So here he was, standing like the schmuck he’d proved himself to be after disappointing his mother and knowing quite clearly why she was upset. And stuck with the other woman he’d probably left inconsolable. He risked a glance at Miranda. Bad idea. She was seething. In fact, she grabbed his arm and marched for the porch steps.
“Where are we going?” he asked, though he wouldn’t have been surprised if she’d marched him to the property border after stopping for a shovel to dig his grave.
“Away from the house so no one can hear us.”
Wow, had she always had that strong a grip? He dutifully followed her, the silence between them growing heavier with each step.
When they reached the apple orchard, she positioned them behind a tree and whirled on him. “What is wrong with you?”
“Nothing. What are you talking about?” Surely he knew.
“Would it have killed you to take a cookie?”
“I didn’t want a cookie. Is that a crime? If so, I’m the head of the police department and I’ve never heard about it.”
“Shut up.”
He did.
“You could have taken a cookie, nibbled a bite and given the rest to a squirrel for all I care. But, for God’s sake, Carter, you take the cookie!”
“Well, excuse me, but I left mine for another lucky person. Jace was happy enough to take my share.” Jeesh, he was sounding more petulant by the minute.
“Don’t you know anything about children?” Miranda demanded. And then suddenly her face went soft, the glare of anger left her eyes. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It was cruel, considering your history.”
Finally he sensed he had the upper hand. “Don’t let the tragedy of my past interrupt your tear, Miranda. Go ahead, give it to me good.”
“Again I’m sorry, but you must have been around children. You know how important it is for a parent to recognize their kid’s accomplishments. Emily contributed to those cookies. And now that we’re on the subject...”
She drew a breath. He cringed inside.
“...you’ve barely said three words to Em in all the times you’ve seen her. Why is that, Carter? Because she’s my child?”
Now she was really off base. “No. Absolutely not.”
“Well, it can’t be because she’s Donny’s child. You couldn’t be that narrow, that...mean. She’s just a little girl, Carter. She doesn’t know about the animosity you feel toward her father, or the animosity you feel toward her mother. For Pete’s sake, give her a break.”
Silence hung heavy over the two of them. Carter knew it was his turn to speak, but all he could think to say was, “You’re wrong on both counts.”
“What? What does that mean?”
“I can’t treat Emily like I would any other child exactly because she is Donny’s. Just like you were.”
“That’s ridiculous. Hate me if you want, but treat my child with the kindness and courtesy she deserves. She likes you. I don’t know why, but...”
“That’s the other thing.”
“What other thing?”
“I said you were wrong on two counts. The second is that I hate you, or that I hold animosity toward you. I don’t.” He almost shouted the words. Then he lowered his voice to almost a whisper and said, “Good God, Miranda, I don’t.”
She raised her face to look at the clear blue sky before lowering her gaze to the ground. Then she stared directly into his eyes, and he felt his knees go weak. “So you don’t hate me for marrying Donny?”
For a heart-stopping moment he remembered the exact second he’d heard that his girl had married another guy. Not just any guy, but his best friend. He’d just gotten home from college, with his degree in criminal technology under his belt. His parents threw a party for all his friends. One of them, Josh Lerner, walked up to him, an empty bottle of beer in his hands, and said, “So, how do you feel about Miranda marrying Donny Larson?”
He hadn’t believed it. Donny wouldn’t do that. But Josh was almost as good a friend as Donny was. He wouldn’t lie.
There had followed some back-and-forth conversation.
“Doggone, buddy, you didn’t know,” Josh said.
“I didn’t,” Carter said. “But why should I care? What Miranda does with her life is her business.”
The party was over in that instant for Carter. He hadn’t seen Miranda in four years, but time and his heart had stopped when he’d heard the news. He’d always thought, hoped... At that moment he hated Donny, but he’d never been able to transfer those feelings to Miranda.
“I don’t hate you for anything, Miranda,” he said now. “I was hurt.” A bitter chuckle exploded from his lips. “Yeah, that’s an understatement. But...” He matched her gaze and held it. “I never hated you. How could you think...?”
She raised her hands and cupped his face, her soft palms resting on his cheeks. “Oh, Carter, I’m so sorry for hurting you. I just couldn’t go on the way we were, pretending everything would be okay. So much had changed. I couldn’t ignore it. And I’m so sorry for what happened to you with Lainey. You’re a good man. You’ve always been...”
He stopped her by lowering his face. For one life-changing moment he considered what he was about to do, and then he cast aside his doubts. Her eyes met his, moist and bright, and he pressed his lips to hers. A gentle brush became suddenly hard and hungry. This was Miranda, and she felt so good, so natural. The years melted away as he wrapped his arms around her and deepened the kiss. The contact lasted for a blissful eternity and yet was over in an instant.
He dropped his hands, backed away. He felt her breath on his mouth. She was breathing heavily, her lips parted, still moist from his kiss.
“Oh, my...” she whispered. She splayed her palm against his chest. He was certain she could feel the racing of his heart.
He blinked hard, swallowed. “This is stupid, Miranda. We can’t do this.” His voice sounded tortured, just like he felt. “I can’t love you again. I can’t love anyone. It’s all been so hard, and I can’t go through the heartache again. The truth is, I’m a coward.”
“We’re all afraid of something, Carter...”
“Not like I am. I won’t let this happen between us.”
“Mom! Where are you?”
Miranda jerked away from him, stared over his shoulder. “I’m here, Em. I’m coming.” She stepped aside, looked one last time into Carter’s eyes and left the shelter of the apple tree. “It’s okay, Carter,” she said. “I get it.” Without looking back, she headed toward the house.
CHAPTER TWELVE
CARTER LEFT WITHOUT saying goodbye to anyone in the house. Her mind burdened with thoughts of what had happened, Miranda took Emily for a walk around the farm. Every step reminded her of the past, other walks and another hand in hers. Those days were not always sweet, but the same could not be said for the sights and smells she allowed herself to experience today. The meadow grass was fragrant and green. Homey, natural scents from the barn made her think of late evenings doing chores.
Miranda still loved him. She couldn’t keep denying it. Had she come to that conclusion after only one kiss? No, she’d known it shortly after marrying Donny. She’d known it from the first moment she saw Carter at Dale’s cabin on Liggett. She hadn’t treated him fairly that day, but she’d been overwhelmed with feelings and memories and the agonizing joy of seeing him again and coming to terms with what she’d lost.
But Carter didn’t want to love her. He called himself a coward. But how could he be otherwise? How was a man supposed to face the heartache the relationships in his life had brought him? He was content with his job, his cabin, this little town where he knew who he was and was respected and liked. How could Miranda upset the calm, peaceful passage of his days? How could she convince him that something was missing from his life when he didn’t want to believe it?
“Mom, aren’t the goats cute?”
Miranda turned toward her daughter, who was scratching the head of one very docile ruminate. “They are indeed,” she said. “I know the Cahills still have a cow and a horse, if he’s not out in the pasture. Why don’t we go in the barn and check them out?”
They finished their tour with a trip around the barn where Cora’s vegetable garden was flourishing. Already the fall gourds were trailing along the ground in all their warty splendor. Pumpkins were well on their way to becoming scary jack-o’-lanterns.
“Would you like to live on a farm, Em?” Miranda asked her daughter as they were headed back to the house.
“I might,” Emily said. “But I don’t know if I like my hands being this dirty.”
“I’m sure Miss Cora has some soap in the kitchen.” Miranda sighed. Perhaps it was just as well that Emily wasn’t sold on a life on the outskirts of Holly River.
“I hope you had as fine a day as I did,” Cora said when they were ready to leave. She handed them a sack of cookies and travel cups of cold iced tea. “Come back anytime.” She hugged Emily and held Miranda back from following her daughter out the door. “She’s a precious little thing,” Cora said. “Please bring her to visit again. It can get lonely out here, and Emily is a ray of sunshine.”
“Thanks for everything.”
“I’m sorry Carter ran off like he did,” Cora said. “He always has an emergency or someone that demands his attention.”
Miranda nodded, unable to admit that Carter had left because of her, because of that kiss.
They were almost back to the Hummingbird Inn when Miranda’s cell phone rang. She checked her car’s digital screen hoping to see Carter’s name, but knowing he wouldn’t call her. Like her, he was probably still reeling from the emotions that had overtaken both of them. Donny’s number appeared. She connected, putting the phone on speaker.
“Hi, Donny. Everything okay?”
“I’m a little lonely,” he said. “There isn’t much to do at this charming bed-and-breakfast you’re staying in.”
“You’re here?” Miranda’s heart sank. He hadn’t mentioned coming to Holly River when they’d talked earlier, and right now her mind was full to overflowing with Carter. What did Donny want? How long did he plan to stay? He didn’t think he could move in the small cottage with the two of them?
“Just came for the afternoon,” he said. “Had a few hours and thought I’d drive over from Durham to see my girls.”
“Hi, Daddy,” Emily said with her usual enthusiasm.
Miranda knew she couldn’t spoil this surprise for her daughter. “We’ll be at the inn in a few minutes,” she said.
“Hope you don’t have any plans,” Donny said. “I remember this pond on Mr. McDougal’s property that always had a lot of trout in it. Emily, how would you like to go fishing?”
“I’d like to, Daddy.”
“No, we don’t have plans for the rest of the day,” Miranda said, figuring she could run the errands she’d planned for Lawton tomorrow. Now all she had to do was steel herself to spend an afternoon with Donny when all she really wanted was to sit in the garden and think about how she’d led her life, the mistakes she’d made and the future that would never be hers.
* * *
CARTER DID NOT want to go back to his cabin. He’d checked with Betsy, and he wasn’t needed at the station. And with the rest of the day stretching ahead of him and the turmoil of unfamiliar thoughts going on in his mind, he knew he didn’t want to be alone.
Why had he kissed her? He’d kept his emotions in check pretty well until she’d put her hands on his face and leaned into him. Then his instincts, his needs, took over and he had to feel her mouth under his. The kiss was more than he’d hoped for and more than he could handle. It was as wonderful as he remembered and as terrifying as he’d feared. Why did she have to come back? And with Donny Larson’s child to mock his own losses?
With that unanswerable question burning in his brain, he pulled into the River Café parking lot. He’d go in for a late lunch even though eating was the last thing on his mind. He’d find a booth in a corner and nurse a cup of coffee and a ham and cheese sandwich until he felt like himself again. No matter how great Miranda’s pull was, he wouldn’t kiss her again. He was bigger than his temptations, stronger than his desires.
He was on his way to a back booth when he heard his name called. Oh, great. Sam McCall visiting his favorite waitress. He’d been dating Allie steadily for more than a week, and the waitress was beginning to look as smitten as Sam. The restaurant wasn’t crowded since the lunch crowd had vacated, so Allie stood next to Sam’s table, her hand on his shoulder. Love seemed to encompass them as she leaned down to whisper something in his ear.
“Have a seat, buddy,” Sam said to Carter. “I just ordered the soup of the day—can’t remember what it is now, but I’m sure it will be good.”
Allie chuckled. “I’ll leave you two alone. What’ll you have, Chief?”
Carter placed his order, and Allie went into the kitchen.
“What’s up with you?” Sam asked.
“Nothing. Why do you ask?”
“You look like your puppy just ran away. I’m going to guess that it has something to do with the beautiful Miranda.”
“Then you’d be wrong,” Carter lied. “If anything’s bothering me, it’s those hang-dog eyes you and Allie keep pinning on each other.” He paused, then said, “Who’s running the town right now?”
“Les and Phil. I’m back on duty in a half hour. And by the way, have you always been this anti-love, or are you just jealous?”
“Jealous? Heck no. I wouldn’t be in your shoes for all the gems in the Bolton County tourist mines.”
“I wouldn’t give you my shoes, pal. I’m happy wearing them myself.”
Carter managed a smile. “You’ve really got it bad, don’t you?”
His face becoming serious, Sam nodded. “I’m crazy about her, Carter. She’s sweet and funny, and even a jaded old bachelor like yourself has to admit she’s pretty as all get-out.”
“She’s all that,” Carter agreed. “So you see this relationship going somewhere?”
“If I have anything to say about it. I can see myself marrying this girl some day.”
“You’re going to break the hearts of every single girl in town,” Carter said.
“I’m just worried about my own heart right now.”
Carter turned his water, swiping at the moist ring underneath the glass. “Tell me about her,” he said suddenly. “Where’s this piece of womanly perfection from? Where does she live now? How long is she planning to stay?” Carter wished he’d backed off on the questions. He sounded too much like a cop, and this was the love of Sam’s life. Carter smiled to himself. Once a cop...
“She’s from around Wilmington,” Sam answered. “Ran away from an abusive relationship and is keeping a low profile these days.” Sam frowned. “I swear, Carter, if that ex finds her, he’ll answer to me.”
Carter held up his hand. “Hold on, now, Sam. You can get into trouble making statements like that. Is this guy likely to find her?”
“I hope not. She’s using a different name and she lives way out in the country on a road that doesn’t even seem to have a name.”
“She lives by herself?”
Sam seemed reluctant to answer. “No. She lives with an old family friend.”
“Anyone I know?”
“You’ve mentioned her a time or two.” A pause settled between them until Sam added, “Allie is staying, just temporarily, with Sheila Blount.”
Carter took a moment to process the name. “You mean the Sheila who works at the Muddy Duck?”
Sam nodded.
“She’s Dale Jefferson’s girlfriend,” Carter said.
“On-again, off-again girlfriend,” Sam said. “And yes,
I know, but Allie is nothing like Sheila. I mean, Sheila is a bartender. Allie works here at the café. Allie is sweet and nice. Sheila...well, you’ve met her. She says what she thinks and doesn’t care who she insults. I can’t say that a woman who would hang around Dale has the best moral character, and I’m not particularly happy that Allie is staying with her. But like I said, it’s only temporary.”
“Okay.” Carter thought a moment. “Maybe Allie can get her own place soon. Are she and Sheila related by blood?”
“No, just friends.” Sam stared long and hard at Carter while Allie brought his sandwich to the table. When she’d left, he said, “I don’t want you to draw any conclusions about Allie based on what you know of Sheila.”
“I wouldn’t do that,” Carter said. “By the way, has Allie mentioned anything about Dale?”
“No. Why would she?”
“I don’t know. Maybe he’s been out to Sheila’s house.”
“I don’t think so. I doubt if Allie even knows him. And even if she does, that doesn’t mean she approves of him. Look at your own situation. Because of Lawton, you’re more involved with a Jefferson than anyone in town.”
Carter took a steadying breath. “This conversation isn’t about my relationship with Law. I’m only helping him because Miranda asked me to.”
Sam smiled, easing what could have turned into a tense moment for the two friends. “I know. Women. And I’m defending Allie for basically the same reason. I’d say we’ve both been suckered in and neither one is complaining.”
There was some truth to what Sam said. Carter couldn’t say no to Miranda.
“And while we’re on the subject,” Sam said, “I should tell you that your involvement with Lawton has some townspeople riled up.”
“Like who?”
“Well, Lenny Franklin for one. I saw him this morning, and he said you called him about interviewing Lawton for a job at his used car lot.”
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