by E. A. Clark
Emily began to whimper and a nurse appeared in the doorway.
‘Someone’s feeling hungry, I think!’ she said with a smile.
My daughter nestled into the crook of my arm, I watched her deep blue eyes turn to mine as she fed. She seemed to study my face with some curiosity, and I was filled with the most incredible rush of love. It was an emotion like no other I had ever known.
I realized now that I would embrace motherhood with all my heart, that I was capable of the most maternal and protective of instincts. I was suddenly confident in my own ability to make a half-decent job of the most important occupation in the world. It was a good feeling.
Chapter Nineteen
June 2010
The good weather that Monday had brought out all the proud new mothers in force, sporting their strappy dresses and sandals, sunglasses pushed back onto their heads. They kept a watchful eye on their toddlers and crooned to the infants still too small to throw bread for the ducks or dip their toes in the paddling pool. The park was filled with buggies and prams, which made it easy for Emily and I to blend in.
I enjoyed people-watching. I smiled to myself as I eavesdropped on the chatter between some of the mums, comparing baby milestones, sore boobs and sleepless nights.
After half an hour or so in the playground, Emily had begun to tire, so I strapped her back into the pushchair and, as she slept, began to stroll towards the duck pond. Finding an empty bench, I parked the buggy and sat down. I tilted my face upwards, closing my eyes for a moment as I basked in the warmth of the afternoon sun. So much had happened in the past twelve months. It felt as if I had emerged from a long, dark tunnel, still blinking somewhat in the sunlight but gradually adjusting to my new situation.
‘Is anyone sitting here?’
A deep voice startled me. I jerked round to see a tall, dark, tousled-haired man with astonishing blue eyes looking down at me. He was wearing a white T-shirt and faded jeans. The buggy he was pushing contained a toddler of around three, who had fallen asleep slumped to one side, squashing his chubby little cheek into a crease.
‘No, go ahead,’ I mumbled.
He sat at the other end of the seat, rocking the buggy gently with one hand and staring out at the pond. He was, I observed, probably in his late thirties, tanned and well toned without being overly muscular. I felt a little uncomfortable.
‘How old’s your little girl?’ he ventured after a few moments.
‘Oh, she’s nearly nine months. Worn her out on the swings,’ I said, cringing inwardly at my stilted response.
The man smiled. ‘Yeah, Frankie’s had enough for one day. He’s just turned two and a half. Soon as I get him home, though, he’ll have his second wind. He wears me out!’
I laughed. It sounded familiar.
‘I’m Leo, by the way.’
He leaned across to offer me his hand. I shook it feebly. ‘I’m Annie,’ I said. ‘And this is Emily.’
‘Pleased to meet you, Annie and Emily!’ Leo smiled broadly, showing a perfect set of teeth.
‘Do you come here often?’ he asked, then laughed raucously. ‘That wasn’t meant to sound like a cheesy chat-up line, by the way! I just wondered if you were local …’
I smiled. ‘Yes, we come when the weather allows. I live just a couple of streets away so it’s nice having the park so close by. You appreciate it more when you’ve got a little one.’
He nodded in agreement. ‘Tell me about it!’
Frankie began to stir. He stretched sleepily and opened his eyes. They were as vivid a blue as his father’s. Seeing Leo, the little boy smiled happily.
‘Hello, mate! Had a nice nap?’
Frankie started to wriggle in earnest, in an attempt to free himself from his pushchair. Leo stood up. ‘You stay where you are, mister! We’ll be going home in a minute.’
He turned to me somewhat apologetically. ‘I think I’d better be on the move. This little fella will be ready for his tea soon.’ He smiled and nodded. ‘Good to speak to you, Annie. Hopefully we’ll bump into one another again!’
I smiled and watched with mild interest as he walked away. He was certainly very attractive, but I wasn’t ready to get involved with anyone romantically yet. It felt too soon. As he turned the corner at the end of the path, a little girl of around seven or eight skipped out of the bushes and ran to catch him up. Maybe he had a daughter, too, I mused. She stopped suddenly in her tracks and turned to look at me. It was an intense, meaningful look, almost as though she knew me.
A strange, cold feeling ran up my spine. I averted my eyes for a moment but when I looked back she had gone. A little unsettled, I rose and, releasing the brake on the buggy, started to make my way home.
*
I had given Leo little thought since our meeting, but a week later Emily and I were walking through the park again, when a familiar voice called my name. I looked up and smiled as I saw him strolling across the grass towards me. One hand was curled securely around Frankie’s, the other steering the buggy.
‘Hello again! How are you?’
‘I’m fine, thanks. Lovely day, isn’t it!’ I wasn’t sure what to say to him and felt a little tongue-tied. I needn’t have worried as he seemed very relaxed and began chatting as if we had known one another for years. I sat back and listened as he told me he was a single father and that he worked from home as a freelance architect. Apparently, Frankie’s mother had walked out when the little boy was only six months old.
‘And what about you, if you don’t mind my asking? It’s just that I never see you with anyone.’ He blushed. ‘I have to confess: I had seen you here a few times before the first time we met. I just hadn’t found the right moment to come over and introduce myself.’
I almost spluttered. I found it difficult to believe that someone would want to come and talk to me at all. I felt as though I looked like a bag lady most of the time these days.
‘No, it’s just Emily and me. My husband – Emily’s father – was killed in an accident before she was born.’ My heart plummeted as I said the words. I hated the finality of the statement whenever I had to admit it aloud.
‘Oh, I’m really sorry.’ He looked uncomfortable. ‘I didn’t realize. That must be very difficult for you.’
‘It’s been hard going, I have to admit. Especially in the early days. But my sister’s been very supportive. My parents live in Florida, you see, so she’s all I’ve got.’
‘I’m sorry to hear that. It’s really tough being on your own sometimes – I should know.’ Leo looked genuinely moved. ‘I’m lucky in that respect. My parents live close by, so they help out if I need a bit of a break.’
I learned that Leo’s parents were Italian immigrants and that they owned a restaurant in town. They had come over to Britain from Italy when Leo was just nine years old, along with his younger brother, Giuseppe. Tragically, Leo’s twin sister Francesca had died a year earlier, and the move to the UK was an attempt at a fresh start for the family.
I suddenly remembered the young girl who had trotted after him as he left the park last time.
‘You did say Frankie’s your only child, didn’t you? Perhaps you have a niece that you bring here sometimes? I saw a little girl running to catch you up after you left last week.’
Leo looked puzzled. ‘Yes, Frankie’s an only one. He’s more than enough, thank you! And my brother and his wife are expecting their first child – so no, I don’t have a niece. I can’t think why the girl would’ve been running after me – I don’t remember seeing anyone.’
I shrugged. Maybe she wasn’t running after him and I had assumed wrongly. But the memory of her piercing stare made my skin prickle once more. It was a sensation I had hoped I wouldn’t experience again after my time in Anglesey. Was it possible that …? No, I wouldn’t allow myself to even think it. I had put all that behind me.
I changed the subject and we walked through the park, chatting about anything and everything. He was easy company and I was growing to like him. The ti
me seemed to fly by and I realized how helpful it was to compare notes and share experiences with someone in a similar predicament to my own.
The air temperature was beginning to dip and I knew it was time for me to leave. I told Leo I must be off and that I hoped to see him again in the near future.
He took a deep breath. ‘Look, I don’t want to seem forward, but how about you two coming to mine for dinner on Thursday evening? No strings attached – it’d just be nice to have some adult company for a change!’
I hesitated. This all seemed a bit sudden. But he did say no strings attached … and I hadn’t been out properly in ages.
‘OK,’ I said slowly. ‘Just mates, right? It’s not going to be – well, a date or anything?’
He grinned. ‘Of course not! Do you like Italian food?’
I nodded mutely. He smiled at me, and delving into his trouser pocket, produced a business card with his address and phone number.
Leonardo M. Cacciatore. So that was his surname – I realized I hadn’t thought to ask.
‘Shall we say six-thirty? I can pick you up if you like – or if it’s a nice evening perhaps you’d like the walk – it’s not that far from here at all.’
I said that I would happily walk – it would help to give me an appetite for my dinner.
‘Thursday it is, then! I’ll look forward to it. Ciao!’
*
After tea and with Emily tucked up in bed, I rang Sarah.
‘I met this really nice guy in the park …’ I began, and then told her all about Leo and how he well we had got on.
‘Hmm … sounds promising,’ she responded eventually. ‘Just be careful, though, won’t you. I’d hate for anything to go pear-shaped and you finishing up being hurt. You’ve been through enough.’
‘Oh no, it’s nothing like that. We’re just friends, that’s all.’
The silence from the other end of the line spoke volumes.
*
Soon enough, Thursday evening came and by six o’clock, I was already pushing Emily along the leafy suburban road of imposing Georgian houses, set back behind tall, impressive gates and driveways, that led to Leo’s address. I stood back and stared as I checked, and checked again, the name plaque on the recently renovated and converted building. “Georgian Heights” looked exclusive and expensive. I approached the short flight of stone steps leading to the white-pillared portico of the main door with some trepidation. There were four flats in all to buzz, Cacciatore, L being at the top of the list. I pressed the button and waited.
The familiar voice came over the intercom: ‘You’re early! Come on up.’
The solid front door was released and I found myself in a vast, cool hallway with a black and white terrazzo-tiled floor and an enormous crystal chandelier suspended from the impossibly high ceiling.
The old-fashioned lift opened right opposite the door of number four, which was already ajar. I rapped the heavy brass knocker cautiously and Leo’s voice called through, presumably from the kitchen.
‘Come right in! I’ll be with you in just a minute.’
Emily had fallen asleep, so I steered the buggy into the hall just in front of the coat stand. I looked around in awe. The décor was understated and tasteful, with many of the original features of the building having been restored, from the honeyed oak woodwork to the polished wooden floor. A huge gilt-framed Venetian-style mirror hung on the wall opposite the coats.
‘You found us OK then!’ A smiling Leo stood in the doorway leading off the hall, wiping his hands on a tea towel. I stood awkwardly, finding myself suddenly devoid of conversation.
‘Come and have a glass of wine. Dinner won’t be long.’ He led me through into an enormous, ultra-modern kitchen, and offered me a stool at the island in its centre. The cooking aromas were fragrant with garlic and herbs. It smelled wonderful.
‘Do you like red – or perhaps you’d prefer a Prosecco?’
‘Red would be fine, thanks.’
He poured me a large glass of dark, expensive-looking wine from a heavy bottle. I sipped; it was heady and delicious. Frankie suddenly came breezing in on a little tricycle. He stared at me and, pushing his trike to one side, rushed over to his father, wrapping both chubby arms around his leg.
‘Frankie – you remember Annie from the park, don’t you?’
Leo gently prised his leg from his son’s grip and took the child by the hand. Frankie looked at me mistrustfully, his blue eyes scrutinizing me from head to toe. He wriggled from Leo’s grasp and ran from the kitchen. We could hear him moving things around in the other room. He reappeared clutching a floppy toy monkey, obviously well-loved and a little moth-eaten.
Leo raised an eyebrow. ‘You’ve brought Peppe to meet Annie then?’
Leo winked at me knowingly. Frankie nodded and brought the toy over to me, watching my every move. I extended a hand, shaking ‘Peppe’ by the paw.
‘Well, hello, Peppe. I’m very pleased to meet you. I hope that we can be friends …’
The little boy broke into a smile. He ran from the room once more, chatting to his toy and obviously reassured by this encounter. Leo laughed.
‘You’ve passed the test,’ he said. ‘He’ll be fine now.’
A whimper from the hallway alerted me to Emily having woken.
‘Bring her into the dining room – we’ll eat in there. She can sit in Frankie’s high chair – he has a booster seat now.’
The dining room was elegant, but with a lovely homely feel. A beautiful crystal light was suspended above the highly polished table. Leo had prepared a lasagne and I ate heartily, watching in amusement as Emily, with great concentration, chewed on a piece of garlic bread.
Infused with wine and food, I felt at ease now and sat back, looking round the room, as Leo went to make the coffee. Artistically arranged photographs of several generations of his family covered one wall, with pride of place being given to an adorable baby picture of Frankie at their centre. Next to it was a picture of Leo as a child, smartly dressed and standing outside a church. Absent-mindedly, I scanned the other faces looking out at us.
My eye was drawn suddenly to the photograph of a smiling, tawny-haired little girl of about six. Her clear blue eyes stared down from behind the glass. I gasped, almost dropping my glass. My stomach turned over and my skin began to tingle. The resemblance was unmistakeable. I knew at once that it must have been Leo’s twin sister, Francesca. And that she was, without a shred of doubt, the child I had seen the previous week in the park.
My face obviously betrayed my shock as Leo returned. He stared at me in concern.
‘Is everything OK? You’ve gone as white as a sheet.’
I looked at him and knew that I couldn’t possibly say I’d seen the ghost of his dead sister. He would think I was some sort of lunatic. For a moment I was lost for words. I struggled to regain my composure.
‘Oh, I – I’m fine – just very tired. I had a rough night with Emily, that’s all. I think I need an early one, to be honest, so we’d better make tracks. I’ll skip the coffee, if you don’t mind. It’s been really nice though, and I’ll definitely have to return the favour.’
I rose hurriedly from the table and scooped a bewildered Emily up from the high chair.
He looked deflated. ‘Do you have to go so soon?’
I looked up at the photograph once more and my pulse quickened. The memory of that intense stare made my blood run cold. The striking blue eyes from the picture seemed to pursue my every move. Falteringly, I hurried from the room and bundled Emily into her pushchair. Leo followed me into the hall. I wished him good evening and made my escape. He watched me from the doorway, looking mystified and a little hurt. I could not hide the relief I felt to be leaving his home.
I rang my sister as soon as I walked through the door.
‘You’re not going to believe this …’
*
Later, with Emily tucked up in her cot, I took out my sketch pad – something I had felt no inclination to do for
months. I attempted from memory to draw the little girl, but try as I might could not seem to capture her expression. I frowned at my effort and put the pad away. But I could not get her penetrating gaze out of my head. It was discomfiting.
*
Sarah came round the following evening to talk about my experience. From her expression, she clearly thought that I had some sort of delayed post-partum derangement.
‘Are you sure it was the same little girl? I mean – had you had a few drinks when you saw the picture?’
I was exasperated. ‘Look, I wasn’t pissed, all right? I know what I saw – it was definitely her. And remembering the way she looked at me has really freaked me out, knowing now that – well, that she’s dead. Leo’s nice, but I can do without any more ghostly encounters. It was bad enough before – but now that Emily’s here, I can’t cope with the thought of more psychic interaction and all that. It’s just not me.’
Sarah looked thoughtful. ‘Are you sure?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, if you’re adamant that you saw another ghost, it could be that it’s what you’re destined to do. Aneira certainly latched on to you in a big way …’
‘Christ, what are you saying? That it’s my true vocation to bond with any dead spirits that happen to be floating about, and solve their problems?’
Sarah raised an eyebrow but said nothing. I thought about what she was implying. It was true: I had connected with Aneira. Perhaps my experience had awakened something within me. After all, there had to be a first time for everything. Losing Graham had made me consider for the first time in my life what really happens after death. And although I had told no one, I could not deny that I had experienced a close call with it myself when Emily was born. Maybe I had started to give off some sort of vibes that attracted the dead to me. It was a worrying thought.
‘I think I might give Nia a ring,’ I said eventually. ‘Maybe she can offer me some advice. She’s an old hand at this type of thing, after all.’
Arfon answered the phone and seemed delighted to hear from me. He told me that Mrs Parry had settled in to her new home well, and that they saw her often. She seemed to be adjusting to life as a widow and had joined the local W.I., which had opened up a whole new social circle for her. I was pleased, as I hated to think of her being lonely and isolated.