took Kesta’s travel bag from her and Tantony helped the man take her chest aboard.
‘Ready?’ Jorrun asked her, his gaze intense and unblinking.
Icy snakes moved about in her stomach, but she nodded and turned to Rosa, hugging her fiercely. She kissed Tantony’s cheek and then stepped off the gangplank so Jorrun could pull it in.
‘Whatever you’re doing, take care,’ Rosa said, looking from Kesta to Jorrun.
Jorrun’s eyes narrowed slightly but he nodded.
Tantony gave them a shove away from the wharf and Kesta set the sail while Jorrun went to the rudder. Both of them called up wind at the same time and Kesta laughed.
‘Go on.’ Jorrun nodded, letting his dissipate.
They moved quickly out onto the lake and away from Northold. The bridge across the river had been repaired after the Chemman attack and men hurried to wind the winches and lift it to allow them through. The Taur took them swiftly north through Elden. Many of the towns that inhabited the riverside were still abandoned, nature already seeking to claim back the wood and stone of devastated buildings. With both of them using their magic they reached the harbour town of Taurmouth just after noon only a day after leaving Northold. Many of the burned-out buildings had been demolished and a few new homes had begun to grow upward from the ground. Sunken ships no longer blocked the harbour and several new wharves, their sanded wood bright and clean, hosted the ships that had returned.
They didn’t stop, sailing outward onto the sea.
As night fell, Jorrun fetched some pillows and blankets from the cabin and laid them out on the deck. They’d been propping the door open so Azrael could come and go as he pleased although the poor fire-spirit was too afraid to leave his lantern for long. Kesta was taking a turn on the rudder but Jorrun held his hand out toward her and called her over to where he’d made their bed under the stars.
‘Shouldn’t
one of us keep watch and make sure we don’t drift?’ She took his hand and followed him anyway.
‘It will be fine for a while.’
She instinctively called up her knowing and she felt in his fingers the anxiety thrumming through his body.
He glanced at her. ‘Don’t forget I know when you call your magic.’
She winced and withdrew it at once. ‘I’m sorry, I didn—’
He turned to face her, raising a hand. ‘Please, use it.’ He looked away, his breathing coming faster. Slowly his hands moved up to the amulet he wore around his neck to protect himself from the knowing of fire-walkers. He lifted it over his head and looked down at it in his hands. Kesta held her breath but found herself too afraid to call back her magic.
Jorrun closed his fist over the amulet and sat on the blankets. ‘I haven’t dream-walked since Karinna caught me.’
Kesta drew in a sharp breath and quickly sat beside him. Although the wind still pushed at the sail, with neither of them using their magic, the ship lost some of its pace and the sea took charge, rocking them gently. Kesta waited but he didn’t speak. She reached out and took one of his long-fingered hands between hers.
‘If anyone else caught you, I’d kill them too,’ she said firmly.
He smiled. ‘I believe you.’ He drew in a breath but was silent again, lying back on the deck. Kesta stretched herself out beside him and waited. ‘It …’ He gazed up at the stars, his chest rising and falling. ‘Being confined, being trapped, that was bad. But … it was what he did to me. Your soul, your thoughts, they are safe. They belong only to you. Having someone … having someone rip you open inside and trample through everything that’s private and …’ His words caught in his throat and Kesta rolled over onto her side to place her hand over his heart.
‘I’m here.’ She opened her knowing, not to feel his pain, but to reassure him with her love.
He nodded, placing a hand on hers, his breathing gradually slowing. She felt his nausea, his terror. ‘I’ve faced death before. I took beatings as a child that would have paralysed a grown man with fear. Having someone control my mind, my soul, like that though, Kest—’
‘You don’t have to dream-walk again.’ She pushed herself up to look down into his storm-blue eyes.
‘But I do.’ He didn’t blink as he looked back up at her. ‘If I don’t, then I will always be afraid.’
She shook her head, and he reached up to place a hand against her cheek.
‘Kesta, will you let me walk your dreams?’
She sat up. He was terrified of someone ravaging his most private thoughts and yet wanted her permission to walk through her subconscious mind. She studied his face and he didn’t look away.
She nodded. ‘All right.’
‘It won’t be safe to do it on the ship. If we find somewhere secure in the Borrows, we can try there.’ He propped himself up on his elbow to look at her. With a wave of his hand he sent a gust of wind toward the cabin door to close it and leaned over to kiss her.
***
‘A ship!’ Kesta ran barefoot across the sun-kissed deck and squeezed around the side of the cabin to stand at the prow.
‘Chemman?’ Jorrun demanded from where he sat at the rudder.
Kesta shook her head. ‘Looks like a Borrow ship, a large fishing vessel.’
‘Many on board?’
‘I can’t see from here.’ She called up her knowing, but it was too far to feel anything either. Jorrun had returned to wearing his amulet and she felt its familiar reaction like an icy blast of emptiness. From the cabin she felt poor Azrael’s utter misery and the metallic tang of his alien mind. They drew closer, the islands of the Borrows growing larger against the horizon.
‘I think there are children.’ She strained her eyes to make out the figures. If they both maintained their courses, they would pass close, but not meet. ‘There seem to be maybe two men and three women.’
‘Okay, we’ll see what they do.’
Kesta sensed a slight fluctuation in his control over the wind he was sending into their sail. He was more nervous than his steady voice suggested. The Borrow ship cut across their path and she made out the features of the people on board. They looked haggard, their skin pale, despite the summer sun, and tight across their skulls. Two of the men held bows and one of them nocked an arrow to it. Kesta drew fire to her left hand and held it up so those on the Borrow boat could see.
‘Kesta?’
‘Letting them know who I am,’ she replied.
One of the other men moved to touch the aggressive bowman on the shoulder. Reluctantly he let his bow go slack. Kesta let her flames dissipate and nodded. The man nodded back. She tried again with her knowing and was in time to feel the tension on the Borrow ship easing.
‘It’s fine,’ Kesta called back to Jorrun. She slipped back past the cabin to check the sail. ‘They have no interest in us, just surviving.’
‘Bractius mentioned the Fulmers have been taking in more refugees. I think things will be very different between the Islands and what remains of the Borrow folk in the future.’
She turned to look at him and nodded. ‘We can hope.’ She made her way forward and continued to scan the horizon. The nearest island of the Borrows was so close now she could make out the individual trees and bushes. ‘Do you know the names of the Borrow Islands?’
‘Yes, I have maps if you want to see them.’
Three gulls came flying out to investigate them, their shrill cries almost drowning out Jorrun’s reply. Kesta’s stomach begin to tighten and she almost withdrew her knowing. The last time she’d passed through here she’d felt the taint of blood magic on the land and the awful effect it had on the animals. The gulls gave her hope things had improved.
Then she felt it, like insects crawling inside her skin. Like whispers just beyond hearing. Her stomach reacted as though she’d smelt something foul, although all she could smell was the sea and the varnish of the ship; and Jorrun’s jasmine and cinnamon soap. She turned and wasn’t surprised to find him right beside her.
‘What do you feel?’ he asked.
She sighed and withdrew her knowing. ‘It’s still bad. Not as sharp, but like a nagging pain deep in your bones that you can’t quite ignore.’
‘I wish we could repair it somehow.’ He gazed across the water, shielding his vision as he turned westward, his eyes themselves the colour of the sea.
‘At least we can stop it ever happening again.’ She curled her fingers up, her nails digging into her palms.
‘We’ll sail straight through and chance the crossing to Chem.’
‘But … we were going to stop so you can dream-walk.’
He looked away and swallowed, then met her eyes with his brows drawn in tight. ‘It can wait. And the Borrows are uncomfortable for you.’
She studied his face and he shifted his feet. She placed a hand on his chest. ‘Jorrun, I’ll be fine here for a short while and poor Azrael could really do with a break from the sea. You found the courage to tell me what was worrying you and asked me to help. Let me help.’
He met her gaze unblinking, she felt his heart beat beneath her fingers several times before he nodded. ‘All right. We’ll stop just long enough to sleep a while.’
***
Kesta perched on a rock and watched as Jorrun built a small fire and made them a bed from their blankets. Sea spray caught her arm and the side of her face as a particularly large wave crashed below her. Azrael was making happy loops across the coarse grass a little further inland and Jorrun paused to smile at him. ‘Daft bug!’
Kesta pushed herself up off the rock and made her way over to him. ‘Don’t you need to make a star out of elemental representations to dream-walk?’
He narrowed his eyes at her. ‘Have you been in my books?’
She grinned. ‘Of course! I had to read something to Azrael.’
He couldn’t help catching her smile. ‘I don’t actually need anything but myself to dream-walk,’ he admitted. ‘The tr
ance herbs help, but to find dreams close by I don’t need assistance. What you saw in The Tower that time … when … Well that time I was trying to walk a long distance and find someone who had similar blood to mine. That required what you call “elemental representations” to boost my ability.’
‘So, you just need me to sleep?’
‘Yes.’
‘But I’m not tired.’
‘I can do something about that.’ He took a step forward and her skin flushed as her heart pumped her blood faster.
‘Azrael is watching.’
‘I meant trance herbs, Kesta.’
She growled at him and he laughed at her blushes.
‘Come on.’
She kicked at the back of his knee as he moved away, but he just laughed more. She hoped it had eased some of his fear.
She lay down on the blanket closest to the firewood but didn’t close her eyes. Azrael came closer to keep a look out for them and Jorrun started the fire, throwing in a handful of the trance herbs. She shifted, unable to get comfortable and realised it wasn’t the ground that was bothering her, but the slow oozing stain left from blood magic. She shuddered.
Jorrun lay beside her but his shoulders were drawn up and there were lines of worry above his nose. She took his hand and twinned her fingers between his, closing her eyes and taking in slow, deep breaths of the herbs.
She wasn’t aware she was dreaming at first. She was in the crowded streets of Taurmaline trying to find the market, but whichever way she went she ended up back at the castle. There was a tightness across her chest and she picked up her pace, the crowd seemed to thicken and it became harder to draw in air.
Come this way, Kesta, it’s quieter.
Her heart muscles eased, and she changed direction and found herself on a forest path with low evening light striking through the leaves. Part of her felt apprehension that this wasn’t the way to the market, but she continued.
What do you need at the market?
‘Elemental representations.’
She felt Jorrun’s amusement and realised at once she was dreaming. She looked around to find him, her ears becoming aware of the shush of waves and the crackle of the fire, but her vision was still locked in the forest. Something moved and she focused between the foliage. The sunlight was in her eyes but she could just make out a man. A young man with green eyes. She felt … malice.