by E. A. Copen
I flinched even harder when he reached for me, touching my face. “I love you,” he said.
I choked on a scream when he kissed his hand and then put it over my belly.
Alex swayed on his feet when he stood. He removed his glasses and folded them, placing them calmly on top of the television as he did every night. Then, with even more care than normal, he slid his shirt up over his head, folded it, and placed it on the floor next to me. On top of it, he placed his wedding ring. He turned his back and faced the door where the angry mob had gathered. “No matter what happens, you don’t come outside. No matter what, you hear?”
I couldn’t answer him.
I let the man I loved walk to his death.
“Stop it,” I screamed, sobbing against the sofa as I listened to the gunshots sound. One. Two. Two breaths and three. The bullets they brought that night weren’t silver. He survived long enough to run into the woods and draw the mob away. It was there they put a noose around his neck and hoisted him up into the trees. It was there the man with the machete hacked off his head and paraded it around with a victory cry.
I clutched my fingers in my hair and pulled. “Stop it!”
“She knows his pain,” said Emiko, standing over me. She had her fingers folded against her chest, her lips pointed down in a deep frown. “It is the same. Your Alex did as I had to.”
Chanter materialized beside her. “It’s a difficult thing.”
“The most difficult,” Emiko acknowledged and leaned into his shoulder.
I wiped the tears from my eyes and stood. My body didn’t follow but remained frozen in time and memory. “I should have stopped him. I wasn’t strong enough.”
“I should have torn out Crux’s throat.” Emiko snuggled into Chanter. “Killed all three of them. But that would have started a war. One death was easier than asking many more to die in my place.”
“And I suppose I didn’t have to shield Hunter from those bullets.” Chanter shrugged. “But what good would it have done to let him die so I could live another month or two?” He reached out and placed a hand on my shoulder. “Anything worth having comes at a cost, Judah. This you know. The universe is built upon laws of conservation of time and space. Nothing changes. Things may only be broken down into the sum of their parts before they are rebuilt again. It’s the basic principal of all magick.”
“I know this,” I said, shaking my head. “Why are you telling me?”
“Because you know that the spell you used against the beast did not come from nowhere.” Chanter’s hand trailed from my shoulder to the feather and the talon hanging from my neck. “It comes from here. We are standing in the heart of it. Loss and fear are darkness. They are shadows. The anger that burns in you is fierce. Shadow and fire. It’s a part of you, but you must be careful with it. The more you use it, the more hold it will have over you. It’s only a part. You mustn’t let it burn away everything else.”
“You’ll need it to fight the beast,” Emiko added, nodding. “It’s the only thing I’ve seen that can hurt her.”
“I can’t do magick here,” I said. “I need my body. I need an aura to do magick.” I thought a minute. “But... I guess I do have an aura. I am the aura.”
“Precisely.”
Chanter smacked me on the side of the head and I reached up to rub it.
“Ow! What the hell was that for?”
“You need a body to feel pain, too, stupid girl.”
“That’s your lesson?”
He reached out to smack me again, and I floated back, out of reach. I went too far, though, and wound up floating out the back of the trailer awkwardly. I was still struggling to get upright as Chanter and Emiko floated out after me.
“Is this the part where you tell me to learn from the past?” I said as Chanter helped me upright.
He raised an eyebrow.
“Oh, come on! The Lion King? The monkey and Simba? You were totally going to pull that with me.”
“I was going to warn you that the beast has likely learned from her mistakes and has obviously set a trap for us.” He shrugged. “But take from it what you will.”
I rubbed the side of my ghostly face. It didn’t hurt, but I needed to do something to indicate I wasn’t happy about being smacked, even if it did make me feel better. It reminded me of the last time we’d talked, sitting on the hospital bench.
The three of us turned and regarded the giant, Japanese-style castle the beast had built up in the distance.
“So, you think that’s a trap, huh?”
“Almost certainly,” Chanter agreed.
“It’s what I would do,” Emiko said with a shrug.
“So, what’s the plan?” Chanter and Emiko looked at me. I sighed and cracked my neck. “Full frontal assault it is, then.”
Emiko gave a disapproving grunt. “Leave it to a human to choose the simplest method. We have time. We should strategize.”
“It’s exactly what you’d never expect. That’s why it’s going to work.” I turned to Chanter who was studying the growing storm clouds in the sky. “How much time do you think I have?”
“I think you had better hurry,” he announced.
I flexed my fingers. Good thing Han had given me eight minutes.
Chapter Thirty-Five
The plan was simple: charge through the doors of the castle and kill anything that moved. None of us knew for sure what the beast would be capable of, but I did know we were busting down the door of her stronghold. Since she’d set up shop inside my head, she probably knew we were coming. Chanter had said I’d drawn her attention and I could feel it on me. It wasn’t like eyes boring into the back of my head, so much as it was like standing naked in front of a gym full of people who wanted to eat me. I felt her nibbling, tasting and testing. The thin strings braided around me frayed further with every passing second.
We floated closer to the giant, mountainside Japanese-style castle. Chanter led the way with me in the middle and Emiko bringing up the rear.
“The beast is Hunger,” Emiko said. “She will not listen to reason. She is here only to eat.”
“Makes sense,” I said, nodding. “You were an auric vampire in life. The beast is kind of like Freud’s id. It’s got two drives.”
Emiko inclined her head and lifted an eyebrow as I counted them out on my fingers.
“First, feed. That’s the job Seamus gave it and how he designed it to function. Emiko is a summoned spirit. They don’t get to stay in the world without being given a purpose. Hers is to feed, and, second, avoid pain.”
Chanter paused. “Ghosts do not feel pain, girl.”
“She sure didn’t seem to like being smacked with silver or this fire and shadow spell you say I have.” I shrugged. “Maybe there’s more to this ghost than meets the eye. I mean, if Seamus is an all-powerful necromancer, do you think he’d let that loose without exerting some level of control? My bet is that, when we see the beast, she’ll be just as connected as I am. Only her strings won’t go back to her body. They go back to the puppet master.”
I wrapped my fingers loosely around the fine thread that bound my mind, soul, and body together. When I did, the red string snapped and went fluttering off into the wind.
“Oops,” I winced. “Am I going to be able to get back?”
“I wouldn’t let all three break,” Chanter grunted.
I very cautiously unwrapped my fingers from around the last two strings.
“Emiko,” I said looking at her. “You said you were fractured. What would happen if we put you back together? Or at least the two parts we had.”
She considered the idea with a bob of her head. “I am not as strong as the beast but, perhaps given the chance, I might be able to weaken it from inside. Doing so would likely destroy me.”
“And what happens if you’re destroyed?”
“I am part of the magick keeping you alive, child. A construct created by the will poured into the magick. Should I be destroyed, the magick would become unsta
ble. It would likely implode and kill you, severing all the bonds holding you to your body.”
“But would it kill the beast?”
She frowned. “It is likely you would be trapped with the beast for some time. We are inside a small fold in time and space, one that exists beyond your body. It is only a small facet of this plane, generated by the projections of your mind. Should you destroy your one and only escape, you would be trapped in here with the beast for eternity.”
I set my gaze forward. “Then I don’t want you to try it, not unless things get really bad.”
The beast’s castle was a work of wonders. Three gray triangular awnings sat atop an awning of cherry wood that curved up at the end of each side. It stacked thirty stories high with the same triangular awnings spaced evenly on each side. The trees all around the castle were naked and dead, the grass brown and curling.
We touched down on a patch of dead grass. Immediately, my shoulders felt heavier. A weight pressed down on my upper body along with a sick, churning feeling in my stomach. Did I really want to fight this thing? Hadn’t I done enough for Sal? Hell, he probably owed me, not the other way around. This wasn’t my kid in danger. It was his. He should have been the one to die. Wouldn’t it serve Zoe right to die? As for Mia, she wasn’t my problem. What would it really change if she was alive or dead? In fact, wouldn’t my life be easier if I didn’t have to take care of some other woman’s child? Sal couldn’t do it. He’d already said he didn’t know how to be a father. I couldn’t imagine him picking out dresses, braiding hair, taking care of a child. He could barely take care of himself. How good of a father could a biker werewolf be?
He had lied to me about everything. About who he was, about how dangerous he was. He lied. Just like Alex. He would leave me just as Alex had done.
The churning in my stomach turned into grinding in my chest until all I wanted to do was march out of there, snap back into my body, and tell Sal he could go fuck himself.
Then I remembered that this wasn’t his fault. It was mine. I had lied to him, too. Mia was my responsibility. I had to protect her and get back to Sal and Hunter. I had promised them I would do everything in my power to come back. I wasn’t going to leave them alone to face Cynthia, Seamus, the Vanguard, and whatever else was coming, not by choice.
I closed my eyes and focused on that promise, the feeling of Sal’s lips on mine, on Hunter’s smile, on all the things I had to come back for.
Just like that, the weight and the fog of despair lifted. Next to me, Emiko shuddered. Chanter breathed a heavy sigh.
“Psychic assault,” I muttered. “Somebody doesn’t like to play fair.”
The massive, burnt ash-colored doors creaked open and a grotesque figure came out to meet us. It might have been eight feet tall if it decided to stand, but it walked hunched over, it’s long neck hunkered close to its oversized belly. Even though the creature’s stomach was swollen to the verge of bursting, the rest of it looked starved. Ribs and vertebrae pressed against tight yellow skin, making every tendon and blue vein visible. One eye sat in the middle of the creature’s face, partially obscured by the thin and irregular tufts of matted, black hair. The lamprey mouth gave it away. This was the beast living inside of Ghost Emiko’s throat. This was Hunger.
I was right about the puppet strings. They were barely visible, as thin as fishing wire, and extended up into the clouds and out of sight. It wandered closer, making a clicking sound with the mandibles around its mouth. Such a facial construction didn’t lend itself to forming words in human speech, but that didn’t stop it from projecting words into my mind.
I SEE YOUR PAIN, MORTAL. I KNOW THE ANGER THAT BURNS IN YOU. YOU HUNGER FOR A LIFE FREE OF PAIN.
“A life free of pain isn’t much of a life,” I snapped back.
The beast’s attention shifted to Chanter and then to Emiko, the lidless, bloodshot eye rolling back and forth between them. SO MUCH HUNGER HERE. SO MUCH PAIN. YOU HAVE DELIVERED THEM TO THEIR END, MORTAL.
“It’s not delivery, it’s DiGiorno,” I quoted before I could stop myself. Apparently, the beast didn’t appreciate my smart-assed pop-culture reference. It rolled its one eye over me and flexed its mandibles. Green slime dripped out of its mouth and the mandibles picked it up, spreading it around like a lubricant.
“Don’t snark at it,” Chanter growled. “Kill it!”
Before I could do anything, two tentacles whipped out from underneath the creature’s shroud and wrapped around my neck. Greasy, dark magick pumped out of tiny suckers on the ends of the tentacles and into me. My hands shot up and tried to pry them free but it was no use. My fingers passed through the creature like butter.
Chanter’s form disappeared and reappeared behind the beast, a wooden, club-like weapon in his hand. He raised it, ready to strike the beast on the hump in its back, but the beast was ready for him. It turned on him without letting go of me, backhanding him in the face. BE GONE, NUISANCE!
The strike sent Chanter crashing back into the walls of the castle. Hands came out of the wood to grab him and pull him, struggling, through the wall.
Emiko threw a hand forward, the long sleeves of her silk kimono billowing in the wind. A wave of dancing, pastel colors flew out from her fingers and struck the beast. It roared in annoyance and pried one of its tentacles away from me to smack her. She dodged to the left and passed through me, the sensation cool and... uncomfortable. Though it wasn’t nearly as uncomfortable as whatever the beast was doing to me.
While Emiko did her best to draw fire from one of the beast’s tentacle arms, I still stood, paralyzed by whatever magick it was working on me. It wasn’t painful, not in a physical sense, but the dark, oily feeling permeated me, creeping out like ink in water to taint every part of me. The further it spread, the less will I had to fight. Exhaustion hit me along with a renewed psychic assault, forcing me to relive all the terrible moments I’d just come through. All the while, the creature’s greasy voice pounded in my head.
EMPTINESS. SADNESS. PAIN. LOSS. THIS IS LIFE. WHY DO YOU CLING TO IT?
“There’s more to it than that,” I answered through clenched teeth.
I searched for the spell that I had used the day before, but as I suspected, the shadow and fire wouldn’t come just because I called it. The night before, it had felt alive in my hands. Alive, aware, and with a will of its own. Something like that shouldn’t have been my first choice for magick. Yet here I was, searching for the deepest, darkest, scariest, and most out of control magick I could find.
The beast’s tentacle squeezed tighter. I glanced down as the inky feeling settled into my lower torso. Everything below that was already gone. Holy shit. The beast was eating me. No wonder I couldn’t get enough energy together for the spell.
Emiko’s little rainbows of energy weren’t much more than an annoyance to the beast, if it stopped batting at her, she might get the chance to do something worse. I could feel her drawing energy to her as she bobbed and weaved, darting closer each time. Her eyes met mine, searching for a signal. I considered giving it to her, telling her to go ahead and merge with the beast. Being trapped in there with the personification of Emiko’s hunger and whatever it might do to me was preferable to letting it finish Mia. Mia and Sal deserved a chance at happiness, one that I would just get in the way of.
I didn’t get the chance. The ground rumbled. I winced as pain flashed through my head when a bright light shot through the beast, snapping the tentacle in half. With nothing to support me, I fell and then fumbled to get upright. Out of the little wisps of me that were left, my body reformed itself. Although I was more iridescent than before, I didn’t seem any worse for wear.
The ground thundered again and blinding, bright light poured out from something that stood between me and the beast. I raised a hand in front of my eyes and squinted, fighting to identify the strange, four-legged shadow that stood in front of me. My left hand instinctually closed around the feather and talon necklace, and suddenly, my vision cleared.
Another wolf leapt out from behind the broken down doors of the beast’s palace. This one, I recognized. Chanter’s wolf was slightly smaller than the white wolf and silver-gray in color. He lowered his head and growled. The beast would find no easy retreat into its fortress.
The white wolf looked back at me and snarled. That’s right. I was supposed to be doing something.
“Right,” I said, still not sure who I was talking to. “Keep it busy.”
The white wolf leapt at the beast and tore into it again. Emiko backed away. No need for a magick nuke. Not yet, anyway.
I closed my eyes and tried to drown out the sounds of battle, the strange, airy feeling of being a disembodied spirit, the fear of failure. The beast tried to scream into my mind, but every time it tried, Chanter, Emiko, or the white wolf (whoever he was) kept it too busy to succeed. I pushed all of that out of my mind and reached deep, searching for the strange magick of shadow and flame I had touched the day before.
And I found it.
I opened my eyes, the air around me suddenly crackling and popping. Darkness fell on me in a thick, palpable mist, and I bound it to my will. The darkness reacted, coiling around my arm up to the shoulder. Inside of it, I could feel the same living presence I’d detected before. It was a conscious shadow, clamoring to be unleashed. I held it, pulling more and more of it into me from the depths of my magick. Impatience coursed through the shadow, anger, need. I had to wait until everyone was out of the way.