Zayne caught my arm. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” I tugged my arm free as I glared down at the sidewalk I couldn’t see. “I just tripped. I’m fine.”
A moment passed. “I trust Roth, but I don’t trust the witches. Anything they do, they do to gain something in return. You need to be very careful around them.”
“So no letting them take clippings of my hair or nails?”
Zayne snorted as we headed into the parking garage. “Yeah, try to avoid that, but also don’t make any deals with them to get information. Sometimes they will help, but the price you pay is never what you expect.”
“I’ll pay any price.”
Zayne stopped so quickly I walked into him and bounced back a step. Irritation flared to life as Zayne faced me. “See, that’s why I’m worried.”
I stared up at him, able to make out his features in the harsh white light of the parking garage. “You shouldn’t be.”
“I shouldn’t be? You being willing to do anything to get the littlest piece of information regarding Misha is dangerous. Especially when you’re going to meet a coven of witches, who are notorious for taking people’s desperation and manipulating it to their benefit.”
I crossed my arms. “I’m not easily manipulated.”
“I didn’t say you were, but I also know that you’re desperate, and I get it—”
“Do you really?” I demanded. “I don’t know. You keep making vague statements on how you know what it’s like to see someone you care about in trouble but not be able to do anything. If that’s true, then you would understand. You would do anything—”
“I know this is dangerous, because I do understand.” Zayne took a step forward, crowding me, but I held my ground. “I’ve been desperate enough to do anything, and that never ends well, Trinity.”
The constant feeling of helplessness surged and it stripped the filter right off my mouth. “Is that how you lost a part of your soul?”
Zayne drew back as if I’d hit him. A veil slipped over his face and his features became devoid of emotion. “Who told you that?”
I snapped my mouth shut.
“Who?” Zayne demanded, reaching for me but stopping short. “Who told you that?”
Wishing I had kept my mouth shut, I unfolded my arms and looked away. “Misha told me. He said... He said he’d heard that you’d lost a part of your soul and that’s...that’s why your eyes are different.”
“Is that what he said?” He cocked his head.
Heart thumping, I nodded. “Is it...true?”
Zayne didn’t answer for a long moment, and then he did. “Yeah, it’s true.”
* * *
I’m going to die.
Cowering on the subway platform, I knew the beautiful demon, with his golden eyes and cruel smile, was going to kill me. He was supposed to help me, but the room was bathed in blood and the broken, huddled mass on the floor was Zayne.
“He can’t save you,” the demon growled between jagged teeth. “No one can.”
A scream rose in my throat as the demon lurched toward me with razor-sharp claws—
Jerking awake, I gasped for air as I tried to get a sense of my surroundings. Where was I? I didn’t recognize the darkness of the bedroom. There were no stars on the ceiling and the bed...was far too big to be mine.
It took me moment to remember that I was at Zayne’s place, in his bed, and he was alive and I was alive.
It was just a nightmare.
Groaning, I pulled my hands out from under the comforter and pushed several strands of hair out of my face.
The bedroom door cracked open, startling me. I held my breath as I strained to see the shape filling the darkness of the doorway.
“You okay?” Zayne’s voice was rough from sleep. “I thought I heard you scream.”
The warmth of embarrassment crept across my face. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“It’s all right,” he replied, and I didn’t see him move but I felt him draw closer. My vision still hadn’t adjusted when the lamp on the bedside table turned on, causing me to wince. His gaze drifted over me, lingering on where I was clenching the edges of the blanket, my knuckles bleached white. “Can’t sleep?”
I shook my head, surprised that Zayne was checking in on me. After the whole showdown in the parking garage, things had been...awkward between us. We’d barely spoken, even when we came across a pack of Ravers in the back alley of one of the major theaters downtown. We’d come back to his place a few hours ago and parted ways without saying much of anything to each other.
I dared to peek up at him.
A look of understanding flickered across his face as he glanced at the door he just came through. Then, wordlessly, as my heart started beating crazily fast, he gestured toward the bed.
“May I?”
I wasn’t sure if this would help our current standoff, but I didn’t want to be alone, so I nodded and scooted over, keeping ahold of my blanket like it was lifeline.
“Nightmares?” he asked, his voice low as he sat beside me and leaned against the headboard.
I nodded as I watched him stretch out his long legs, crossing them at the ankles.
Tipping his head back, he looked over at me. “I’m sorry.”
“About what?”
He was quiet for a long moment. “About everything, really. You’ve been through a lot, and that’s emotionally and mentally tiring. Your mind is going to make it rough on you, even when you’re at rest.”
“You don’t have to apologize. It’s not your fault,” I said. “You’re actually doing everything you can. It’s just... I don’t know. I feel like I don’t have control in any of this and I’m...”
“What?”
Confused. Antsy. Uncertain. “I’m just... I’m scared. I know I shouldn’t admit that, but I’m scared that I won’t find Misha in time or, when I do, it will be too late, because he must be going through things I can’t even imagine.”
He folded his arms loosely over his chest. “It’s okay to be scared, Trinity. It’s okay to worry.”
“I know.” I held my blanket tighter.
“Then stop giving yourself such a hard time.”
I exhaled heavily. “And I...I should apologize to you. I shouldn’t have asked you what I did earlier. It was none of my business and I was just—I was being an ass, and you were trying to help me.”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to apologize.” He drew one leg up. “It just caught me off guard. Sort of surprised me that you haven’t said anything until tonight, considering all the questions you ask.”
I snorted. “Yeah, I’m kind of surprised myself.”
“I just... I want you to know that I do understand why you need to do everything you can,” he said while I wrestled with the desire to ask him what happened.
I pulled my knees up under the blanket and rested my chin on them. Easier said than done. “So, you’re okay with me meeting with the witches?”
“Going to have to be.”
“You’re...not used to having to sit things out, are you?”
“Not even remotely.”
I smiled at that, feeling a little better about what had happened in the garage. “Do you think these witches Roth was talking about are going to be able to tell us anything?”
“At this point, who the Hell knows?” He nudged my knees with his. “But if those humans who attacked the community alongside Bael were under a spell, they should know who did it, or at least who’s capable of it, and through them, we may find where Bael is and if he still has Misha.”
“And what if the witches we go to are the ones who helped Bael?” I asked.
“Then things are going to go south.” A pause. “I know you’ve been taught to not use your grace, because it weakens you and it can draw other demons to you, but if you eve
r find yourself in a situation you can’t get out of by fighting, use it.”
I didn’t know how to respond at first. “You know, you’re the first person to say that to me. Neither Misha nor Thierry has ever said that.”
“I know it’s a risk for you to do it, but I’d rather deal with the risk and the consequences than have you end up hurt or worse,” he told me, and my chest got all warm and fuzzy. “If the witches try anything, take them out.”
“You’re kind of bloodthirsty.”
“I’ve learned to be.”
That he had. Shifting my gaze from his, I looked up at the ceiling and wished I could see stars. “I miss my ceiling.”
“What?” Zayne laughed.
A faint smile tugged at my lips. “At home I have these amazingly tacky glow in the dark stars on my ceiling. They’re white. Not green. I’m not that tacky.”
“Never,” Zayne murmured. “I remember seeing them.”
“Anyway, I like staring up at them.” I lifted a shoulder in a shrug that caused my back to ache a little. “Kind of stupid, I know.”
“It’s not,” he replied. “It’s familiar.”
I couldn’t help but wonder if I would ever lie under them again.
“Can I ask you a question?”
I nodded. “Sure?”
“What happened with your mother exactly?” he asked. “I hate to bring it up and I felt like shit for doing so when we were at Roth and Layla’s place, but you said that this Warden thought you were...”
“An abomination?” I supplied for him, sighing. I didn’t talk about my mom a lot, because it always ended with me wondering why I’d never seen her ghost or spirit, but I wanted to talk to Zayne about her. Maybe because he hadn’t known me when it happened, and that made opening up easier? Or maybe because, unlike Jada or Ty, he knew what it felt like to lose a parent? I wasn’t sure. “My mom was trained. Did you know that?”
“No, I didn’t.”
A small smile pulled at my lips. “She wanted to be trained just in case something happened. She was strong like that, didn’t want anyone to take care of her while she sat around like a frail flower.”
“Sounds an awful lot like her daughter.”
That made my smile grow. “That’s a compliment.”
“I would hope so. Who trained her?”
“Thierry and Matthew. They...they loved her,” I said, rolling onto my side, facing Zayne. “And I think... I think they still mourn her death as much as I do.” I drew in a shallow breath. “Ryker was a Warden my mom trusted, as did Matthew and Thierry. They were friends and...he was always kind to me, but I...I messed up.”
“How do you think you messed up?”
I closed my eyes. “It happened about a year before my mom was killed. I was sixteen, and I was training with Misha. He’d gotten the upper hand on me.” I paused. “He got the upper hand on me a lot, because he knew my weaknesses and he exploited them to try to get me to improve.”
“That makes sense.”
“Yeah, it does.” I thought about the way Misha would purposely stay in my blind spots to train me to react even when I couldn’t see what was going on. “Anyway, I got mad...and as you’ve already realized, I can be a wee bit impulsive.”
“Just a little,” he said, and I could hear the gentleness in his voice.
“Well, Misha was really getting on me, just messing around, but I lost my temper—my control. I let the grace take over to remind him that at end of the day, he couldn’t beat me. Not that he needed to be reminded, but I was being a brat and...and Ryker saw me. I didn’t realize at the time that he had, and I don’t even understand how he did, because he never came to the training facilities, but...he figured out from there what I was. He saw me as an abomination and a threat to other Wardens. He also knew that I could attract demons to the community, so it was a double-edged threat. He told a few other clansmen, and they decided that I should be...put down.”
“Jesus.” Zayne sounded horrified.
“The messed-up thing is that he waited nearly a year to come after me. A year of pretending to be my friend, being kind to my mom and hiding the fact that he hated me.” I let out a shaky breath. “Anyway, I use to go see a doctor in Morgantown for something that I couldn’t get treatment for in the community, and Ryker had accompanied us before, a lot of times actually, but...that time was different. After the appointment, on the way home, he pulled over and said there was a problem with the car. Mom and I got out, and that’s when he made his move. He shifted and came at me, and I was so shocked. I just stood there like a dumbass, and Mom—she jumped in front of me, and that was...that was it.”
I flipped onto my back while Zayne remained quiet, and somehow, when I straightened my legs, we were closer. My leg rested next to his. “I have been taught nearly all my life to control my grace. To not use it until it’s time. But if I had used my grace, I could’ve stopped him—stopped him like I did Clay. I could’ve saved my mom—”
“Trinity, don’t go down that road any farther. Without even knowing you this whole time, I know you’ve been blaming yourself for two years. You are not responsible for your mom’s death.”
I swallowed, still utterly thrown by the fact I was talking about this. Jada would be so shocked she’d want to record this moment. “I’m not? Because what if that was the time I was supposed to use it? What if we were taking the whole ‘being called by my father’ thing too literally? What if—?”
“Stop. You’re not responsible. You didn’t hurt her. That was on this Warden. Him. Not you.”
I knew I hadn’t hurt her with my hands, but I couldn’t help but think I had hurt her with my actions. It was hard getting past the fact that, at the end of the day, my behavior had played into a chain of events that led to her death.
Zayne was quiet for a long moment. “I think... Sometimes I think my father is still here.”
I looked up at him, pressing my lips together.
“Almost like I can...feel him? I know he’s not here, and it’s probably because there are times I forget he’s gone. I find myself thinking about telling him something and then it hits me. He’s gone.”
“I still have those days,” I admitted. “I don’t think we’ll ever stop having those days.”
“No, we probably won’t.” He took a deep breath, and I felt it. “Things weren’t good between us toward the end. We were barely speaking to one another.”
I was able to put two and two together from what he’d told me previously. “Because of Layla?”
“Yeah, because of her.” He fell quiet again, so long that my eyes began to drift shut, and then he spoke. “But before he died, he’d begun to realize that how someone was born and what they are didn’t dictate whether they were good or bad. Life, even for creatures we think don’t have the free will to choose between good and evil, isn’t the sum of DNA. Everyone is...a lot more complicated than that.”
“Did you guys get a chance to talk it out before he died?” I asked.
“A little.” Zayne went silent, and it seemed like an eternity stretched out between us before he said, “You okay with me turning off the light?”
My eyes opened. “Are you leaving?”
“If you want me to, I will.”
“I don’t want you to.”
“Then I won’t for now.” He paused.
For now lingered in the space between us as I looked to where my hand fell. “Can you stay for a little while?”
“Yeah.” The bed moved a little as he reached for the light. A moment later the room plunged into darkness. “The picture? You look like your mom.”
I smiled into the darkness. “I do.”
“Nice reading material by the way.”
“Shut up.” My smile grew. He’d must’ve seen it before he turned off the lights. “That was my mom’s favorite book—and mine.”
/>
“Maybe I’ll have to read it.”
“Not sure Vikings are going to be your thing.”
“You never know.” There was a pause. “I think my ceiling could use some stars.”
It took me a moment to realize what he was saying. “Do you really?”
“Yes.” He chuckled softly. “You sound like you don’t believe me.”
“I thought you’d find them childish or something, and I cannot picture you with stars all over your ceiling.”
“I’m full of surprises, Trinity.”
My toes curled at the way he said my name.
I don’t know how much time passed after that, but I was still awake and I...I wanted to know more about Zayne. “I have questions.”
A soft chuckle radiated from him and shook the bed. “There isn’t a single part of me that is surprised.”
My smile returned. “Why don’t you have a girlfriend?”
“What?” Zayne huffed quietly. “I’m not sure how to answer that question.” He paused. “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”
“That’s easy to answer,” I said, wanting to bury my face in the pillow. “I’m a Trueborn who lives with Wardens who think I’m a human. Not exactly a lot of dating options.”
“Good point.” He shifted, and I felt his leg move just the slightest against mine. “And you and Misha never had anything?”
“No. Seriously. I already told you that I had a crush on him for, like, five seconds. I’ve had a lot of crushes, but Misha and I have never looked at each other like that. Plus Trueborns aren’t supposed to hook up with their Protectors,” I told him.
“Why?” he asked.
I half shrugged. “It goes against the rules and supposedly messes with the bond. I don’t know how. It was never really explained to me.” I paused. “And you didn’t answer my question.”
“Mainly because I really don’t know how to answer that.”
“You’re good-looking. You’re funny and charming when you’re not being annoying.”
“Thanks.” A pause. “I think.”
“You’re...a good guy,” I said. “So, just surprised that you’re single.”
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